I've been busy posting on the menopause boards, and while flicking through saw infertility. My daughter and I are certainly at opposite ends of the womanhood scale at this point in our lives.

She was married in August 98 to her childhood sweetheart. She was 22 and he was 23. They decided from Day 1 they wanted to start a family, exciting stuff! She'd always had problems with her periods the beginning, never been regular, and suffered with anaemia off and on. She spoke to me about it, and as I'd only need to see a man's genitals to fall pregnant, I was at a loss to help.

Relax it'll happen, people said. But it didn't. Everyone else seemed to get pregnant and she'd cry and feel lost. You girls will know the inner emotions you have. Looking at babies in prams wishing it was yours, seeing pregnant women everywhere you go. The feeling of despair when others are pregnant, trying to be happy for them but inwardly screaming. Babysitting and imagining it's yours. It's such a tough time. When my daughter in law got pregnant it was so hard, as my heart sang with joy for them, but broke in half for my beloved daughter who cried at their news

Seven years ago she fell pregnant and we were all so thrilled for her, but disaster struck and at 10 weeks she lost the baby. Years of pain and hurt followed. Testing and more testing, all was fine with both of them, and there was no medical reason why she couldn't get pregnant. In many ways I think that was a much harder result than itf there'd been a problem.

So in desperation they decided to do IVF. What tough stuff that is!! She had to lose some weight first and became totally focused on going to the gym and getting on the scales. I thought that in itself wasn't healthy for her. She finally achieved her goal and started on the hormones which of course really knocked her around. What a roller coaster ride.

She fell pregnant to our delight. It wasn't without worry as she had a bleed, and also lost another of the babies. But one tough customer held on tightly. The result was on 8th January 2007 young Corban was born. This was what I wrote and sent out to family and friends: -

After 8 years of trying, disappointment, loss, heartache, medical exploratories and pain, my darling daughter has given birth to her own precious bundle.
She was an absolute legend even when the going got tough. I was fearful of how I'd cope seeing her in pain, but she was so damned marvellous it made it that much easier. I am in awe of how amazing she was, but this was the one thing she wanted so much in life, and she knew every pain was worth the result.
It was so special that she not only wanted me there, but also turned to me for some 'mummy' comfort when the hard work was being done. To see her sitting there after having given birth, holding her son, was a very emotional moment in my life. She looked across at me and said, 'Look Mum I've got my own baby now. Isn't he handsome, isn't he. He's mine." My heart sang for her this time.

For those reading this and thinking how wonderful, here's the update.
A few months ago she wasn't feeling well - upshot of story is:

No 2 is due 18 months later on 12th July this year. All natural and a real surprise.

So keep your belief, hold onto hope, as you may just have the same result. Not all infertility stories have an unhappy ending!

Jude

Your post made me cry. Could it be the hormones? LOL What a wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing & congrats to your daughter!!!

Holly

That is such a touching story, I am sitting here reading and rereading in tears. Bless you and your daughter and her new fmaily. I am so happy for them.

What a fantastic story, thank you for posting it!

Jude thank you so much for this amazing story brought tears to my eyes.You remind me of my mother, so you must be an amazing mother.My SIL fell pg after being married to my brother for 12 years but they had no issues juts dident want a baby until now.So they got pg on their first month of trying.My mom dident know how to break the news to me so she sat me down and told me.I really was so happy for my brother and SIL but of course it hurt inside.Going through all these treatments and shots my mother would give me my injections and every time she had to give me a shot she would cry.I said why are you crying and she would say I just hate that you have to go through this and then she would tell me how it amazes her how strong I am.Well I never once cried in front of her until one month I did and she just held me and said its going to be ok you will get your baby soon.Its amazing what a mothers hug can do.Thank you again for this amazing story and your daughter is so lucky to have such an amazing mother as I am sure your daughter is an amazing mother now please give her my congrats.

Mapia

You wonderful girls - now you've made me cry for your lovely comments. Must be my hormones as I'm menopausal hahahaha!

Mapia I remember so vividly the Christmas day when my son and daughter in law announced they were pregnant and how my daughter got so upset. They did it with love, and she couldn't talk to them. In the end I told them to both go down to my room and talk about it, I did tell my daughter while she was upset it wasn't fair to ruin their happiness. So off they went, and 20 mins later appeared laughing and hugging, much to my relief.

I also remember the day she lost baby no 1. She'd started bleeding and left my place and driven home after seeking medical advice (over an hour away) to get her feet up. I'd never had any dealing with miscarriage so was lost, but knew you could bleed and not lose a baby. After checking in with her about 5 she was lying down, tired and upset, so i left her to sleep hoping all would be well. Unknown to me, she then went into full blown miscarriage losing the baby at 10p.m. while sitting on the toilet, and was completely devastated.

A strange thing happened to me at 10.10p.m that same night. I was lying on my bed talking to a friend on the phone, the night was completely still outside with not a breath of air. Suddenly one of my curtains blew out into the room. I stopped talking and told my friend what was happening, then I was aware of a presence in one corner of the room up at ceiling height. I could see nothing, but knew something was there, and immediately thought of my darling Mum who had passed away a year earlier. I rang Kenzi the next morning to see how she'd got on, and she told me she'd lost the baby at 10p.m.. I let out a gasp, and knew in an instant my mother had gathered that little baby up and brought it to visit me before going onto a better place. An amazing experience.

As a mother I've always been sad for her, not me. I have two other delightful grand daughters whom I adore, and will get more I'm sure. It was for my daughter I felt the pain. She's always the one of our 5 kids that has had to work for everything she has, nothing has come easily, until bubby No 2!

Going through her scans, and her pain of miscarriage and loss was simply awful. Loving her with my entire being, and wanting to make it right for her and knowing I couldn't. The sad thing was she only ever wanted to get married and be a Mum. Now it's happened for her and she is thee most amazing mother, I am in awe of her. Took 8 years to get Corban and each are blessed in who they share daily life with. No 2 doesn't know how they lucky they are.

I don't know where you girls are at, but good luck in your journey. You never know what's around the corner, and it isn't always an articulated truck, sometimes it's someone bearing a precious gift.

love and hugs

Jude

Oh Jude your post was just amazing you are a natural with words.I am now living so far from my mother I lived with her while going through treatments in the US but now moved back to greece with my DH so as you see she is so far away and I miss her so much.Thank you again for sharing this amazing story with us and I am so happy there was a happy ending.I am on a break right now but will do another IUI in April or May my situation is DH is sterile and we are using donor.I have no issues but havent managed to get pregnant well I did have a chemical pregnancy one month which is a very early miscarriage.My doctor recommends one more IUI and then he suggests we move onto IVF which scares me to death but if need be we will move on anything to conceive my miracle.The story about your mother was so touching that is amazing.I am sure she took her great grandbaby with her to be safe.Again thank you so much and please pass on my congrats to your daughter.

Love,

Mapia

Hiapia,

Good luck to you with the donor. Funnily enough my daughter's best friend has a gorgeous wee boy, now 3, and he was from donor sperm has her husband was also sterile. She was a great support to kenzi as she went through IVF.

Tough for you being so far away from your Mum, thank goodness for modern technology and computers and phones. But nothing makes up for a real hug does it.

Do let me know how you get on please. You sound like a wonderful young woman. I will pass on your best wishes to my daughter.

Hugs

Jude

Jude, Your daughters story is so heart wrenching and insperational! I just want to say that you are an Angel and a wonderful mother! The way that you describe you feeling and love for your daughter makes me think of how lucky those of us are who have the support of our mothers! I wish you and your family very much happiness and health.

Love ,
Krissy

JudyNZ,

What a beautiful and touching story, thanks for sharing it with us. Your daughter is triply blessed, for her amazing mother and her two blessings from above.

I dont know if its just the hormones because I am sobbing like a baby right now. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story! You are a wonderful mother and person for sharing this with us!
I too am far away from my mom and all of my family for that matter. So it was a little bitter sweet reading this..... I MISS my mom. ANd my Nanny( my grandmother) who passed away right after my first miscarriage. I never really speak of this but, right before my 2nd loss I felt a simular presense and the same evening I began to miscarry. I truly feel my nanny had come to make sure my baby was safe in his/her journy to heaven.
Thank you again for sharing your story!!!!!

Hi Jude thank you for your good luck wishes I need them.Also thank you for another happy ending story about your daughters friend and using donor.Good to hear she was a great support to your daughter but only us going through this know how tough it is and know how to support one another thats why I am so blessed I found this board.

It is tough not being near my mom I miss her so much and your right nothing compares to a mothers hug no matter how old you are.

Thanks for your kind words I will defently let you know what happens with me just pray for me thank you.Thanks for passing my wishes to your daughter.Tkae care of yourself and your wonderful grandchildren.

Love,

Mapia

Hi Jude, thanks for sharing your daughters story, I sobbed like a baby, I think it is the hormones. I have just found out I am pregnant.

I am glad that you have been such a support to you daughter she is truley blessed. My mom is also suportive, but she has a tendency to be very emotinal. She cried when told her I had 2 decent follicles this cycle and again when I told her I was pg. I suffered a m/c in June last year and my mom sobbed so much because we went through so much to get pg. If you mention my m/c now she just starts to sob. I tend to tell her only the good parts and not the bad, I do not want her to be upset. She is very supportive though.

The story about your mom is also so touching at least you and your daughter know that her baby is well looked after in heaven.

Please send her my congratulations.

Charlene