Hi

was supposed to start brilliant new job a few weeks ago, I had what I believe may have been a panic/anxiety attack. The result of this is that I did not even start the job and effectively lost it before I began. This has had a dramatically frightening effect on me which has forced me to focus on other panic / anxiety attacks that have interefered with my life for probably over thirty years now. Something is obviously wrong here, I dont know what, and I have been busy on the internet trying to get some answers.

I believe that I may be suffering from PTSD, I really dont know. Let me explain.

I had the most horrific childhood, both parents especially my Mother were extremely violent towards each other, my earliest memories are from about four years of age and vivid memories of violence between my parents. The police were often involved, it was so serious. I had to learn to call the police from an early age. The violence stopped when my father died when I was aged 17. He was seperated from my mother at the time and living in another house. I also now believe that my mother has been an un diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic all her life, and this has destroyed our family completely. I have another brother that was institutionalised for years he is now pretty ok but cannot come near his mother as her negativity will only destroy him.

I wont bore you anymore with the sordid details before and after my fathers :confused: death.

Is it possible that because of this childhood that I am now suffering from PTSD, I am now 47 and so panicy and anxious, I cannot even bear to answer phone, or even listen to messages on mobile. I am going to GP this evening, to discuss options. Well thats the story, if you read this, thank you. Hope someone can relate to this and advise.

Hi Cos, I think that people are anxious because they didn't grow up with the luxury of security. You can find security as an adult however with therapy. This is what I did. How I got better was to focus on the here and now and fix each problem that came up. The problems that I fixed were my low self-worth, lack of proper boundaries, social skills, unresolved feelings, I empowered myself and learned that I could take control of my life, and after I fixed all of these issues then I had to just stop all the reflex habit of anxiety. It can be done and there isn't a better time to start then now.

Ohmigosh, I could have written the same post right down to the undiagnosed mother save for mine being schizoid. I was about your age - I'm 52 now - when I realized just what an anxiety ridden wreck I was and realized that I'd structured my entire life around not having to confront anything that made me nervous. You can probably imagine my life......:eek:.

Still, you can and will get better. Realizing there's a problem is the hardest part - well, one of the hardest. A couple of books that helped me tremendously were "Feel The Fear (And Do It Anyway)" and "Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy". Don't berate yourself for not fixing everything immediately - it took us a long time to get where we are, it's going to take a little while to change the way we think and react to life. Take it one day at a time, and know that you're not alone.


December

Sometimes our Parents dont realise by their actions the effect they have on us kids in later life.

Isn't that the truth and I also believe that very few parents do this on purpose.