tattoos
02-23-2008, 05:20 PM
Hi blue it's Bella:).
The lawyer called me regarding the SSI but we didn't talk. I am calling him back on Monday. I thought maybe you could help me figure out where to start when I talk to him. I have a bunch of medical records but not all of them. And still waiting to get any psych. records. I am just so nervous. Do you know how the conversation may go? Is there a certain way to explain things to him? My memory is so bad now and sometimes I have a hard time formulating my thoughts. I just want to make sure I handle this correctly since I am so desperate for this help. It just all kinda scary. Any help would be appreciated.
:angel:
Bella
The lawyer called me regarding the SSI but we didn't talk. I am calling him back on Monday. I thought maybe you could help me figure out where to start when I talk to him. I have a bunch of medical records but not all of them. And still waiting to get any psych. records. I am just so nervous. Do you know how the conversation may go? Is there a certain way to explain things to him? My memory is so bad now and sometimes I have a hard time formulating my thoughts. I just want to make sure I handle this correctly since I am so desperate for this help. It just all kinda scary. Any help would be appreciated.
:angel:
Bella
Sponsor
bluelakelady
02-24-2008, 01:17 AM
hi bella,
first of all be honest. if you feel scared tell him that. if you feel overwhelmed by it all tell him. if you get upset and want to cry, do it. he has to see you as you really are so don't try to be stronger than you are. take someone with you for your consult. two pair of ears are better than one and often your ears may miss something the others catch.
take your records that you do have. he will have you sign releases for medical info. he will take longer to get your records. he has to jump thru the hoops. he will also be able to get your psych records or at the very least a letter from your shrink. most shrinks do not give out copies of your file. they write letters instead. protects you from the aspects of your emotional history that do not pertain to this case.
most of all realize this person is on your side. your voice and brain for now.
my daddy used to say if a person was intimidating to you to just imagine them sitting on the toilet, sleepy gunk in their eyes. it has served me well. i always end up laughing and the fear evaporates. my dad was a pretty sharp man.
please let me know how it goes. i will be with you on monday. i will be your breath.
mostly it is alot of questions about you.
there is no specific way to tell your story. just tell it honestly and as clearly as you can. it is okay if you get confused. he is used to that.
don't be scared my friend. doing this is a thousand times easier than living with fibro is and much less stressful.
sweet dreams,
blue
first of all be honest. if you feel scared tell him that. if you feel overwhelmed by it all tell him. if you get upset and want to cry, do it. he has to see you as you really are so don't try to be stronger than you are. take someone with you for your consult. two pair of ears are better than one and often your ears may miss something the others catch.
take your records that you do have. he will have you sign releases for medical info. he will take longer to get your records. he has to jump thru the hoops. he will also be able to get your psych records or at the very least a letter from your shrink. most shrinks do not give out copies of your file. they write letters instead. protects you from the aspects of your emotional history that do not pertain to this case.
most of all realize this person is on your side. your voice and brain for now.
my daddy used to say if a person was intimidating to you to just imagine them sitting on the toilet, sleepy gunk in their eyes. it has served me well. i always end up laughing and the fear evaporates. my dad was a pretty sharp man.
please let me know how it goes. i will be with you on monday. i will be your breath.
mostly it is alot of questions about you.
there is no specific way to tell your story. just tell it honestly and as clearly as you can. it is okay if you get confused. he is used to that.
don't be scared my friend. doing this is a thousand times easier than living with fibro is and much less stressful.
sweet dreams,
blue
tattoos
02-24-2008, 01:35 PM
Thank you. I will just be open and honest and I used to always try to "be strong" but honestly now I couldn't muster that even if I tried. I am trying to make an appointment to meet with him on a Saturday since my parents work all week. I definitely need their help. It helps too because my dad is a physician and my mom a nurse and they have witnessed all my issues. I finally got an appointment with a new Rheumatologist. I have another question. I have a had a problem off and on with alcohol which began after I had my son when I had post-partum depression which turned into psychosis. I have had periods of sobriety but when my PTSD symptoms would get real bad (flashbacks, major panic etc...) I can/have self-medicated. Will this be a problem? I will be 100% honest. My parents are fully aware of everything too. Often rape/abuse flashbacks, night terrors etc..would come back so severe I would lose it. I have been honest with my doctors too so it is contained in my medical records. Will this pose a problem? When I was on SSI in the past I assume they would have known. I had been in and out of psychiatric wards and that info must have been in my records. Sorry I just feel panicky about this. I will just keep on thinking what you told me. And just give as much info as I can and have someone help me if I need it. Thank your help means a lot to me!:angel:.
Bella
Bella
bluelakelady
02-25-2008, 11:15 AM
hi bella,
our tie that binds, a common experience. rape and abuse. i was 14. i also found ways to self abuse trying to numb myself. i love you little sister of experience.
do you still drink? is it binging when you have flashbacks or a daily thing? if you have quit, how many days clean and sober do you have?
you are not applying due to alcohol related illness. that matters in your favor. be honest, it is all you can do. especially about the why behind the alcohol.
i used to have a mantra i would say when the dreams would wake me screaming. i used to say, it's just a dream. they are not here. it's just a dream. i would fall back to sleep saying, i am a good girl.
i used to see men that reminded me of them and freak out, turn and run. not anymore. not for years. in time it gets easier.
peace, love, healing,
blue
our tie that binds, a common experience. rape and abuse. i was 14. i also found ways to self abuse trying to numb myself. i love you little sister of experience.
do you still drink? is it binging when you have flashbacks or a daily thing? if you have quit, how many days clean and sober do you have?
you are not applying due to alcohol related illness. that matters in your favor. be honest, it is all you can do. especially about the why behind the alcohol.
i used to have a mantra i would say when the dreams would wake me screaming. i used to say, it's just a dream. they are not here. it's just a dream. i would fall back to sleep saying, i am a good girl.
i used to see men that reminded me of them and freak out, turn and run. not anymore. not for years. in time it gets easier.
peace, love, healing,
blue
tattoos
02-25-2008, 03:49 PM
Hi....bluelakelady...I do the same thing at night by praying. Sometimes I fear sleep so much my body won't allow me to sleep. I do not drink every day. I "relapse" every once in awhile (bingeing). Not like in the past when I had some serious psychosis and flashbacks and drank daily at points (HORRIBLE) I am constantly working on sobriety. At one point I was sober over 2 1/2 years and the panic/anxiety was HELL...thought it was supposed to get better. There was many a nights I slept in my closet or fully clothed...boots and all...feet planted on floor. I became anorexic/bulemic because I was freaking so much I had to keep going. And I definitely cornered the market on self-abuse. Gosh we sure can put ourselves through a lot.
I get a few months here and there now. Much better than before though. I haven't had anything in a couple weeks. I don't even like drinking at all. Doesn't even feel good EVER. It is definitely a self-medicating issue.
I talked to the lawyer today:)...thank God I built up the courage to do that! You helped me with your kind words. And ya I did break down a few times and I was o.k. about it like you said. I was 100% honest about everything. He said, regarding the alcohol, that I must remain sober and they will test me if they decide to accept my application.
The lawyer and I talked for like a hour and he seemed helpful. It was pretty intense! I will be calling the SS office to get an on the phone interview. I will call tomorrow so I can collect my thoughts because I had a psychologist appointment today already and a counseling group tonight....so I am kinda burnt for today;).
Thanks soooooo much:angel:. I will let you know how things go.
Bella
PS: Last night I had a bad panic attack...couldn't sleep but 3 hours. But facing the fear was a good thing. It wasn't as bad as my mind was making it. My mind was just racing with what if's and everything else under the sun. Plus reading a bunch of my past med/psych history, to prepare for today, didn't help
I get a few months here and there now. Much better than before though. I haven't had anything in a couple weeks. I don't even like drinking at all. Doesn't even feel good EVER. It is definitely a self-medicating issue.
I talked to the lawyer today:)...thank God I built up the courage to do that! You helped me with your kind words. And ya I did break down a few times and I was o.k. about it like you said. I was 100% honest about everything. He said, regarding the alcohol, that I must remain sober and they will test me if they decide to accept my application.
The lawyer and I talked for like a hour and he seemed helpful. It was pretty intense! I will be calling the SS office to get an on the phone interview. I will call tomorrow so I can collect my thoughts because I had a psychologist appointment today already and a counseling group tonight....so I am kinda burnt for today;).
Thanks soooooo much:angel:. I will let you know how things go.
Bella
PS: Last night I had a bad panic attack...couldn't sleep but 3 hours. But facing the fear was a good thing. It wasn't as bad as my mind was making it. My mind was just racing with what if's and everything else under the sun. Plus reading a bunch of my past med/psych history, to prepare for today, didn't help
bluelakelady
02-26-2008, 10:32 AM
hi bella,
facing fear is always a good thing. once faced the control it has over you weakens. each time you choose to face it, it shrinks a bit more.
stay sober, you can do it. just remember every time you run and hide the person or persons who harmed you are still controlling your life. the fear they placed within you wins.
it has been 28 years since those 8 days of being a captive. i have forgotten what they look like and that feels really good. time is a wonderful thing. it gifts us with space to heal.
so, do you think it will be difficult for you to stay sober? i don't. i get feelings and i feel you will find your way up to the sun this time. the past is the past. no amount of anything changes that. believe me i tried for years. what finally worked was realizing that i did not want those people to have control over my emotions anymore.
my life is more than those days 28 years ago. sure it happened. it was not a pretty experience. yet it is mine and it does play into who i am now. not with fear tho. with strength to know i can face anything and find my way back to my joy.
i bet you are exhausted emotionally today. take a break from reality if you can. do something you love. reward yourself for being a good girl and doing the adult aspect of your life. i am proud of you. now go play.
peace, stars and moonbeams,
bluelakelady
facing fear is always a good thing. once faced the control it has over you weakens. each time you choose to face it, it shrinks a bit more.
stay sober, you can do it. just remember every time you run and hide the person or persons who harmed you are still controlling your life. the fear they placed within you wins.
it has been 28 years since those 8 days of being a captive. i have forgotten what they look like and that feels really good. time is a wonderful thing. it gifts us with space to heal.
so, do you think it will be difficult for you to stay sober? i don't. i get feelings and i feel you will find your way up to the sun this time. the past is the past. no amount of anything changes that. believe me i tried for years. what finally worked was realizing that i did not want those people to have control over my emotions anymore.
my life is more than those days 28 years ago. sure it happened. it was not a pretty experience. yet it is mine and it does play into who i am now. not with fear tho. with strength to know i can face anything and find my way back to my joy.
i bet you are exhausted emotionally today. take a break from reality if you can. do something you love. reward yourself for being a good girl and doing the adult aspect of your life. i am proud of you. now go play.
peace, stars and moonbeams,
bluelakelady
tattoos
02-27-2008, 08:18 AM
:)Your awesome!:)
Thanks for everything. I will keep you updated. You words have meant a lot and I NEEDED to hear them.:angel:. Hope you are well.
Bella
PS: I actually go back and re-read what you have said to me daily and it helps.
Thanks for everything. I will keep you updated. You words have meant a lot and I NEEDED to hear them.:angel:. Hope you are well.
Bella
PS: I actually go back and re-read what you have said to me daily and it helps.
baserockermom
03-04-2008, 07:10 AM
How did you pull off all that counseling... financially, time-wise, that kind of thing? How did you find such a good guy?
Rather than hate you :jester: for shrinking from my size to your's... today I'm going to go ride the bike and do one circuit on the weights. Wish me luck, but it's hard to think it'll ever get better. When I was in that euphoric phase with Lyrica, I felt like I could take on the world. When it waned and I couldn't feel good things anymore, I shriveled up and quit trying (after losing 8 pounds and a size). It's hard to hope and see little results from efforts. I think the counselor is long overdue for me.
Rather than hate you :jester: for shrinking from my size to your's... today I'm going to go ride the bike and do one circuit on the weights. Wish me luck, but it's hard to think it'll ever get better. When I was in that euphoric phase with Lyrica, I felt like I could take on the world. When it waned and I couldn't feel good things anymore, I shriveled up and quit trying (after losing 8 pounds and a size). It's hard to hope and see little results from efforts. I think the counselor is long overdue for me.
bluelakelady
03-04-2008, 10:23 AM
you are most welcome bella. i am humbled by your words. thank you.
hi base,
i found the shrink from a friend who had been to him. insurance paid for it. i made the time in my life. i literally put everything on hold and focused only on my mental and physical health. there were those who were angry with me for being, in their words, selfish. perhaps. doesn't matter. that person is gone and here i am, smiling.
hooray for you. get going girl. of course you can do it. believe me there is nothing special about me. so if i can get there so can you. remember the results actually do come faster than you realize. little things like a smile you forgot you had comes popping out. the pounds leaving your body are the outward sign of your efforts. it is the muscles and the tendons getting stronger inside that really puff me up in my mind. and ultimatly it is our mind that dictates how we treat our bodies.
in a sense i worked out my mind which led to working out my body and then there was this magic circle of love between my body and mind. harmony. lovely gentle harmony.
remember to start easy so you can do it again tomorrow. baby steps turn into giant steps given the time and effort and mindfullness.
since i go to a p.t. i am indoors, so i created this place in my mind where i go. it is a long sandy beach with clear water and clean air. my goal is a rock way down the beach. or a hill to climb so i can gaze down at the beach and waters. imagination is medication for the mind.
have fun, be careful and remember to cut yourself some slack. this takes time. it is so worth it tho. so very worth it.
peace,
bluelakelady
hi base,
i found the shrink from a friend who had been to him. insurance paid for it. i made the time in my life. i literally put everything on hold and focused only on my mental and physical health. there were those who were angry with me for being, in their words, selfish. perhaps. doesn't matter. that person is gone and here i am, smiling.
hooray for you. get going girl. of course you can do it. believe me there is nothing special about me. so if i can get there so can you. remember the results actually do come faster than you realize. little things like a smile you forgot you had comes popping out. the pounds leaving your body are the outward sign of your efforts. it is the muscles and the tendons getting stronger inside that really puff me up in my mind. and ultimatly it is our mind that dictates how we treat our bodies.
in a sense i worked out my mind which led to working out my body and then there was this magic circle of love between my body and mind. harmony. lovely gentle harmony.
remember to start easy so you can do it again tomorrow. baby steps turn into giant steps given the time and effort and mindfullness.
since i go to a p.t. i am indoors, so i created this place in my mind where i go. it is a long sandy beach with clear water and clean air. my goal is a rock way down the beach. or a hill to climb so i can gaze down at the beach and waters. imagination is medication for the mind.
have fun, be careful and remember to cut yourself some slack. this takes time. it is so worth it tho. so very worth it.
peace,
bluelakelady
baserockermom
03-04-2008, 10:29 AM
Thanks, bluelakelady, but realistically, HOW MUCH TIME??? I'm 48 and the pounds don't drop easy. Thanks for the images, though. Walking toward a rock on the beach... that's far better than my usual watch the clock routine. I hadn't asked my doctor about referring me out to a therapist and seeing how much the insurance would cover--just looked into the free eight sessions thing. I'll ask the pain spec next week. Thanks.
bluelakelady
03-04-2008, 10:53 AM
well, "kid", i am 52 and i started really working on my weight at 48. so there you go!! giggle. i reached my goal weight last summer. 120. now i am at 132. i know if i don't get those bits gone they will grow and grow. it took a long time to put it on. longer than it has taken to get it off. i was 51 last summer so that is 4 years of wonderful exercise and activity.
i had to be real with myself and say, at my age this will take longer. it did. so? time is what life is made of.
you would be amazed what insurance will pay for. also years ago i went thru catholic relief services for free mental therapy for myself and my son. i am not catholic.
see about being sent to p.t. by your doc. aquatic if you have it available in your area.
you can do this.
also some shrinks have a sliding scale for patients.
peace,
blue
i had to be real with myself and say, at my age this will take longer. it did. so? time is what life is made of.
you would be amazed what insurance will pay for. also years ago i went thru catholic relief services for free mental therapy for myself and my son. i am not catholic.
see about being sent to p.t. by your doc. aquatic if you have it available in your area.
you can do this.
also some shrinks have a sliding scale for patients.
peace,
blue
baserockermom
03-04-2008, 07:50 PM
Thanks... -the kid
bluelakelady
03-05-2008, 10:17 AM
giggle, you're welcome.
blue
blue
baserockermom
03-05-2008, 05:27 PM
Did you doctor visit go alright?
bluelakelady
03-06-2008, 11:24 AM
it was the dentist, again. two days i a row. more cavities. two. poor guy, he is new at the clinic and is learning i take alot of time and throw schedules way off for the whole day. he asked if i could come back later to finish the work on one of my upper dentures. i have two sets so having one on hold is okay by me.
he is fresh out of school and the staff feel it is good for him to have someone like me, who knows her body and speaks up. i am gentle with him. i am also alot of work and i expect 100% from all my doctors. another root canal end of the month. that makes three in 4 weeks. i am wonder woman! i can do anything! giggle.
time to get ready to go exercise. today is a force yourself day. drag out my wonder woman costume and off i go . . . !
peace,
blue
he is fresh out of school and the staff feel it is good for him to have someone like me, who knows her body and speaks up. i am gentle with him. i am also alot of work and i expect 100% from all my doctors. another root canal end of the month. that makes three in 4 weeks. i am wonder woman! i can do anything! giggle.
time to get ready to go exercise. today is a force yourself day. drag out my wonder woman costume and off i go . . . !
peace,
blue
baserockermom
03-06-2008, 11:55 AM
I wouldn't feel like a wonder woman with all that work, but glad you are ready to take on the day as though you were won. Have a great one!
baserockermom
03-06-2008, 11:56 AM
I wouldn't feel like a wonder woman with all that work, but glad you are ready to take on the day as though you were one. Have a great day!