To start off, at 63 I would not consider my father old. But as of his late 50s he has become completely different person.

To start off, he has a business with his brothers and they really have gotten along up until recently when one of the brother's considerd himself the "sole" income provider of the business. My father claims it to be untrue, and I think he is right. The work is labor work, and my father puts in more hours and keeps expenses down, and ultimately nets a higher profit than the others. However, all brothers are very stubborn and refuse, unbelievably so, to acknowledge each other's contributions.

Here's the deal: my father does not confront my uncles and what he does is keep it inside and thinks repeatedly of "senarios" of various things, should one of the brothers bring up an argument....for example, he would sit and think about the other's mistakes that happened years ago, and use it as leverage during a fight. Here's the thing though, he never would face the mistake then and there; he will not confront it, he will "forget about it" and bring it up years later at some other confrontation that would arise.

I think, as a result, he has had a complete personality change, and I want some opinions as to whether this is due to getting older, or just the result of bickering.

He is becoming very selfish; when he wants to eat, he will demand my mother have the food on the table at that specifc time - if she doesn't, as "punishment" he will not eat and let the food be thrown away. He claims that he has the right (due to age) that things should be done for him...he want us, his kids, to read to him what he cannot understand, he refuses to learn any technology - when we bought a new tv and c able, he went bolistic when he could not figure how to turn things on/off.....he will not touch anything that he does not know and REFUSES to learn about it. ABSOLUTELY REFUSES.

He is too lazy to wear reading glasses; he will not carry them with him b/c he feels embrassed that he has to wear them; not only that, when he has to wear them, the idea of taking them off putting them on is too "straining" for him to do.

He wants EVERYTHING done for him!! He cant even color cordinate his clothes, if you say that does not match he will not care to change, he would say its your mother's fault for not dressing me.

I said you seem like you are becoming DEPENDANT on everyone. He says, I am not, I just want people doing things for me because thats how I want it!!!

He is becoming very lazy. I think all his life he had some sort of social phobia, and as a result we never went out to restaurants as a family; he would feel to embarrassed of not knowing what to order. When we go out now, because we're older, he'll wait for one of us to order for him, and he'll say, "im not opening my menu" you order for me. He just still feels very embarrassed and he doesn't care by saying i'm not opening a menu, he won't care that makes him look very dumb.

He watches tv all day. He is very lazy. He'll go to the supermarket for my mother, or just do some work around the house, but now its tv 24/7...he even says he never makes mistakes, his ALWAYS right, and if you go against it, he will yell, and yell some more.

My question is, how "normal" is this behavior?? Like I've said he was NEVER like this, so I thought maybe its age. Will it get worse? I'm almost 30, and my siblings are in their 20s and we are all just fed up and we dont know how to handle it. When my mother yells back, he just says shut your mouth you have no right to yell at me....mind you, he is very old school but NEVER abusive torward anyone. He will not seek help thats for sure.

I just want to know, is this age? Will it pass? Or is it leading to some sort of illness?? I'm very worried, he really wont seek help, but maybe with some advice I could try to get through to him? Thanks for helping.

Sorry to hear you are going through this with your father. I can imagine how frustrating and worried you must feel.
Personally, I don't think this has to do with the aging process. It seems that something has triggered your father into this kind of behavior. I think counseling and a good check up would be beneficial for him but as you mentioned, that will never happen. (Have a FIL like that!)
Maybe fight back? Let him know he is capable of doing things himself and everyone else is not there to be at his beck and call.
Would hate to see that there is something medically wrong with him. Could you or your mother talk to his or your doctor about this? It seems like something is eating away at him and he's not talking!
Best wishes.

Sometimes this kind of behavior is making something else. Maybe he is less able to learn new things and it scares him so he doesn't try. Perhaps he is suffering from some form of depression. I'm not a doctor, so I wouldn't begin to assume anything in particular. But, I would try to get him checked out. Maybe you could ask the doc to talk with him privately about how he's been feeling. His pride may not let him admit it to you.

Chrissy,

Is he on a lot of medications? Maybe he's having some medication reactions. Did he start any new meds about the time his behavior changed. Something else to check.

Sigh.... IT's so hard having to argue with the older generation. But unfortunately, your father is acting like my dad did. I just went back to your post thinking that he was my daddy's age-88, but here he is only in his 60's!

It sounds like a couple of things. First your dad sounds really insecure. That is why he won't open menus..because he doesn't want to be embarressed in the restaurant. He thinks that not be able to decipher the menu is worse than not opening it at all.

When you bought the new TV with cable. The fact that he was frustrated that he couldn't figure it out was humiliating to him so he chose not to operate it at all. Anything that is new or foreign or required him to learn something that there is a chance of failure in-he won't try because it will be an embarresment to him, corrrect?

He remembers all past sins of his brothers, and probably all family members..including you kids I bet. Another sign of someone who is insecure and holds grudges and remembers wrongs.

Your father is controlling things in his life that he feels he can because this gives him his authority and makes him feel in charge of his life. He is the ruler, the one in charge. He makes the rules.

Perhaps your dad needs to see a doctor and get something for anxiety and depression. This would help with some of the issues that he is going through. Arguing with him that he is wrong or that he's stupid or old school isn't going to work. But I do think that he is depressed and that he does have some issues. JMHO.

Good luck.....

I think it is very much the aging process........I also hated wearing my reading glasses and felt it was an sign I was getting old.......I am 54. Now I have to wear them or not see...........so that took care of the ego....: )
Your father may have had a drop in Testosterone which happens to some men and is rarely talked about. This changes their personality very very much.......they become depressed and their sense of well being diminishes..
This may be too much info for you about your father but the sex drive can drop and then their confidence drops.........I call it the male menopause.....
He may be depressed from this hormonal change and have poor concentration which causes him to not be able to learn new things or figure out the cable and such........you mentioned he has always had a social phobia. So he may have some anxiety and depression.......Just some thoughts for you.......

As far as him being demanding of your mother? is this really new or are you just noticing it? My father was always like that but I did not notice is as much until I was getting older.......He sounds alot like my father...when my Mother passed away I found out my Dad had not been in a grocery store for over 30 years....He also liked his meals at a certain time.....shirts ironed a certain way and I could go on and on and on.....but my Mother tolerated it and catered to him. I would have strangled him but my mother covered for him most of the time. He would also pull the I will punish you all and not eat trick..........almost like a big kid.....

I just lost my father on 3/5.........he was 94 years old.....When he hit 80 he became a gentler kinder person.......really changed for the better as the senility started to slowly set in.....those were the best years. But I do know he was taking testosterone shots for many many years.......he said they helped tremendously............ hope that helps and I hope it is nothing more serious...............Sorry I wrote a book

Oleander

If his estradiol is too high and/or his testosterone too low this can cause many of the problems. Loss of strength, sex drive, memory problems, and the inability to think clearly.

Estradiol can be reduce & testosterone can be increased.

A doctor can order a complete hormone test series You may have to talk to the doctor to explain the problems & you want a test for estradiol.

Also he may not be able to read. Many that have this problem are good at faking it. They always have some excuse for not reading.