This is the first time I have posted here in quite a little while.

Here goes..

I have anxiety and I have trouble when talking to people..especially people that I don't know very well. Once you get to know me I can talk up a storm. But when I am meeting new people and when I am talking with people I don't know well I never know what to say. I always feel so awkward..and it really bothers me. Does anyone know what I can do to work on it?

i feel the same way...i don't have a problem so much when there's a reason for talking to people...job interviews, meetings, things like that...it's more when i'm just casually waiting around and people are there, or if I'm alone and meet someone...I always feel socially awkward. I also find that, for some reason, I find it so much easier to talk to people who are either younger or older than myself, it's people my own age that stress me out! I wish I knew how to not get all tense...I"ll be interested in hearing responses to your thread!

I used to be the same way. The only thing that really helped me is practice. I made sure that I put myself in positions all the time that forced me to meet people. This includes accepting invitations to parties, volunteering with organizations and groups where I don't know anyone, taking classes. I also read a few books on the subject, the best of which was How to Win Friends and Influence People. If there is one thing I have learned about this it's that anyone can get better and improve but practice is essential. There are also classes and groups that address this. I took one called Public Speaking, but I've seen a lot of people on here recommend Toastmasters, which I don't know anything about.

What most of these books/classes, etc., will tell you is that asking questions is essential. People love to talk about themselves, and often won't notice if they are doing most of the talking. Once you learn what questions to ask, and put it into practice a few times, it will become much easier.

I can say this, fix it now before it goes any further.

I had the smae problem, maybe even worste as it went into my personal life with my wife and it has caused nothing but problems for me.

Sitting down talking to someone, I could do it if they started a conversation on a subject I know or like, other than that it was one line sentances. I had a fear in my head from speaking up and saying things.

It was so bad i would talk to my daughter and she looked awkward and that awkwardness scared me to talk with her because I didnt want her to feel awkward. so the less we talked the more awkward it got when we did making it harder the next time.

things like my wife, together 14 years and she thought I didnt like kissing her. I loved kissing her and the feelings I got from it. But if we where sitting there watching a movie tv ect, I was scared to reach over and kiss her, it always felt like it was the first time awkwardness.

this problem is the soul reason my marriage has fallen apart, my fears that I never let others know about and fixed myself cause problems on so many levels.

2 months ago while talking with my wife and going over problems we have had, more specificly the ones she had with me, I came out and admited my fears. Since that point I do everything in my power to push threw them. I have emailed family and thanked them for the things they have done over the years as I never really expressed it, I talk with my daughter all the time now, and while we still have work to go with it, the more we talk, the easier it gets.

Dont let these fears control you, my life is in shambles as my wife has left me, and most of the problems we faced where because of my fears and anxiety.

Dodedoo, it will help you to work past this if you understand exactly what you are afraid of. Are you afraid of being judged, rejected....?

Like the others have noted, practice is the only way to get over things like this. I used to have severe social anxiety, I was even on meds for it because things as simple as being called on unexpectedly in class would give me a near panic attack. I would have rather had a root canal than give a one minute presentation in front of a room.

My biggest fear was rejection and my self-image. I always was afraid that I looked awkward in front of random people or that I would say the wrong thing, or that I wouldn't know what to do with my hands, or that I would slouch, or turn red, or etc. If I heard that somebody didn't like me I would start to freak out and obsess about it, wondering what I did or said.

The only thing I've learned as I've gotten older is to RELAX. I know that it sounds ridiculous, and its much easier said than done, but seriously. Nobody cares about what you look like or what you're saying really if they don't know you, they're probably worried about the same things you are. Just take some deep breaths, tell yourself that it's not a big deal and that everybody feels awkward in new social situations, and move on. It's hard and weird at first, but the more you put yourself in social situations the better you'll handle the next one and the more experience you'll have.

Stop focusing on yourself and focus on the people and things around you. Ask them questions. Compliment something about them. Bring up a subject that everybody likes (sports, movies, books, music, etc.) and go from there. Usually subjects lead into other subjects or certain topics will remind you of something you did yesterday or etc., and the conversation will keep flowing before you even realize it. The more you focus on your own anxiety and how awkward YOU feel, the less you have a chance to take interest in the people around you.

hi dodedoo
i was homeschooled and only after i turned 14 i went to school. i'm naturally a bit introverted and stuff, and also had family problems which i'm still dealing with, but anyway, i was always scared and all that of social interaction, which sort of led to me acting like ane extrovert and stuff to feel more normal. anyway, i didn't have any good friendships,e tc and a few years later started therappy etc because i was exdtremely anxious and depressed, really, my life was in pieces. i went on medication, etc. didn't help much. therapy helped and i'm getting better.
here's my advice. don't try to have too many preconceptions about what is the right way to act, or the right way to get through a problem, etc. there are many ways. think about how you would like to live your life, and don't place restrictions on yourself if all they do is make you feel trapped. be open minded, and remember that your emotions and the feelings which your body gives you are signals which you must not ignore. so good luck;)

Dodedoo, it will help you to work past this if you understand exactly what you are afraid of. Are you afraid of being judged, rejected....?

Someone else brought up speaking in class and how that made them very nervous..that happens to me sometimes too..especially if i speak for an extended time. i feel my face start to flush and my mind kind of goes blank. i guess i just feel nervous because people are looking at me and i feel like i am being judged..sometimes im nervous that i wont say the right thing.

Hi Dode, so if you are afraid that you are going to be judged or not say the right thing do you think that this is related to your self-esteem and how you feel about yourself?