bluelakelady
02-21-2008, 11:15 AM
greetings dear fibro family,
this thread is for those of you who are having a hard time in their relationships. fibro is hard on everyone and often ignored or beaten down by those who are fearful of it.
while many of us have good support systems at home and within our friends, many of us do not. this thread is for you. allow us all to be your support system. we know how. we live it with you.
peace,
bluelakelady
this thread is for those of you who are having a hard time in their relationships. fibro is hard on everyone and often ignored or beaten down by those who are fearful of it.
while many of us have good support systems at home and within our friends, many of us do not. this thread is for you. allow us all to be your support system. we know how. we live it with you.
peace,
bluelakelady
Sponsor
Glojer
02-21-2008, 05:01 PM
Blue you are always thinking of others, this will be a great place for everyone who needs a kind word to come and let off their frustrations.
Glojer
Glojer
BeHappy2
02-22-2008, 12:37 AM
Thanks Blue, This will be a perfect post for many.
For myself i have a understanding spouce and immediate family.
For distant family i don't begin to try and explain. I have learned i don't need to explain why i'm not attending a gathering of family i don't see often. Such as Reunions and gatherings. I've tried explaining Fibro to who i thought were close friends but when you get a strange look in return, it's just best to keep quiet. I assume there are others here who have experienced the same.
Thanks for this thread Blue, hopefully many can get out their frustrations here, where many of us are here to listen.
BeHappy2
For myself i have a understanding spouce and immediate family.
For distant family i don't begin to try and explain. I have learned i don't need to explain why i'm not attending a gathering of family i don't see often. Such as Reunions and gatherings. I've tried explaining Fibro to who i thought were close friends but when you get a strange look in return, it's just best to keep quiet. I assume there are others here who have experienced the same.
Thanks for this thread Blue, hopefully many can get out their frustrations here, where many of us are here to listen.
BeHappy2
christine07
02-22-2008, 08:02 AM
Thanks for starting this thread. Although my symptoms started 5 years ago, I just received my diagnosis of FMS last summer. I, too, have a very supportive spouse. But I'm currently trying to get my immediate family to understand the magnitude of my daily struggles. I finally reached out to my mother recently and she's reading one of my books that explains the multitude of symptoms this condition comes with. My siblings, on the other hand, just keep trying to give me solutions. How do you explain to those close to you the sacrifices that you are forced to make on a daily basis? :confused: Simple things like needing food from the grocery store but not being able to go because I can't lift my 5 and 3 year olds into the carriage and push them around without paying for it for the rest of the day? Or not being able to hang out on the front steps with neighbors for an extended period of time because sitting on hard surfaces makes my legs flare up? Thanks for listening. Just needed to vent.
Take care to all of you-
Take care to all of you-
bluelakelady
02-22-2008, 10:18 AM
hi christine,
when you go to the store ask the people there to lift your kids for you. they will. as for the front stoop chats, when your fanny hurts stand up and say, this has been a blast, time to take my personal pain in the arse inside. night friends. laughter smooths over the moment.
sounds like your siblings want you well and in their way they want to bring you the magic that will do just that. my son is the same. bless his sweet heart. i am glad your mom is reading.
remember no one is going to really understand. they can only gift us with compassion, kindness and a helping hand.
hi behappy,
ah i know that look well. it used to confuse me as to what they were thinking. i realize now it is only that there is no understanding fibro. i sure don't. the main reason i don't talk about it to others is it really gets boring for me. i come here and chat with you all, listen, talk too much, and i enjoy it.
this is one of my sanctuaries, as is the mountain. the rest of the world is my play ground. a place to enjoy as much as possible.
peace,
blue
ps. thanks glojer. one of our sisters got me thinking in another thread. she inspired the start of this. not me.
when you go to the store ask the people there to lift your kids for you. they will. as for the front stoop chats, when your fanny hurts stand up and say, this has been a blast, time to take my personal pain in the arse inside. night friends. laughter smooths over the moment.
sounds like your siblings want you well and in their way they want to bring you the magic that will do just that. my son is the same. bless his sweet heart. i am glad your mom is reading.
remember no one is going to really understand. they can only gift us with compassion, kindness and a helping hand.
hi behappy,
ah i know that look well. it used to confuse me as to what they were thinking. i realize now it is only that there is no understanding fibro. i sure don't. the main reason i don't talk about it to others is it really gets boring for me. i come here and chat with you all, listen, talk too much, and i enjoy it.
this is one of my sanctuaries, as is the mountain. the rest of the world is my play ground. a place to enjoy as much as possible.
peace,
blue
ps. thanks glojer. one of our sisters got me thinking in another thread. she inspired the start of this. not me.
BeHappy2
02-24-2008, 02:46 AM
Thanks Blue, your words flow so smooth. I seem to stumble with mine as trying to say what i mean but then it gets all scrambled. Your such a inspiration to many. thank you
Christine07, Please be patient with your mother understanding Fibro. I'll try & make this short. I gave my mother fibro pamphlets anything i could find to read so she could have some sort of idea of this nonstop pain of mine.
She just could not seem to understand, until one day she came to visit me unexpectedly. She saw my pain with her own eyes. This day i had pain so severe, it frightened her. Her exact words to me were, take a pain pill and lay down. I explained to her my pain pills do not help me at all on days like this. My mother then said if anyone ever speaks negative of you having fibro and what you are living thru, i will set it straight to them.
This is what it took for my mother to begin to understand Fibro pain, seeing is believing. Be patient Christine and always take care of yourself.
BeHappy2
Christine07, Please be patient with your mother understanding Fibro. I'll try & make this short. I gave my mother fibro pamphlets anything i could find to read so she could have some sort of idea of this nonstop pain of mine.
She just could not seem to understand, until one day she came to visit me unexpectedly. She saw my pain with her own eyes. This day i had pain so severe, it frightened her. Her exact words to me were, take a pain pill and lay down. I explained to her my pain pills do not help me at all on days like this. My mother then said if anyone ever speaks negative of you having fibro and what you are living thru, i will set it straight to them.
This is what it took for my mother to begin to understand Fibro pain, seeing is believing. Be patient Christine and always take care of yourself.
BeHappy2
Backinthesaddle
02-24-2008, 09:49 AM
This is a good place as this is the only place I have to vent or chat about how I feel. My spouse does not,will not and maybe cannot understand how I feel so he just egnores it. Thus so do I. Maybe it is good for me that way. Keeps me on my toes (even when they hurt to stand on) and I am unable to ever and I do mean ever sit around, lie in bed or feel sorry for myself. I would surely sink. I have only me to count and I have my baby and my spouse who count on me. Don't get me wrong I would love one day to lay on the sofa and rest. I feel completely beat down and my spouse does help out with what I ask so I cannot complain but he doesn't do things like ask how I feel, rub my shoulders or ever look to see the pain in my eyes. He just goes on like normal. We fight more because I am angrier since I hurt more.
So that leads me to ask you all, what do you do with a semi self centered man how egnores everything good or bad? It is obvious that he does that with my pain and with life with me. It is very frustrating. My personality though keeps me trying. And we have a 2 yr old. He is a great dad I may add. But not a great husband. I fear what happens if I get worse.. And speaking of worse my spouse is slotted to redeploy to Iraq this summer. That leaves me with doing it all. We cannot afford any more help as I am going to pay a nanny (my sons old teacher) to work for me during that time and it is taking all our extra money for that. I figure I can have the horses mow my yard (ha) but I have 3 acres, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 3 horses and work fulltime and my son. Any ideas?
So that leads me to ask you all, what do you do with a semi self centered man how egnores everything good or bad? It is obvious that he does that with my pain and with life with me. It is very frustrating. My personality though keeps me trying. And we have a 2 yr old. He is a great dad I may add. But not a great husband. I fear what happens if I get worse.. And speaking of worse my spouse is slotted to redeploy to Iraq this summer. That leaves me with doing it all. We cannot afford any more help as I am going to pay a nanny (my sons old teacher) to work for me during that time and it is taking all our extra money for that. I figure I can have the horses mow my yard (ha) but I have 3 acres, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 3 horses and work fulltime and my son. Any ideas?
georgi
02-24-2008, 10:48 AM
Ya know, I really don't think that ANYONE can really understand your pain unless they experience it themselves. Sometimes I feel like I have the support of my family and sometimes I feel I don't. I try not to complain all of the time, that is why these boards are so important to us. I gives us a chance to vent and let out some pent up emotions. I am 58 and I thought I had it bad when I felt the milk container was too heavy to pick up. You guys have little ones at home. That would be soooooo very hard.
Blessings to all of you.
georgi
Blessings to all of you.
georgi
Glojer
02-24-2008, 12:42 PM
I agree having young children to take care of would be so hard. I am sure I had some fibro when my children were young but nothing like now. Even though the experts say fibro is not progressive, we all know different. I don't explain fibro or even tell too many people I have it. There is no reason, I just do what I have to do or feel like doing and go on from there. At my age (59) I really don't care what others think and I don't need to explain myself or why I can't or don't want to do anything, to anybody. Age is so liberating....giggle!
As I slowed down and didn't do as much as I use to my family just learned from that and they are very understanding. By family I mean immediate, husband, brother, children and best friend (we are like sisters). Funny thing, I had a great deal of understanding from the people I use to exercise with in my exercise class. I use to belong to a ladies 30min workout place that had exercise classes and lots of good stuff. Unfortunately it had to close down. Anyway they were great and very understanding, I met a few who had fibro and some who had arthritis. They had special classes for those with joint problems.
Everyone has their problems and their aches and pains, we don't know how bad it is for others and they don't know how bad it is for us. You just have to keep a smile on your face and keep going.
Young marriages and relationships are so difficult. With children and all that goes on daily with trying to make a life together. I have been there and it is hard, we get caught up in our own daily struggles and forget about our partners. Sometimes if we can just step out of that box and give our partner a boost they in turn see our struggle and things get better. What really helps though is perseverance and patients and before you know it the years go by and all that back and forth pays off.
Glojer
As I slowed down and didn't do as much as I use to my family just learned from that and they are very understanding. By family I mean immediate, husband, brother, children and best friend (we are like sisters). Funny thing, I had a great deal of understanding from the people I use to exercise with in my exercise class. I use to belong to a ladies 30min workout place that had exercise classes and lots of good stuff. Unfortunately it had to close down. Anyway they were great and very understanding, I met a few who had fibro and some who had arthritis. They had special classes for those with joint problems.
Everyone has their problems and their aches and pains, we don't know how bad it is for others and they don't know how bad it is for us. You just have to keep a smile on your face and keep going.
Young marriages and relationships are so difficult. With children and all that goes on daily with trying to make a life together. I have been there and it is hard, we get caught up in our own daily struggles and forget about our partners. Sometimes if we can just step out of that box and give our partner a boost they in turn see our struggle and things get better. What really helps though is perseverance and patients and before you know it the years go by and all that back and forth pays off.
Glojer
shyspiritlass
02-24-2008, 08:59 PM
:angel:Hi. I am new to this site and was excited to find it. There are people out there who understand and are going through the same things.
I have pretty much no support. I am 41 and moved in w/ my parents in Summer of 06 because I returned to school. Neither one of them truly believe me. My father says it is mind over matter and my mother just pretends like it does not exist and talks about how sorry and lazy I am. I asked my father to co-sign a student loan w/ me that would allow me to quit work (I work part time) and he told me I needed to quit school and go to work full time. The depression is worse and worse because I feel like no one understands or gives a damn. My sister seems to believe me but she just figures I should toughen up. Not sure if my brother even knows. I haven't bothered to tell him. My friends care but are tired of hearing abt it. Basically I am on my own. I plan to move out of here in the summer when I have more money but I am terrified I am going to lose my job. And I am afraid that eventually I will not be able to work and go to school. I feel like I am losing my dreams.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel like I am very isolated right now and it helps to say it.
Hope everyone is feeling well, pain free, and sleeps the sleep of angels tonight.
I have pretty much no support. I am 41 and moved in w/ my parents in Summer of 06 because I returned to school. Neither one of them truly believe me. My father says it is mind over matter and my mother just pretends like it does not exist and talks about how sorry and lazy I am. I asked my father to co-sign a student loan w/ me that would allow me to quit work (I work part time) and he told me I needed to quit school and go to work full time. The depression is worse and worse because I feel like no one understands or gives a damn. My sister seems to believe me but she just figures I should toughen up. Not sure if my brother even knows. I haven't bothered to tell him. My friends care but are tired of hearing abt it. Basically I am on my own. I plan to move out of here in the summer when I have more money but I am terrified I am going to lose my job. And I am afraid that eventually I will not be able to work and go to school. I feel like I am losing my dreams.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel like I am very isolated right now and it helps to say it.
Hope everyone is feeling well, pain free, and sleeps the sleep of angels tonight.
Backinthesaddle
02-25-2008, 09:47 AM
This is a great place, this whole board is great as I use several of the sites. I suppose I am lucky in a lot of ways. I can work. I do not get sick enough for being in bed. Most of my pain is in my hands and arms, shoulders and neck. I am so used to it that what was once a 10 is now a 5. I would love to work from home and I am searching for something to supplement my retirement so I can retire in a year and a half. My job has 30 min breaks every hour so that is great too. I do hope I do not progress worse, I know some things are worse like knees, feet and ankles. My ankles are killing me today.
My little one is my life saver. I would surely sink without his needing me. I do have to tell him occasionally that i cannot hold him or I have to put him down because my arms hurt. He knows I have bad arms and is really good about it. He is at the age that I dont carry him much and he plays well alone.
Shy- do not feel isolated and do not feel alone. You cannot give up and give in to this disease. You can not let it win. Use your mind over matter. Again as I state often "do despite". Get moving. Maybe you need to go to night school and work during the day. What is the reason for school now? Is there a career path you want? If school is just to go to school you can do it parttime and work. If you even work parttime to get your mind off of your pain. Do something you enjoy. Life is very short please do not let depression take over.
My little one is my life saver. I would surely sink without his needing me. I do have to tell him occasionally that i cannot hold him or I have to put him down because my arms hurt. He knows I have bad arms and is really good about it. He is at the age that I dont carry him much and he plays well alone.
Shy- do not feel isolated and do not feel alone. You cannot give up and give in to this disease. You can not let it win. Use your mind over matter. Again as I state often "do despite". Get moving. Maybe you need to go to night school and work during the day. What is the reason for school now? Is there a career path you want? If school is just to go to school you can do it parttime and work. If you even work parttime to get your mind off of your pain. Do something you enjoy. Life is very short please do not let depression take over.
bluelakelady
02-25-2008, 11:03 AM
often in life we must open our minds to an alternate road to the realization of our dreams. while the alternate may be longer the destination is the same. i have a way of knowing things. you will make it thru and graduate. it is the family you have that is an aspect of that energy which spurs you onward to your destination. often the adversity is a catalyst for change. i just ignore the comments. know what? they stop when you don't react. where is the fun if you don't play along?
realistically we are alll on our own with this. we have family supportive or not. we have each other and that it good, good, good. it helps. especially the honesty expressed here, protected from judgement. yet when we lie down at night and feel our fatigue and pain we are alone. it is for each of us to be our own cheering section no matter what life gifts us with. learning to be me was not easy, yet i like this person, so i keep her.
believe in your own ability to do this. if you don't it does not matter what anyone else thinks or says. believe.
peace,
blue
ps. thank you all for coming and sharing.
realistically we are alll on our own with this. we have family supportive or not. we have each other and that it good, good, good. it helps. especially the honesty expressed here, protected from judgement. yet when we lie down at night and feel our fatigue and pain we are alone. it is for each of us to be our own cheering section no matter what life gifts us with. learning to be me was not easy, yet i like this person, so i keep her.
believe in your own ability to do this. if you don't it does not matter what anyone else thinks or says. believe.
peace,
blue
ps. thank you all for coming and sharing.
gorgee
02-25-2008, 11:19 AM
Thank you, bluelakelady, I appreciate you and your thread. There is something I am battling, my husband. He does not understand, and is worried about the meds I am prescribed. It comes out as being blamed for putting my family through this, and anger and that he can not fix it. Sometimes I get lost as to if I should talk to him or just battle it on my own. I take care of my boys, 2 and 4, 100%. My husband does not believe me, he knows I have tmjd pretty bad, but does not understand why I have body pain and is afraid I am making up my pain. He feels he sees what I am going through and it does not need the meds I am prescribed for pain. I see him for about 1-2 hours a day. I started a pain journal yesterday so maybe he can read it and see what I go through hour by hour. I would love any other suggestions you and anybody else has with handling husbands, and explaining chronic pain.
Thanks again,
Kass
Thanks again,
Kass
bluelakelady
02-25-2008, 11:40 AM
hi kass,
you already know he does not know the way to listen. an answer for him about your meds. your doctor knows more about your health and how to treat you than hubby does. you trust your doctor to do right by you and that is all that matters. period!
i keep my meds out of sight. i learned this while living in a rather abusive relationship with a man who also thought i was making it up and overmedicating. he is long gone and i am still here, a happier woman who takes her meds, trusts her doc and most of all trusts herself.
it is up to you to decide if the journal will do any good. who knows? always worth a try. be prepared tho. it could blow up in your face. ask yourself if it is worth it to you. often we set ourselves up because we just have to be "heard" and "understood". i asked myself once, why do i need this man to "get it"? ultimatly i am on my own with this. so why? realized i didn't need it after all. i know and that is enough for me.
let me know how it goes. one always hopes. and hope is important. also important to know where to place that hope and know what you are hoping for.
peace,
blue
you already know he does not know the way to listen. an answer for him about your meds. your doctor knows more about your health and how to treat you than hubby does. you trust your doctor to do right by you and that is all that matters. period!
i keep my meds out of sight. i learned this while living in a rather abusive relationship with a man who also thought i was making it up and overmedicating. he is long gone and i am still here, a happier woman who takes her meds, trusts her doc and most of all trusts herself.
it is up to you to decide if the journal will do any good. who knows? always worth a try. be prepared tho. it could blow up in your face. ask yourself if it is worth it to you. often we set ourselves up because we just have to be "heard" and "understood". i asked myself once, why do i need this man to "get it"? ultimatly i am on my own with this. so why? realized i didn't need it after all. i know and that is enough for me.
let me know how it goes. one always hopes. and hope is important. also important to know where to place that hope and know what you are hoping for.
peace,
blue
Emmabean
02-26-2008, 05:52 PM
Hello! I have not posted for a super long time! I'm 34, a first grade teacher with SEVERE fibro. I feel very sympathetic to those of you who are struggling in marriages. I am a single mother of 2 year old little girl who is FULL of energy and spunk. I've been dating a great man for 8 months and he just broke up with me. He was very kind about it and complimentary of the person I am and the positive effects I've had in his life. However, although he didn't come out and say it, the reasons he gave for needing to end the relationship are centered on this darned fibromyalgia. I hate it right now. I am so angry at it!
He feels I don't go out enough (because I don't feel like it after teaching six year olds all day long, week after week--sometimes I have to sleep for hours on Saturday to recupe!) The sleeping-in appears as laziness to him, even though I've explained the fibro and my needs for sleep and have given him books to read. I don't like to go and have heavy workouts with him--he runs and lifts weights. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't cook at night. I feel too tired for any type of night-life activity such as going out for a drink or to a sporting event. Basically, after my intense work day, I probably seem like a couch potato! And that's when he wants to hang out and go out!
When I think of the pre-fibro me, I was always on the go, always in the gym and fit, always working so hard and going the extra mile. I waterskied, ran, went out on weekends, was bubbly all the time. He would have loved it. He doesn't get to see that. I have to show him the dragging, exhausted, low-energy me who appears lazy and unmotivated. It hurts so badly because if I consider my own desires pre-fibro, it would certainly not be to marry a sick, tired person who acts 85. I HATE this illness!
To top it off, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, and I had to start using the breathing machine at night to sleep. The mask is so sexy!....NOT! What a bummer to any new relationship, right?!
Also, before this guy, I had to end the relationship I was previously in because that guy wanted to get married and have children biologically, and I do NOT want to get pregnant!! I had a TERRIBLE pregnancy off meds! I can't do it! And he was so cool and a lawyer! I'm giving up great guys due to being sick and it stinks!!!
I am really lacking hope right now for new relationships because I feel that with this illness, I would be an unfair partner to any man, and it would only be a matter of time dating me before they figured it out.
Those of you who have good spouses, please show them how much you appreciate them and the way they understand and put up with the illness!! It's hard to come by!!:(
He feels I don't go out enough (because I don't feel like it after teaching six year olds all day long, week after week--sometimes I have to sleep for hours on Saturday to recupe!) The sleeping-in appears as laziness to him, even though I've explained the fibro and my needs for sleep and have given him books to read. I don't like to go and have heavy workouts with him--he runs and lifts weights. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't cook at night. I feel too tired for any type of night-life activity such as going out for a drink or to a sporting event. Basically, after my intense work day, I probably seem like a couch potato! And that's when he wants to hang out and go out!
When I think of the pre-fibro me, I was always on the go, always in the gym and fit, always working so hard and going the extra mile. I waterskied, ran, went out on weekends, was bubbly all the time. He would have loved it. He doesn't get to see that. I have to show him the dragging, exhausted, low-energy me who appears lazy and unmotivated. It hurts so badly because if I consider my own desires pre-fibro, it would certainly not be to marry a sick, tired person who acts 85. I HATE this illness!
To top it off, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, and I had to start using the breathing machine at night to sleep. The mask is so sexy!....NOT! What a bummer to any new relationship, right?!
Also, before this guy, I had to end the relationship I was previously in because that guy wanted to get married and have children biologically, and I do NOT want to get pregnant!! I had a TERRIBLE pregnancy off meds! I can't do it! And he was so cool and a lawyer! I'm giving up great guys due to being sick and it stinks!!!
I am really lacking hope right now for new relationships because I feel that with this illness, I would be an unfair partner to any man, and it would only be a matter of time dating me before they figured it out.
Those of you who have good spouses, please show them how much you appreciate them and the way they understand and put up with the illness!! It's hard to come by!!:(
SusanG50
02-26-2008, 06:12 PM
I finally stopped having friends. They just do not UNDERSTAND. I had an 82 year old friend just blow me off because I can't keep up with her. BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD.........TRY HARDER.......she thinks because she feels good at 82, I should feel good at 59. NOT..........oh to have her health.
Other friends, just stop calling after a while, I DESPISE THE PHONE.......one of the worst stressors for me. Rather E-mail when I can and feel like it. BUT that seems self centered. I hate always explaining........I hate it.
I have a loving supportive husband, but my family has pretty much been the pits.......and it has caused a lot of trouble and estrangment the way they have treated me. THOUGH, they want me there for them you understand.
I'm not a bad looking woman and I think that makes it even worse. I'm always guess 10-12 years younger than I am.............GOOD GENES or a bad curse.........I dunno which. I LOOK like a healthy tennis player when I go out.......but at home I look like the LONESOME, SAD, DEPRESSED, LONELY, ANGRY at this illness person I am. I'm isolated most of the winter.
ANd then August comes and I go back into hiding from the heat.
It's a miserable way to live and it seems I've gotten soooooooooo much worse with age and now tons of other stuff.....arthritis, ddd, and the list goes on.
Did you say it was OK for me to vent...........??? :) :) :) WHEW........I'm so glad you did.............I've got SI JOINT problems and today has been the pits on top of everything else.
I use to handle this illness sooooooooo well.........but not anymore. I've been sick since I was 31 and I feel sooooooooooooo sorry for you young mothers with kids out there.
I can't even lift my 15 pound dog on the bed anymore........or anything else.....so I can relate. It's not fun.
I did get to grocery yesterday on MEDS and was cratered the rest of the day.........hubby had to feed me.............it's NOT FUN...........let's say it again........THIS IS NOT THE FUN PART.
I use to have a million friends and now I want friends, but don't want the responsibility of friends. I'm very moody with this pain and now spine problems.........and I want them, and I don't want them...........and have finally given in to having a DOG relationship and my hubby and I see folks at church, WHEN I CAN GO, and that's it.
That's not enough ! I hate the LONLINESS and FEELING ALONE !!
Sorry, this was your post..................I was toooooo long.
BLESSINGS TO US ALL.....
Other friends, just stop calling after a while, I DESPISE THE PHONE.......one of the worst stressors for me. Rather E-mail when I can and feel like it. BUT that seems self centered. I hate always explaining........I hate it.
I have a loving supportive husband, but my family has pretty much been the pits.......and it has caused a lot of trouble and estrangment the way they have treated me. THOUGH, they want me there for them you understand.
I'm not a bad looking woman and I think that makes it even worse. I'm always guess 10-12 years younger than I am.............GOOD GENES or a bad curse.........I dunno which. I LOOK like a healthy tennis player when I go out.......but at home I look like the LONESOME, SAD, DEPRESSED, LONELY, ANGRY at this illness person I am. I'm isolated most of the winter.
ANd then August comes and I go back into hiding from the heat.
It's a miserable way to live and it seems I've gotten soooooooooo much worse with age and now tons of other stuff.....arthritis, ddd, and the list goes on.
Did you say it was OK for me to vent...........??? :) :) :) WHEW........I'm so glad you did.............I've got SI JOINT problems and today has been the pits on top of everything else.
I use to handle this illness sooooooooo well.........but not anymore. I've been sick since I was 31 and I feel sooooooooooooo sorry for you young mothers with kids out there.
I can't even lift my 15 pound dog on the bed anymore........or anything else.....so I can relate. It's not fun.
I did get to grocery yesterday on MEDS and was cratered the rest of the day.........hubby had to feed me.............it's NOT FUN...........let's say it again........THIS IS NOT THE FUN PART.
I use to have a million friends and now I want friends, but don't want the responsibility of friends. I'm very moody with this pain and now spine problems.........and I want them, and I don't want them...........and have finally given in to having a DOG relationship and my hubby and I see folks at church, WHEN I CAN GO, and that's it.
That's not enough ! I hate the LONLINESS and FEELING ALONE !!
Sorry, this was your post..................I was toooooo long.
BLESSINGS TO US ALL.....
Glojer
02-26-2008, 11:26 PM
Emmabean, please stop beating yourself up. You are obviously a great person, because I think anyone who does what I would never do, teach children, has to be something special. Our daughter does not have fibro, she is a very energetic women just like when she was a child, and she hasn't found the right person yet either. She says she is beginning to think she will never find the right man and marry again and have children. She thinks she finds a great guy and they turn out to be jerks. I say again she doesn't have fibro or anything physically wrong with her. By the way......anyone who called me lazy or even suggested I was lazy would be out the door soooo fast. Fibro doesn't make us lazy and anyone who has a 2yr. old and who teaches a class of 6yr. olds is definitly not lazy. You have kudos from me young lady!
Glojer
Glojer
Glojer
02-26-2008, 11:52 PM
I hear everyone saying how old they feel. I can relate, I am 59 and I couldn't keep up with some of the 70yr. olds in my exercise class. That's embarrassing! But you know what, they didn't care and neither did I. We had fun anyway. What made me realize something was really wrong with me, was when some of the women I worked with that were 10 or more years older than me had so much energy and I didn't. I have hurt for years so I thought everyone did, that it was just a part of the aging process. Ok so I was wrong.....my mistake....giggle!
Anyway, I still have friends. You have to put a little effort into being a friend to have a friend. We are all friends on this board even though we haven't met in person. I still talk to some of my friends from exercise class, even though our little gym closed and we don't see each other anymore. My neighbor is my friend, our condo manager is our friend. These are all people I could count on if I needed help. Best of all I have a very good friend from high school and you know how long ago that was from my age. I can and I have counted on her and her husband many many times. They even pitch in and take over sometimes and help even when I am so stubborn I think I want to do it all myself. We have always been there for each other through the ups and downs of our lives, even when it was just an ear on the phone.
Friends aren't just the people we go out running around with. They are the people we say hello too and ask how they are doing and how their family is doing. They are the people we support with kind words when they are having a rough time. They are old buddies from work we exchange B'day card and Christmas cards with and have lunch with once every couple of years. Friends are all around us, we just have to let them in. Please don't let fibro control you and your ability to be a friend and receive friendship from others. When you smile and say hello to your neighbor and ask how they are doing pretty soon you forget about your own troubles and start laughing and enjoying a conversation and maybe enjoy a cup of coffee or tea together. Sorry this is just the rantings of an old person....giggle!
Glojer
Anyway, I still have friends. You have to put a little effort into being a friend to have a friend. We are all friends on this board even though we haven't met in person. I still talk to some of my friends from exercise class, even though our little gym closed and we don't see each other anymore. My neighbor is my friend, our condo manager is our friend. These are all people I could count on if I needed help. Best of all I have a very good friend from high school and you know how long ago that was from my age. I can and I have counted on her and her husband many many times. They even pitch in and take over sometimes and help even when I am so stubborn I think I want to do it all myself. We have always been there for each other through the ups and downs of our lives, even when it was just an ear on the phone.
Friends aren't just the people we go out running around with. They are the people we say hello too and ask how they are doing and how their family is doing. They are the people we support with kind words when they are having a rough time. They are old buddies from work we exchange B'day card and Christmas cards with and have lunch with once every couple of years. Friends are all around us, we just have to let them in. Please don't let fibro control you and your ability to be a friend and receive friendship from others. When you smile and say hello to your neighbor and ask how they are doing pretty soon you forget about your own troubles and start laughing and enjoying a conversation and maybe enjoy a cup of coffee or tea together. Sorry this is just the rantings of an old person....giggle!
Glojer
baserockermom
02-27-2008, 02:46 AM
Susang50, I could relate to you all day long. E-mails require less faking.
bluelakelady
02-27-2008, 09:54 AM
hi emma,
bless the man for getting out of your life. he was the wrong one. you know this in your heart of hearts.
there are good, kind, compassionate men out there. never settle for less. you are not of less value just because you have fibro, so why settle for less than what truly gifts you with happiness?
sure he would have loved the old you . . . and he would have really been on your case now had he known her. right?
a kind man came into my life. we do not live together and we won't. i see the sadness in his eyes when i am not feeling well. honest sadness and a desire to help in any way he can. that is called friendship. i like not having to think about anything except the things i want to. i don't worry about what sort of mood he will be in, or is the house tidy, or did i shower today. why? because he has his own home to go to. giggle.
you just snuggle up to your sweet child and know that life has already gifted you with the most precious honor, motherhood. children become friends for life. mine are all grown up and i love the friendships we have.
peace,
bluelakelady
bless the man for getting out of your life. he was the wrong one. you know this in your heart of hearts.
there are good, kind, compassionate men out there. never settle for less. you are not of less value just because you have fibro, so why settle for less than what truly gifts you with happiness?
sure he would have loved the old you . . . and he would have really been on your case now had he known her. right?
a kind man came into my life. we do not live together and we won't. i see the sadness in his eyes when i am not feeling well. honest sadness and a desire to help in any way he can. that is called friendship. i like not having to think about anything except the things i want to. i don't worry about what sort of mood he will be in, or is the house tidy, or did i shower today. why? because he has his own home to go to. giggle.
you just snuggle up to your sweet child and know that life has already gifted you with the most precious honor, motherhood. children become friends for life. mine are all grown up and i love the friendships we have.
peace,
bluelakelady
SusanG50
02-27-2008, 11:51 AM
I try hard not to talk about THE MONSTER ILLNESS, especially to new people/friends I want to make.........but then when I HIDE IT, PRETEND as someone so aptly put it, I find they think I'm FINE and then get OFFENDED when I try to tell them I can't do something.
It's a hard BALANCE to find for me. You don't tell them, they think you're being ugly to them and just don't want to do anything with them......YOU TELL THEM the TRUTH and how awful it is, and THEY TELL YOU TO TRY HARDER, BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD.
I'm so at a loss as to how to relate to the WELL world..........and even some of the SICK (with some little something).
I've listened too many hours of people complain about things that you and I wouldn't even find a mention anymore.
It seems that people always want a LOT OF ME in new friendships and maybe when I meet them I'm in a GOOD PLACE and then the FLARE comes and they are totally confused in my behavior.
I walk the LINE ! Could be a song no ? :D
It's a hard BALANCE to find for me. You don't tell them, they think you're being ugly to them and just don't want to do anything with them......YOU TELL THEM the TRUTH and how awful it is, and THEY TELL YOU TO TRY HARDER, BUT YOU LOOK SO GOOD.
I'm so at a loss as to how to relate to the WELL world..........and even some of the SICK (with some little something).
I've listened too many hours of people complain about things that you and I wouldn't even find a mention anymore.
It seems that people always want a LOT OF ME in new friendships and maybe when I meet them I'm in a GOOD PLACE and then the FLARE comes and they are totally confused in my behavior.
I walk the LINE ! Could be a song no ? :D
Emmabean
02-28-2008, 06:28 PM
I would like to thank Glojer, Bluelakelady, and all for your encouragement. You are great and most helpful!
Jenn4508
02-28-2008, 07:00 PM
I just remarried a little over two years ago... What a wonderful man he use to be.... Very understanding until I couldn't work anymore, he said that was okay he knew how bad I hurt... On the days I hurt so bad he said to take it easy... He started drinking heavily, I told him I couldn't deal with it, so he stopped, fell off the wagon and started telling me that I take to many meds.. I said well if you think I take to many, you are more than welcome to go to any of my doctor's appointments that I go to every month and let them know...
I have asked him to go numerous times especially to my therapist appointments, he always has an excuse... Then the night he fell off the wagon he got really nasty about the pills and I said well I really don't want to discuss this while you are drunk, and he said he wasn't drunk, yeah right.... He said he just likes the taste of whiskey and that it was a crutch for him like my meds are a crutch to get me through the day, Boy was that the wrong thing to say as my pill dispenser went flying across the room into the wall, I did that.... Then I had to pick up all the pills... He said look at that pile of pills, I said do you know what any of them are for or what they do??? He said no and he didn't want to know but that they couldn't be good for me.... I said well a doctor prescribes these and all my docs know what the others prescribe, What doctor prescribes the whiskey for you.....
Ever since that episode, its like I can't stand him and I will never forgive him for that... He thinks all is forgiven and forgotten...
We had another argument last night over his cell phone bill, he got mad and left, I feel stuck as I can no longer work and am awaiting a hearing with a Judge concerning my SSD. If and when I ever get it, I will be gone...
I keep a journal because I forget things alot (fibrofog) so he thinks I don't remember things that happen, so when something comes up and he says that didn't happen like that, I said well if you want, we can get out my journal and you can read it if you want.... He will say he doesn't want to hear about that journal....
We have had two major arguements that one of my sons have heard and my other son heard one of them... It will not happen again... They are about ready to whip his ass....
I also have BiPolar 1 that is not under control and my psychiatrist says that meds can only work so much and he doesn't know how much more he can do as long as I am in this relationship.... He wants my husband to go see my therapist with me and he says he will and then he doesn't go....
I am not a violent person but last night I just wanted to knock the shit out of him... He always turns everything around so that he is the poor little victim...
Sorry to ramble... Jenn.
I have asked him to go numerous times especially to my therapist appointments, he always has an excuse... Then the night he fell off the wagon he got really nasty about the pills and I said well I really don't want to discuss this while you are drunk, and he said he wasn't drunk, yeah right.... He said he just likes the taste of whiskey and that it was a crutch for him like my meds are a crutch to get me through the day, Boy was that the wrong thing to say as my pill dispenser went flying across the room into the wall, I did that.... Then I had to pick up all the pills... He said look at that pile of pills, I said do you know what any of them are for or what they do??? He said no and he didn't want to know but that they couldn't be good for me.... I said well a doctor prescribes these and all my docs know what the others prescribe, What doctor prescribes the whiskey for you.....
Ever since that episode, its like I can't stand him and I will never forgive him for that... He thinks all is forgiven and forgotten...
We had another argument last night over his cell phone bill, he got mad and left, I feel stuck as I can no longer work and am awaiting a hearing with a Judge concerning my SSD. If and when I ever get it, I will be gone...
I keep a journal because I forget things alot (fibrofog) so he thinks I don't remember things that happen, so when something comes up and he says that didn't happen like that, I said well if you want, we can get out my journal and you can read it if you want.... He will say he doesn't want to hear about that journal....
We have had two major arguements that one of my sons have heard and my other son heard one of them... It will not happen again... They are about ready to whip his ass....
I also have BiPolar 1 that is not under control and my psychiatrist says that meds can only work so much and he doesn't know how much more he can do as long as I am in this relationship.... He wants my husband to go see my therapist with me and he says he will and then he doesn't go....
I am not a violent person but last night I just wanted to knock the shit out of him... He always turns everything around so that he is the poor little victim...
Sorry to ramble... Jenn.
Marywoo
02-29-2008, 07:57 AM
dear jen i am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your husband the worst thing for u is added stress and it sounds like your going through hell i wish i could help you . i think your husband has some unresolved issues and hes taking them out on you. when my husband acts up i run to the bedroom i cant take the stress anymore, does your husband apologize my husband thinks its funny after he beats up the computer he also hits the moniter and recently smashed the computer mouse.i love my husband but dont know how i got mysef in this position.i think he has anger management problems he said i should be glad its not me he was hitting,the old me would not not have taken this behavior from him but now that im older and diagnosed with all this stuff i cant really do anything about it. i hope every thing gets better for you. shoulds like you still have strenth and will be able to save yourself i honestly am rooting for you. i dont know what is wrong with this menn i think they fear the responsibilty of taking care of our needs so they escape into alcohol or for my husband its world of warcraft. i hope u are safe. please take care of yourself i am praying for u. mary
bluelakelady
02-29-2008, 10:58 AM
just because you are sick does not mean you are a slave to the whims and moods of your spouse/partner. violent humans get worse with age and time. you kids were not here when i went thru getting rid of my abuser. i was done being a victim and an enabler. the officers who took him off to jail were very kind. i had to get a restraining order, sell my home, and move away. it was worth it. i feel safe now. actually i feel wonderful beyond words! i also figured out i can do being me without a man here to "care" for me. they don't, so why look.
i have my nice friend i visit. never again will i live with or marry a man.
men who hit stuff are just one step away from hitting you.
how i wish i could take you all away from the abuses and hurts and bring you here to my sanctuary so quiet and safe. you must find your own tho. we know that. if i can be of any service to you, i am here.
remember always that you decide your worth, no one else. you are special, wonderful and beautiful. i said so, so it must be true!
peace, hugs, love, and quiet moments,
bluelakelady
i have my nice friend i visit. never again will i live with or marry a man.
men who hit stuff are just one step away from hitting you.
how i wish i could take you all away from the abuses and hurts and bring you here to my sanctuary so quiet and safe. you must find your own tho. we know that. if i can be of any service to you, i am here.
remember always that you decide your worth, no one else. you are special, wonderful and beautiful. i said so, so it must be true!
peace, hugs, love, and quiet moments,
bluelakelady
Marywoo
02-29-2008, 11:31 AM
bluelakelady,that was absolutely beautiful, i had to respond you are 100% right,and i hope i can get to the place you have u left me speechless.god bless you. mary
baserockermom
02-29-2008, 11:35 AM
There was a great book out once by Deborah Tannen called "You Just Don't Understand." One thing I got out of it was that men want to fix things and if they can't fix it, they don't want to hear about it because it's like rubbing it in their faces that they have failed their wives.
When my aunt got cancer, her husband left the seas and returned to land to help with the kids. When he couldn't remove the fear of the cancer and the threat of it on his wife and family, he turned to drinking and became a real abuser also.
Other than our religion, my husband and I are exact opposites and yin and yang are a part of our daily lives. I've had counselors tell me to separate or divorce to reduce the stress, but personally I'm really glad I never did. Jenn4508, you're not alone in going through ginormous efforts just to coexist with someone who is not in pain.
Yesterday my husband and I got into it just because I mentioned that many fibro patients seem to get kidney problems. You'd thought I said the dog ate his blackberry. After the storm blew over, he said he just didn't want to hear about any of it, that he wants to hope and he doesn't want stuff to get in the way of the hope, that he feels like it's his job to keep the hope alive for all of us. I can live with that.
Jenn4508, "What doctor prescribes whiskey for you?" Awesome quick and to the point. That was a good one. I use my father-in-law's line... you took the best years of my life; you're sure as heck are going to stay around for the worst ones." Aren't I sweet?
When my aunt got cancer, her husband left the seas and returned to land to help with the kids. When he couldn't remove the fear of the cancer and the threat of it on his wife and family, he turned to drinking and became a real abuser also.
Other than our religion, my husband and I are exact opposites and yin and yang are a part of our daily lives. I've had counselors tell me to separate or divorce to reduce the stress, but personally I'm really glad I never did. Jenn4508, you're not alone in going through ginormous efforts just to coexist with someone who is not in pain.
Yesterday my husband and I got into it just because I mentioned that many fibro patients seem to get kidney problems. You'd thought I said the dog ate his blackberry. After the storm blew over, he said he just didn't want to hear about any of it, that he wants to hope and he doesn't want stuff to get in the way of the hope, that he feels like it's his job to keep the hope alive for all of us. I can live with that.
Jenn4508, "What doctor prescribes whiskey for you?" Awesome quick and to the point. That was a good one. I use my father-in-law's line... you took the best years of my life; you're sure as heck are going to stay around for the worst ones." Aren't I sweet?
shyspiritlass
03-01-2008, 12:10 PM
For everyone: Sometimes you have to go it alone and I am learning that is okay. You build and gather strength that way. I am sorry so many of you have husbands who do not understand/care. My parents are the same way but I can move out (I moved in to work part time and go to college). It will take a bit but I can. It is much harder w/ a husband. Do not allow him to squash you. You are a person w/ an illness that just plain sucks. Yes, there are illness' out there a whole lot worse but I will be the first to admit that can be hard to remember on bad days. Have any of you tried FM support groups in your areas?
Jenn4508
03-06-2008, 02:26 PM
For everyone: Sometimes you have to go it alone and I am learning that is okay. You build and gather strength that way. I am sorry so many of you have husbands who do not understand/care. My parents are the same way but I can move out (I moved in to work part time and go to college). It will take a bit but I can. It is much harder w/ a husband. Do not allow him to squash you. You are a person w/ an illness that just plain sucks. Yes, there are illness' out there a whole lot worse but I will be the first to admit that can be hard to remember on bad days. Have any of you tried FM support groups in your areas?
The only support group around here meets one time every three months... On top of that, it is at night and usually I am just about spent as I get up at 5 every morning... It is a great suggestion though... My husband will never squash me though, as I build walls, very strong tall walls and once they go up, they very rarely come back down....
Its very funny sometimes how life works, my best friend whom I have not talked to in months, finally called me the other night, it was the best day of my life in a long time... I had a doctor's appt to get my injections Wed and she works down by his office and she asked me to stop by if I felt like it... I stopped by and she knew from our phone call that I was not happy with the husband and I told her there was one night I just wanted to leave for the night but had no where to go... She told me that she doesn't care what time of the night it is, I always have a place to come.... That made me feel good.
Thanks to all who read and care... Jenn
The only support group around here meets one time every three months... On top of that, it is at night and usually I am just about spent as I get up at 5 every morning... It is a great suggestion though... My husband will never squash me though, as I build walls, very strong tall walls and once they go up, they very rarely come back down....
Its very funny sometimes how life works, my best friend whom I have not talked to in months, finally called me the other night, it was the best day of my life in a long time... I had a doctor's appt to get my injections Wed and she works down by his office and she asked me to stop by if I felt like it... I stopped by and she knew from our phone call that I was not happy with the husband and I told her there was one night I just wanted to leave for the night but had no where to go... She told me that she doesn't care what time of the night it is, I always have a place to come.... That made me feel good.
Thanks to all who read and care... Jenn
baserockermom
03-31-2008, 04:06 PM
How are you doing, Jenn?
bluelakelady
04-01-2008, 10:15 AM
hi kids,
remember, building and maintaining walls to protect yourself emotionally takes a huge amount of your precious energy. i used to have walls too, so i know the effort it takes to keep them strong and tall.
i also know how wonderful it feels to tear those walls down, put myself in a space of safety and peace, and have my energy back to use as i please.
being free to tear down walls and let in love is pure and wonderful. it is a space one must choose and create, when it is time and they are ready.
walls serve their purpose, for the moment. they are not meant to last a lifetime. they are for short term protection. long term, and you find yourself within not knowing how to get back out.
peace,
blue
remember, building and maintaining walls to protect yourself emotionally takes a huge amount of your precious energy. i used to have walls too, so i know the effort it takes to keep them strong and tall.
i also know how wonderful it feels to tear those walls down, put myself in a space of safety and peace, and have my energy back to use as i please.
being free to tear down walls and let in love is pure and wonderful. it is a space one must choose and create, when it is time and they are ready.
walls serve their purpose, for the moment. they are not meant to last a lifetime. they are for short term protection. long term, and you find yourself within not knowing how to get back out.
peace,
blue
gorgee
04-01-2008, 11:11 AM
Jenn, I am so sorry that you are going through this all. You said you have been married over 2 years? What was your previous husband like? How old are you boys? I don't mean to ask so many questions but, I am worried about you. We have some of the same issues in our marriages, and I have been right where you were the other night. It hurts so much, and it makes a huge giant gash in your heart, for me especially when I was called an addict, for I am not and I am so careful, and responsible. Also, on Dec 26, I was called it in front of his family over the phone. I was devastated and pretty much done. I adore my husband and love him more than I have ever loved anyone, but boy can they hurt us. For me, it has been getting easier, thank god for that. What really made my husband see how bad he treated me was he found an journal I had kept from November thru December. Those were very hard months, and my husband was still drinking, gambling, and swearing. I was called the c-word many times, and the f-word came out every other word, in front of our small boys. He was never home, and when I would head upstairs to get the boys to bed, you would hear the truck start up and he was headed to the casino or track. When I got up in the morning, I was also so scared to look at our checking account, as I never knew how much would be taken out. My life was so unpredictable, and the only thing I could count on was my 2 and 4 year old, and I felt terrible.
On Dec 26 in the afternoon, after the horrible call to me about being an addict, something changed in my husband, and it was by the grace of god. He stopped swearing, drinking and gambling. The gambling was possibly going to put us in bankruptcy eventually. My husband had changed and he started going to church. I was scared, he went from one extreme to another. He started becoming a very strict baptist christian and I did not know how to handle that. I knew it was better than before, but it took me 6 weeks to catch up. It got a little better, but things were still the same, he did not understand me, and he still had the same view about my health, the words were different.
2 weeks ago, things hit the fan, he came on here, and saw everything I have every posted and printed them out. I want you to be careful about this too, as it was all used against me. Once he found out I had written things about him and us, he was going to take everything away from me, the laptop, my van, and even the boys. He wants everything to stay in our house, and dirty laundry stays home. I needed to talk to someone, and I needed to vent. I did it here and I asked for help and advice here, I felt safe here. It was very scary, and I was this close to taking the leap and starting my life over. I have 2 small boys, 2 and 4, I have not worked in 5 years, I am in pain everyday, and I take medications so I am able to move and take care of everybody. It was very scary, but I was closer than I have ever been. Since then we have worked hard on our marriage, and I am trying to put the lord first, and then my husband.
Jenn, I told you all this, because I want you to know you are not alone. Please be careful. Can your husband come on here and see what you have written? I never thought my husband would do what he did. Maybe, for me, it was what helped change him, and the reading the journal, for he has apologized and is being a more helpful, understanding husband, and a great father.
He gave me back the laptop, and told me if this helps me, then he will let me write and chat with you all, and he is glad I have here. I really do not have any friends to talk to and my husband wants things to stay in the house, so this is wonderful for me. It has given me back a little bit of my social life I had before the boys. I just can't keep everything inside. He has told me he will not look anymore at what I write. Somedays I talk to my boys, my husband for 30 min in the morning and then that is all for the day till he comes home at night. The phone barely rings, and after awhile you can get pretty depressed and lonely.
Jenn, I hope you get your ssd, and then can make a decision that is right for you. I wish I could be there and help you, but at least we are all here for you. We were all worried about you since we have not heard from you in awhile. Please be careful, and I hope you are safe. Please keep posting and we are here for you.
Kassandra
Kassandra
On Dec 26 in the afternoon, after the horrible call to me about being an addict, something changed in my husband, and it was by the grace of god. He stopped swearing, drinking and gambling. The gambling was possibly going to put us in bankruptcy eventually. My husband had changed and he started going to church. I was scared, he went from one extreme to another. He started becoming a very strict baptist christian and I did not know how to handle that. I knew it was better than before, but it took me 6 weeks to catch up. It got a little better, but things were still the same, he did not understand me, and he still had the same view about my health, the words were different.
2 weeks ago, things hit the fan, he came on here, and saw everything I have every posted and printed them out. I want you to be careful about this too, as it was all used against me. Once he found out I had written things about him and us, he was going to take everything away from me, the laptop, my van, and even the boys. He wants everything to stay in our house, and dirty laundry stays home. I needed to talk to someone, and I needed to vent. I did it here and I asked for help and advice here, I felt safe here. It was very scary, and I was this close to taking the leap and starting my life over. I have 2 small boys, 2 and 4, I have not worked in 5 years, I am in pain everyday, and I take medications so I am able to move and take care of everybody. It was very scary, but I was closer than I have ever been. Since then we have worked hard on our marriage, and I am trying to put the lord first, and then my husband.
Jenn, I told you all this, because I want you to know you are not alone. Please be careful. Can your husband come on here and see what you have written? I never thought my husband would do what he did. Maybe, for me, it was what helped change him, and the reading the journal, for he has apologized and is being a more helpful, understanding husband, and a great father.
He gave me back the laptop, and told me if this helps me, then he will let me write and chat with you all, and he is glad I have here. I really do not have any friends to talk to and my husband wants things to stay in the house, so this is wonderful for me. It has given me back a little bit of my social life I had before the boys. I just can't keep everything inside. He has told me he will not look anymore at what I write. Somedays I talk to my boys, my husband for 30 min in the morning and then that is all for the day till he comes home at night. The phone barely rings, and after awhile you can get pretty depressed and lonely.
Jenn, I hope you get your ssd, and then can make a decision that is right for you. I wish I could be there and help you, but at least we are all here for you. We were all worried about you since we have not heard from you in awhile. Please be careful, and I hope you are safe. Please keep posting and we are here for you.
Kassandra
Kassandra
Jenn4508
04-04-2008, 02:33 PM
I am sorry you all have been worried... I have just been in a funk... You know how that gets.... I have kept a journal for many years off and on but have been keeping one for the last two and a half years since my mental breakdown... and the wonderful right diagnoses of BiPolar 1 after 20 years of misdiagnoses... Oh, believe me, I have told my husband to read the journal when he tells me I don't remember things...;) My two sons are 16 and 20... My 16 year old is a junior in high school and my 20 year old just can't decide about school so he works two jobs, he is a wonderful kid... they told me he would never make it to his first birthday, did we ever prove them wrong, he was very sick as a baby....
My first husband had two kids when I married him that were 4 and 1 1/2, so I raised them and then we had two together... We were married for 17 years, he was an alcoholic, I would have left him sooner but I waited until he was done paying child support on the other two so that it wouldn't be such a strain on him financially.... We get along pretty well now, he didn't want to play nice in the beginning but he realized it was for the best after awhile...
My husband now knows that I come here all the time when I feel up to it... He really wants no part of it but if he could figure out how to come here it wouldn't bother me at all.... I met him when I was in one of my manic episodes of BiPolar when I did not know I was BiPolar and I have even told him this but he says he doesn't care... Its hard for me to say this but BP'ers can become sexual promiscuoius and do things they wouldn't normally do... It explains alot of things I have done and no I am not proud of them but what is done is done and I must move on from them.... Enough of that part....
I had a really bad anger incident with a complete stranger at a gas station and it was a wonder I didn't get shot or something, I keep telling my shrink but he just doesn't get it... I am sure my next appt, we will butt heads....
Anyways, enough about that, back to the fibro, I guess I just didn't have the get up and go to get on the computer as I had really been down for the last week and a half... I went and got my injections earlier this week and they have swollen up to the size of golf balls if not bigger... My doc said that I need to stay in bed for a couple of days and take care of my body especially now that we have all this rain... Its like the rain is never going to go away... Then I started thinking that I really don't like living this way.... Trying to control the BiPolar on top of the fibro that has invaded my body and it just won't give up.... This is just not how I want to live out the rest of my life... My life consist of taking my son back and forth to school and going to doctor's appts.... My only friends are on here, besides my mom.... Easter Sunday my sister said something really mean about my BiPolar and I don't even talk to her about it and I wasn't talking to anyone about it... I was trying to help her son with something because he is schizoph, I don't know how to spell it....
The only thing that is helping me to hold on is I just happened to come on here today and my son is on spring break after today soooooooo..... I am going to see my Mom for a week after I pick him up at school.... I am going by myself... After I left my moms after Easter Sunday, my oldest son stayed an extra day and she told him that I was the only one of her kids that ever came and helped her with my grandma or with all the work at the lake.... Yes, I do more than I should, and I hurt like hell but it is better than sitting in this house thinking about my life as it use to be...
God Bless you all for being here.... I will be here for you all when you need me to.... Jenn
My first husband had two kids when I married him that were 4 and 1 1/2, so I raised them and then we had two together... We were married for 17 years, he was an alcoholic, I would have left him sooner but I waited until he was done paying child support on the other two so that it wouldn't be such a strain on him financially.... We get along pretty well now, he didn't want to play nice in the beginning but he realized it was for the best after awhile...
My husband now knows that I come here all the time when I feel up to it... He really wants no part of it but if he could figure out how to come here it wouldn't bother me at all.... I met him when I was in one of my manic episodes of BiPolar when I did not know I was BiPolar and I have even told him this but he says he doesn't care... Its hard for me to say this but BP'ers can become sexual promiscuoius and do things they wouldn't normally do... It explains alot of things I have done and no I am not proud of them but what is done is done and I must move on from them.... Enough of that part....
I had a really bad anger incident with a complete stranger at a gas station and it was a wonder I didn't get shot or something, I keep telling my shrink but he just doesn't get it... I am sure my next appt, we will butt heads....
Anyways, enough about that, back to the fibro, I guess I just didn't have the get up and go to get on the computer as I had really been down for the last week and a half... I went and got my injections earlier this week and they have swollen up to the size of golf balls if not bigger... My doc said that I need to stay in bed for a couple of days and take care of my body especially now that we have all this rain... Its like the rain is never going to go away... Then I started thinking that I really don't like living this way.... Trying to control the BiPolar on top of the fibro that has invaded my body and it just won't give up.... This is just not how I want to live out the rest of my life... My life consist of taking my son back and forth to school and going to doctor's appts.... My only friends are on here, besides my mom.... Easter Sunday my sister said something really mean about my BiPolar and I don't even talk to her about it and I wasn't talking to anyone about it... I was trying to help her son with something because he is schizoph, I don't know how to spell it....
The only thing that is helping me to hold on is I just happened to come on here today and my son is on spring break after today soooooooo..... I am going to see my Mom for a week after I pick him up at school.... I am going by myself... After I left my moms after Easter Sunday, my oldest son stayed an extra day and she told him that I was the only one of her kids that ever came and helped her with my grandma or with all the work at the lake.... Yes, I do more than I should, and I hurt like hell but it is better than sitting in this house thinking about my life as it use to be...
God Bless you all for being here.... I will be here for you all when you need me to.... Jenn
sweetjerseygirl
04-04-2008, 03:47 PM
Hey Jenn, I'm glad your ok, well sort of ok ! That funk, yeah im real familiar with it but i wont back down either. I cannot believe your sister was that mean, what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. I so want to say a million things to you but i was just happy to see you back on here and venting away about about stuff, its ok. Sometimes thats how we let it go...........
My mom always said to leave the past in the past because you cant change it, seems like you realize that & may have let a few things go here, i hope so.
Im glad your going back to your moms. Get some more peace while your there. I'm happy you dont give up, even if you pay for it. That was a wonderful compliment your mom paid you. Makes it all seem worth it !
You have a lot on your plate, so hang in there. I will continue to pray for you as i do all my friends on this board. I'm sorry i had to laugh when you said a bad anger incident. We've all been there, just wished i could have seen you in action. Come on now laugh about it.......:D We are humans and you didnt hurt anybody. so somebody went home and said "I had to deal with this crazy lady today" Im sure we have all been labled that at one time or another ! I feel for you but your going to be ok, just ask B.L.L. You take care of yourself for now . sending you another :angel: to hold your hand and help you except the things we simply cannot change :). We are here for you ;)
My mom always said to leave the past in the past because you cant change it, seems like you realize that & may have let a few things go here, i hope so.
Im glad your going back to your moms. Get some more peace while your there. I'm happy you dont give up, even if you pay for it. That was a wonderful compliment your mom paid you. Makes it all seem worth it !
You have a lot on your plate, so hang in there. I will continue to pray for you as i do all my friends on this board. I'm sorry i had to laugh when you said a bad anger incident. We've all been there, just wished i could have seen you in action. Come on now laugh about it.......:D We are humans and you didnt hurt anybody. so somebody went home and said "I had to deal with this crazy lady today" Im sure we have all been labled that at one time or another ! I feel for you but your going to be ok, just ask B.L.L. You take care of yourself for now . sending you another :angel: to hold your hand and help you except the things we simply cannot change :). We are here for you ;)
Jenn4508
04-08-2008, 11:15 PM
Oh yeah, the incident at the gas station was funny once I left, I do laugh about it... I tell my shrink all the time about my anger issues, he just doesn't get it.... Sometimes I just want to throw him out the window when I am in his office, maybe if I did he would get the whole anger issue :D. Its just like when I told him I think about ways to get rid of my husband and he actually said, Its a healthy fantasy, Now come on,,, anybody else would have had me committed... after a couple of minutes he even said that maybe healthy wasn't the best word...
I am at the lake and besides my grandma being sick now, my mom and I have been having a great time... I have been giving grandma her baths and waiting on her like a good little waitress;)
I hope you are all doing great or as well as possible... The fibro pain is in full force but I am staying vertical and refuse to let it win... Hang in there my friends... Angels to all... Jenn
I am at the lake and besides my grandma being sick now, my mom and I have been having a great time... I have been giving grandma her baths and waiting on her like a good little waitress;)
I hope you are all doing great or as well as possible... The fibro pain is in full force but I am staying vertical and refuse to let it win... Hang in there my friends... Angels to all... Jenn
sweetjerseygirl
04-08-2008, 11:25 PM
I'm so happy for you Jenn, you sound really good tonight. Keep making Grand-ma feel like a Queen and good for you for not letting the fibro win. I get like that myself. Its great you still have your mom. I just miss mine so much. Next week is the anniversary of her passing. I always hate this time of year, i get so down in the dumps but im trying to keep my chin up after all she is in a better place. You enjoy your time away and i wished you felt this happy all the time, oh and by the way, thanks for the laugh again :D, i wonder why he hasn't had you committed myself ;)..........L.O.L.
Jenn4508
04-08-2008, 11:34 PM
I'm so happy for you Jenn, you sound really good tonight. Keep making Grand-ma feel like a Queen and good for you for not letting the fibro win. I get like that myself. Its great you still have your mom. I just miss mine so much. Next week is the anniversary of her passing. I always hate this time of year, i get so down in the dumps but im trying to keep my chin up after all she is in a better place. You enjoy your time away and i wished you felt this happy all the time, oh and by the way, thanks for the laugh again :D, i wonder why he hasn't had you committed myself ;)..........L.O.L.
He probably hasn't had me committed because he is afraid of me...:D
He probably hasn't had me committed because he is afraid of me...:D
sweetjerseygirl
04-08-2008, 11:57 PM
He probably hasn't had me committed because he is afraid of me...:D
Ha ha ha ha ha- I will probably be laughing in my dreams tonight ! Sweet dreams darling, i see we are playing tag with ebrena tonight, thats cool :cool:
Ha ha ha ha ha- I will probably be laughing in my dreams tonight ! Sweet dreams darling, i see we are playing tag with ebrena tonight, thats cool :cool:
ebrena
04-09-2008, 03:58 PM
Sweetjersygirl & Jenn it is so cool you are playing tag with me. Two heads are better than one. I took 2 T3"s last night and I woke up at 5:00am to go to the biff and I was so dizzy I thought I was going to fall over. I had to lie down again until I was in urgent distress to go to the biffy. I held onto everything I could get my hands on. Not only that but tylenol really does not even touch the pain it's the codeine that numbs your head into thinking it is doing some good. I will definately mention the meds you both suggested to my Dr- I feel like I need a really good anti-inflammatory but I have taken a few of them not for long but they didn't help. Last one being celebrex.
Any how this space is about relationships and fibro, my husband is wonderful he doesn't understand it all but he does believe me when I am in pain and he is also great about the depression/cf combo. He'll tell me "go lie down-I can make dinner" or "I'll buy my lunch. He knows I don't crawl out of the bed until noon as this is my fibro regiem and he is okay with it. I did have to disassociate with a lot of my friends 1-because I quit smoking 8 years ago & drinking (so no more fun) then getting struck with this I find working on relationships exhausting. I always feel I have to make an un-physical excuse for not partaking because I feel they think I am a hypochondriak and they say "just suck it up and come on" NO what part of NO don't they NO but I think they have finally given up on me and I miss them but I can't do it. When I'm down I'm really down (ha the Beatles). I have my 3 bulldogs and they love me unconditionally and love our naps they are great for support. My sister thinks I should just snap out of my depression-you see she drinks when she is depressed so she doesn't feel pain, mental or physical. So you know what-I just really don't care anymore. I hate being like this and I do have fun on my own because I have hobbies like my computer and reading and I would rather be like this without the comments of people who do not have a clue. I have always had elbow pain and used to blame it on being double jointed in the elbows or blame it on tendonitis until it began flaring up my whole arm-one arm at a time. It was also in my knees and back but I blamed it on being out of shape but when pain like this roams to a different place all the time it's something completely different. I have no strength in my arms, I can barely put my dogs on my bed either-I tell them if they get down, I'm not getting them back up-ha! I am going looney too. Have as good a day as possible-cheers.
Any how this space is about relationships and fibro, my husband is wonderful he doesn't understand it all but he does believe me when I am in pain and he is also great about the depression/cf combo. He'll tell me "go lie down-I can make dinner" or "I'll buy my lunch. He knows I don't crawl out of the bed until noon as this is my fibro regiem and he is okay with it. I did have to disassociate with a lot of my friends 1-because I quit smoking 8 years ago & drinking (so no more fun) then getting struck with this I find working on relationships exhausting. I always feel I have to make an un-physical excuse for not partaking because I feel they think I am a hypochondriak and they say "just suck it up and come on" NO what part of NO don't they NO but I think they have finally given up on me and I miss them but I can't do it. When I'm down I'm really down (ha the Beatles). I have my 3 bulldogs and they love me unconditionally and love our naps they are great for support. My sister thinks I should just snap out of my depression-you see she drinks when she is depressed so she doesn't feel pain, mental or physical. So you know what-I just really don't care anymore. I hate being like this and I do have fun on my own because I have hobbies like my computer and reading and I would rather be like this without the comments of people who do not have a clue. I have always had elbow pain and used to blame it on being double jointed in the elbows or blame it on tendonitis until it began flaring up my whole arm-one arm at a time. It was also in my knees and back but I blamed it on being out of shape but when pain like this roams to a different place all the time it's something completely different. I have no strength in my arms, I can barely put my dogs on my bed either-I tell them if they get down, I'm not getting them back up-ha! I am going looney too. Have as good a day as possible-cheers.
Jenn4508
04-10-2008, 12:37 AM
Ebrena - You have those trigger points in your elbows, knees, shoulders, neck, lower back and chest... They do so like to play games with you anytime they feel like it...
I understand about the friends and the relationships... I really only had one friend and hadn't seen her since August... she finally called again and said we were going to start seeing each other again... That didn't happen either, I stopped by her work after my pain doc appt and she couldn't believe the weight I had lost and the knots in my body from the injections... Haven't talked to her since, that was in early March... I understand she works but she doesn't get home until 6 and she wants me to come over after that or she wants to come over around 7... I get up every day at 5:30 am and stay up until 10 or 11 every night... I don't take naps because if I did, I am afraid I would forget to pick up my son from school... So by 6 or 7 at night, I am just not in the entertaining mood, go figure...
My husband says he understands it even though he knows nothing about it until we have an argument and then he throws all the meds up in my face... we have only been married about 2 1/2 years, second marriage for me, should have never done it.... He has become a major alcoholic... goes on the wagon for a week or so and then falls off... enough of that... He needs to learn not to mess with a BiPolar woman, especially when the BiPolar is not under control....
I hope you find that we all are alike in that we have issues, good days, bad days but we can come here and just be ourselves... nobody has to "just snap out of it"
You can always find comfort here... Jenn
I understand about the friends and the relationships... I really only had one friend and hadn't seen her since August... she finally called again and said we were going to start seeing each other again... That didn't happen either, I stopped by her work after my pain doc appt and she couldn't believe the weight I had lost and the knots in my body from the injections... Haven't talked to her since, that was in early March... I understand she works but she doesn't get home until 6 and she wants me to come over after that or she wants to come over around 7... I get up every day at 5:30 am and stay up until 10 or 11 every night... I don't take naps because if I did, I am afraid I would forget to pick up my son from school... So by 6 or 7 at night, I am just not in the entertaining mood, go figure...
My husband says he understands it even though he knows nothing about it until we have an argument and then he throws all the meds up in my face... we have only been married about 2 1/2 years, second marriage for me, should have never done it.... He has become a major alcoholic... goes on the wagon for a week or so and then falls off... enough of that... He needs to learn not to mess with a BiPolar woman, especially when the BiPolar is not under control....
I hope you find that we all are alike in that we have issues, good days, bad days but we can come here and just be ourselves... nobody has to "just snap out of it"
You can always find comfort here... Jenn
ebrena
04-10-2008, 02:08 AM
Yes Jenn I do have all those trigger points and when they flare they really hurt. Tonight it's still my leg,knee and down my leg, top of my hip at my back and now it's the right side of my neck and shoulder,gurrrrrr. I had a locum Dr who did give me Topamax samples. When I went to fill the prescription they called my regular Dr and he told them not to fill it because it should not be taken if you take Prozac. I only take 20 mg's Prozac so I don't know if he was concerned about it causing a serontonin surge-I have been on up to 60 mgs Prozac before. I have thought of taking one but I get nervous, so they are in my med draw of meds that haven't worked so far. I pulled out my moms old cane earlier so I could get down to the basement to do laundry because if I put pressure on that sore leg the pain shoots up and down my whole leg. I felt like I was going to fall using that silly cane so put that away.
Jenn you are not alone about shutting things down by 7:00pm I do. When I used to hear people from work talk about meeting at 9:00 somewhere I couldn't believe it! ( You go out that late??) I don't work anymore and I do feel bad about it, but I lost my mom in Dec 2005 and I was her caregiver so I gave up my job then. After she passed I was so depressed I barely ever left my bedroom and didn't leave the house unless it was really really important. When I get these urges to go back to work mainly for the social contact I am weary about taking any kind of job because I would probably let my employer and myself down I get so seized up and exhausted. So don't know what to do, I thought of doing office work from home-maybe I just need to settle down and go with the flow for now. My husband is ok with my not working because he knows I feel bad most days. I like to go into bed by 7:00pm and read, watch TV till about 11:30 and I wake up usually at 6:00am and see my hubby off to work and then back to bed to limber myself up by noon. Usually in the afternoon I can accomplish some things but my body/head has had enough by 5:00. Thanks for listening I sound like a babbling goof-ball but it does feel good to get it out of me and onto the computer. Hope tomorrow is a good day for all.
Jenn you are not alone about shutting things down by 7:00pm I do. When I used to hear people from work talk about meeting at 9:00 somewhere I couldn't believe it! ( You go out that late??) I don't work anymore and I do feel bad about it, but I lost my mom in Dec 2005 and I was her caregiver so I gave up my job then. After she passed I was so depressed I barely ever left my bedroom and didn't leave the house unless it was really really important. When I get these urges to go back to work mainly for the social contact I am weary about taking any kind of job because I would probably let my employer and myself down I get so seized up and exhausted. So don't know what to do, I thought of doing office work from home-maybe I just need to settle down and go with the flow for now. My husband is ok with my not working because he knows I feel bad most days. I like to go into bed by 7:00pm and read, watch TV till about 11:30 and I wake up usually at 6:00am and see my hubby off to work and then back to bed to limber myself up by noon. Usually in the afternoon I can accomplish some things but my body/head has had enough by 5:00. Thanks for listening I sound like a babbling goof-ball but it does feel good to get it out of me and onto the computer. Hope tomorrow is a good day for all.
Jenn4508
04-11-2008, 12:49 AM
You might want to do a drug interaction check on the internet concerning your topomax with your Prozac... I take Topomax and it came up with major drug interactions with a couple of my drugs... The issue was that is has to do with the central nervous system and the ability to regulate your core body temperature especially during the heat... The only thing is, is if you notice you are not sweating as you should be, that is how you know you are having an issue... Now, my doctor didn't tell me this, I figured it out when I did the drug interaction... I do this anytime I have new drugs added because I take so many and each of my doctor's know what I have prescribed from the others... I think I have another 9 moderate drug interactions and so forth... Just a thought for you to do the drug interactions as the Topomax has done wonders for me....
I understand what some of you all are saying about sitting up and watching TV.. it is an accomplishment... And maybe there is merit to the three hour time frame... If not, we will give it merit :D
I know I have to get up between 5 and 5:30am everyday to get my son up for school so that I can be awake enough to take him to school at 6:30... I get home at 7:15 and sit in my chair or try to do some housework until 9... Someday's I just sit... I usually have to do laundry everyday and that is probably the hardest for me next to vacuuming... I try not to ever take a nap at all because it makes me feel to guilty... My husband tells me all the time to go lay down and I use to do it until the naps or going to bed early came up in an argument several times so now I make a point of never doing it so that he can't bring it up... Its frustrating for him to say one thing and then act totally different... He was married two other times and neither of those wives ever worked so he just didn't know what to think when I was such a workaholic... then I had to quit work and he said it was no problem that he understood... Its funny how little he really understands and how little he wants to learn...
Anyhow, I hope you all are doing well and having as much of a pain free day as possible... We are getting ready to have some major thunderstorms so our little friend, fibro, is rearing its ugly little head and has been for a couple of days.... Not to worry as I have to play like it doesn't exist because I am at my Mom's helping her with my Grandma... Its not that my Mom doesn't understand however, my Mom is having a hard time right now and any break she can get is worth it to me.... If it means I have to take it easy all next week when I get home, then so be it... Anything for my Mom as she is the best....
Best wishes to all.... Jenn
I understand what some of you all are saying about sitting up and watching TV.. it is an accomplishment... And maybe there is merit to the three hour time frame... If not, we will give it merit :D
I know I have to get up between 5 and 5:30am everyday to get my son up for school so that I can be awake enough to take him to school at 6:30... I get home at 7:15 and sit in my chair or try to do some housework until 9... Someday's I just sit... I usually have to do laundry everyday and that is probably the hardest for me next to vacuuming... I try not to ever take a nap at all because it makes me feel to guilty... My husband tells me all the time to go lay down and I use to do it until the naps or going to bed early came up in an argument several times so now I make a point of never doing it so that he can't bring it up... Its frustrating for him to say one thing and then act totally different... He was married two other times and neither of those wives ever worked so he just didn't know what to think when I was such a workaholic... then I had to quit work and he said it was no problem that he understood... Its funny how little he really understands and how little he wants to learn...
Anyhow, I hope you all are doing well and having as much of a pain free day as possible... We are getting ready to have some major thunderstorms so our little friend, fibro, is rearing its ugly little head and has been for a couple of days.... Not to worry as I have to play like it doesn't exist because I am at my Mom's helping her with my Grandma... Its not that my Mom doesn't understand however, my Mom is having a hard time right now and any break she can get is worth it to me.... If it means I have to take it easy all next week when I get home, then so be it... Anything for my Mom as she is the best....
Best wishes to all.... Jenn
gorgee
04-11-2008, 09:06 AM
Jenn, as I read your posts about your husband we have a lot in common. One thing that is identical is having your husband tell you to do something, and then you do it for yourself like nap, sit down, take meds, don't worry about the house etc, and when an argument comes up it comes back to bite you.
If I take a nap with the boys, rarely does anyone know, I keep it to myself, so it cant' be said something about me napping everday and not cleaning, or the meds do it by making me have less energy. I really had a lot of pain one day and we were on a trip to Portland for the boys, I was taking vicoprofen, and every 4 hours in horrible pain, I asked him what he would do and he said take it so I diid, it was 4 vicoprofen. Then in an argument it came up and he said I take painkillers like tic tacs and I was an addict. Does any of that sound familiar? It is horrible, and I have to be careful, and put my antennaes up to see how much I can say.
Please be careful, does your husband ever come on here and read your posts? About a month ago we were going through a rough patch, and it got bad. He kept saying something about taking the computer away, and I did not put two and two together, he was looking at my posts. I truely thought that this was my place and that he would never come on here, read them all, and print them out. He told me my posts were bold face lies especially about him, and that he would use my posts against me in court. He took the computer away for 2 days, threatened to take away my van (because it is in his name, he bought it for me in December) and then threatened to take the boys away. I was scared, and I was tired of it. He was not happy that I was on here and that is why he threatened to take everything away from me. I really had to stick up for myself and I did a good job, nothing I posted was a lie, and I had done nothing wrong. I was this close to being done, I called the attorney and said start the paperwork and I would be in to pay the fee the next day. He threatened so many terrible things like, he had 2 doctors to testify against me that I am over medicated, then he was going to sue my dr, he then said he was going to have to tell the boys someday why he had to take them away from there terrible mother, he was going to call human services on my family, and make sure I have nothing. I could not do this anymore. By the grace of god, my husband realized it was him, he found a journal I had written everything in and read it. I thought I was in huge trouble, but instead he apologized and said he was a terrible husband and father. He gave me permission to come back on here, and that he would not read my posts. He is now glad I come here and sees that it helps me. It was a large turn around. I have always told the truth, and I was ready to change my life and take a large leap. I can not work, even when I am sick, or in pain I still take care of the boys 100%, I knew I had done nothing wrong, but it was so bad I was willing to start over.
My husband believes I should not talk to anybody, and leave everything at home. I don't talk to anybody all day, and the phone never rings. I look forward to coming here and being able to chat with you all, it is my adult contact for the day.
I am just telling you all things just to tell you what happened to me, and we seem to have a lot in common. Please be careful.
Kassandra
If I take a nap with the boys, rarely does anyone know, I keep it to myself, so it cant' be said something about me napping everday and not cleaning, or the meds do it by making me have less energy. I really had a lot of pain one day and we were on a trip to Portland for the boys, I was taking vicoprofen, and every 4 hours in horrible pain, I asked him what he would do and he said take it so I diid, it was 4 vicoprofen. Then in an argument it came up and he said I take painkillers like tic tacs and I was an addict. Does any of that sound familiar? It is horrible, and I have to be careful, and put my antennaes up to see how much I can say.
Please be careful, does your husband ever come on here and read your posts? About a month ago we were going through a rough patch, and it got bad. He kept saying something about taking the computer away, and I did not put two and two together, he was looking at my posts. I truely thought that this was my place and that he would never come on here, read them all, and print them out. He told me my posts were bold face lies especially about him, and that he would use my posts against me in court. He took the computer away for 2 days, threatened to take away my van (because it is in his name, he bought it for me in December) and then threatened to take the boys away. I was scared, and I was tired of it. He was not happy that I was on here and that is why he threatened to take everything away from me. I really had to stick up for myself and I did a good job, nothing I posted was a lie, and I had done nothing wrong. I was this close to being done, I called the attorney and said start the paperwork and I would be in to pay the fee the next day. He threatened so many terrible things like, he had 2 doctors to testify against me that I am over medicated, then he was going to sue my dr, he then said he was going to have to tell the boys someday why he had to take them away from there terrible mother, he was going to call human services on my family, and make sure I have nothing. I could not do this anymore. By the grace of god, my husband realized it was him, he found a journal I had written everything in and read it. I thought I was in huge trouble, but instead he apologized and said he was a terrible husband and father. He gave me permission to come back on here, and that he would not read my posts. He is now glad I come here and sees that it helps me. It was a large turn around. I have always told the truth, and I was ready to change my life and take a large leap. I can not work, even when I am sick, or in pain I still take care of the boys 100%, I knew I had done nothing wrong, but it was so bad I was willing to start over.
My husband believes I should not talk to anybody, and leave everything at home. I don't talk to anybody all day, and the phone never rings. I look forward to coming here and being able to chat with you all, it is my adult contact for the day.
I am just telling you all things just to tell you what happened to me, and we seem to have a lot in common. Please be careful.
Kassandra
baserockermom
04-11-2008, 10:31 AM
I missed Jenn on this! I'm glad you're back, cause yes, we were worried about you!
Your sis sounds like a real sweetheart (I'm being sarcastic); your mom sounds like a real sweetheart, too (I'm not being sarcastic). I'm with Sweetjerseygirl. I miss mine something fierce. Like you, Ebrena, I was with her 'til her end and my end to my business. She was, as you say Jenn, the absolute best. No one in my world is ever allowed to say one negative thing about her and that's saying something, because some days my world can be a whole lot negative.
I'd have loved to see you in action, too, Jenn, at that gas station. Yesterday I went to the library and picked out some great books to exercise by (the only way I can do the bike/treadmill)--a couple were Highlander stories (Ireland/Scotland stories are my favorites; my husband is ScotsIrish and it so helps me understand that abrupt type; forgive the stereotyping) and one was about this gal who got screwed by church people (another topic of interest, even though I am very much a church person). Now my feet hurt through the whole process and my wrists were hurting from holding the books so I set them on a desk very nearby. One of the workers took those hard-earned books and put them up while I wasn't looking and NOT where I found them even!!! One of them was a book I'd just rechecked out, so I had to find it. He told me they would all be in these two shelves and they weren't. It was like a switch that turned me to the dark side. I just couldn't get past it. I felt like I was insane. Talk about relationships, used to be I'd say, no problem, but last night dang, I stayed in that library for another hour. The first 20 minutes I spent reading so I'd cool off. I felt like a complete doofus getting that upset over books, my feet, my wrists, his saying they were somewhere where they weren't, etc.
Ebrena, that's such a visual... my medicine drawer of meds that don't work. That ought to, like, be a logo of all of us or something. "Unphysical" excuse... I can so relate to that. My inlaws tolerate no weaknesses (they are the snap out of it and suck it up royals)... I'd nearly kill my husband if he ever told them I couldn't do something because of all this crap. He's always telling me, don't go help them when you feel like this--even yelled at me in front of the kids last week about it; but that is one thing I don't want to have to trust them with... the info that I don't feel well.
Kass, I didn't realize how far you got with that lawyer. Actually, I'm quite glad you did, because I think it helps to know the truth one way or the other so when the threats come, you can take them at face value if true or toss them aside like trash if that's what they are.
Jenn, glad that friend is still around even though you can't see her. Glad she's still around in case your good ole hub's dropping off the wagon threatens you again. How did you lose all that weight? I'm trying right now; yesterday, I ate so many breads. It was like I was a junky and I've been good for about 10 days. I'm PMS to the max right now. Wish I'd go ahead and start so I could be somewhat sane again.
Y'all take care. Good to see you on here, Jenn!
Your sis sounds like a real sweetheart (I'm being sarcastic); your mom sounds like a real sweetheart, too (I'm not being sarcastic). I'm with Sweetjerseygirl. I miss mine something fierce. Like you, Ebrena, I was with her 'til her end and my end to my business. She was, as you say Jenn, the absolute best. No one in my world is ever allowed to say one negative thing about her and that's saying something, because some days my world can be a whole lot negative.
I'd have loved to see you in action, too, Jenn, at that gas station. Yesterday I went to the library and picked out some great books to exercise by (the only way I can do the bike/treadmill)--a couple were Highlander stories (Ireland/Scotland stories are my favorites; my husband is ScotsIrish and it so helps me understand that abrupt type; forgive the stereotyping) and one was about this gal who got screwed by church people (another topic of interest, even though I am very much a church person). Now my feet hurt through the whole process and my wrists were hurting from holding the books so I set them on a desk very nearby. One of the workers took those hard-earned books and put them up while I wasn't looking and NOT where I found them even!!! One of them was a book I'd just rechecked out, so I had to find it. He told me they would all be in these two shelves and they weren't. It was like a switch that turned me to the dark side. I just couldn't get past it. I felt like I was insane. Talk about relationships, used to be I'd say, no problem, but last night dang, I stayed in that library for another hour. The first 20 minutes I spent reading so I'd cool off. I felt like a complete doofus getting that upset over books, my feet, my wrists, his saying they were somewhere where they weren't, etc.
Ebrena, that's such a visual... my medicine drawer of meds that don't work. That ought to, like, be a logo of all of us or something. "Unphysical" excuse... I can so relate to that. My inlaws tolerate no weaknesses (they are the snap out of it and suck it up royals)... I'd nearly kill my husband if he ever told them I couldn't do something because of all this crap. He's always telling me, don't go help them when you feel like this--even yelled at me in front of the kids last week about it; but that is one thing I don't want to have to trust them with... the info that I don't feel well.
Kass, I didn't realize how far you got with that lawyer. Actually, I'm quite glad you did, because I think it helps to know the truth one way or the other so when the threats come, you can take them at face value if true or toss them aside like trash if that's what they are.
Jenn, glad that friend is still around even though you can't see her. Glad she's still around in case your good ole hub's dropping off the wagon threatens you again. How did you lose all that weight? I'm trying right now; yesterday, I ate so many breads. It was like I was a junky and I've been good for about 10 days. I'm PMS to the max right now. Wish I'd go ahead and start so I could be somewhat sane again.
Y'all take care. Good to see you on here, Jenn!
baserockermom
04-11-2008, 03:28 PM
BTW, what does "dh" mean?
Jenn4508
04-11-2008, 04:08 PM
Bass - First of all, thanks for missing me as I miss everyone if I don't get on here for a while... its not that I don't want to but I also have BiPolar 1 and when I am in a funk with that, I really don't like to bring that to the boards with fibro because then, I am afraid I will do nothing but bring you all down with me so I tend to stay away altogether... With the fibro pain, I can still come here and try to help others, but not the BiPolar....
As far as the weight loss, well, that was where I wasn't able to eat and was losing anywhere from 12-18 lbs a month, which isn't good... I went to my GP and in turn, he sent me to a GI doctor... I had to have an Upper GI and a colonoscopy to see what was up... because I couldn't go to the bathroom either except for maybe once every 8 days.... Just adding another doc to the resume was enough to make me sick... So that doc found out that I had gastritis, IBS and divuticulitis... The wonderful thing he told my husband that thinks I am overmedicated was that I needed to get with my other docs and get rid of some of my meds.... Now, the meds he was most concerned about was my low dose 81mg aspirin, which I take due to TIA strokes I suffered, and my anti-inflammatory, which is 7.5 mg, taken 1x per day... Now, I didn't think the anti-inflammatory was doing anything until I had to quit taking it 5 days before the above test and then I could really tell I needed it. So that came up in a fight and I told my husband I would not quit taking those unless he wanted to take the chance that I had more TIA strokes or maybe had a real stroke...
I am sorry about the PMS as I don't have to worry about that... I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 29, so that is long gone for me....
Kass, I really don't worry about my husband getting on here and if he did, it wouldn't bother me at all... I too, have journals that I keep... I have even offered to let him read them when I bring up things that he has said when drunk that he doesn't remember because if I didn't write them in my journal, I wouldn't remember them either... He never wants to read them because he knows that I am right...
As far as his threats go... Not afraid as I have way to much protection... When we got into it one night my 16 year old and one of his friends that I have known since he was in diapers was there... Evidently, they were listening outside the bedroom door and after my husband went out, they both came in because they heard my medicine hit the wall when I threw it and thought he hit me and they were ready to take him out which I would never let them do... I have a 180 lb rottweiller that would take him out also... My 20 year old always worries and says he will stay home from work when he sees my husband fall off the wagon which I won't let him and then he tells me, Mom, Billy (my ex brother in law) lives right down the street and he still loves you and I will call him, he has lots of guns and I have to tell my son, go to work, have a good night, I am fine... My ex husband worries alot too because he says it only takes one time but I really don't worry due to the fact that everyone and I mean everyone is afraid of my Dad even though he lives 90 miles away... Without me saying a word to mom or dad either one, they both knew that my husband was drinking heavy... My kids, nobody had said anything... believe me, my dad has friends everywhere and he keeps close tabs on what goes on... So believe me, I am very safe...
I have learned that when he starts to drink, after the first drink or two, I say I am tired and go to bed but I make sure my oldest son has left for work and my youngest son is in bed... Because I am sure most of you know... Nobody messes with your kids, period
On top of all that, everything is documented with both my therapist and my psychiatrist and my psychiatrist has told me that the meds can only do so much... That the relationship I am in is not helping... When my husband threatens that he is going to go to my doctors appts, I tell him that is fine, they would love for him to come with me... Then he thinks about it, and says, oh, I see, they will blame everything on me... So you see, I can play his games as well if not better than he can....
I am waiting on my hearing with the Judge for SSD and hopefully, I will be awarded that, if so, my husband thinks that we will be set and he is already spending the money... If I win, I am moving to the lake....
I hope today is a better day for all.... Jenn
As far as the weight loss, well, that was where I wasn't able to eat and was losing anywhere from 12-18 lbs a month, which isn't good... I went to my GP and in turn, he sent me to a GI doctor... I had to have an Upper GI and a colonoscopy to see what was up... because I couldn't go to the bathroom either except for maybe once every 8 days.... Just adding another doc to the resume was enough to make me sick... So that doc found out that I had gastritis, IBS and divuticulitis... The wonderful thing he told my husband that thinks I am overmedicated was that I needed to get with my other docs and get rid of some of my meds.... Now, the meds he was most concerned about was my low dose 81mg aspirin, which I take due to TIA strokes I suffered, and my anti-inflammatory, which is 7.5 mg, taken 1x per day... Now, I didn't think the anti-inflammatory was doing anything until I had to quit taking it 5 days before the above test and then I could really tell I needed it. So that came up in a fight and I told my husband I would not quit taking those unless he wanted to take the chance that I had more TIA strokes or maybe had a real stroke...
I am sorry about the PMS as I don't have to worry about that... I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 29, so that is long gone for me....
Kass, I really don't worry about my husband getting on here and if he did, it wouldn't bother me at all... I too, have journals that I keep... I have even offered to let him read them when I bring up things that he has said when drunk that he doesn't remember because if I didn't write them in my journal, I wouldn't remember them either... He never wants to read them because he knows that I am right...
As far as his threats go... Not afraid as I have way to much protection... When we got into it one night my 16 year old and one of his friends that I have known since he was in diapers was there... Evidently, they were listening outside the bedroom door and after my husband went out, they both came in because they heard my medicine hit the wall when I threw it and thought he hit me and they were ready to take him out which I would never let them do... I have a 180 lb rottweiller that would take him out also... My 20 year old always worries and says he will stay home from work when he sees my husband fall off the wagon which I won't let him and then he tells me, Mom, Billy (my ex brother in law) lives right down the street and he still loves you and I will call him, he has lots of guns and I have to tell my son, go to work, have a good night, I am fine... My ex husband worries alot too because he says it only takes one time but I really don't worry due to the fact that everyone and I mean everyone is afraid of my Dad even though he lives 90 miles away... Without me saying a word to mom or dad either one, they both knew that my husband was drinking heavy... My kids, nobody had said anything... believe me, my dad has friends everywhere and he keeps close tabs on what goes on... So believe me, I am very safe...
I have learned that when he starts to drink, after the first drink or two, I say I am tired and go to bed but I make sure my oldest son has left for work and my youngest son is in bed... Because I am sure most of you know... Nobody messes with your kids, period
On top of all that, everything is documented with both my therapist and my psychiatrist and my psychiatrist has told me that the meds can only do so much... That the relationship I am in is not helping... When my husband threatens that he is going to go to my doctors appts, I tell him that is fine, they would love for him to come with me... Then he thinks about it, and says, oh, I see, they will blame everything on me... So you see, I can play his games as well if not better than he can....
I am waiting on my hearing with the Judge for SSD and hopefully, I will be awarded that, if so, my husband thinks that we will be set and he is already spending the money... If I win, I am moving to the lake....
I hope today is a better day for all.... Jenn
baserockermom
04-13-2008, 08:57 AM
Jenn, so glad you are so surrounded and strong yourself that you are completely capable of handling any guy who gets off the wagon--that was what I wished for you and then some! Well, you know, I really want to lose weight, but I hope I don't lose it your way. I've not been able to have a bowel movement for the last three months without help because of Lyrica and for the last month, even the help doesn't help. I'm trying Miralex at the suggestion of some on the board, but after three days, still no real help. What I do pass tears me and I'm about a couple weeks shy of having to go to a surgeon about it. Yuck. I know you don't want to bring the board down, and I can tell from talking to you that you enjoy helping far better, but as for me personally, your gas station story helped me not feel so evil or insane. When I hear you bipolars talk, I ask myself if that's not me after ovulation. In a second, I sink in such depression that I feel insane sometimes. Fortunately, if I say I have a case of the "boohoos," my family gets it and retreat for their own safety. Well, guess I best get onto the day.
Jenn4508
04-14-2008, 10:26 AM
Jenn, so glad you are so surrounded and strong yourself that you are completely capable of handling any guy who gets off the wagon--that was what I wished for you and then some! Well, you know, I really want to lose weight, but I hope I don't lose it your way. I've not been able to have a bowel movement for the last three months without help because of Lyrica and for the last month, even the help doesn't help. I'm trying Miralex at the suggestion of some on the board, but after three days, still no real help. What I do pass tears me and I'm about a couple weeks shy of having to go to a surgeon about it. Yuck. I know you don't want to bring the board down, and I can tell from talking to you that you enjoy helping far better, but as for me personally, your gas station story helped me not feel so evil or insane. When I hear you bipolars talk, I ask myself if that's not me after ovulation. In a second, I sink in such depression that I feel insane sometimes. Fortunately, if I say I have a case of the "boohoos," my family gets it and retreat for their own safety. Well, guess I best get onto the day.
I did have to go see a surgeon about my problem with no bathroom visits... He did put me on the miralax along with Polyethylene Glycol 3350 Powder, which you can get over the counter... It is a powder also that you mix in with liquids such as water and I promise, you cannot taste it... I take it once daily just like the miralax... Believe me, the day after taking both, I am attached to the bathroom... I just make sure that I don't have to go anywhere the following day... He wanted me to take both everyday and i finally had to quit taking it everyday because I was going constantly so you may want to check into this other powder also... Just a thought..
He put me on this along with prescription protonix 40 mg a day due to gastritis, IBS and divirticulitis.... Just more lovely diagnoses to add to the ongoing lovely resume of things....
Well, our lovely weather has been rainy but also in the last two days has went from 75 degrees down to 39 degrees so the my friend, fibro, is really playing havoc on my body today...
I wish you all a pain free day as much as possible... Jenn
I did have to go see a surgeon about my problem with no bathroom visits... He did put me on the miralax along with Polyethylene Glycol 3350 Powder, which you can get over the counter... It is a powder also that you mix in with liquids such as water and I promise, you cannot taste it... I take it once daily just like the miralax... Believe me, the day after taking both, I am attached to the bathroom... I just make sure that I don't have to go anywhere the following day... He wanted me to take both everyday and i finally had to quit taking it everyday because I was going constantly so you may want to check into this other powder also... Just a thought..
He put me on this along with prescription protonix 40 mg a day due to gastritis, IBS and divirticulitis.... Just more lovely diagnoses to add to the ongoing lovely resume of things....
Well, our lovely weather has been rainy but also in the last two days has went from 75 degrees down to 39 degrees so the my friend, fibro, is really playing havoc on my body today...
I wish you all a pain free day as much as possible... Jenn
gorgee
04-14-2008, 11:04 AM
Good morning all, Jenn I am glad to see you back again. We all worry about you.
My sister came up and visited me for the weekend, and it was wonderful until..she let me take a nap because as I am weaning off lyrica the pain in my arms and legs are coming back, so she let me lay down with heating blankets. I took a flexeril, and just layed still. I felt myself sinking into depression yesterday, where I am tired of battling pain, and at that point yesterday I just needed a break. Tristan took a nap with me, my 2 year old, and that was nice.
When I woke up, my husband was up, it was 2:30, the first thing he said to me was "I think you need to get a second opinion, since you have got such great care from your doctor." He said that sarcastically. I said ok, and went in the other room. I went back and asked him where that came from, and then he asked my sister to come talk with us. He and my sister talked and they said that I am not getting better and it would be good to get another opinion. Then it went into so many people are worried about me, like him, my mother in law, sister in law, and my sister. He said that they all feel I am a downhill spiral. It was horrible and so much more than that. It got into me and taking care of the boys, how with my current doctor I have not gotten better, and how my husband wants his wife back. He kept saying to my sister, "see this is what I have to live with." He mentioned how my prescribed medications and their side effects are causing my pain, I cried and cried.
My husband wants me to get a second opinion, and he wants me to see his doctor. I just called that office and for me to get a second opinion I have to have my doctor write a referral to my husbands doctor. I like my doctor, and all his wonderful staff. They are wonderful to me. I would not mind having a another opinion, but I would rather see a rheumatologist or someone who specialized in MPS, and fibro. So what do I do? I want to listen to my husband as he cares and loves me, but what happened yesterday went so far beyond me getting another opinion, it devastated me and made me feel like I am a terrible mother and wife, and dragging them all through hell while I battle this illness.
I am lost, and depressed. To top it off my husband is coming here, I did not log off yesterday, and he came on last night under my name. I so needed this place to talk, vent or help people if I can, and now I am nervous.
What should I do? I was diagnosed with Myofascial Pain syndrome by an oral surgeon, and then my regular dr confirmed it too, and then the massage therapist said it was a definate. Then my dr dx with fibro finally about 2 months ago officially, we had been talking about it since October when my body pain started. Has stress caused a lot of this, could the pain meds make pain (I have done research on this and asked dr, and he said no), and what do I do next, I want to battle this with my husband, but how do I?
This post is not as fine as I would like it to be, I am just frazzled, and I need your opinions, please.
Thank you,
Kassandra
My sister came up and visited me for the weekend, and it was wonderful until..she let me take a nap because as I am weaning off lyrica the pain in my arms and legs are coming back, so she let me lay down with heating blankets. I took a flexeril, and just layed still. I felt myself sinking into depression yesterday, where I am tired of battling pain, and at that point yesterday I just needed a break. Tristan took a nap with me, my 2 year old, and that was nice.
When I woke up, my husband was up, it was 2:30, the first thing he said to me was "I think you need to get a second opinion, since you have got such great care from your doctor." He said that sarcastically. I said ok, and went in the other room. I went back and asked him where that came from, and then he asked my sister to come talk with us. He and my sister talked and they said that I am not getting better and it would be good to get another opinion. Then it went into so many people are worried about me, like him, my mother in law, sister in law, and my sister. He said that they all feel I am a downhill spiral. It was horrible and so much more than that. It got into me and taking care of the boys, how with my current doctor I have not gotten better, and how my husband wants his wife back. He kept saying to my sister, "see this is what I have to live with." He mentioned how my prescribed medications and their side effects are causing my pain, I cried and cried.
My husband wants me to get a second opinion, and he wants me to see his doctor. I just called that office and for me to get a second opinion I have to have my doctor write a referral to my husbands doctor. I like my doctor, and all his wonderful staff. They are wonderful to me. I would not mind having a another opinion, but I would rather see a rheumatologist or someone who specialized in MPS, and fibro. So what do I do? I want to listen to my husband as he cares and loves me, but what happened yesterday went so far beyond me getting another opinion, it devastated me and made me feel like I am a terrible mother and wife, and dragging them all through hell while I battle this illness.
I am lost, and depressed. To top it off my husband is coming here, I did not log off yesterday, and he came on last night under my name. I so needed this place to talk, vent or help people if I can, and now I am nervous.
What should I do? I was diagnosed with Myofascial Pain syndrome by an oral surgeon, and then my regular dr confirmed it too, and then the massage therapist said it was a definate. Then my dr dx with fibro finally about 2 months ago officially, we had been talking about it since October when my body pain started. Has stress caused a lot of this, could the pain meds make pain (I have done research on this and asked dr, and he said no), and what do I do next, I want to battle this with my husband, but how do I?
This post is not as fine as I would like it to be, I am just frazzled, and I need your opinions, please.
Thank you,
Kassandra
bluelakelady
04-14-2008, 11:20 AM
hi kass,
may i suggest you ignore your husband and do what you feel is best for your body. you live in it, not him. if he doesn't like his situation he is free to leave. we all have that freedom. a second opinion from a rheumy is a good idea. is his doc a rheumy?
we all understand that family and loved ones worry about us. it is how they express it that tells us if their worry is selfless or selfish. i think you already know the answer in your life.
change your name here again. we will find you.
be strong. you have no other choice. you can do this. and you have to do it alone. we all do. married or not.
peace,
bluelakelady
may i suggest you ignore your husband and do what you feel is best for your body. you live in it, not him. if he doesn't like his situation he is free to leave. we all have that freedom. a second opinion from a rheumy is a good idea. is his doc a rheumy?
we all understand that family and loved ones worry about us. it is how they express it that tells us if their worry is selfless or selfish. i think you already know the answer in your life.
change your name here again. we will find you.
be strong. you have no other choice. you can do this. and you have to do it alone. we all do. married or not.
peace,
bluelakelady
gorgee
04-14-2008, 12:49 PM
Thank you bll, I need to be stronger. Just when I feel I am doing ok, something happens to take me back 2 steps. not being able to take lyrica was devastating, but I already had a hard time with my feet, and the swelling from lyrica was bad, and made the pain worse. My dr is going to keep me off for 1 month and then go on it again.
You know, I recently started to accept my life changing, and I was getting better. I am accepting fibro, and mps, and taking care of my family, and just doing the best I can everyday.
I was told that people who care about me are so worried and see me spiraling down hill, but they never call me, ask about me, or check on me. When I see them I talk a little about what is going on with me, just to fill them in. My husband told me that I pushed them away (probaly back in September), and that I would not want to hear their opinion. I don't want to hear it, and I am trying my best, and personally just want to raise my family, take care of the house as best I can, love my husband, get good care from drs, and I don't care what anybody 2nd or 3rd party has to say. They don't live in my shoes. You are right.
I called my ins company and I have 36 visits to see a chiropractor. They can help me and dx me with fibro or mps right? My massage therapist already agreed with the dx. I am going to be a good patient to whomever I see. Wednesday I am going to see a new dentist, 2 hours away, to get help for my jaw, teeth, and tmj, hopefully!
Thanks bll, for building me up. You always do. Do you feel like you all are good fibro patients? And how many diagnosis's does someone need?
Love you all,
Kassandra
You know, I recently started to accept my life changing, and I was getting better. I am accepting fibro, and mps, and taking care of my family, and just doing the best I can everyday.
I was told that people who care about me are so worried and see me spiraling down hill, but they never call me, ask about me, or check on me. When I see them I talk a little about what is going on with me, just to fill them in. My husband told me that I pushed them away (probaly back in September), and that I would not want to hear their opinion. I don't want to hear it, and I am trying my best, and personally just want to raise my family, take care of the house as best I can, love my husband, get good care from drs, and I don't care what anybody 2nd or 3rd party has to say. They don't live in my shoes. You are right.
I called my ins company and I have 36 visits to see a chiropractor. They can help me and dx me with fibro or mps right? My massage therapist already agreed with the dx. I am going to be a good patient to whomever I see. Wednesday I am going to see a new dentist, 2 hours away, to get help for my jaw, teeth, and tmj, hopefully!
Thanks bll, for building me up. You always do. Do you feel like you all are good fibro patients? And how many diagnosis's does someone need?
Love you all,
Kassandra
gaudet2
04-14-2008, 02:43 PM
Kass...
You mentioned that you are going to see a new dentist that is two hours away for your jaw, teeth and tmj. Since we are both in Maine and I have a rough idea of where you are, I would highly recommend seeing Dr. Mitchell in Portland. I have been going to his office since the beginning of Feb and I am seeing a huge difference. Granted, I go there also for physical therapy for my jaw (I think I mentioned this on a previous post) as well, but it has made a world of difference with my pain. I also am wearing a splint (mouth guard) at night. The people in that office are absolutely wonderful to work with and I would highly recommend them.
I would also highly recommend going to see a rheumatologist too. My PCP takes care of managing my FM, but the rheumy provided her with a "course of action" and she can contact him if she ever needs to consult with him. His name is Dr. Kerouak (sp?) and he was so nice and VERY informative. I know that Portland is probably really far for you, but it may be worth the drive if you are looking for a good second opinion.
gaudet2
You mentioned that you are going to see a new dentist that is two hours away for your jaw, teeth and tmj. Since we are both in Maine and I have a rough idea of where you are, I would highly recommend seeing Dr. Mitchell in Portland. I have been going to his office since the beginning of Feb and I am seeing a huge difference. Granted, I go there also for physical therapy for my jaw (I think I mentioned this on a previous post) as well, but it has made a world of difference with my pain. I also am wearing a splint (mouth guard) at night. The people in that office are absolutely wonderful to work with and I would highly recommend them.
I would also highly recommend going to see a rheumatologist too. My PCP takes care of managing my FM, but the rheumy provided her with a "course of action" and she can contact him if she ever needs to consult with him. His name is Dr. Kerouak (sp?) and he was so nice and VERY informative. I know that Portland is probably really far for you, but it may be worth the drive if you are looking for a good second opinion.
gaudet2
sweetjerseygirl
04-14-2008, 04:29 PM
Whew Kass, you sure have been on an emotional roller coaster this week-end ! It was so nice of your husband to write in the other thread and to be honest i was impressed, so impressed i started to cry and my own husband asked me why, i handed him the laptop, he was like wow, that's really nice of him to get on the board like that, i explained yes, especially since and i explained a few things like the taking away of the computer and threatening the taking away of the children. That's cowardly action in my eyes, so i was ecstatic when i saw the big turn around. Now i read this and i know how much you love him but I'm afraid he will probably never see the wife he married again and you try so hard. My husband will never see the woman he married, so we try to make the changes to adjust. Its not an easy road but it can be done.
One thing i want you to remember, i believe the Lyrica can make you extra emotional, that's my opinion. I was on neurontin and the same thing happened. Reason im saying this, i started the Lyrica about the same time you did and noticed some of the same symptoms as when i was taking nuerontin, so i looked it up, even before i started it and i believe they are based along the same lines. I started getting the blues & busting out crying at silly stuff and down in the dumps. Now i questioned this big time because this is the time of the year i feel that way because of my mom, so i had the conversation with my husband and he said i have been a little over the top lately. More than usual, so we talked about the neurontin nightmare, plus i have been getting terrible headaches these past three days, and my vision is getting more blurry. I'v had a few dizzy spells that have moved me to one side, these weird looking lines appear at the top of my legs, like when the blood rises to the surface and now my feet are bothering me. I was reluctant to try this anyway, but you know the doctors want you to try stuff. So now i have that out of the way. I tried it, its not working for me but iv been down this road before. If it was truly the miracle drug, people wouldn't have problems with it. It works well for some but not for all. When its out of your system for awhile, see if your mental condition improves. I could be wrong in your case but its something to keep in mind.
I know you are hurting and want to feel better, learning how to manage our condition is all we can do, stress is the worse thing i believe for us. You have to be happy with yourself, seems like taking care of your family does that for you. You seem content with that part even when your hurting. So you have had a mishap with one of your medications or maybe a few here or there, now the family is on the bandwagon of your spiraling out of control. Do you look high all the time ? Can you not take care of your boys ? Are they hungry, unkept, not getting the the things they need? Do you ignore your children ? leave them alone? Do you not care what happens to them ? Do you constantly fall asleep and let them run amuck ? Of course not, those are signs of spiraling out of control, those are reasons to have your children taken away ! So im left to feeling out of confused, it was ok for your husband to have this discussion with your sister out of concern and worry, but it wasn't ok for your sister to agree with him, especially when she is not there 24/7. Somethings not right here. In a small part its almost a betrayal on your sisters part, she came to help you and judged you in the end along with your husband ! Exactly what did he say to her ? Does she not believe you have fibro ? Does she understand firbro ? Does she think your looking for attention with your swollen feet and body parts ? Just what is her thinking ? I think i would be a little annoyed at that whole thing, she came to help, she seen you ill with her own eyes, you finally get a break where you can lay down and not have to worry about one of your children and then all of a sudden when you awake, this is what your hit with. Well thanks a lot sister, i don't think i will be needing your help again anytime soon and if you are not strong enough to tell her, drop her a note and do not take her calls for awhile. Maybe that will sink in.
As far as your husband goes, well i guess keep that pretty smile on your face as much as you can when he's around, tell him your fine on a daily basis, continue taking care of your family as much as your allowed on the good times. You pushed them away in September!!!! one of two things in my eyes. You don't know if its true or what was really said, no one has a right to judge you, bet you were relieved when you found out what you had, probably felt good in mentioning it to them, dont make that mistake again or they are not family, they wont even call, like you have a disease that's catchy!!! Don't mention anything to those people anymore. Just tell them your fine and smile when you have to see them, who knows what your husbands really saying, push them back. Its really none of their business. I see your husbands been not feeling well on numerous occasions lately, thats ok though, how would he like to feel like that every single day ?
Go see another doctor, but make sure he deals in fibro first and discuss whats been going on, basically what most of us need to function day to day, is a muscle relaxer, a pain killer (tramadol is a mild one i dont think they consider it a narcotic, but maybe you will need a high dose or take two) if thats what your husbands so concerned about, an anti-anxiety & or anti-depressant and perhaps something to sleep at night because that is a real bad thing with most of us and you have to be up with your children, maybe you sleep well without that, i simply cannot and i toss and turn almost all night, very annoying! But to wake up every single day and feel like you have been hit by a mac truck, is no joke my friend. When you open your eyes and feel like you want to cry before you even try to move, is unspeakable to anyone who doesn't understand. Now i know you have other problems, im just talking about the fibro part, you have to find out what works for you and if its working than thats good.
I know you have mentioned them before, im just trying to point something out to you, take it into your own hands, only you know what makes you feel better and what makes you function the best you can. There are no cures or miracle medications for us. Some people have to function are high dose meds, how many of us said thats the only thing that gets us going and wipes away our tears, keep yourself in check thats all. We are not addicts, we are like diabetics that need insulin to function! We all run into problems and when i run into mine and my husband says something totally uncalled for or just plain dumb in my eyes, its frustrating and makes things worse. I'm glad you have your kids, they will keep you our of the black hole, things aren't always perfect here either but we are trying to work it out. We know we love one another, so that makes us strong. Neither one of us asked for this, it just happened, so we try to live by the hand that has been dealt to both of us on a daily basis but we have our challenges and still have many ahead. No one said lifes a bed of Roses, i will pray for you extra hard my friend, so that your mental and physical pain eases up soon. Keep your chin up for now, its going to work out the way its meant too. God always has a plan for us and doesnt shut one door without opening another. Time, patience and belief :angel:
One thing i want you to remember, i believe the Lyrica can make you extra emotional, that's my opinion. I was on neurontin and the same thing happened. Reason im saying this, i started the Lyrica about the same time you did and noticed some of the same symptoms as when i was taking nuerontin, so i looked it up, even before i started it and i believe they are based along the same lines. I started getting the blues & busting out crying at silly stuff and down in the dumps. Now i questioned this big time because this is the time of the year i feel that way because of my mom, so i had the conversation with my husband and he said i have been a little over the top lately. More than usual, so we talked about the neurontin nightmare, plus i have been getting terrible headaches these past three days, and my vision is getting more blurry. I'v had a few dizzy spells that have moved me to one side, these weird looking lines appear at the top of my legs, like when the blood rises to the surface and now my feet are bothering me. I was reluctant to try this anyway, but you know the doctors want you to try stuff. So now i have that out of the way. I tried it, its not working for me but iv been down this road before. If it was truly the miracle drug, people wouldn't have problems with it. It works well for some but not for all. When its out of your system for awhile, see if your mental condition improves. I could be wrong in your case but its something to keep in mind.
I know you are hurting and want to feel better, learning how to manage our condition is all we can do, stress is the worse thing i believe for us. You have to be happy with yourself, seems like taking care of your family does that for you. You seem content with that part even when your hurting. So you have had a mishap with one of your medications or maybe a few here or there, now the family is on the bandwagon of your spiraling out of control. Do you look high all the time ? Can you not take care of your boys ? Are they hungry, unkept, not getting the the things they need? Do you ignore your children ? leave them alone? Do you not care what happens to them ? Do you constantly fall asleep and let them run amuck ? Of course not, those are signs of spiraling out of control, those are reasons to have your children taken away ! So im left to feeling out of confused, it was ok for your husband to have this discussion with your sister out of concern and worry, but it wasn't ok for your sister to agree with him, especially when she is not there 24/7. Somethings not right here. In a small part its almost a betrayal on your sisters part, she came to help you and judged you in the end along with your husband ! Exactly what did he say to her ? Does she not believe you have fibro ? Does she understand firbro ? Does she think your looking for attention with your swollen feet and body parts ? Just what is her thinking ? I think i would be a little annoyed at that whole thing, she came to help, she seen you ill with her own eyes, you finally get a break where you can lay down and not have to worry about one of your children and then all of a sudden when you awake, this is what your hit with. Well thanks a lot sister, i don't think i will be needing your help again anytime soon and if you are not strong enough to tell her, drop her a note and do not take her calls for awhile. Maybe that will sink in.
As far as your husband goes, well i guess keep that pretty smile on your face as much as you can when he's around, tell him your fine on a daily basis, continue taking care of your family as much as your allowed on the good times. You pushed them away in September!!!! one of two things in my eyes. You don't know if its true or what was really said, no one has a right to judge you, bet you were relieved when you found out what you had, probably felt good in mentioning it to them, dont make that mistake again or they are not family, they wont even call, like you have a disease that's catchy!!! Don't mention anything to those people anymore. Just tell them your fine and smile when you have to see them, who knows what your husbands really saying, push them back. Its really none of their business. I see your husbands been not feeling well on numerous occasions lately, thats ok though, how would he like to feel like that every single day ?
Go see another doctor, but make sure he deals in fibro first and discuss whats been going on, basically what most of us need to function day to day, is a muscle relaxer, a pain killer (tramadol is a mild one i dont think they consider it a narcotic, but maybe you will need a high dose or take two) if thats what your husbands so concerned about, an anti-anxiety & or anti-depressant and perhaps something to sleep at night because that is a real bad thing with most of us and you have to be up with your children, maybe you sleep well without that, i simply cannot and i toss and turn almost all night, very annoying! But to wake up every single day and feel like you have been hit by a mac truck, is no joke my friend. When you open your eyes and feel like you want to cry before you even try to move, is unspeakable to anyone who doesn't understand. Now i know you have other problems, im just talking about the fibro part, you have to find out what works for you and if its working than thats good.
I know you have mentioned them before, im just trying to point something out to you, take it into your own hands, only you know what makes you feel better and what makes you function the best you can. There are no cures or miracle medications for us. Some people have to function are high dose meds, how many of us said thats the only thing that gets us going and wipes away our tears, keep yourself in check thats all. We are not addicts, we are like diabetics that need insulin to function! We all run into problems and when i run into mine and my husband says something totally uncalled for or just plain dumb in my eyes, its frustrating and makes things worse. I'm glad you have your kids, they will keep you our of the black hole, things aren't always perfect here either but we are trying to work it out. We know we love one another, so that makes us strong. Neither one of us asked for this, it just happened, so we try to live by the hand that has been dealt to both of us on a daily basis but we have our challenges and still have many ahead. No one said lifes a bed of Roses, i will pray for you extra hard my friend, so that your mental and physical pain eases up soon. Keep your chin up for now, its going to work out the way its meant too. God always has a plan for us and doesnt shut one door without opening another. Time, patience and belief :angel:
gorgee
04-14-2008, 06:03 PM
Sweetjerseygirl, I have so much to write, and I am nervous to. I thought this was my place, and I was so surprised when my husband signed on as kassandme and wrote. After that whole mess a month ago, he promised that he would not read posts anymore and he said he understood how important here was. I have days where I see no one except the boys, and the phone never rings. I am lonely. Now that I am going off lyrica the achy, exhausted feeling is back in my arms and legs. I know you know what I am feeling it hurts to sit. Yesterday, I woke up and for the first time, I did not want to deal with the day, I did not want to battle and try to manage the pain. I have not felt that depression since my mom died 7 years ago and then I got married. My sister and husband have made comments that the boys need to sleep in their own bed, so I worked really hard on getting them to bed last night, and I layed down with them at first, then I went in our bedroom. No one understands that sometimes the worst pain is when you shift in bed, or get up to go to the bathroom, or maybe how you get up 5 times to soothe one of them or both. I eventually put the 2 year old in bed with me, and the 4 year old somehow managed to stay in his bed, but cried out and got up 3 times. It was hard, and my body and mind were fried at 3 am. My husband slept downstairs in the spare bedroom anyway, so my efforts did not make anything better, but worse for me.
I think my sister and husband talked and they said we are worried and said she needs to get another opinion. I am still so worried about yesterday, it crushed me, and how it feels like I am doing this on purpose, and how the boys are lacking on things, like our 4 year old is still having a hard time with potty training and how I am not doing things right. I am so lost and confused. I know I am a great mom, and the boys are happy and strong. It seems that whenever I start to get better, and strong, something happens.
I called my massage therapist and I asked her what I had, and she said I have severe myofascial pain, and my body was a mess, and it no wonder I have chronic pain. Why did I need reassurance? I knew that already.
I am trying and I am so thankful for here. I want to write so much more, but the boys need me outside.
Maybe I can write more later,
Kassandra
I think my sister and husband talked and they said we are worried and said she needs to get another opinion. I am still so worried about yesterday, it crushed me, and how it feels like I am doing this on purpose, and how the boys are lacking on things, like our 4 year old is still having a hard time with potty training and how I am not doing things right. I am so lost and confused. I know I am a great mom, and the boys are happy and strong. It seems that whenever I start to get better, and strong, something happens.
I called my massage therapist and I asked her what I had, and she said I have severe myofascial pain, and my body was a mess, and it no wonder I have chronic pain. Why did I need reassurance? I knew that already.
I am trying and I am so thankful for here. I want to write so much more, but the boys need me outside.
Maybe I can write more later,
Kassandra
sweetjerseygirl
04-15-2008, 12:08 AM
Just so you know it was never my intention to stress you anymore than you already are. As my far away fibro friend, iv come to love you.......i can sense you are confused and hurt by all that has happened and its no wonder why. You sound like you feel so guilty about everything, get rid of the guilt, it will eat you up alive.
Just so you know my daughter didnt potty train until she was four, for whatever reason, she was traumatized by it, so i made the decision, not to push and let her come around by herself. When she made the effort she was praised, even my mom who had more patience than anyone i have ever known was not having success and saw my child was just plain scared but we couldnt understand what was going through her little mind. Then when she started having a lot play dates with her friend Jessica, she started mimicking her and problem solved. She was happy to do what her friend was doing. so we always had the two potties whenever they were together. It worked.
Not to say anything wrong but perhaps Daddy should be showing him how to aim and shake. Maybe he would want to do just as Daddy but of couse i realize you cant even bring that suggestion to light. Ok, im going to try and keep my mouth shut and be a good listener for you. I will hope and prayer this awful time passes quickly for you and that you have some real solutions soon. I also saw a rhumy, who started to set the couse straight for me. They are usually more experienced with fibro but make sure they are experienced in that area before you see them. Good luck sweetheart, i will be thinking of you and im sending someone to sit with you through this horrible time :angel:
Just so you know my daughter didnt potty train until she was four, for whatever reason, she was traumatized by it, so i made the decision, not to push and let her come around by herself. When she made the effort she was praised, even my mom who had more patience than anyone i have ever known was not having success and saw my child was just plain scared but we couldnt understand what was going through her little mind. Then when she started having a lot play dates with her friend Jessica, she started mimicking her and problem solved. She was happy to do what her friend was doing. so we always had the two potties whenever they were together. It worked.
Not to say anything wrong but perhaps Daddy should be showing him how to aim and shake. Maybe he would want to do just as Daddy but of couse i realize you cant even bring that suggestion to light. Ok, im going to try and keep my mouth shut and be a good listener for you. I will hope and prayer this awful time passes quickly for you and that you have some real solutions soon. I also saw a rhumy, who started to set the couse straight for me. They are usually more experienced with fibro but make sure they are experienced in that area before you see them. Good luck sweetheart, i will be thinking of you and im sending someone to sit with you through this horrible time :angel:
gorgee
04-15-2008, 09:18 AM
Sweetjerseygirl, thank you for writing me, and helping me. Your words help keep me going. I wish I had more of a temper sometimes because I turn it all inward and blame myself.
My husband came home last night around 5 pm, he woke up at 1p,,he went to work at 2, and he felt terrible. He wanted to go back to bed, so I told him go for it, and he did. I took the boys to play at Mcdonalds, and we came back at 8pm, and he just got up. I got him some dinner and the boys were exhausted, so bed time was early, which was so nice. Nothing was ever mentioned about yesterday, I was amazed. Sunday afternoon was like a hour out of the twilight zone. I did write him an email telling him I looked into getting more opinions. I also made an appt with a chriopractor, and looked into seeing his doctor, and getting a referral to a rheumy. It is very complicated to get into see his doctor. My doctors office does not give out referrals to get second opinions, and I dont want to switch my pcp, so I just don't know. I am not sure if my husband called his family and told them what happened, I wrote him that I prayed that he kept it between my sister, myself, and him. A while back he and I made a pact that when people would ask how I was doing he would say, she is doing good, and we are getting through it together. At one time about 2 months ago I talk to my mother in law and I asked her it I could talk to her about things, she said wait a minute before you do that let me ask you this, and it never went back into what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to start talking to her, and letting her know what I am going through, but it never worked out.
They all seem to mention my mood swings, and I think they get them confused with me being upset about something. My marriage has been not so good since I got sick. I have cried, and been frustrated at things, and it is usually because of my husband, and it is hard to be happy, when you go to a family get together and 2 min before you get there your husband is calling you every name in the book (this was the old husband,pre dec 26), you try hard to hold it together, and then you get there and you are ignored by your husband. I am sorry but I was upset, and ready to ball my eyes out. What a mess! My mother in law at one time kept saying my mood swings and medications, and that she never knew who she was going to get on the phone, and I just stopped callling her, as I was tired of hearing it. It was not a mood swing it was my marriage and being sick. My marriage was in the toilet, and I was in so much pain at the same time, and uggggh no one gets it, but here does, coming here to talk with you all does.
On Sunday, my husband at one point said he would put the boys in daycare, and that hurt me so much. I think he was saying it because they might get more their they do here with me. That is not true, and it ripped me apart. I love my job taking care of them, and I don't care how much I hurt I am still going to do it.
On Saturday, I was supposed to be resting and keeping my feet up. My sister and I took care of the kids, and my husband was sick in bed all day. He would call down and I would bring him up food or drinks. I love taking care of my family, and I do it no matter how much I hurt. My whole family has been sick, the boys and I with strep, me also with this mess, and my husband with a cold, I still held it all together, and took care of everybody. It is almost like I am being punished for having these painful dreaded illnesses, and I have not done anything wrong. I am worried that my body is telling me things, and I am trying to listen, but what if it gets worse because of the stress? I have got to stay away from stress, and not worry so much.
My oldest is going to be 5 in June. Last summer he was 95% potty trained. Then this winter it went straight backwards. He started not going to the bathroom, and holding it. He would run around the house to stop the urges, and soon he was constipated. I believe at one point, he took it to heart, when someone said that only babies go to the bathroom in their pull ups, or your brother is going to be potty trained before you, or I don't take boys who go in their diapers to mcdonalds or home depot, so he just stopped. I had to take him to the dr to make sure their was no obstruction, and thank the lord their was none, and he was put on miralax. We had to completely start over, and I had to encourage him to go in his pull up. I was like a cheerleading team for him if he went poop in his pull up. It would break my heart when he would cry because he hurt so much from being constipated. We are on the right track again, and yesterday I saw him outside pull his sweat pants down and aim and go pee. It was great! We have decided to keep him back next year and he will go to prescool again, instead of kindergarten. I believe it will only benefit him.
Thanks for letting me just talk, and vent. I went to a therapist for a couple of months, and I loved going. I always felt so good after, like a weight was lifted. I went before I got sick. It just was too much to get someone to watch the boys, and also I did not have a vehicle at that time. I went 14 months with out a car, and my husband got me an awesome minivan in December, that I love. My husband does not believe in therapist or counselors so it put a strain on us again when I was going and I just phased it out.
Life is so hard as it is. Why do the people you love the most, who can help you more than anyone, sometimes do the opposite? Is it because they simply can't fix it right away? You are right in so many ways, I am never going to be the wife he married. I have heard from my husband and my mother in law so many times the he wants his wife back, or the girl smiling in that picture. Ohhhhhhh, it makes my blood boil at this point. I swear the next time someone says that I am going to tell them to **** off, and I am not a person who swears. I want to be 120 lbs,, healthy, and happy. Over time that has naturally become further away, and I am who I am today. Take it or leave it. I am trying everyday to be better than the day before. I am a great mom, and a good wife.
Wow, I have written a novel. I feel so comfortable here, and writing to you, or any of our other close friends. I am trying so hard, sjg, and I just want to have less pain, and take care of the boys and my husband.
Here is to having a good day! I would toast to you if I had a bottle of wine open! You are my friend and thank you so much, as you are helping me keep going during a time where if I did not have the boys I would not get out of bed.
I would like to talk about meds, but I have run out of time, and also about your legs! Funny, how that sounds, but leg pain to be precise. I will write later, my son has preschool at 9, and I am still in the morning 3 hour pain, but have to get going.
How are you doing today, and if I might ask about your mom, as we have a lot in common, I lost my mom too. I was 23, and I think about her everyday. They are looking over us. She would be so proud of you, and my mom is so thankful for you and how much you are helping me, and being my friend.
All my thoughts, and love,
Kassandra
My husband came home last night around 5 pm, he woke up at 1p,,he went to work at 2, and he felt terrible. He wanted to go back to bed, so I told him go for it, and he did. I took the boys to play at Mcdonalds, and we came back at 8pm, and he just got up. I got him some dinner and the boys were exhausted, so bed time was early, which was so nice. Nothing was ever mentioned about yesterday, I was amazed. Sunday afternoon was like a hour out of the twilight zone. I did write him an email telling him I looked into getting more opinions. I also made an appt with a chriopractor, and looked into seeing his doctor, and getting a referral to a rheumy. It is very complicated to get into see his doctor. My doctors office does not give out referrals to get second opinions, and I dont want to switch my pcp, so I just don't know. I am not sure if my husband called his family and told them what happened, I wrote him that I prayed that he kept it between my sister, myself, and him. A while back he and I made a pact that when people would ask how I was doing he would say, she is doing good, and we are getting through it together. At one time about 2 months ago I talk to my mother in law and I asked her it I could talk to her about things, she said wait a minute before you do that let me ask you this, and it never went back into what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to start talking to her, and letting her know what I am going through, but it never worked out.
They all seem to mention my mood swings, and I think they get them confused with me being upset about something. My marriage has been not so good since I got sick. I have cried, and been frustrated at things, and it is usually because of my husband, and it is hard to be happy, when you go to a family get together and 2 min before you get there your husband is calling you every name in the book (this was the old husband,pre dec 26), you try hard to hold it together, and then you get there and you are ignored by your husband. I am sorry but I was upset, and ready to ball my eyes out. What a mess! My mother in law at one time kept saying my mood swings and medications, and that she never knew who she was going to get on the phone, and I just stopped callling her, as I was tired of hearing it. It was not a mood swing it was my marriage and being sick. My marriage was in the toilet, and I was in so much pain at the same time, and uggggh no one gets it, but here does, coming here to talk with you all does.
On Sunday, my husband at one point said he would put the boys in daycare, and that hurt me so much. I think he was saying it because they might get more their they do here with me. That is not true, and it ripped me apart. I love my job taking care of them, and I don't care how much I hurt I am still going to do it.
On Saturday, I was supposed to be resting and keeping my feet up. My sister and I took care of the kids, and my husband was sick in bed all day. He would call down and I would bring him up food or drinks. I love taking care of my family, and I do it no matter how much I hurt. My whole family has been sick, the boys and I with strep, me also with this mess, and my husband with a cold, I still held it all together, and took care of everybody. It is almost like I am being punished for having these painful dreaded illnesses, and I have not done anything wrong. I am worried that my body is telling me things, and I am trying to listen, but what if it gets worse because of the stress? I have got to stay away from stress, and not worry so much.
My oldest is going to be 5 in June. Last summer he was 95% potty trained. Then this winter it went straight backwards. He started not going to the bathroom, and holding it. He would run around the house to stop the urges, and soon he was constipated. I believe at one point, he took it to heart, when someone said that only babies go to the bathroom in their pull ups, or your brother is going to be potty trained before you, or I don't take boys who go in their diapers to mcdonalds or home depot, so he just stopped. I had to take him to the dr to make sure their was no obstruction, and thank the lord their was none, and he was put on miralax. We had to completely start over, and I had to encourage him to go in his pull up. I was like a cheerleading team for him if he went poop in his pull up. It would break my heart when he would cry because he hurt so much from being constipated. We are on the right track again, and yesterday I saw him outside pull his sweat pants down and aim and go pee. It was great! We have decided to keep him back next year and he will go to prescool again, instead of kindergarten. I believe it will only benefit him.
Thanks for letting me just talk, and vent. I went to a therapist for a couple of months, and I loved going. I always felt so good after, like a weight was lifted. I went before I got sick. It just was too much to get someone to watch the boys, and also I did not have a vehicle at that time. I went 14 months with out a car, and my husband got me an awesome minivan in December, that I love. My husband does not believe in therapist or counselors so it put a strain on us again when I was going and I just phased it out.
Life is so hard as it is. Why do the people you love the most, who can help you more than anyone, sometimes do the opposite? Is it because they simply can't fix it right away? You are right in so many ways, I am never going to be the wife he married. I have heard from my husband and my mother in law so many times the he wants his wife back, or the girl smiling in that picture. Ohhhhhhh, it makes my blood boil at this point. I swear the next time someone says that I am going to tell them to **** off, and I am not a person who swears. I want to be 120 lbs,, healthy, and happy. Over time that has naturally become further away, and I am who I am today. Take it or leave it. I am trying everyday to be better than the day before. I am a great mom, and a good wife.
Wow, I have written a novel. I feel so comfortable here, and writing to you, or any of our other close friends. I am trying so hard, sjg, and I just want to have less pain, and take care of the boys and my husband.
Here is to having a good day! I would toast to you if I had a bottle of wine open! You are my friend and thank you so much, as you are helping me keep going during a time where if I did not have the boys I would not get out of bed.
I would like to talk about meds, but I have run out of time, and also about your legs! Funny, how that sounds, but leg pain to be precise. I will write later, my son has preschool at 9, and I am still in the morning 3 hour pain, but have to get going.
How are you doing today, and if I might ask about your mom, as we have a lot in common, I lost my mom too. I was 23, and I think about her everyday. They are looking over us. She would be so proud of you, and my mom is so thankful for you and how much you are helping me, and being my friend.
All my thoughts, and love,
Kassandra
baserockermom
04-15-2008, 09:44 AM
Kass, girl, reread what bll wrote you at least twice a day. Lord have mercy, I'd have loved to have that when I went through what you are going through. Having your head jerked and jerked while on the way to church by your hub, who drives so skillfully he can grab a head and jerk it side to side for all to see, man would I have loved bll to be around back in those days--and that was one of the easier days. Please reread what she wrote you like it was a prescription.
Your sister was duped, ok? Just like your dad with the "can't you just take an aspirin" question. This guy is smooth, very smooth, and he's no knight in shining armor, I can tell you that. He is so insecure, he is not satisfied with just jerking his family along for the ride so he can feel better about himself. Oh no, he's got to jerk your family along as well. I'd let your sister know that you were duped by him when you married him and believed all his malarky about loving you, and that you can understand her being duped this one time as well. I'd let her know you hope it doesn't happen again, but in the meanwhile, you have plenty of friends to help you through if she is more interested in helping the charmed one through life. Good lands! He's mighty smooth, no? Do not go to his doctor, for God's sakes, do NOT Kass! You have numerous opinions to spell out the nasty truth, it's dang time he grows up and faces that truth instead of laying on the floor wailing and kicking his feet. You've got this crap, dang it, SORRY! Reread bll, Kass, 2xs a day, reread what she wrote you.
Your sister was duped, ok? Just like your dad with the "can't you just take an aspirin" question. This guy is smooth, very smooth, and he's no knight in shining armor, I can tell you that. He is so insecure, he is not satisfied with just jerking his family along for the ride so he can feel better about himself. Oh no, he's got to jerk your family along as well. I'd let your sister know that you were duped by him when you married him and believed all his malarky about loving you, and that you can understand her being duped this one time as well. I'd let her know you hope it doesn't happen again, but in the meanwhile, you have plenty of friends to help you through if she is more interested in helping the charmed one through life. Good lands! He's mighty smooth, no? Do not go to his doctor, for God's sakes, do NOT Kass! You have numerous opinions to spell out the nasty truth, it's dang time he grows up and faces that truth instead of laying on the floor wailing and kicking his feet. You've got this crap, dang it, SORRY! Reread bll, Kass, 2xs a day, reread what she wrote you.
baserockermom
04-15-2008, 10:09 AM
Kass, did I mention that what bll said to you was pure brilliant?
baserockermom
04-15-2008, 10:54 AM
BTW, Kass, it's been communicated to you in no uncertain terms that there is no safe place from his smooth persuasion--not his family, not your family, and now not even here. Get a break on your own, or on your own with your two kids, get away for a few days and get a break from such outright bold attacks against you. There is NO question whether you have this stuff; his doctor has already been smooth-talked into a diagnosis that works better for your husband's tirades and antics and that is the only reason why he'd ever suggest such a thing to you or your sister. Do not go to his doctor. It's like a moth looking into the light. Your welfare is the ABSOLUTE LAST THING being concerned in these time-to-meet-God, heart-to-heart talks set to persuade you to believe you're just weak of character. I've seen these kinds of guys all my adult life--they step on you to be bigger in life. See, sis, aren't I right? You know I only care about your sister, but look at the shape of things here, ok? I'm mean, these docs have her convinced she can't do any better than this. Look at my kids, for instance, they are not perfect when I am, in fact, so very perfect. She's awful for them with all these drugs her doc has convinced her she must have. I mean, she doesn't really have any pain that can't be exercised away, anyway. She's just believing these docs that want to make money off her. Look at how much I endure. Don't you feel sorry for me enough to come on my side and help me convince her she's just weak in character... that's why she's in this shape. You know as well as I do that it's just a head thing. In fact, my doc says so. Blah blah blah.
bleigh
04-15-2008, 10:59 AM
I was just going through the last couple days of posts here. I've not wanted to put in my opinion here as you guys all seem to be offering Kass so much wisdom and support. I can't help but be angry for her (you, Kass) and what you're going through with your family. I don't want to rub your nose in what I have, but hopefully your husband will decide to be nosy and read this. My husband, who has seen me at my best and worst, my thinnest (with exception of that teenage thinness) and my fattest, my most anxious and bluest to my happiest. He has yet to judge me when I'm ill. He does not come from a family that allows illness to keep them from doing anything, but he has such compassion for this disease. He DOES NOT understand it, but he never questions how I'm feeling on a particular day. He is too busy with his job and his family to check up on what I write here or anywhere else. Your husband said he's a busy business executive....well, my poor husband is gone at least 12-15 hours a day. He commutes a hideous distance so we can live in a nice area for our kids. His job is important, demanding, and stressful working for the CDC. He comes home and takes the trash out. If it's early enough, he plays with the kids and reads them a story. He'll pick up groceries on the way home and will help me with dinner if it's not already done. He is by no means a weak man. He's strong and full of tattoos and is the sweetest man I know.
I'm trying to make a point to the overbearing husbands here...
1. You said through sickness and in health....well, here it is. Be a man and live up to your end of the bargain.
2. Quite micromanaging your wife's personal business. She's allowed a space of her own. Be that busy business executive and spend your spare time playing with your kids or taking out the trash. Hey, print this out and put it on the fridge as a reminder.
3. Love your wife. Give her a hug and kiss FIRST before anyone else when your leaving and coming home. Spend time talking to her about something other than her pain. Read the Bible together and pray together (I believe you said your Christian). Pray for her in your quiet time without her even knowing it. Love her like you're told to love her.
4. Recognize she's never going to be like she used to be. Hey, who is after having kids anyway...never mind having a disease that takes over your body. She'll probably never have that flat, stretch mark free tummy again and she may never be able run all over creation in one day again. But she can smile like she used to and she can get that sparkle back in her eyes again. You won't ever see that again though unless you straighten up.
5. Your wife does not need to be waiting on you hand and foot. If you have a cold, get up and get your own stuff. What's that all about anyway?
Kass, don't worry about the potty training. Boys can be more difficult to get trained anyway. You just support that little man and encourage him to do his business in the potty and he'll get the hang of it sooner or later. Some kids regress after already being trained...my youngest did this too. Spend lots of time reading to your babies. You can do this while resting and it least you can show your husband the stack of books you've gone through in a day. They won't get that at daycare!! Maybe pull them a couple of chairs up the computer and look up something they're interested in...like racecars or bugs. This is teaching and it only takes a few minutes and should keep that man happy. You know you're doing a good job. We all have things we want to do better with our kids....it just takes a little more creativity trying to figure how to do them with this God awful disease. Maybe a thread on parenting with this illness would be good??
Please get a second opinion from a specialist. Don't just go to another family med/primary care doctor. There's no point. I can't help but wonder about medications and the potential harm they cause. Please understand I'm not suggesting they're all bad and that many folks don't need them to get through the day. With the pain you're continuing to suffer a specialist might know more about the effects of certain meds and can help get you on a combination that is the most effective. I just don't believe a primary care doc is the best for pain management of this disease. Enjoy the chiropractor...use up every one of your available appointments. Just save a few for later in the year....Go back to a therapist. He/she can help you how to manage stress, loss, and pain. Do it for you...don't not go because another person has a problem with it.
Please, girl, get yourself some backbone. You are the only one who knows what you want from life. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If anyone wants to threaten to take your comforts away (computer, car) don't let them have the luxury of seeing it hurt you. Sounds like you've got to get a thick exterior to live with your people. Also sounds like someone is very good at manipulating you (and other people) and you've got to get that control back. Get yourself as healthy as you can and be prepared to live the life you want and deserve.
I'm trying to make a point to the overbearing husbands here...
1. You said through sickness and in health....well, here it is. Be a man and live up to your end of the bargain.
2. Quite micromanaging your wife's personal business. She's allowed a space of her own. Be that busy business executive and spend your spare time playing with your kids or taking out the trash. Hey, print this out and put it on the fridge as a reminder.
3. Love your wife. Give her a hug and kiss FIRST before anyone else when your leaving and coming home. Spend time talking to her about something other than her pain. Read the Bible together and pray together (I believe you said your Christian). Pray for her in your quiet time without her even knowing it. Love her like you're told to love her.
4. Recognize she's never going to be like she used to be. Hey, who is after having kids anyway...never mind having a disease that takes over your body. She'll probably never have that flat, stretch mark free tummy again and she may never be able run all over creation in one day again. But she can smile like she used to and she can get that sparkle back in her eyes again. You won't ever see that again though unless you straighten up.
5. Your wife does not need to be waiting on you hand and foot. If you have a cold, get up and get your own stuff. What's that all about anyway?
Kass, don't worry about the potty training. Boys can be more difficult to get trained anyway. You just support that little man and encourage him to do his business in the potty and he'll get the hang of it sooner or later. Some kids regress after already being trained...my youngest did this too. Spend lots of time reading to your babies. You can do this while resting and it least you can show your husband the stack of books you've gone through in a day. They won't get that at daycare!! Maybe pull them a couple of chairs up the computer and look up something they're interested in...like racecars or bugs. This is teaching and it only takes a few minutes and should keep that man happy. You know you're doing a good job. We all have things we want to do better with our kids....it just takes a little more creativity trying to figure how to do them with this God awful disease. Maybe a thread on parenting with this illness would be good??
Please get a second opinion from a specialist. Don't just go to another family med/primary care doctor. There's no point. I can't help but wonder about medications and the potential harm they cause. Please understand I'm not suggesting they're all bad and that many folks don't need them to get through the day. With the pain you're continuing to suffer a specialist might know more about the effects of certain meds and can help get you on a combination that is the most effective. I just don't believe a primary care doc is the best for pain management of this disease. Enjoy the chiropractor...use up every one of your available appointments. Just save a few for later in the year....Go back to a therapist. He/she can help you how to manage stress, loss, and pain. Do it for you...don't not go because another person has a problem with it.
Please, girl, get yourself some backbone. You are the only one who knows what you want from life. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If anyone wants to threaten to take your comforts away (computer, car) don't let them have the luxury of seeing it hurt you. Sounds like you've got to get a thick exterior to live with your people. Also sounds like someone is very good at manipulating you (and other people) and you've got to get that control back. Get yourself as healthy as you can and be prepared to live the life you want and deserve.
bleigh
04-15-2008, 12:08 PM
Kass, I was thinking about the suggestion your DH had about daycare. Have you thought about part time daycare?? I've felt many times that if we could afford part time, I would have done it. The girls could go play and make some friends for a couple hours a day while I had time to tend to things without interruption. My best friend, who would ignore her own severed head, does it all and with her three children in tow. I simply can't do this. I'm gearing up for my big grocery run and have started my shopping anxiety. Oh the joy of running around that HUGE place...heaven forbid I forget something why on the other side like toothpaste.
Also, if he has the money for daycare, maybe he could afford to hire a bi-weekly cleaning lady to do your deep cleaning. At least until you get your meds and pain under more manageable control.
Let me just say this to you....who cares what his motives are? Maybe he's trying to say that he thinks they'll get more from daycare...you just turn it on him. Tell him "thank you" for the offer. Accept the offer for part time care (maybe you can take that time for a chiropractor or therapy session) and get healthy. You could use that time to make beds and straighten up things around the house...not the whole house everyday, but a room a day.
Unfortunately many spouses believe that the stay at home spouse should be doing it ALL. That's a very tall order. Taking care of a home and a family is tough business and getting healthy from fibro/myofascial only makes it tougher. And if he really wants to get ugly about what all belongs to him, then start billing him for the work you do. Then, you could have your own money to claim....
Anyway, you just smile and tell that man he's got some great ideas that will make your life much easier.....then pat him on the back and say "thanks." That is taking control of the situation and all you've done is taken something that may have been meant to hurt and used it for your benefit instead.
Also, if he has the money for daycare, maybe he could afford to hire a bi-weekly cleaning lady to do your deep cleaning. At least until you get your meds and pain under more manageable control.
Let me just say this to you....who cares what his motives are? Maybe he's trying to say that he thinks they'll get more from daycare...you just turn it on him. Tell him "thank you" for the offer. Accept the offer for part time care (maybe you can take that time for a chiropractor or therapy session) and get healthy. You could use that time to make beds and straighten up things around the house...not the whole house everyday, but a room a day.
Unfortunately many spouses believe that the stay at home spouse should be doing it ALL. That's a very tall order. Taking care of a home and a family is tough business and getting healthy from fibro/myofascial only makes it tougher. And if he really wants to get ugly about what all belongs to him, then start billing him for the work you do. Then, you could have your own money to claim....
Anyway, you just smile and tell that man he's got some great ideas that will make your life much easier.....then pat him on the back and say "thanks." That is taking control of the situation and all you've done is taken something that may have been meant to hurt and used it for your benefit instead.
baserockermom
04-15-2008, 01:28 PM
Bleigh, it is so nice to gain perspective from someone with a truly supportive husband. Like your's, mine would not have two seconds to look on here. Guess before I should say "that is what a supportive husband looks like," I should first see if such stuff lasts more than a day.
I had my two guys in preschool/MMO, like Kass. If my hub had tried to throw daycare in my face back then, I do believe I would have gone with your suggestion to hire the maid. When he asked where money-out money went, I'd say, oh, my, I didn't really want your daycare idea, but now a maid, a maid was something I could really use.
I had my two guys in preschool/MMO, like Kass. If my hub had tried to throw daycare in my face back then, I do believe I would have gone with your suggestion to hire the maid. When he asked where money-out money went, I'd say, oh, my, I didn't really want your daycare idea, but now a maid, a maid was something I could really use.
gorgee
04-15-2008, 02:25 PM
Hey guys, thank you for all your opinions and thoughts. I appreciate every one of them, and you all are my friends and therapy now. We do not have the extra money for anything right now. Daycare would cost $250/300 a week for the boys for full time, and a lot of places do not do half time, if they do it is full cost. I love my job taking care of the boys, and imagine the guilt I would have if they went into daycare, not to mention a broken heart? Right now I, as a lot of us are, am not able to work. I am fighting to get stuff done around here, fighting through pain and trying to find energy.
I am trying. I will write more later.
Thanks,
Kassandra
I am trying. I will write more later.
Thanks,
Kassandra
sweetjerseygirl
04-15-2008, 02:33 PM
A temper sweetheart is not necessarily the answer, cause you will be stressing yourself out somemore. Strenth darling is what you need. Ignore the bastard for awhile, sarcastic answers works pretty good for me, no im not telling you to do anything you dont want to but the other ladies are right and the other ladies are mad now. Ew, look out husband, do not let us run into you on the street ! You have a Jersey Girl, who grew up in the city with violence and doesnt take crap from anyone. You have a girl from Alabama, who while she's telling you what "Y'all need to be doing for your wife instead of " and while that finger is waving back and forth will make your husband so dizzy, he will wish he had fibro instead and you have well im not sure if bleigh is the other girl from your area but she is another strong gal who has it together and is telling you like it is, and he would also wished he had fibro after running into this gal on the streets. She's right let him read this and he better not take it out on you or we might just find out where you live. I said lets kidnap Jenn well, lets get you also. I haven't been to beautiful Maine in many years, so im do for a trip North ! We will help you pull it together girl !
Well dont worry about the novel thing kiddo, you see i do the same, vent away girlfriend, i have another one for you but i must get ready for the doctors, like bleigh its always dreaded, but i will run errands while waiting for the scripts to be done so i dont have to go out again. It went from 85 over the week-end to 45 these past two days. We know what that does to us and its going to be colder this evening and morning. I will be glad to get this out of the way. Back to the comfort of my own home. Ok, until later, i love ya and obviously so do the other girls. So hang in there for now and like B.R.M. said, read Bluelakeladys prescription over and over. Let the power of God flow through your body and make you strong, as strong as you need to be. I hope the other girls have helped to make you feel better today, thats what you need, the strenth of others to pull you through. Smile, come on Kass put it back there, or cry than smile, whatever works for now cause you are one loved girl and bless you for what you said about our moms. I will touch that one in my next novel, but what a sweet girl you are and i know that they are looking down on us along with B.R.M.'s mom. Our Moms are the best because they raised us to be good people, even with our faults, What do they say "Nobody loves ya like ur mom" So now its our turn to do the loving..............:angel: :angel: :angel:
Well dont worry about the novel thing kiddo, you see i do the same, vent away girlfriend, i have another one for you but i must get ready for the doctors, like bleigh its always dreaded, but i will run errands while waiting for the scripts to be done so i dont have to go out again. It went from 85 over the week-end to 45 these past two days. We know what that does to us and its going to be colder this evening and morning. I will be glad to get this out of the way. Back to the comfort of my own home. Ok, until later, i love ya and obviously so do the other girls. So hang in there for now and like B.R.M. said, read Bluelakeladys prescription over and over. Let the power of God flow through your body and make you strong, as strong as you need to be. I hope the other girls have helped to make you feel better today, thats what you need, the strenth of others to pull you through. Smile, come on Kass put it back there, or cry than smile, whatever works for now cause you are one loved girl and bless you for what you said about our moms. I will touch that one in my next novel, but what a sweet girl you are and i know that they are looking down on us along with B.R.M.'s mom. Our Moms are the best because they raised us to be good people, even with our faults, What do they say "Nobody loves ya like ur mom" So now its our turn to do the loving..............:angel: :angel: :angel:
bleigh
04-15-2008, 05:31 PM
Well, I'm from GA and certainly wouldn't call myself a "peach". Unless I'm really trying to be a lady...and that's not too often. My husband calls me a bulldozer as I just don't put up with anybody's crap. I can mow my DH over flat (guess I should call that exercise) and he's a very strong man. Note: I only have to mow him down when he's being very silly and driving me crazy not because he's been ugly acting. And I do that finger wagging, hand on hip mess too. Let me tell you, when a southern lady starts that mess next thing she's going to do is go upside your head. AND she wouldn't think twice about it. So, if there is a joint force heading north with some of these ladies, I'd be very afraid to be on the defense. Oh, the picture in my head....
Now, on from that. I think I'll go ahead and start a thread about parenting with fibro. Maybe we can help each other out with ideas and shortcuts to get things done. I know I can use some tips as my ability to be the best mom I can be is the most impacted aspect of my life. Anyway, Kass and anyone else out there dealing with difficult situations....keep your head up and be strong.
Now, on from that. I think I'll go ahead and start a thread about parenting with fibro. Maybe we can help each other out with ideas and shortcuts to get things done. I know I can use some tips as my ability to be the best mom I can be is the most impacted aspect of my life. Anyway, Kass and anyone else out there dealing with difficult situations....keep your head up and be strong.
sweetjerseygirl
04-15-2008, 10:27 PM
Whew what an afternoon ! I had the first appointment after lunch today. The doors are always locked until well its always after two and i sit in my Jeep, waiting for their untimely return. So today i waited until three mins before two, before i show my face in the parking lot, the last time it was two thirty, so i was surprized to find out they were there, lo and behold there are five people ahead of me, i was like great. I have to sit in certain types of chairs or my back give out and i start getting sciatica type pain. So i took a magazine and started reading but the time the Doc saw me, i was in more pain because of the chair. Two hrs of sitting there! So i venture off to the pharmacy and they tell me forty mins, im like ok, i will walk around the store and kill time, so i wont have to go home and come back at, i will buy all i need in this store today, two and a half hrs later come to find out they forgot my blood pressure pill and gave me the wrong mg. on one of my scripts, the doctor made that error, so now im hurting and i rush home to get my dinner ready for my husband, i came home after he arrived, what a joke, it is now nine o'clock after cleaning up and im exhausted, My husband overworked physically today and didnt help and i was not mad at him for it, i saw how he was walking and knew he was pain, he was involved in a head on crash a few years back and suffers from some of the back injuries, amoung others that go along with car crash injuries, so i will catch up with you girls tomorrow. Bless your hearts for being who you are, i will keep us all in Gods eyes tonight, And yes Bleigh, you made me laugh i had a friend from the hills of North Carolina, know about the finger waving, hands on hips and finger pointing in your face. Hoping we will have a somewhat painless day tomorrow..........sleep well ;)
Jenn4508
04-16-2008, 11:41 AM
Kass - What everyone is telling you is so true... You know that you and I are alot alike in our situations.... However, I believe that your husband quit drinking where my husband has fallen off the wagon hard... I am sorry that you have to be afraid that your husband will come on here and see what is written... I know you are always afraid that my husband will come on here and you worry about that... Oh, how I wish he would... That would really start up a good argument which would get very ugly, but one I would win, trust me... The one thing you never do with a BiPolar 1 chick is flip her switch, especially when the BiPolar is not under control because there is no telling what type of personality will show up :D... Believe me, it wouldn't be a pretty one...
The one thing I never do is tell anyone I am having a bad day, not my brother, sister, anyone, because they don't understand it... Hell, they don't even get the BiPolar, so why waste my time with them so I don't. They are very selfish people... I never let anyone know how much pain I am in except when I come to the boards because know one can understand it except someone who goes through it...
Now, I have to say this because well, us girls from Kentucky do these types of things, so when your husband had his "cold" and called you to bring him something to drink and eat... what was wrong with his legs and hands??? To me, men in general are big babies when they get sick... When my husband gets one of those "colds" I give him a big dose of Nyquil and knock him out... when he wakes up... I give him more... I don't want to listen to him whine... When I am hurting, I don't ask him to bring me anything...
As far as going to your husbands doctor... DO NOT DO IT... It will just feed into what is in his head... You have more than enough opinions... How many more do you need.... If he needs an opinion, let him go with you to all of your appointments.... When my husband starts in on me about everything about my doctors and me not getting any better, I tell him to go with me and tell the doctors I am not getting any better... I especially tell him to go with me to my therapist and psychiatrist appointment... You remember last time we had our huge argument, he was going to go and take the DEA with him... Then when he figured out they he may be part of the problem he backed out... See, they aren't so tough if you back them into a corner....
See, he has three grandsons and I know that 2 of them are getting ready to have birthdays... Now, their mother caused a huge scene at the hospital in August screaming at me over her Dad being in there having minor surgery for which she has never apologized and my husband said he would have a talk with her, never happened and then when we had them here for Christmas on a Sunday, all hell broke lose due to the kids being out of control, their dad just sitting there and their mom getting drunk with her dad in the kitchen... Now, every birthday party that she has, I end up cleaning up the mess... On top of that, she has many animals in her house, doesn't clean her house and it stinks to high heaven so I don't even go in the house.... So, this little pea brain of mine has decided that either I will be in a huge flare up of fibro OR, my mom will really need my help at the lake for that weekend during the birthday party... I have no need to have that much stress over a birthday party and I refuse to do it.... So you see, once again, I will win in my own little world...
You say that your therapist was helping you alot... I say you go back to him/her... If your husband is willing to put the kids in daycare then spend the money instead for therapy.... To bad if he doesn't like it... He is using his family and your sister for therapy, its the same thing... He said he wanted your alls problems kept at home and he is not holding up his end of the bargain so flip it and go back to therapy... At least you aren't involving the family....
Hang in there my friend.... I know that you said he printed out all of these threads and threatened to use it against you, well you too can do the same if need be....
We are all here for you and are able to handle him also... Jenn
The one thing I never do is tell anyone I am having a bad day, not my brother, sister, anyone, because they don't understand it... Hell, they don't even get the BiPolar, so why waste my time with them so I don't. They are very selfish people... I never let anyone know how much pain I am in except when I come to the boards because know one can understand it except someone who goes through it...
Now, I have to say this because well, us girls from Kentucky do these types of things, so when your husband had his "cold" and called you to bring him something to drink and eat... what was wrong with his legs and hands??? To me, men in general are big babies when they get sick... When my husband gets one of those "colds" I give him a big dose of Nyquil and knock him out... when he wakes up... I give him more... I don't want to listen to him whine... When I am hurting, I don't ask him to bring me anything...
As far as going to your husbands doctor... DO NOT DO IT... It will just feed into what is in his head... You have more than enough opinions... How many more do you need.... If he needs an opinion, let him go with you to all of your appointments.... When my husband starts in on me about everything about my doctors and me not getting any better, I tell him to go with me and tell the doctors I am not getting any better... I especially tell him to go with me to my therapist and psychiatrist appointment... You remember last time we had our huge argument, he was going to go and take the DEA with him... Then when he figured out they he may be part of the problem he backed out... See, they aren't so tough if you back them into a corner....
See, he has three grandsons and I know that 2 of them are getting ready to have birthdays... Now, their mother caused a huge scene at the hospital in August screaming at me over her Dad being in there having minor surgery for which she has never apologized and my husband said he would have a talk with her, never happened and then when we had them here for Christmas on a Sunday, all hell broke lose due to the kids being out of control, their dad just sitting there and their mom getting drunk with her dad in the kitchen... Now, every birthday party that she has, I end up cleaning up the mess... On top of that, she has many animals in her house, doesn't clean her house and it stinks to high heaven so I don't even go in the house.... So, this little pea brain of mine has decided that either I will be in a huge flare up of fibro OR, my mom will really need my help at the lake for that weekend during the birthday party... I have no need to have that much stress over a birthday party and I refuse to do it.... So you see, once again, I will win in my own little world...
You say that your therapist was helping you alot... I say you go back to him/her... If your husband is willing to put the kids in daycare then spend the money instead for therapy.... To bad if he doesn't like it... He is using his family and your sister for therapy, its the same thing... He said he wanted your alls problems kept at home and he is not holding up his end of the bargain so flip it and go back to therapy... At least you aren't involving the family....
Hang in there my friend.... I know that you said he printed out all of these threads and threatened to use it against you, well you too can do the same if need be....
We are all here for you and are able to handle him also... Jenn
sweetjerseygirl
04-16-2008, 01:31 PM
Ut oh ! I havent seen Kass on here today, thats not good ! We've outsmarted him and opened the door for Kass, if i dont see her come on soon, i going to think thats exactly what happened.............hope not, she's been so down in the dumps. I'm crossing my fingers for her. :angel:
gorgee
04-16-2008, 01:56 PM
Hi all,
I am getting ready to travel to another dentist appt, but this time it is 1 1/2 hours away. My sister is helping me and we are taking our kids. I feel guilty having my sister travel an hour to get here and then we are traveling another hour or so to get to the dentist. She took her kids out of school, but we are going to have a fun day. My sisters kids have never traveled, as far as my house is as far as they have gone.
I hate it when I stew. I tried to get as much cleaning as I could get in. My husbands boss is in town, and he only comes 4 times a year or so, so that is why he cannot go with me.
I just cannot get out of my head what happened the other day. How my sister got wrapped into it and yes, she is worried about me. I think all the outside people are worried, and they see how I have spiralled downhill, but they assume that it is because of the meds, that make me be able to clean, and get going 3 hours after I woke up, because otherwise my fat butt would still be sitting with the heated throw, and I would still be in pain. My sister is worried that my doctor is missing something more serious, and for her it is hard to believe that fibro/myofacsial can do this to someone. When she is here, she cleans, she likes to do it, and she gets down and meticulously does it, but she sees me all day, and sees me first thing in the morning, and having hard times.
I am worried because I learned that what I was saying about my husband, to his sister and mother, like about my husband doing things like gambling, drinking, golfing and being late etc, they would go back and tell him. Even though they were saying the same things, I considered it us talking and we were all saying the same things. Then I learned from my mother in law, that what I was telling my husband, when we were having a conversation about his family and he was talking about them and I mentioned what I thought, he would then go back and tell them what I said, and he was saying the same thing, but still just the same he would tell them. That hurt me. 2 months ago, I felt it would be okay, and he said that we would get through this together, and if anyone asked we would say, we are okay and handling it together. It was a great feeling! I felt at that time I could get through anything.
That is why the other day, and I am sorry I just cannot get this out of my mind, I am afraid that after he, my sister and I had that conversation he talked to his mom. She was supposed to come in and visit and then she cancelled. I just don't understand, if people are worried about me and want to know what is going on ask me. I want people who are close to me to know what is going on so they can be educated, and not ignorant, like saying the medications are doing something bad to me, instead they are making me be able to stand, clean, play with the boys, make dinner, do laundry etc.
Maybe I should call a family meeting this Sunday! I can pull up all the information I can on what I have and give them flyers. That way they know exactly what is going on and they can ask me personally. Do you think that is a good idea? Everyone is so worried, and I am not going anywhere, then why not tell them exactly what is going on.
I do have to get a backbone. I take it all in, and stew about it. I have to stop, it is hurting me more and making me hurt more. Thanks guys for listening.
I love my boys, and I love my husband. We have been through so much. My mom dieing 1month before our wedding, the major depression I went through after it all, my husband's health issues that lasted years with more ER and doctor visits than I can count, having 2 boys, my husband losing 2 very close friends 1 month apart, and on and on. I wish that people could just accept that Kassandra does not feel good, and she has days that are not so bad, and then days that are terrible, but she does the best she can.
I have just talked stuff out. Thanks all. I will write about my dentist appt. I am interested in what he can do to help me, my tmj, migraines, and myofascial.
Have a great day, I am going to!
Kassandra
I am getting ready to travel to another dentist appt, but this time it is 1 1/2 hours away. My sister is helping me and we are taking our kids. I feel guilty having my sister travel an hour to get here and then we are traveling another hour or so to get to the dentist. She took her kids out of school, but we are going to have a fun day. My sisters kids have never traveled, as far as my house is as far as they have gone.
I hate it when I stew. I tried to get as much cleaning as I could get in. My husbands boss is in town, and he only comes 4 times a year or so, so that is why he cannot go with me.
I just cannot get out of my head what happened the other day. How my sister got wrapped into it and yes, she is worried about me. I think all the outside people are worried, and they see how I have spiralled downhill, but they assume that it is because of the meds, that make me be able to clean, and get going 3 hours after I woke up, because otherwise my fat butt would still be sitting with the heated throw, and I would still be in pain. My sister is worried that my doctor is missing something more serious, and for her it is hard to believe that fibro/myofacsial can do this to someone. When she is here, she cleans, she likes to do it, and she gets down and meticulously does it, but she sees me all day, and sees me first thing in the morning, and having hard times.
I am worried because I learned that what I was saying about my husband, to his sister and mother, like about my husband doing things like gambling, drinking, golfing and being late etc, they would go back and tell him. Even though they were saying the same things, I considered it us talking and we were all saying the same things. Then I learned from my mother in law, that what I was telling my husband, when we were having a conversation about his family and he was talking about them and I mentioned what I thought, he would then go back and tell them what I said, and he was saying the same thing, but still just the same he would tell them. That hurt me. 2 months ago, I felt it would be okay, and he said that we would get through this together, and if anyone asked we would say, we are okay and handling it together. It was a great feeling! I felt at that time I could get through anything.
That is why the other day, and I am sorry I just cannot get this out of my mind, I am afraid that after he, my sister and I had that conversation he talked to his mom. She was supposed to come in and visit and then she cancelled. I just don't understand, if people are worried about me and want to know what is going on ask me. I want people who are close to me to know what is going on so they can be educated, and not ignorant, like saying the medications are doing something bad to me, instead they are making me be able to stand, clean, play with the boys, make dinner, do laundry etc.
Maybe I should call a family meeting this Sunday! I can pull up all the information I can on what I have and give them flyers. That way they know exactly what is going on and they can ask me personally. Do you think that is a good idea? Everyone is so worried, and I am not going anywhere, then why not tell them exactly what is going on.
I do have to get a backbone. I take it all in, and stew about it. I have to stop, it is hurting me more and making me hurt more. Thanks guys for listening.
I love my boys, and I love my husband. We have been through so much. My mom dieing 1month before our wedding, the major depression I went through after it all, my husband's health issues that lasted years with more ER and doctor visits than I can count, having 2 boys, my husband losing 2 very close friends 1 month apart, and on and on. I wish that people could just accept that Kassandra does not feel good, and she has days that are not so bad, and then days that are terrible, but she does the best she can.
I have just talked stuff out. Thanks all. I will write about my dentist appt. I am interested in what he can do to help me, my tmj, migraines, and myofascial.
Have a great day, I am going to!
Kassandra
Jenn4508
04-17-2008, 10:46 AM
Kass - I have to say something and I mean no harm whatsoever only concern... How come you are so compassionate about your husbands health issues over the two years and many ER visits and doctors visits and losing two friends 1 month apart as I am sure everyone in the family was so concerned... But yet, he has no concern and gives you so much grief about your medical condition along with the rest of the family??? I will tell you why, because you could see his medical condition and you can't see yours... Does this make his anymore important than yours? No, it doesn't...
I see your sister was going with you to do dentist appointment... Has she apologized for the issues from the other day as I believe and I think the others will to that she owes you that much... Have you two talked about it at all...
About the family meeting, what do you hope to accomplish from this? Is your word not enough? Do you think it will change anything? I remember at one time I found a letter to normals concerning fibro that I printed out and was going to send to my immediate family and then I thought, why? Why do I have to validate something that my doctors have already validated and if my word is not good enough then what is information that is gathered and distributed going to do... Fibro is not something that is understood because it is something that you cannot see so everyone thinks you are fine regardless of how much they may see including your sister.... You see how quick your husband got to her... She should have told him straight up that she has seen what fibro has done to you and no, it isn't the meds... and walked away from him....
As far as him talking to the family after you to had made a decision not to he has broken a trust that he needs to work on earning that trust back which is going to take time....
You already said it is very hard to get what happened off your mind... Have you and your husband talked about it, just the two of you? If not, maybe that is something you should do... If you don't feel comfortable talking, write him a letter and tell him how you feel....
Its just like that time my husband said something about my meds... It hasn't gone away and I have not let it go... I think sometimes I should just quit taking all my meds and then let him see how bad I can really be without it... But why should I suffer???
You are a wonderful human being.... The best advice I ever got in therapy was the things that you have no control over, you have to let go....
I hope you and your sister can have a heart to heart about the conversation from the other day and work it out....
I hope you have a good appointment and have a better day... Let us know how everything is going... Jenn
I see your sister was going with you to do dentist appointment... Has she apologized for the issues from the other day as I believe and I think the others will to that she owes you that much... Have you two talked about it at all...
About the family meeting, what do you hope to accomplish from this? Is your word not enough? Do you think it will change anything? I remember at one time I found a letter to normals concerning fibro that I printed out and was going to send to my immediate family and then I thought, why? Why do I have to validate something that my doctors have already validated and if my word is not good enough then what is information that is gathered and distributed going to do... Fibro is not something that is understood because it is something that you cannot see so everyone thinks you are fine regardless of how much they may see including your sister.... You see how quick your husband got to her... She should have told him straight up that she has seen what fibro has done to you and no, it isn't the meds... and walked away from him....
As far as him talking to the family after you to had made a decision not to he has broken a trust that he needs to work on earning that trust back which is going to take time....
You already said it is very hard to get what happened off your mind... Have you and your husband talked about it, just the two of you? If not, maybe that is something you should do... If you don't feel comfortable talking, write him a letter and tell him how you feel....
Its just like that time my husband said something about my meds... It hasn't gone away and I have not let it go... I think sometimes I should just quit taking all my meds and then let him see how bad I can really be without it... But why should I suffer???
You are a wonderful human being.... The best advice I ever got in therapy was the things that you have no control over, you have to let go....
I hope you and your sister can have a heart to heart about the conversation from the other day and work it out....
I hope you have a good appointment and have a better day... Let us know how everything is going... Jenn
baserockermom
04-17-2008, 11:11 AM
I agree with Jenn, Kass. No family meeting will ever help. The only thing that will help is a complete paradigm shift and that is nothing that you can cause to come about. Just like there are plenty of docs who won't treat fm, there are plenty of people who don't buy it. They consider it the disease of a hypochondriac. You can't change that, so like Jenn said, let it go. Be grateful you actually have docs that take it seriously, but understand you can't have that from everyone unfortunately.
I would continue to journal, Kass. Cold, hard evidence if in case one day there is actually a person close to you who decides to give a rip. Cold, hard evidence.
I would continue to journal, Kass. Cold, hard evidence if in case one day there is actually a person close to you who decides to give a rip. Cold, hard evidence.
baserockermom
04-17-2008, 11:14 AM
Kass, I made the mistake of sharing feelings with my sister-in-law and she used them against me in an argument that I was crazy. She influenced my favorite brother-in-law (her husband) against me and she influenced my in-laws with nothing short of lies and gossip. The two best responses I had for her were these: "I can see how that thinking works for you" and "You know, your brother has repeatedly warned me not to share personal stuff with you, that you can't be trusted with it. I'm sorry I did that--trusted you with my feelings. I can see now he was right." On the days my hub is on my side, he's really on my side. It's the other days that get to me, and like Jenn, I'm still smarting from my latest one with him.
gorgee
04-17-2008, 01:48 PM
My sister is worried that there is something worse wrong with me, like something that will make permament damage to my body, disable me, and eventually kill me, or something like that. She does not take the stance about the medications, or side effects or anything, she sees I need them to take care of my family and move bascially. My sister listened to my husband, and they both agreed that they are worried but my husband brings up more things like medications causing my pain, side effects and mood swings, copays and costs of prescriptions. Mood swings sometimes get confused with me being upset about something, and that upsets me so much.
During the whole incident I was crying and I kept looking at my sister, as my husband was saying, "see, this is what I have to deal with." I was hoping she would say something, she did make it worse when she said there are things I could do better with the boys. That p*****d me off, and I did not understand. Then she said that I should make them do more things for themselves, like sleep in their own beds no matter what, get their own drinks, and eat food only on the table etc. so I don't have to clean up their messes. I told her I will work on it. It is funny what people say sometimes, but do not look in the mirror, as she caters to her 6, and 9 year old constantly. I am not a mother who chases around the children all day and cleans up after them constantly. I have never been that way, and she is. My husband used to make comments all the time like, are you sure you came from the same mother, or how come you can't clean as good as your sister. I do my best.
No, I am not going to have the conversation with my sister. She stayed on the safe ground, said some small stuff like above, but kept quiet. I think she could not believe how it went from we are worried, and lets see more doctors to the extreme like everybody is worried about you, his family is and if they were involved I would not want their opinion, and I have cut them out and they are worried about me but mostly because of the boys, the boys don't deserve this, he works so hard (which he does) and he does not deserve this either, this is why 67% of marriages in Maine fail, but he will stick it out with me and not leave me,and then the boys might get more out of daycare than here, or something like that. I am trying to forget it all and no, we have not talked about it. I am afraid that if I bring it up it will make it worse. I am going to let sleeping dogs lie. I am going to try and do my job, keep things to myself about how I am doing, try to step it up as far as the house, and see where it goes. Somehow, amazingly life moved on, even though I balled my eyes out all night, but the next day it was pretty normal. He and I have not even talked about him posting as, kassandme, I thanked him, but nothing was ever said, and those were wonderful nice words, and nice to read, but it would be great to hear them in person.
Yesterday, he asked me if I had a copy of the xray to show him. I asked him if he could come down the next time, because the dr wants to talk it over with him and tell him why I have so much pain. It felt good to have a real answer, and I feel it is a start.
There have been times in my life where things have happened, emotional, mental stuff, and I just could not get over it, or heal. It took me months, when I was pregnant with our 2nd son, it hurt so bad, like a big gash, and it was like 6 months or more to stop hurting. That is part of a reason why I am physically hurting, it all built up, and I clenched and grinded.
How do I start getting a team of doctors to help me? Would emailing my pcp and asking him for referrals be a good way so I don't have to go see him?
How do you get over family and lack of understanding? Do you hold tight to what you have and be strong and stay the course?
Is there anything else I can do, and how do you do it with family, keep it to yourself and if they ask, answer them, but mostly don't trust anyone?
Thanks guys for your help,
Kassandra
During the whole incident I was crying and I kept looking at my sister, as my husband was saying, "see, this is what I have to deal with." I was hoping she would say something, she did make it worse when she said there are things I could do better with the boys. That p*****d me off, and I did not understand. Then she said that I should make them do more things for themselves, like sleep in their own beds no matter what, get their own drinks, and eat food only on the table etc. so I don't have to clean up their messes. I told her I will work on it. It is funny what people say sometimes, but do not look in the mirror, as she caters to her 6, and 9 year old constantly. I am not a mother who chases around the children all day and cleans up after them constantly. I have never been that way, and she is. My husband used to make comments all the time like, are you sure you came from the same mother, or how come you can't clean as good as your sister. I do my best.
No, I am not going to have the conversation with my sister. She stayed on the safe ground, said some small stuff like above, but kept quiet. I think she could not believe how it went from we are worried, and lets see more doctors to the extreme like everybody is worried about you, his family is and if they were involved I would not want their opinion, and I have cut them out and they are worried about me but mostly because of the boys, the boys don't deserve this, he works so hard (which he does) and he does not deserve this either, this is why 67% of marriages in Maine fail, but he will stick it out with me and not leave me,and then the boys might get more out of daycare than here, or something like that. I am trying to forget it all and no, we have not talked about it. I am afraid that if I bring it up it will make it worse. I am going to let sleeping dogs lie. I am going to try and do my job, keep things to myself about how I am doing, try to step it up as far as the house, and see where it goes. Somehow, amazingly life moved on, even though I balled my eyes out all night, but the next day it was pretty normal. He and I have not even talked about him posting as, kassandme, I thanked him, but nothing was ever said, and those were wonderful nice words, and nice to read, but it would be great to hear them in person.
Yesterday, he asked me if I had a copy of the xray to show him. I asked him if he could come down the next time, because the dr wants to talk it over with him and tell him why I have so much pain. It felt good to have a real answer, and I feel it is a start.
There have been times in my life where things have happened, emotional, mental stuff, and I just could not get over it, or heal. It took me months, when I was pregnant with our 2nd son, it hurt so bad, like a big gash, and it was like 6 months or more to stop hurting. That is part of a reason why I am physically hurting, it all built up, and I clenched and grinded.
How do I start getting a team of doctors to help me? Would emailing my pcp and asking him for referrals be a good way so I don't have to go see him?
How do you get over family and lack of understanding? Do you hold tight to what you have and be strong and stay the course?
Is there anything else I can do, and how do you do it with family, keep it to yourself and if they ask, answer them, but mostly don't trust anyone?
Thanks guys for your help,
Kassandra
Jenn4508
04-17-2008, 07:46 PM
Kass - I want to ask you something and I want you to really think about it... You talk about your mood swings... how long have these been going on? Is there any certain situation that triggers them or do they just happen randomnly? You mentioned that one of the doctors said that you have Post tramatic stress syndrome and I know that you have had some issues that have caused this to happen... You said that when you were in therapy that it really helped you... PTSS is a real problem that needs to be addressed with a professional in that field... This could very well be causing the mood swings... You may just need something different for this.... Please don't think I am judging you, I just want to help as much as possible and it does not make you weak but it would explain quite a bit... I think this is something that may need to be looked into regardless of what anyone else thinks.... This is something that you really need help in working through, believe me I know.... Try to keep that journal and see if you can keep track of the mood swings, that will help also...
Its just a thought but I think it is worth some serious thinking... I only want what is best for you.....
About your sister, don't even compare yourself to her as she is not fighting the same battle that you are and it seems to me that you are doing much better than she is even with all that you have to deal with... Who cares how clean her house is, are her kids as happy as yours? I doubt it....
And another thing, don't you dare try and pick up the pace with the housework and do more with the boys and let her tell you how to raise your kids, for God's sake, they are 2 and 4, they are little kids, her kids are much older... let it go.... I can tell from your post that you are an amazing mom, wife (which I am not sure how you keep that up sometimes), woman, everything that you should be.... Pat yourself on the back
Remember though, the more you overdo it, the more you will pay for it in the end. That is when your boys will pay for it also...
Hang in there my friend, we will always be here for you.... Jenn
Its just a thought but I think it is worth some serious thinking... I only want what is best for you.....
About your sister, don't even compare yourself to her as she is not fighting the same battle that you are and it seems to me that you are doing much better than she is even with all that you have to deal with... Who cares how clean her house is, are her kids as happy as yours? I doubt it....
And another thing, don't you dare try and pick up the pace with the housework and do more with the boys and let her tell you how to raise your kids, for God's sake, they are 2 and 4, they are little kids, her kids are much older... let it go.... I can tell from your post that you are an amazing mom, wife (which I am not sure how you keep that up sometimes), woman, everything that you should be.... Pat yourself on the back
Remember though, the more you overdo it, the more you will pay for it in the end. That is when your boys will pay for it also...
Hang in there my friend, we will always be here for you.... Jenn
sweetjerseygirl
04-18-2008, 09:57 AM
Kass i hope your day is better today, there are a million things i want to say, i agree with the other ladies. You say you feel guilty because your sister drives an hour. I'll say it again, "get rid of the guilt". I used to drive to my moms all the time and she lived an hour away, but i never remember minding doing it. And yes in Jersey we have heavy traffic also and bad weather, i did it out of love.
Is your husband the baby or an only child ? No matter what, his mother and family will stand up for him. something for you to keep in mind. Even though you are the one with the illness, they will fell bad for him first. Believe me, i have been there with my first husband. I have to wonder if he is setting you up for the fall? Do you ever inquire as to his activities at work? Maybe its time for you to keep an eye out as to what he is really up too.....I know you love him and will probably defend him again but i would keep my eyes open anyway, just in case. Lets see, so far he has his family, along with your sister on his side. Not good kiddo.
Your sister is concerned it might be something more? Well usually blood test will show that! What do u think? Could it be the meds ? I dont know, im worried about you for a lot of reasons. Take control of your own life, i can only imagine its not easy because you lost your mother at such a young age, seems like you depend on your sister but show her how grown up you really are and your husband also, time to get rid of the puppy dog deal and show what you are made off. I can only imagine you sitting there, looking at your sister for some "stand by me help" and being reduced to tears. Well you opened the door on that one. It didnt work in your favor, thats something i would like to see you work on personally. The girls are right, go talk to a therapist, so your hubby doesnt approve of them, who cares, he's not going, you are and you need too. Your worried about co-pays and medications. Well at least you have insurance, i lost mine last year when i was laid off, but medical can be tax deductable when you reach a certain figure, every state is different, out of pocket scripts also. So the insurance company pays lets say 80 % the remainder is still tax deducatable. So the more you go see the doctors the better you will make out.
I dont want to make you feel any worst than you are feeling but something has to give, you sat at McDonalds for hours ? Are you insane ? You have two floors !!!! Your kids cant be that loud, although i know boys are holy terrors ! Well im going to back off a little for now. I think your putting yourself through a lot, worrying about going to different doctors and what not, thats because you are being pressured into it, is my feeling. You have a doctor your happy with, it doesnt matter if your husband like him or not.
Well on a lighter note, i saw a heated foot bath at walmart the other day and i thought of you right away and also those heated throws you were interested in, Google them, a bunch will come up and you can pick and choose. They are marked down now because they are going out of season, so if you need another one and have the money that will probably be your best bet for now. Hope you have a good day and a good week-end ;)
And please dont be mad at me because i care. I saw your having a problem with your tmj, now you have another worry. If you dont want to spend the three hundred dollars, another suggestion is to go to walmart and buy one. They range up to thirty dollars, you can adjust it yourself i believe and perhaps that will help for the time being. You take care of yourself for now, i hope you noticed how much you are cared for on the boards and how we are only trying to help you. Most of us are on our second husbands, so we have a little more experience. Im sure that is not what you want. Divorce is really a horrible thing for a lot of people, i would hate to see you there but i would like to see you stand up for yourself a little more. Believe it or not, you would feel so much better if you put your life back into your own hands and stop worrying about what other people think and stop letting your husband throw things in your face, like about the house and stuff, thats just wrong, Ok there i go again, im going to make a cup of tea now, so i can calm my own nerves............;)
Is your husband the baby or an only child ? No matter what, his mother and family will stand up for him. something for you to keep in mind. Even though you are the one with the illness, they will fell bad for him first. Believe me, i have been there with my first husband. I have to wonder if he is setting you up for the fall? Do you ever inquire as to his activities at work? Maybe its time for you to keep an eye out as to what he is really up too.....I know you love him and will probably defend him again but i would keep my eyes open anyway, just in case. Lets see, so far he has his family, along with your sister on his side. Not good kiddo.
Your sister is concerned it might be something more? Well usually blood test will show that! What do u think? Could it be the meds ? I dont know, im worried about you for a lot of reasons. Take control of your own life, i can only imagine its not easy because you lost your mother at such a young age, seems like you depend on your sister but show her how grown up you really are and your husband also, time to get rid of the puppy dog deal and show what you are made off. I can only imagine you sitting there, looking at your sister for some "stand by me help" and being reduced to tears. Well you opened the door on that one. It didnt work in your favor, thats something i would like to see you work on personally. The girls are right, go talk to a therapist, so your hubby doesnt approve of them, who cares, he's not going, you are and you need too. Your worried about co-pays and medications. Well at least you have insurance, i lost mine last year when i was laid off, but medical can be tax deductable when you reach a certain figure, every state is different, out of pocket scripts also. So the insurance company pays lets say 80 % the remainder is still tax deducatable. So the more you go see the doctors the better you will make out.
I dont want to make you feel any worst than you are feeling but something has to give, you sat at McDonalds for hours ? Are you insane ? You have two floors !!!! Your kids cant be that loud, although i know boys are holy terrors ! Well im going to back off a little for now. I think your putting yourself through a lot, worrying about going to different doctors and what not, thats because you are being pressured into it, is my feeling. You have a doctor your happy with, it doesnt matter if your husband like him or not.
Well on a lighter note, i saw a heated foot bath at walmart the other day and i thought of you right away and also those heated throws you were interested in, Google them, a bunch will come up and you can pick and choose. They are marked down now because they are going out of season, so if you need another one and have the money that will probably be your best bet for now. Hope you have a good day and a good week-end ;)
And please dont be mad at me because i care. I saw your having a problem with your tmj, now you have another worry. If you dont want to spend the three hundred dollars, another suggestion is to go to walmart and buy one. They range up to thirty dollars, you can adjust it yourself i believe and perhaps that will help for the time being. You take care of yourself for now, i hope you noticed how much you are cared for on the boards and how we are only trying to help you. Most of us are on our second husbands, so we have a little more experience. Im sure that is not what you want. Divorce is really a horrible thing for a lot of people, i would hate to see you there but i would like to see you stand up for yourself a little more. Believe it or not, you would feel so much better if you put your life back into your own hands and stop worrying about what other people think and stop letting your husband throw things in your face, like about the house and stuff, thats just wrong, Ok there i go again, im going to make a cup of tea now, so i can calm my own nerves............;)
gorgee
04-18-2008, 10:47 AM
Thank you, my wonderful friends.Jenn, I wanted to address something quick like, my husband and mother in law brought up the mood swings, and it bothered me because they are not mood swings. I am truly upset, usually crying, and something has been said to me that upsets me. I know what a mood swing is, as the other morning when I woke up and felt extremely depressed, I did not want to face the day, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I had a mood swing. I had to do a little personal research and figure out why I was feeling so terrible, I had forgot to take my lexapro the night before.
The topic of mood swings bothered me so much when it was mentioned, and I really looked at myself and evaluated me. The mood swings are not mood swings that I am being accused of, they are situaltional issues, and they make me upset. One day we were having a hard time, and I was upset, as something was said to hurt me or rip me apart and I was crying, and he said you have mood swings like nobodies business, and he was referring to me being upset. So from that point on, when mood swings are brought up, I try my best to say to myself, not mood swings, genuinely upset and have a big problem.
I would say that when mood swings were brought up from my mother in law, that was back in September and October, and the beginning of my extreme, uncontrolled pain, and also extreme stress from my husband telling me after we get my jaw fixed we would talk about divorce, and also my husbands language was not controlled, and it was rough. I would be safe to describe it as the worst time of my life, not mood swings. I was devastated, and in extreme pain, barely any support, and me being so upset spilled over to life, and conversations with my mil.
Everybody has mood swings, I have always had horrible pms, so I know what there are, especially I went on lexapro for pmdd. I try my very best to keep things even.
How do you guys tell the difference, and sometimes do you want people to just leave you alone? I am by myself so much, and can tell when I am grumpy, but I never say I am ugly today, and I am irritated, so take it out on everybody. I used to have these probaly 5 years ago, and then after our first was born, and the lexapro helped.
I have had to learn so many skills and what works for me. I sometimes forget them, and have to get back to the basics.
Kassandra
The topic of mood swings bothered me so much when it was mentioned, and I really looked at myself and evaluated me. The mood swings are not mood swings that I am being accused of, they are situaltional issues, and they make me upset. One day we were having a hard time, and I was upset, as something was said to hurt me or rip me apart and I was crying, and he said you have mood swings like nobodies business, and he was referring to me being upset. So from that point on, when mood swings are brought up, I try my best to say to myself, not mood swings, genuinely upset and have a big problem.
I would say that when mood swings were brought up from my mother in law, that was back in September and October, and the beginning of my extreme, uncontrolled pain, and also extreme stress from my husband telling me after we get my jaw fixed we would talk about divorce, and also my husbands language was not controlled, and it was rough. I would be safe to describe it as the worst time of my life, not mood swings. I was devastated, and in extreme pain, barely any support, and me being so upset spilled over to life, and conversations with my mil.
Everybody has mood swings, I have always had horrible pms, so I know what there are, especially I went on lexapro for pmdd. I try my very best to keep things even.
How do you guys tell the difference, and sometimes do you want people to just leave you alone? I am by myself so much, and can tell when I am grumpy, but I never say I am ugly today, and I am irritated, so take it out on everybody. I used to have these probaly 5 years ago, and then after our first was born, and the lexapro helped.
I have had to learn so many skills and what works for me. I sometimes forget them, and have to get back to the basics.
Kassandra
gaudet2
04-18-2008, 08:36 PM
Kass...
I in no way have the same problems that you are having with your family; however, my mother was having a really hard time accepting the fact that I was diagnosed with fibro. I could have a normal conversation with her, but as soon as I would mention anything that had to do with my fibro, she would just shut herself off and either leave the room or change the subject. I tried so hard to get her to understand and I just couldn't.
Well, yesterday, I went to Borders and bought the book "A Patient-Expert Walks You Through Everything You Need to Learn to Do - The First Year - Fibromyalgia - An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed" by Claudia Craig Marek. I started to read the book and it hits on everything that we know to be true, and I am only on chapter 5. I jokingly told my father that he needs to read it when I am done...although I was pretty serious too...I think he needs to understand too even though he has been great with this so far.
Anyway, this morning I got up and she was reading the book on her own and without anyone asking her to! Amazingly enough, she started to understand what I am going through (for you, mood swings is mentioned in the first few chapters and mentions that they really aren't "mood swings"). She even thinks that my grandmother really had fibro, and that she has a lot of the symptoms as well. She has opened up so much with me after only reading the first three chapters. I can't wait to see how great she will be after reading the whole book.
The point of my long post is that I would highly recommend getting this book, read it yourself, and suggest to your hubby that he read it too. If he won't read it, highlight portions of the book that he should look at...I really think it would help.
I hope you can get some sort of relief soon...we are all thinking of you.
gaudet2
I in no way have the same problems that you are having with your family; however, my mother was having a really hard time accepting the fact that I was diagnosed with fibro. I could have a normal conversation with her, but as soon as I would mention anything that had to do with my fibro, she would just shut herself off and either leave the room or change the subject. I tried so hard to get her to understand and I just couldn't.
Well, yesterday, I went to Borders and bought the book "A Patient-Expert Walks You Through Everything You Need to Learn to Do - The First Year - Fibromyalgia - An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed" by Claudia Craig Marek. I started to read the book and it hits on everything that we know to be true, and I am only on chapter 5. I jokingly told my father that he needs to read it when I am done...although I was pretty serious too...I think he needs to understand too even though he has been great with this so far.
Anyway, this morning I got up and she was reading the book on her own and without anyone asking her to! Amazingly enough, she started to understand what I am going through (for you, mood swings is mentioned in the first few chapters and mentions that they really aren't "mood swings"). She even thinks that my grandmother really had fibro, and that she has a lot of the symptoms as well. She has opened up so much with me after only reading the first three chapters. I can't wait to see how great she will be after reading the whole book.
The point of my long post is that I would highly recommend getting this book, read it yourself, and suggest to your hubby that he read it too. If he won't read it, highlight portions of the book that he should look at...I really think it would help.
I hope you can get some sort of relief soon...we are all thinking of you.
gaudet2
Jenn4508
04-19-2008, 12:09 PM
Kass - First of all, I meant no harm as far as mentioning mood swings in a bad way for you... of course you will not always be in the best of moods... And due to the fibrofog, I guess I had forgotten about you taking Lexapro, so, I am sorry if I offended you in anyway whatsoever, I truly am... I only want what is best for you and everyone else on this board...
Sweetjerseygirl had a wonderful idea and I hope you will listen to something that I have to add on... I have thought long and hard on whether to even bring it up ever since you found out about the issues when you went to the dentist but since jerseygirl suggested something, I will tell you something that went on with me concerning my jaw that started when I was very young and maybe you could give her suggestion a shot first... I will try to make it as short and easy to understand as possible... There were always several women in our family who gritted teeth and had that horrible bruxism but I was the worst doing it from a very young age... To top it all off, there were a couple of us who had a severe underbite, which made our bites be out of alignment... Now, when I was younger, I would even keep my hand in front of my mouth all the time... My teeth were perfectly straight but my chin stuck out... Believe me, I know about the pain with the jaw... When I was 15, in October, I was fitted with braces, not to straighten, but so they could break my jaw, take some bones out and have something to wire it back together with. This went on over one year and that was it.... I continued to grit my teeth.... Now, I am sure your dentist has probably told you that most people and by most, it is close to 98% of people grit their teeth due to stress.... I will tell you after this operation, I was fitted with one of those bite guards which cost good ole Mom and Dad at that time about $800-900 dollars... The first night I wore it, I gritted it out within about 2 minutes tops... I continuted to try and wear it, had it re-fitted numerous times and continued to grit it right out.... So I finally gave up.... Fast forward to about 10 years ago, another dentist once again told me how much damage I was doing to my teeth due to bruxism, fancy word for teeth gritting and badly needed a night guard... I explained about the one I had before... He said that they are made much better and there is no way I would be able to get this one out at night.... Okay, so this time I paid about $500 dollars for a new one... This one didn't even last 1 minute... Went through the same re-fitting issues, everything... finally I gave up again....
Now, if you recall, I was just at my parents house about a week ago and my mom said she had bought me something... Now remind you, my mom was a Registered nurse for over 30 years.... She had went to the dentist and lo and behold, she to now is suffering from the bruxism.... The dentist told her that she would be better off just going to the drug store and getting one of those that you fit to your teeth and seeing if that helps, which is what sweetjerseygirl was suggesting... That is what my mom had bought for me also, which I have not fixed yet for myself... So maybe, that is something you could try first before going the more expensive route and see how that works...
On the other hand, if you are not comfortable doing this and want to do exactly what the dentist suggest, then by all means, go ahead and do it... I am trying to remember everything you said in your post about it but something sticks out in this little pea brain of mine... When did your husband say that once you get all this work done on your jaw then you all could discuss the divorce??? Was that just here recently as I can't remember??? I know it doesn't really matter because I am sure that sticks in your mind but to me, that is nothing more than emotionally blackmail and you need to put that out of your mind and do what is in the best interest of your health....
My husband likes to bring up how much my illnesses cost us (him) all the time too... I don't even let it take root in my brain whatsoever... Whenever he tries to go there, I explain how much his job cost us due to the fact he is on commission and he has to pay for gas and uses much more than I do... Another thing he doesn't want to find out is how much it could really cost him if I were to go off my BiPolar meds, go into a manic phase, like I have done many times before especially before I met him, and can spend money like there is no tomorrow.... The other thing I do is his check is direct deposited and as soon as it hits the bank every other week, is pay bills over the phone and then go to the ATM and take money out every time and hide it, because if I didn't, he would spend it all on gas, eating out and on whiskey... Then when he ask if I have any money, I just tell him no....
Kass, you deserve a little spending money every week just for yourself and no money for medical issues does not count... Neither does money for taking the boys to McDonalds....
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been on the Lexapro? Do you think it is working the same as when you first started taking it? These meds can quit working after a while and if you are started to cry alot again, maybe it is time for a change... Just a thought....
I wish you nothing but sunshine and bright days ahead.... Remember, that you have to take care of you first because that is what matters most right now... I too, stay at home all the time and my phone doesn't ring all day either just like yours... except when I talk to my mom... which I know you don't have that anymore....
I believe that you are putting a mask on for many people right now at home and one day soon, you will get tired of wearing that mask and it will have to come off... That is what happened to me and I think we are alot alike....
Please know that we all care about you and want nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and wonderful painfree days ahead for you and everyone else... Jenn
Sweetjerseygirl had a wonderful idea and I hope you will listen to something that I have to add on... I have thought long and hard on whether to even bring it up ever since you found out about the issues when you went to the dentist but since jerseygirl suggested something, I will tell you something that went on with me concerning my jaw that started when I was very young and maybe you could give her suggestion a shot first... I will try to make it as short and easy to understand as possible... There were always several women in our family who gritted teeth and had that horrible bruxism but I was the worst doing it from a very young age... To top it all off, there were a couple of us who had a severe underbite, which made our bites be out of alignment... Now, when I was younger, I would even keep my hand in front of my mouth all the time... My teeth were perfectly straight but my chin stuck out... Believe me, I know about the pain with the jaw... When I was 15, in October, I was fitted with braces, not to straighten, but so they could break my jaw, take some bones out and have something to wire it back together with. This went on over one year and that was it.... I continued to grit my teeth.... Now, I am sure your dentist has probably told you that most people and by most, it is close to 98% of people grit their teeth due to stress.... I will tell you after this operation, I was fitted with one of those bite guards which cost good ole Mom and Dad at that time about $800-900 dollars... The first night I wore it, I gritted it out within about 2 minutes tops... I continuted to try and wear it, had it re-fitted numerous times and continued to grit it right out.... So I finally gave up.... Fast forward to about 10 years ago, another dentist once again told me how much damage I was doing to my teeth due to bruxism, fancy word for teeth gritting and badly needed a night guard... I explained about the one I had before... He said that they are made much better and there is no way I would be able to get this one out at night.... Okay, so this time I paid about $500 dollars for a new one... This one didn't even last 1 minute... Went through the same re-fitting issues, everything... finally I gave up again....
Now, if you recall, I was just at my parents house about a week ago and my mom said she had bought me something... Now remind you, my mom was a Registered nurse for over 30 years.... She had went to the dentist and lo and behold, she to now is suffering from the bruxism.... The dentist told her that she would be better off just going to the drug store and getting one of those that you fit to your teeth and seeing if that helps, which is what sweetjerseygirl was suggesting... That is what my mom had bought for me also, which I have not fixed yet for myself... So maybe, that is something you could try first before going the more expensive route and see how that works...
On the other hand, if you are not comfortable doing this and want to do exactly what the dentist suggest, then by all means, go ahead and do it... I am trying to remember everything you said in your post about it but something sticks out in this little pea brain of mine... When did your husband say that once you get all this work done on your jaw then you all could discuss the divorce??? Was that just here recently as I can't remember??? I know it doesn't really matter because I am sure that sticks in your mind but to me, that is nothing more than emotionally blackmail and you need to put that out of your mind and do what is in the best interest of your health....
My husband likes to bring up how much my illnesses cost us (him) all the time too... I don't even let it take root in my brain whatsoever... Whenever he tries to go there, I explain how much his job cost us due to the fact he is on commission and he has to pay for gas and uses much more than I do... Another thing he doesn't want to find out is how much it could really cost him if I were to go off my BiPolar meds, go into a manic phase, like I have done many times before especially before I met him, and can spend money like there is no tomorrow.... The other thing I do is his check is direct deposited and as soon as it hits the bank every other week, is pay bills over the phone and then go to the ATM and take money out every time and hide it, because if I didn't, he would spend it all on gas, eating out and on whiskey... Then when he ask if I have any money, I just tell him no....
Kass, you deserve a little spending money every week just for yourself and no money for medical issues does not count... Neither does money for taking the boys to McDonalds....
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been on the Lexapro? Do you think it is working the same as when you first started taking it? These meds can quit working after a while and if you are started to cry alot again, maybe it is time for a change... Just a thought....
I wish you nothing but sunshine and bright days ahead.... Remember, that you have to take care of you first because that is what matters most right now... I too, stay at home all the time and my phone doesn't ring all day either just like yours... except when I talk to my mom... which I know you don't have that anymore....
I believe that you are putting a mask on for many people right now at home and one day soon, you will get tired of wearing that mask and it will have to come off... That is what happened to me and I think we are alot alike....
Please know that we all care about you and want nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and wonderful painfree days ahead for you and everyone else... Jenn
baserockermom
04-19-2008, 01:08 PM
Hey, y'all, forgive me if I cut in without having read everything. "Mood swings" to me is the same thing as "you're depressed" out of a doctor's mouth after he's just evaluated the pathetic shape you are in. Let me give an example.
I've been hurting a lot for the last 2-3 weeks with pain that I thought was ovary pain or pain from ginormous constipation. I went to the Rheumatologist yesterday; he said get back with your pcp about the problem. I call my pcp at 10:45 am and still had not heard from him after my smashagram appt (mammogram for those fibro fog impaired). During this last week, I couldn't exercise and housework was falling down. My husband called me crazy because I couldn't take the smells in the kitchen and was once again in the bed. I felt like my kids thought I was really a loser for laying around and not working. Bottom line, sure I was "depressed" and my "mood swings" were out of control as I nearly spit at my husband with all the hatred I felt at having to do stuff when I felt awful. I decided I was not coming home yesterday afternoon. I felt too lousy to be around it anymore. I decided if the hospital wouldn't take me, then I'd go to a hotel. Well, after I still had not heard from my doc's office by 2:30, I call the nurse hotline with my insurance company. They told me to call my doc, if he didn't take me immediately, then get to the hospital. I went to the hospital and I have a kidney stone (and gall stones). The kidney stone is causing all the sick-to-my stomach stuff and the awful pain I've been having for three weeks. When I got home I told both my sons that I'd be in the bed a lot because the doc said to stay on the pain pills throughout the day, not just at night, because the pain was too much to go without. Told 'em not to think I didn't love 'em if I didn't come down or if I made no meals this weekend and if I had to let Dad take over. They were sweet as anything. My husband, too. I FEEL SO INVISIBLE sometimes. I don't lie. I just don't lie and it hurts like heck for it to take a cat scan to be believed. So yeah, relationships and fibro can stink sometimes. But the "mood swings" and "depression" are the result of not being believed more than anything else as far as I am concerned.
I've been hurting a lot for the last 2-3 weeks with pain that I thought was ovary pain or pain from ginormous constipation. I went to the Rheumatologist yesterday; he said get back with your pcp about the problem. I call my pcp at 10:45 am and still had not heard from him after my smashagram appt (mammogram for those fibro fog impaired). During this last week, I couldn't exercise and housework was falling down. My husband called me crazy because I couldn't take the smells in the kitchen and was once again in the bed. I felt like my kids thought I was really a loser for laying around and not working. Bottom line, sure I was "depressed" and my "mood swings" were out of control as I nearly spit at my husband with all the hatred I felt at having to do stuff when I felt awful. I decided I was not coming home yesterday afternoon. I felt too lousy to be around it anymore. I decided if the hospital wouldn't take me, then I'd go to a hotel. Well, after I still had not heard from my doc's office by 2:30, I call the nurse hotline with my insurance company. They told me to call my doc, if he didn't take me immediately, then get to the hospital. I went to the hospital and I have a kidney stone (and gall stones). The kidney stone is causing all the sick-to-my stomach stuff and the awful pain I've been having for three weeks. When I got home I told both my sons that I'd be in the bed a lot because the doc said to stay on the pain pills throughout the day, not just at night, because the pain was too much to go without. Told 'em not to think I didn't love 'em if I didn't come down or if I made no meals this weekend and if I had to let Dad take over. They were sweet as anything. My husband, too. I FEEL SO INVISIBLE sometimes. I don't lie. I just don't lie and it hurts like heck for it to take a cat scan to be believed. So yeah, relationships and fibro can stink sometimes. But the "mood swings" and "depression" are the result of not being believed more than anything else as far as I am concerned.
Ishla
04-19-2008, 09:05 PM
Like BRMom, I've felt awfully invisible to family and friends too. What seems to have changed EVERYONE's behavior towards me was when my doctor prescribed a handicap placard for me. That simple little piece of blue plastic made all my friends and family suddenly realize that hey, maybe she is in trouble if the doctor though enough about her mobility problems to give out a placard.
Now no-one seems to give me that "oh right, just another excuse" look when I have to beg off for a gathering or excursion. No-one seems to just ignore the fact that I might not have the strength any more to pick up a 20# box of something, so no-one is asking any more for me to do things that I would invariably just do them and then suffer for.
It's been embarrassing to have to have this placard, but it has done wonders for the way I've been treated. The oddest thing is the butterfly feeling I get in my stomach when someone actually offers an "are you alright" when I'm having trouble climbing up stairs instead of giving me a look of " good lord you are so lazy".
Now no-one seems to give me that "oh right, just another excuse" look when I have to beg off for a gathering or excursion. No-one seems to just ignore the fact that I might not have the strength any more to pick up a 20# box of something, so no-one is asking any more for me to do things that I would invariably just do them and then suffer for.
It's been embarrassing to have to have this placard, but it has done wonders for the way I've been treated. The oddest thing is the butterfly feeling I get in my stomach when someone actually offers an "are you alright" when I'm having trouble climbing up stairs instead of giving me a look of " good lord you are so lazy".
gorgee
04-21-2008, 09:01 AM
BRM, wow! I am glad you went to the hospital. I am sorry you have added another extremely painful illness. Are you ok? I hope you get to lay in bed, watch you favorite shows all day, and have the boys, or hubby cater to you. I am sending you a warm good feeling thought!
Please take care, and keep us posted. We are all worried about you and please rest.
All my thoughts, prayers, and love,
Kassandra
Please take care, and keep us posted. We are all worried about you and please rest.
All my thoughts, prayers, and love,
Kassandra
baserockermom
04-21-2008, 05:44 PM
Thanks, Kass.
stars13
04-21-2008, 10:52 PM
Baserockermom, i'm so sorry you're so sick. i do know how miserable it is . I had gallbladder trouble but never kidney stones. I've always heard they are more painful then childbirth. My sister had 3 good size ones a few years ago. She had them treated by lithotripsy which is shockwaves that break them up into small pieces and then they pass out of your body. all but one small piece left after a few weeks, but she seems much better.
Try drinking alot of water, might help to pass them if they're small. But just take it easy, as easy as you can until you're feeling better. Maybe they'll try to dissolve them with medication first. Stay well, and let us know how your doing.
Keeping you in thought and prayer.
stars
Try drinking alot of water, might help to pass them if they're small. But just take it easy, as easy as you can until you're feeling better. Maybe they'll try to dissolve them with medication first. Stay well, and let us know how your doing.
Keeping you in thought and prayer.
stars
stars13
04-21-2008, 11:14 PM
BRM, just wanted to clarify something, i heard that kidney stones are painful, not the lithoripsy. that was totally painless, sis was put in twilight and felt not pain. was outpatient procedure. i went with her and she was fine.
You are dealing with enough pain between fm/kidney and gallstones, holy cow. i don't want to mistakenly scare you with more pain.:o
get better soon, stars;)
You are dealing with enough pain between fm/kidney and gallstones, holy cow. i don't want to mistakenly scare you with more pain.:o
get better soon, stars;)