Hi, My wife or soon to be ex wife has some serious anger issues. When we first started dating she told me she had been diagnosed as being bipolar. She took the meds prescribed to her and said they made her cry all the time and her boyfriend at the time told her to quit taking them. I do know she has a manic/rage problem. I mean she becomes verbally & physically abusive. I mean she has pushed, shoved, kicked, punch & choked me in the 8yrs we've been together. Last night was all I could stand. I had our daughter for valentines day and everything was great til I dropped her off "late" 8pm(our daughter is 3). She was so pissed when I got there and to top it all off she accused me of putting thoughts in my daughters head. While I was getting our daughter out of her car seat she asked me "daddy, are you going to stay with us tonight?" I told her that's is something you and mommy are going to have to discuss. I haven't been staying there since she told me to leave and she filed for divorce. Anyway she was mad when I got there and started getting pissed off for because I was late. She started yelling and telling me get out, you can leave now. I said I wanted to say goodnight to our daughter. Then she started pushing me trying to shove me out the door when I've done nothing to provoke her. So I had to push her off of me and tell her quit putting your hands on me. Then I said"what's wrong with you woman" then she hit me in the jaw with a right hook then a left and proceeded to shove me out the door again. When I say hit I mean balled fist as hard as she could. So I pushed her on the couch and told her to quit hitting me. That seemed to make matters worse I let her up and she hit me twice again by that time I was getting really upset. So I started yelling at her trying to defend myself without getting physical. So I proceeded to call the police. I was tired of being her punching bag. By the time they got there I was an emotional wreck and very upset about the whole situation. It was hard for me to tell the police my wife has been beating me up. I didn't know what else to do, I am very frustrated about it all and feel bad cuz our daughter had to witness this all. How do you tell a person to get help when they feel nothing is wrong with them? I still do care about her and want her to get help.

I feel for you, having to go through this but you are not alone. Many men and women deal with this on a daily basis. I have friends who have been in abusive relationships and it took them years and a lot of courage to walk away.

You need to think of yourself and your daughter first. Your wife obviously has a lot of deep rooted anger and yes, she needs counseling. But no one will change or is open to get help unless they make that decision themself. You can suggest it, but that is all that you can do. Is there anyone that she knows whom she would be willing to listen to and take their advice to get help?

Do you think that removing you and your daughter from this environment will help? I cannot imagine that it would make matters any worse. It has got to be better than what you are living with now. Imagine the impression your wife's behavior is leaving on your daughter. Will she grow up thinking this is normal behavior and it is ok? God forbid she gets into an abusive relationship in the future, will she learn to stay and endure the pain? Or will she learn to hit out of anger?

Care more about yourself. It is never ok to hit anyone out of anger. Life is too short to live this way. Don't waste your life with this woman if she refuses to get help. It is ok for you to be happy even if she is not. You deserve better than this.

I wish you much luck.

Hi chubby. Your thread has touched me. I am also one of these women that hit out at her boyfriend although i dont beat him i have hit out at him several times throughout our relationship.
Your partner has deeper lying issues that probley dont even have anything at all to do with you. Until she admits that she has a problem there is nothing you can do to help. Has she ever opened upto you about things that may have upset her in her life in the past at all? Does she relise what she has done wrong afterwards?

Niclolu quoted

Do you think that removing you and your daughter from this environment will help? I cannot imagine that it would make matters any worse. It has got to be better than what you are living with now. Imagine the impression your wife's behavior is leaving on your daughter. Will she grow up thinking this is normal behavior and it is ok? God forbid she gets into an abusive relationship in the future, will she learn to stay and endure the pain? Or will she learn to hit out of anger?
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This is so true, Your daughter
needs somkind of level ground with you both. I put my anger down to what i watched my parents go through as a child, i have also had violent relationships just like niclolu said. Until i came to this board i didnt realise this. I havnt hit out for a while now and its because im getting to the roots of my problems. Dont for a minuet think that your daughter will not have memorys of this when she is older beacuse she will.

have you tried to talk to your partner and tell her you think she has issues that she needs to deal with for the sake of your daughter?

Keep us posted

Tizzy x

I commend you Tizzy for taking control of your life. Thank you for your honesty. I also wish you the best and much happiness.

It is true, life experiences mold us to what we are today and sometimes, past hurts drive us to behave in a way that is not very healthy. We do not realize this until someone or something opens our eyes to it.

My parents did not communicate frustrations and hurts very well. They let one another know they are angry or hurt by yelling, throwing things or withdrawing into silence. Some of us hit because we do not know how to, in words, convey what we are feeling. It seems that many of us have forgotten how to talk or listen to one another. We also forget that no one is perfect so we mercilessly judge ourself and we judge others. That one of the primary ingredients for anger and frustrations.

Thanks for the replies. I know she has underlying issues but I cant seem to quite figure them out. Im sure a lot has to do with her up bringing. I've always tried to walk away to diffuse a situation that might become heated but only seems to make matters worse. It seems when i try to walk away is when she gets physical with me. I dont know if she thinks Im leaving her that sparks some kind of uncontrollable rage or what. Im just trying to give each other time to cool down and get ourselves together so we can resolve a situation. She is a strong independent woman. I dont think anyone can really tell her something is wrong without her taking offense and getting upset with them. I think it is something she will have to figure out on her own.

Hi Chubby, what I have found to work is to tell someone something like this "When you ..... I feel ....." My husband told me something once like this and usually where I would get defensive right away, when you hear it like this you just focus on the issue because they are not blaming or judging you.

She is a strong independent woman. I dont think anyone can really tell her something is wrong without her taking offense and getting upset with them. I think it is something she will have to figure out on her own.

If she is a strong independant women then im sure she will soon realise that she cant live this way herself as she is also doing herself harm. I think space is a good option here although it may be hard for her to accept at first. Try and clamly explaine why there has to be space to help her think clearly and find out what is really getting her angry.

Tiz