gorgee
03-05-2008, 04:01 PM
Quick question, I have been on o.c. for 1 1/2 months. I started taking o.c. at first 20 mg 2xdaily and then 2 weeks later my doctor increased the dose to 40mg 2xdaily. So I have been on 40mg 2xdaily for 1 month. Now the switched work well for me, and I feel like I got my life back and a break from pain and having to treat pain every 4-6 hours, but my husband does not agree and feels that the side effects from taking this med are causing me more pain. I have done research on this, and I do not believe this pertains to me, but I am not sure. I am so tired of this being a daily issue. My husband has called me an addict many times, and it breaks my heart, for I am not, I am dependant on pain medication at this time, My doctor is wonderful and I have appt on Friday, but I wanted to see what you all thought. My husband is causing me more pain and agony because I am stressed, anxious and crying which makes fibro/myofascial,tmj, and migraines worse.
Is it possible that I can go off the o.c. cold turkey and go back to (for now) treating my pain with vicoprofen every 4-6 hours without too many withdrawal symptoms? Or is this too much to ask? Eventually I am going to look for alternate ways to treat my pain, and look to medications for extreme pain flare ups only. This is hopeful thinking, but I am being optimistic.
I have always taken the medication the right way as prescibed and I have never abused it. I respect the medication. My husband does not understand the pain I have, but is causing me more pain by not supporting me. That is a whole other post.
I would love any advice that you all might have. Thank you.
Is it possible that I can go off the o.c. cold turkey and go back to (for now) treating my pain with vicoprofen every 4-6 hours without too many withdrawal symptoms? Or is this too much to ask? Eventually I am going to look for alternate ways to treat my pain, and look to medications for extreme pain flare ups only. This is hopeful thinking, but I am being optimistic.
I have always taken the medication the right way as prescibed and I have never abused it. I respect the medication. My husband does not understand the pain I have, but is causing me more pain by not supporting me. That is a whole other post.
I would love any advice that you all might have. Thank you.
Sponsor
ihavtwins
03-05-2008, 04:21 PM
I would try going down to the 20 again first to see your body's reaction. Your pain will increase, try to rest more, ice where it hurts, take ibuprofen, anything else you can think of to help the pain. Do this for a week, if the pain does not level out, then you know you really need it.
Then you may ask for 10mg tabs if they have them, or ask doc best way to step down from that.
I would never go cold turkey, that is not good for the body in so many ways.
You are not an addict, your body is physically dependant- TOTALLY different. You suffer chronic pain and your husband is not being understanding. Can I kick him for you?
If you really want to reduce your pain meds ask your doc at appt what other meds may you take that would support your gradual decrease in meds such as anti depressants, tramadol/ultram, anti-anxiety meds etc.
I would not discuss your medication issues with husband, this is your body. The more you talk about it, the more he is picking on you. Stick to talking about it with your doc.
Jen
Then you may ask for 10mg tabs if they have them, or ask doc best way to step down from that.
I would never go cold turkey, that is not good for the body in so many ways.
You are not an addict, your body is physically dependant- TOTALLY different. You suffer chronic pain and your husband is not being understanding. Can I kick him for you?
If you really want to reduce your pain meds ask your doc at appt what other meds may you take that would support your gradual decrease in meds such as anti depressants, tramadol/ultram, anti-anxiety meds etc.
I would not discuss your medication issues with husband, this is your body. The more you talk about it, the more he is picking on you. Stick to talking about it with your doc.
Jen
ozzybug
03-05-2008, 04:22 PM
Kass-
I would advise against going cold turkey even though you have only been on it for a couple months.
Is there some way you can get your hubby educated about chronic pain and the toll it takes on the suffering patient? Maybe take him to an appointment with your PM doctor?
He really is making assumptions that aren't fair to you. I know you are tired of it being an issue, but what are you supposed to do- suffer because he just won't understand? Please, PLEASE don't suffer just to keep him quiet. Try and find help making him understand by having your doctor talk with him.
I would advise against going cold turkey even though you have only been on it for a couple months.
Is there some way you can get your hubby educated about chronic pain and the toll it takes on the suffering patient? Maybe take him to an appointment with your PM doctor?
He really is making assumptions that aren't fair to you. I know you are tired of it being an issue, but what are you supposed to do- suffer because he just won't understand? Please, PLEASE don't suffer just to keep him quiet. Try and find help making him understand by having your doctor talk with him.
cmpgirl
03-05-2008, 04:28 PM
Kass hon:
The oxy (or any LA med) is actually a better source of relief and isn't really any different chemically, than taking just your BT meds. They are both narcotics. In my opinion, and it is totally up to you, but I think you should stick with what works best for your pain.
Talk to your PM about this and let him know what your hubby is telling you. Hopefully he can clarify everything.
The stress is certainly not helping your pain, that much I do know, from experience.
Hugs, cmpgirl :angel:
The oxy (or any LA med) is actually a better source of relief and isn't really any different chemically, than taking just your BT meds. They are both narcotics. In my opinion, and it is totally up to you, but I think you should stick with what works best for your pain.
Talk to your PM about this and let him know what your hubby is telling you. Hopefully he can clarify everything.
The stress is certainly not helping your pain, that much I do know, from experience.
Hugs, cmpgirl :angel:
123dietdrpepper
03-05-2008, 04:34 PM
Maybe hubby needs to go with you on your next pm appt -- your pm may need to speak to him and help him understand why you need the medication. Good luck and I feel terrible that your spouse is not supporting you right now.
brianpain33
03-05-2008, 04:40 PM
kass:
I know you remember all of the advice and suggestions that people gave you on the other threads that you have posted on. I think you have 3 options:
1. Go off the oxycontin (go through horrible withdrawals) and also have your pain skyrocket in the process in order please your husband
2. Stick with what you are taking and get your hubby to go to the doctor's appt & print out the several threads that you have posted on
3. Split with your hubby and live the life you want to lead so that you are happy and as pain free as possible (I know this is harsh but it's reality)
It is your life, your body, your pain, and your choices.
Brian
I know you remember all of the advice and suggestions that people gave you on the other threads that you have posted on. I think you have 3 options:
1. Go off the oxycontin (go through horrible withdrawals) and also have your pain skyrocket in the process in order please your husband
2. Stick with what you are taking and get your hubby to go to the doctor's appt & print out the several threads that you have posted on
3. Split with your hubby and live the life you want to lead so that you are happy and as pain free as possible (I know this is harsh but it's reality)
It is your life, your body, your pain, and your choices.
Brian
gorgee
03-05-2008, 04:55 PM
Brian and all that have wrote in, yes I remember all the advice and I am so greatful, but I thought that as time went by it would get easier and my husband would see how much easier it would be for me to manage the pain. I tried to reach out and see if other people have this and how do they get through it.
I am sorry, if I am repeating myself, I just am scared. My husband last night told me he has people he talks to, lawyers, nurses, and doctors. Also, that so many men would have shown me the door by now. I want to be healthy, and pain less or painfree. My children are my life, and I take care of them 100%, no matter what. I have been in so much pain and in bed and still managed to take care of them. I am also afraid that medication can be used against me, even if it is prescribed to me and I have a doctor by my side, if I decided to move on in my life.
I want a happy life, and I want my marriage to last, but this is a constant issue, that he can not get around. He has gone to a couple of my doctors appt., and he has voiced his opinions, and my doctor has tried to tell him my pain is real and he and I are managing it. But my husband left, disliking my doctor and not still not believing me.
As you wrote, brian, in another post about pain getting better when you stop taking pain meds., well my husband is convinced that my pain is from the side effects of my meds. and not from my health issues. I appreciate your advice and no you are not harsh. It is reality.
Thank you
I am sorry, if I am repeating myself, I just am scared. My husband last night told me he has people he talks to, lawyers, nurses, and doctors. Also, that so many men would have shown me the door by now. I want to be healthy, and pain less or painfree. My children are my life, and I take care of them 100%, no matter what. I have been in so much pain and in bed and still managed to take care of them. I am also afraid that medication can be used against me, even if it is prescribed to me and I have a doctor by my side, if I decided to move on in my life.
I want a happy life, and I want my marriage to last, but this is a constant issue, that he can not get around. He has gone to a couple of my doctors appt., and he has voiced his opinions, and my doctor has tried to tell him my pain is real and he and I are managing it. But my husband left, disliking my doctor and not still not believing me.
As you wrote, brian, in another post about pain getting better when you stop taking pain meds., well my husband is convinced that my pain is from the side effects of my meds. and not from my health issues. I appreciate your advice and no you are not harsh. It is reality.
Thank you
ozzybug
03-05-2008, 05:09 PM
Kass-
Your husband is manipulating you and using scare tactics to try and get his way without concern to your pain levels. If you are functioning, taking your meds as prescribed and have a validated and recorded documented need for these meds, he needs to lay off!
I'm sorry, I just hate to think of you going through this because he refuses to understand or be educated about this subject. It breaks my heart!
Your husband doesn't KNOW what your pain is! All these people who make false and uneducated assumptions really need to try and live JUST ONE DAY in our bodies. They would be crawling the walls begging for mercy.
We, as chronic pain patients really do bear the brunt of some horrific treatment by ignorant people sometimes. Sweetie, I just wish I could help you but what I offered in my first response is all I've got.
We are ALL here for you!
Your husband is manipulating you and using scare tactics to try and get his way without concern to your pain levels. If you are functioning, taking your meds as prescribed and have a validated and recorded documented need for these meds, he needs to lay off!
I'm sorry, I just hate to think of you going through this because he refuses to understand or be educated about this subject. It breaks my heart!
Your husband doesn't KNOW what your pain is! All these people who make false and uneducated assumptions really need to try and live JUST ONE DAY in our bodies. They would be crawling the walls begging for mercy.
We, as chronic pain patients really do bear the brunt of some horrific treatment by ignorant people sometimes. Sweetie, I just wish I could help you but what I offered in my first response is all I've got.
We are ALL here for you!
ozzybug
03-05-2008, 05:16 PM
One more thing kass-
When your husband has a headache, what does he do? Takes a motrin to get rid of that pain right? If he broke his leg, wouldn't he take the pain meds given to him in the ER?
Well, his pain with a headache or broken bone is a TEMPORARY pain, your pain is a CHRONIC/INTRACTABLE pain. Your pain won't simply "go away" with a Motrin, so you have to treat your LONG TERM pain in a LONG TERM way.
You husband takes a couple of meds daily, right? Ambien and Ativan? Then, he needs to look at himself before he starts pushing you around sweetie.
I just wish I could help you in some way. Please do stay here with is and keep us posted, because regardless of the choice you make, we are here for you.
PS- I'm typing so hard I think I broke one of my acrylics...
When your husband has a headache, what does he do? Takes a motrin to get rid of that pain right? If he broke his leg, wouldn't he take the pain meds given to him in the ER?
Well, his pain with a headache or broken bone is a TEMPORARY pain, your pain is a CHRONIC/INTRACTABLE pain. Your pain won't simply "go away" with a Motrin, so you have to treat your LONG TERM pain in a LONG TERM way.
You husband takes a couple of meds daily, right? Ambien and Ativan? Then, he needs to look at himself before he starts pushing you around sweetie.
I just wish I could help you in some way. Please do stay here with is and keep us posted, because regardless of the choice you make, we are here for you.
PS- I'm typing so hard I think I broke one of my acrylics...
brianpain33
03-05-2008, 05:33 PM
I want a happy life, and I want my marriage to last, but this is a constant issue,
I highly doubt that this is going to happen. Only you can make the choice and as I have learned the only one that can make you happy is you. If you want to be miserable, manipulated, put down, and think things will get better then stay. If you want the opposite, then you know what you will have to do. I remember you talking about how your husband "handles" his problems with stress & living life. I can't diagnose him but you already know the truth. And if he is not willing to change then there is nothing you can do to make it happen. I'm sorry that you are in this situation and just how difficult it will be to leave but think about yourself first and your children. I am sure if you asked your children who they would want to live with, they would definitely choose you. That tells you something right there. Good luck and as I have learned making the right choice is sometimes VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO DO.
Brian
I highly doubt that this is going to happen. Only you can make the choice and as I have learned the only one that can make you happy is you. If you want to be miserable, manipulated, put down, and think things will get better then stay. If you want the opposite, then you know what you will have to do. I remember you talking about how your husband "handles" his problems with stress & living life. I can't diagnose him but you already know the truth. And if he is not willing to change then there is nothing you can do to make it happen. I'm sorry that you are in this situation and just how difficult it will be to leave but think about yourself first and your children. I am sure if you asked your children who they would want to live with, they would definitely choose you. That tells you something right there. Good luck and as I have learned making the right choice is sometimes VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO DO.
Brian
Fabrashamx
03-05-2008, 06:52 PM
Hi Sweetie,
After reading through some of your posts I have to say in my opinion, Your husband doesnt care about your pain, he is abusive and controlling and this is a point he can use to bully you.
My advice is to take the kids and go, people like him rarely get any better because they never think there is anything wrong with them.
Believe me because I have been there, it is better to be poor and alone and scared than live with someone who is controlling you completely. You are the only one who can better your life, and your kids lives. You do not deserve to be in pain or to be told you dont deserve relief, or that you have to choose between that relief and having a family.
At least, please consider counciling for you, even if he wont go, it will help you to make better decisions and to feel better about yourself.
If you choose to stay where you are being mistreated, whatever the reason, you are no longer a victim, you are a volunteer.
Is there somewhere you can go, even for a weekend, to think? stress makes fibro much worse as I am sure you know, maybe if you can get off somewhere for a few days you can find a way to be your own hero.:angel:
In the meantime, we are all here for you, night and day.
Hang in there, Fabby
After reading through some of your posts I have to say in my opinion, Your husband doesnt care about your pain, he is abusive and controlling and this is a point he can use to bully you.
My advice is to take the kids and go, people like him rarely get any better because they never think there is anything wrong with them.
Believe me because I have been there, it is better to be poor and alone and scared than live with someone who is controlling you completely. You are the only one who can better your life, and your kids lives. You do not deserve to be in pain or to be told you dont deserve relief, or that you have to choose between that relief and having a family.
At least, please consider counciling for you, even if he wont go, it will help you to make better decisions and to feel better about yourself.
If you choose to stay where you are being mistreated, whatever the reason, you are no longer a victim, you are a volunteer.
Is there somewhere you can go, even for a weekend, to think? stress makes fibro much worse as I am sure you know, maybe if you can get off somewhere for a few days you can find a way to be your own hero.:angel:
In the meantime, we are all here for you, night and day.
Hang in there, Fabby
Executor
03-05-2008, 09:16 PM
I'm going to be very upfront here if that's ok? I agree with Fabby in that some type of couple counseling is the best option right now. Your medical care seems like it's going very well right now and should not be changed because your husband is being an a$$. He just doesn't understand and counseling could help him see the situation more clearly.
Secondly, your body has now adjusted physically to the Oxy. Going backwards in the opiate family will be a serious physical adjustment. Furthermore, I seriously doubt that your pain will respond to a much weaker med at this point, especially since you've been on Oxy. Thus, doing so would be a big risk in your medical condition and one that should be seriously considered before doing so.
Also, to be very blunt....Your husband saying one of the weaker drugs is permissible, but not OC, is like being half pregnant....You can't be. Either your taking narcotics or you aren't. Again, he just doesn't understand PM concept and needs a good education. Does he really want you to potentially suffer just so he can feel good about you taking Vicoprofin instead of OC??
If you read enough of these posts on this message board, you don't have to go very far to see that many patients are really struggling through poor care and/or insensitive Docs. You are fortunate that you have a good Doc, and don't let your husband screw it up!!! Additionally, I'd be VERY CAREFUL of him (or you) relaying information about being accused of being an addict and etc. This kind of discussion taken the wrong way can destroy a good PM Doc/patient relationship in a NY minute.
HopI haven't been too insensitive....But, I thought you need some straight talk. Get to a counselor.....Quick.
Good luck and I sincerely hope things work out!
Ex
Secondly, your body has now adjusted physically to the Oxy. Going backwards in the opiate family will be a serious physical adjustment. Furthermore, I seriously doubt that your pain will respond to a much weaker med at this point, especially since you've been on Oxy. Thus, doing so would be a big risk in your medical condition and one that should be seriously considered before doing so.
Also, to be very blunt....Your husband saying one of the weaker drugs is permissible, but not OC, is like being half pregnant....You can't be. Either your taking narcotics or you aren't. Again, he just doesn't understand PM concept and needs a good education. Does he really want you to potentially suffer just so he can feel good about you taking Vicoprofin instead of OC??
If you read enough of these posts on this message board, you don't have to go very far to see that many patients are really struggling through poor care and/or insensitive Docs. You are fortunate that you have a good Doc, and don't let your husband screw it up!!! Additionally, I'd be VERY CAREFUL of him (or you) relaying information about being accused of being an addict and etc. This kind of discussion taken the wrong way can destroy a good PM Doc/patient relationship in a NY minute.
HopI haven't been too insensitive....But, I thought you need some straight talk. Get to a counselor.....Quick.
Good luck and I sincerely hope things work out!
Ex
gorgee
03-05-2008, 09:45 PM
Thank you all for responding. I appreciate each and every one of the posts. I need to hear it. I wrote the thread because this is a battle for me, and I know what I need to do, but I am scared. I am going to talk to my doctor on Friday. My doctor knows my situation and even gave me his home phone number to call him for anything. My doctor believes that my pain is from the stress and anxiety from my marriage.
So please I need all the opinions, your own stories, and experiences. I am thankful I found this site, and please do not every worry about being hard on me or harsh. I have lived with it for 8 years, and now is the time for me to hear, and listen to it.
Good night.
So please I need all the opinions, your own stories, and experiences. I am thankful I found this site, and please do not every worry about being hard on me or harsh. I have lived with it for 8 years, and now is the time for me to hear, and listen to it.
Good night.
kayci38
03-05-2008, 10:56 PM
Hi Kass,I don't have any advice but I do want you to know that I understand what you're going through when it comes to pain,pain meds,and your husband.My husband has no idea that I take pain meds daily because it says it's a cop out,he gripes everytime I have a doctors appt.He doesn't understand what fibromyalgia does to me,or the degenerative disc disease,arthritis and pinched nerves.He doesnt know that if I didnt take something for pain that he'd be doing his own laundry,cooking,cleaning,etc. It's easier for me to keep everything to myself.I have 3 kids which are 18,14 and 10.They all know what I take but that's it.I have written down on a sheet of paper of my conditions and my meds and it is hidden in one of my daughters drawers so in case something happens to me,God forbid,that I cannot talk or communicate then they can give that paper to the doctor for me.It's a sad way to live but it's what I have to do.I came to this site so I didnt have to keep everything so hush hush because everyone here knows and understands about being sick and in pain.Just want you to know you're not alone when it comes to having an a** for a husband when it comes to these things.Good luck in whatever you decide.I'm here for you! Quick question, I have been on o.c. for 1 1/2 months. I started taking o.c. at first 20 mg 2xdaily and then 2 weeks later my doctor increased the dose to 40mg 2xdaily. So I have been on 40mg 2xdaily for 1 month. Now the switched work well for me, and I feel like I got my life back and a break from pain and having to treat pain every 4-6 hours, but my husband does not agree and feels that the side effects from taking this med are causing me more pain. I have done research on this, and I do not believe this pertains to me, but I am not sure. I am so tired of this being a daily issue. My husband has called me an addict many times, and it breaks my heart, for I am not, I am dependant on pain medication at this time, My doctor is wonderful and I have appt on Friday, but I wanted to see what you all thought. My husband is causing me more pain and agony because I am stressed, anxious and crying which makes fibro/myofascial,tmj, and migraines worse.
Is it possible that I can go off the o.c. cold turkey and go back to (for now) treating my pain with vicoprofen every 4-6 hours without too many withdrawal symptoms? Or is this too much to ask? Eventually I am going to look for alternate ways to treat my pain, and look to medications for extreme pain flare ups only. This is hopeful thinking, but I am being optimistic.
I have always taken the medication the right way as prescibed and I have never abused it. I respect the medication. My husband does not understand the pain I have, but is causing me more pain by not supporting me. That is a whole other post.
I would love any advice that you all might have. Thank you.
Is it possible that I can go off the o.c. cold turkey and go back to (for now) treating my pain with vicoprofen every 4-6 hours without too many withdrawal symptoms? Or is this too much to ask? Eventually I am going to look for alternate ways to treat my pain, and look to medications for extreme pain flare ups only. This is hopeful thinking, but I am being optimistic.
I have always taken the medication the right way as prescibed and I have never abused it. I respect the medication. My husband does not understand the pain I have, but is causing me more pain by not supporting me. That is a whole other post.
I would love any advice that you all might have. Thank you.
Executor
03-06-2008, 01:04 AM
Kayci- I just wanted to say that I'm soooo sorry to hear about your situation. You deserve better than that! Thanks for sharing as it's important for the OP to know that she is NOT ALONE in her treatment. This kind of crap happens to good women!;)
On a side note, I'm sure you're very careful, but please watch your meds around your kids. Hope they don't tell any friends....Have you seen that commercial they show on TV with the drug dealer on the street corner and he says that business is slow due to the kids parents medicine cabinets? I worry with my kids even though I think they're all great.
Take care and again, thanks for sharing.
Ex
On a side note, I'm sure you're very careful, but please watch your meds around your kids. Hope they don't tell any friends....Have you seen that commercial they show on TV with the drug dealer on the street corner and he says that business is slow due to the kids parents medicine cabinets? I worry with my kids even though I think they're all great.
Take care and again, thanks for sharing.
Ex
slipperyslope
03-06-2008, 06:31 AM
I think that as long as your married to your husband, he will never ever understand your need for pain managment.
If you don't want to leave him, than you will have to stop the oxycontin. He is never going to agree or understand what your going through. He is so clouded in regards to oxycontin and his thinking is totally un justified.. he has been probably reading up on the internet how dangerous this drug is and is totally reading to much on the net or talking to people about the abuse potential. I guess he doesn't trust you. How come this is??? He is so afraid you will become this horrible drug addict who abuses her meds and only takes them for the high. and lays in bed all day getting high. Perhaps he doesn't know you. Is there a reason he is so against oxycontin and tistrust you so much? did anything ever happen to lead him to believe you are an addict?
He is really runing your life and if I were you, I would not stand for this abuse. your a grown women and he needs to trust you and your Dr's decision and know that you are only trying to live a normal life fre of pain.
I would not take him to the Dr's apt with you because he is going to ruin it for you and make your Dr think you have a problem and red flag you and possibly harrass your DR until he takes you off the med. He also may decide to take you off all your narcotis or terminate you from his practice in fear of your husbands attitude and beliefs.. Your PM Dr doesn't need to hear how unhappy your husband is with your medications and how bad this drug is. He will most likely not want to help you in fear of your husband reporting him and causing him troubles with the DEA. Your husband is so out of line here that I can't even begin to put it into words. He has his own fears and paranoia and I just don't see him ever changing. I have read that you have taken him to several PM apts and its done no good.. so why take him to this Dr? The Dr is going to end up taking you off the oxy's because he is tired of hearing about your husband and how he is causing your pain issues and making you worse. Why would you want to subject your caring Dr to this? Your very lucky to have a good caring Dr who is willing to give you oxycontin as many PM Dr's won't even prescribe it, so you should be really careful about runing any chances you even have to be out of pain.
so your choices are to either leave this man, or stop all medications just to please him and keep him off your back!!! and suffer in pain so your husband is happy.
How sad this is for you. You have gotten such great advice but only you can handle things from here on out as there isn't anything else that can be done to change this man's mind set. He is totally anti oxycontin. Sure you can stop your meds cold turkey, if you want to be totally sick, vomiting, diahrea and in worse pain that ever from the W/D and from being off your meds that actually help your pain. You will not die from this, but you will sure be sick. Is that what you really want, or is that what your husband wants?
You need to worry about you, and he can either stay with you and except your medication or you can stop the meds to make him happy. Its up to you, and only you can figure this out.
SS
If you don't want to leave him, than you will have to stop the oxycontin. He is never going to agree or understand what your going through. He is so clouded in regards to oxycontin and his thinking is totally un justified.. he has been probably reading up on the internet how dangerous this drug is and is totally reading to much on the net or talking to people about the abuse potential. I guess he doesn't trust you. How come this is??? He is so afraid you will become this horrible drug addict who abuses her meds and only takes them for the high. and lays in bed all day getting high. Perhaps he doesn't know you. Is there a reason he is so against oxycontin and tistrust you so much? did anything ever happen to lead him to believe you are an addict?
He is really runing your life and if I were you, I would not stand for this abuse. your a grown women and he needs to trust you and your Dr's decision and know that you are only trying to live a normal life fre of pain.
I would not take him to the Dr's apt with you because he is going to ruin it for you and make your Dr think you have a problem and red flag you and possibly harrass your DR until he takes you off the med. He also may decide to take you off all your narcotis or terminate you from his practice in fear of your husbands attitude and beliefs.. Your PM Dr doesn't need to hear how unhappy your husband is with your medications and how bad this drug is. He will most likely not want to help you in fear of your husband reporting him and causing him troubles with the DEA. Your husband is so out of line here that I can't even begin to put it into words. He has his own fears and paranoia and I just don't see him ever changing. I have read that you have taken him to several PM apts and its done no good.. so why take him to this Dr? The Dr is going to end up taking you off the oxy's because he is tired of hearing about your husband and how he is causing your pain issues and making you worse. Why would you want to subject your caring Dr to this? Your very lucky to have a good caring Dr who is willing to give you oxycontin as many PM Dr's won't even prescribe it, so you should be really careful about runing any chances you even have to be out of pain.
so your choices are to either leave this man, or stop all medications just to please him and keep him off your back!!! and suffer in pain so your husband is happy.
How sad this is for you. You have gotten such great advice but only you can handle things from here on out as there isn't anything else that can be done to change this man's mind set. He is totally anti oxycontin. Sure you can stop your meds cold turkey, if you want to be totally sick, vomiting, diahrea and in worse pain that ever from the W/D and from being off your meds that actually help your pain. You will not die from this, but you will sure be sick. Is that what you really want, or is that what your husband wants?
You need to worry about you, and he can either stay with you and except your medication or you can stop the meds to make him happy. Its up to you, and only you can figure this out.
SS
gorgee
03-06-2008, 08:59 AM
To all, Thank you for writing me. Kayci I feel for us. I wish no had else had to go through this. I have decided not to stop ct, and I am so thankful for everybodies help. I have a 2 and 4 year boys to take care of 100%, and I was only thinking of my husband and that is not fair to me or the boys. My husband feels he does nothing to make me upset. I asked him to please not mention that he says most men would have shown me the door by now, and he told me, "do not tell me what I can and cannot say in my house, do not do it."
Slippery slope, I have done nothing, I mean nothing to deserve this. He complains that I keep the house a pig pen when I get behind, and that I am slower and have gained weight. I don't feel good! I always take care of the boys 100%, I try to take care of the house the best I can, and I want to be there for him. I take care of him, he drops clothes on the floor, I pick them up, he has dirty dishes and popsicle sticks on the floor, or dirty dishes on the counter, I pick them up, throw them away or wash the dishes. I have never taken the medication the wrong way or abused it. That is why it upsets me so much. My doctor is awesome, and he knows what I am going through. I, too, was afraid of what my husband was doing when he went to my appts. but my doctor, said after my husband left, now back to you. Also, he gave me his honest opinion about my hubby.
Yesterday, I was so upset, and I wanted to please my husband, so I did not take my o.c. in am and was trying to stop taking it. I went 23 hours from last dose, and I realized I was not being a good mother. I was in pain, and very short with them. They do not deserve it, and once again I had more pain because of my husband. I begged him yesterday to be positive and trust me, and with his support I can get so much better. Having his support can help me so much. On days when my husband is being nice, or when he is gone, I am in less pain, and take less medication. That is horrible and truly a sign I need to start thinking about what I have to do for my future.
One more thing, my husband has a very highly addictive personality. I tend not to. I always take the medication on time 7a and 7p, and always what is prescribed. I just want my pain to be managed, and be a good mom. If I can be a good wife then I would love to be that too. But sometimes, even then simplest things, like my sister calls to early accidently, or the house is a mess from toys and stuff, and so much more, but that is a sign of disrespect and not appreciating him. Ohh..I never thought it would be like this, and I don't know how it got this bad.
I thank everybody for your advice and I am staying on the medication. I need to be on top of my game, and I am able to do that with less pain, and be able to be a great mom to the kids. thank you all.
All my love and appreciation
Kass
Slippery slope, I have done nothing, I mean nothing to deserve this. He complains that I keep the house a pig pen when I get behind, and that I am slower and have gained weight. I don't feel good! I always take care of the boys 100%, I try to take care of the house the best I can, and I want to be there for him. I take care of him, he drops clothes on the floor, I pick them up, he has dirty dishes and popsicle sticks on the floor, or dirty dishes on the counter, I pick them up, throw them away or wash the dishes. I have never taken the medication the wrong way or abused it. That is why it upsets me so much. My doctor is awesome, and he knows what I am going through. I, too, was afraid of what my husband was doing when he went to my appts. but my doctor, said after my husband left, now back to you. Also, he gave me his honest opinion about my hubby.
Yesterday, I was so upset, and I wanted to please my husband, so I did not take my o.c. in am and was trying to stop taking it. I went 23 hours from last dose, and I realized I was not being a good mother. I was in pain, and very short with them. They do not deserve it, and once again I had more pain because of my husband. I begged him yesterday to be positive and trust me, and with his support I can get so much better. Having his support can help me so much. On days when my husband is being nice, or when he is gone, I am in less pain, and take less medication. That is horrible and truly a sign I need to start thinking about what I have to do for my future.
One more thing, my husband has a very highly addictive personality. I tend not to. I always take the medication on time 7a and 7p, and always what is prescribed. I just want my pain to be managed, and be a good mom. If I can be a good wife then I would love to be that too. But sometimes, even then simplest things, like my sister calls to early accidently, or the house is a mess from toys and stuff, and so much more, but that is a sign of disrespect and not appreciating him. Ohh..I never thought it would be like this, and I don't know how it got this bad.
I thank everybody for your advice and I am staying on the medication. I need to be on top of my game, and I am able to do that with less pain, and be able to be a great mom to the kids. thank you all.
All my love and appreciation
Kass
rayefaye
03-06-2008, 09:42 AM
Hi Kass and Kayci, my heart goes out to you but at some point you do have to make a decision of either staying or going. My ex-husband drank, smoked pot and did crack cocaine and then had the nerve to tell me that I was an addict. He was always ranting and raving about something which did help my pain and was not a good enviroment to bring up my two small daughters in. After 10 years, I decided enough was enough and he had to go. I have never regretted my decision, it was the best thing for me and my daughters. The main thing you need to decide it what's best for you and your two young childern. You pain will never get better as long as you stay stessed out all the time. Also no young child needs to be raise in a home with someone acting in such a matter because believe it or not his actions affect those childern.
Nina21
03-06-2008, 09:45 AM
Hi there. It is very difficult to try and be everything to everyone...especially family. I too am on Oxycontin 20 mg 2x a day for pain management. It barely manages the pain, but I refuse to have the dose increased. I understand totally how you feel. My husband does not believe in taking an aspirin and I am on at least 7-8 different meds. I too do not abuse my medications...like you I take the OC at 7am and again at 7pm...
Truthfully I think it is very hard for them (our husbands) to see us this way...At least I know it is that way for me. Prior to my accident I was always running in a 100 different directions...and now I move only in one direction and at a snail's pace... I/we don't have children. After my injury my doctors strongly advised me against even trying to get pregnant...so that is a struggle I deal with on a daily basis. However, it must be extremely difficult for you being there for your children 100%- and dealing with managing your pain.
I hope this message helps you...and know that you are not alone.
Sincerely,
Nina
Truthfully I think it is very hard for them (our husbands) to see us this way...At least I know it is that way for me. Prior to my accident I was always running in a 100 different directions...and now I move only in one direction and at a snail's pace... I/we don't have children. After my injury my doctors strongly advised me against even trying to get pregnant...so that is a struggle I deal with on a daily basis. However, it must be extremely difficult for you being there for your children 100%- and dealing with managing your pain.
I hope this message helps you...and know that you are not alone.
Sincerely,
Nina
Fabrashamx
03-06-2008, 11:52 AM
Kass,
I am so glad you decided to stay on the meds. only by putting yourself first can you then be there for others, and your kids need you.
After reading through posts, I dont think you have a problem with husbands that simply do not like oxy, I think you have a problem with husbands who are abusive control freaks.
When my dh first got sick with bipolar, he blamed everything on me. I had to show him the door and let him live on his own for a while as a wake up call as to just how much I was doing for him and what a jerk he had become to me.
I threw him out when I had 2 small kids and no job and was in pain, I do know how scary it is, but believe me, you will not be able to continue the way things are and have any kind of happiness or peace. If you stopped all meds today, he would find something else to use against you.
Marriage must be about mutual love, respect, and support, You deserve to be treated with love and compassion. People are not perfect and we all have rough patches, but this goes way beyond that, put yourself and your children first for awhile and get the relief you deserve.
I am really happy that you decided to stay on your meds, keep posting, all of us here are in your corner.
Hugs, Fabby :)
PS~ I want to make it clear that I don't think every spouse that has concerns over these meds is abusive and controlling, I am talking about these two specific people after reading through many posts. Lots of times spouses just need to be educated and really do have our best interests at heart, I just dont feel thats the case here.
I am so glad you decided to stay on the meds. only by putting yourself first can you then be there for others, and your kids need you.
After reading through posts, I dont think you have a problem with husbands that simply do not like oxy, I think you have a problem with husbands who are abusive control freaks.
When my dh first got sick with bipolar, he blamed everything on me. I had to show him the door and let him live on his own for a while as a wake up call as to just how much I was doing for him and what a jerk he had become to me.
I threw him out when I had 2 small kids and no job and was in pain, I do know how scary it is, but believe me, you will not be able to continue the way things are and have any kind of happiness or peace. If you stopped all meds today, he would find something else to use against you.
Marriage must be about mutual love, respect, and support, You deserve to be treated with love and compassion. People are not perfect and we all have rough patches, but this goes way beyond that, put yourself and your children first for awhile and get the relief you deserve.
I am really happy that you decided to stay on your meds, keep posting, all of us here are in your corner.
Hugs, Fabby :)
PS~ I want to make it clear that I don't think every spouse that has concerns over these meds is abusive and controlling, I am talking about these two specific people after reading through many posts. Lots of times spouses just need to be educated and really do have our best interests at heart, I just dont feel thats the case here.
ozzybug
03-06-2008, 01:42 PM
Kass-
I thought about you all afternoon & evening yesterday. I was literally seething with anger that your husband is being so controling, manipulative & abusive towars you. My first "husband" was the same kind of "man". He was way over the top and considered himself the king- period. He was not only mentally & verbally abusive, but physically abusive as well. Thank God I didn't have chronic pain issues when I was with him.
My husband now (Wonderful man) doesn't necessarily like that I have to take medications, but he absolutely HATES that I have chronic pain and would rather me have to take medications and be functional rather than be in pain and not able to do anything. As a matter of fact, he was the one who really encouraged me to commit to pain management. I was afraid of the "stigma", but he helped me to see that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of because it's really none of anyone else's business.
No one, and I mean NO ONE should be made to feel guilty for seeking out and getting the help they need. As Fabby said, if you are not able to put yourself first in this situation, you will not be able to be there for your children.
I feel like this man has literally scared you into thinking you can't make it without him. He is namely threatening you with the oxy to "keep you in place" and keep you from leaving. He knows exactly what he's doing sweetie. He KNOWS you are afraid that if you were to leave he would try and use the oxy against you. You have a true and documented need for this medication and do not abuse your meds, so please don't let that be the thing that keeps you from doing what you need to do for your children and yourself.
I can assure you there are MANY single mothers out there who take medications and have custody of their children. You and your children deserve to live a happy life.
I am keeping you & Kayci in my prayers.
All of our lives (CP'ers) would be so much less complicated if ignorant people would educate themselves really. Unless and until they are, we are just going to have to bear the brunt of their ignorance.
I thought about you all afternoon & evening yesterday. I was literally seething with anger that your husband is being so controling, manipulative & abusive towars you. My first "husband" was the same kind of "man". He was way over the top and considered himself the king- period. He was not only mentally & verbally abusive, but physically abusive as well. Thank God I didn't have chronic pain issues when I was with him.
My husband now (Wonderful man) doesn't necessarily like that I have to take medications, but he absolutely HATES that I have chronic pain and would rather me have to take medications and be functional rather than be in pain and not able to do anything. As a matter of fact, he was the one who really encouraged me to commit to pain management. I was afraid of the "stigma", but he helped me to see that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of because it's really none of anyone else's business.
No one, and I mean NO ONE should be made to feel guilty for seeking out and getting the help they need. As Fabby said, if you are not able to put yourself first in this situation, you will not be able to be there for your children.
I feel like this man has literally scared you into thinking you can't make it without him. He is namely threatening you with the oxy to "keep you in place" and keep you from leaving. He knows exactly what he's doing sweetie. He KNOWS you are afraid that if you were to leave he would try and use the oxy against you. You have a true and documented need for this medication and do not abuse your meds, so please don't let that be the thing that keeps you from doing what you need to do for your children and yourself.
I can assure you there are MANY single mothers out there who take medications and have custody of their children. You and your children deserve to live a happy life.
I am keeping you & Kayci in my prayers.
All of our lives (CP'ers) would be so much less complicated if ignorant people would educate themselves really. Unless and until they are, we are just going to have to bear the brunt of their ignorance.
Executor
03-06-2008, 02:11 PM
Marriage must be about mutual love, respect, and support, You deserve to be treated with love and compassion. People are not perfect and we all have rough patches, but this goes way beyond that, put yourself and your children first for awhile and get the relief you deserve.
Amen! Your husband is one of those old traditional "do as I say" dominant types who ironically doesn't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground. I think some type of couple counseling might work, or threaten to leave him. That may get his attention....Then, he wouldn't have someone to pick up his popsicle sticks. With all due respect, this guy sounds like a pig. Even your Doc has picked up on it.
I was very sad to read the line your wrote about "trying to please your husband so you didn't take any meds for 23 hours." You should NOT do this. First, it compromises your health, and secondly, what does your suffering have to do with pleasing him? It's also important for you to know that for LA meds to work, they have to STAY in your system so the blood plasma levels stay built up. When you miss a dose (or two), the blood plasma levels plummet and it takes days to build it back up. The plasma levels are built on continuous use and build upon one another. So, invariably, what was your good intention of "trying to please your husband", turns into 3 days (or more) of issues for you. I'm sure if your Doc knew you were skipping doses to "please your husband", he wouldn't be very happy.
Just as as "thinking out loud" suggestion, maybe you should let him read some of these messages.
Best of luck to you!
Ex
Amen! Your husband is one of those old traditional "do as I say" dominant types who ironically doesn't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground. I think some type of couple counseling might work, or threaten to leave him. That may get his attention....Then, he wouldn't have someone to pick up his popsicle sticks. With all due respect, this guy sounds like a pig. Even your Doc has picked up on it.
I was very sad to read the line your wrote about "trying to please your husband so you didn't take any meds for 23 hours." You should NOT do this. First, it compromises your health, and secondly, what does your suffering have to do with pleasing him? It's also important for you to know that for LA meds to work, they have to STAY in your system so the blood plasma levels stay built up. When you miss a dose (or two), the blood plasma levels plummet and it takes days to build it back up. The plasma levels are built on continuous use and build upon one another. So, invariably, what was your good intention of "trying to please your husband", turns into 3 days (or more) of issues for you. I'm sure if your Doc knew you were skipping doses to "please your husband", he wouldn't be very happy.
Just as as "thinking out loud" suggestion, maybe you should let him read some of these messages.
Best of luck to you!
Ex
kayci38
03-06-2008, 02:46 PM
Oh trust me I do watch my meds,especially the pain meds.The only thing my kids have is a list of my meds and conditions.I keep my pain meds in a pocket of an old coat in the back of my closet.lol!Ok now all of you know where it is.Anyway,just wanted you to know they're in a safe place.As far as my husband goes it is crap that I can't talk to him about everything.I had to get a D&C done about a year ago and the night before I had to go he said 'it's always something with you.Gotta find a reason to go to the doctor and pop pills!"We were at a restaurant and I couldn't hold back the tears.So now I dont tell him sh*t.I'm in my 30's,he's in his 50's and he thinks that makes him a know it all.I don't mean to sit here and roast him because I do love him.I just wish I didnt have to hide things.That's why I came on here.I dont have anyone to talk about things with.Besides him and my kids that's it,no other family to go to because my mother prefers my lazy drunk step dad over all her kids and grandkids.My sister killed herself 2 yrs ago because of my mom and him.Anyway I'm gonna hush.I appreciate every single one here that takes the time to answer my silly questions.;)Kayci- I just wanted to say that I'm soooo sorry to hear about your situation. You deserve better than that! Thanks for sharing as it's important for the OP to know that she is NOT ALONE in her treatment. This kind of crap happens to good women!;)
On a side note, I'm sure you're very careful, but please watch your meds around your kids. Hope they don't tell any friends....Have you seen that commercial they show on TV with the drug dealer on the street corner and he says that business is slow due to the kids parents medicine cabinets? I worry with my kids even though I think they're all great.
Take care and again, thanks for sharing.
Ex
On a side note, I'm sure you're very careful, but please watch your meds around your kids. Hope they don't tell any friends....Have you seen that commercial they show on TV with the drug dealer on the street corner and he says that business is slow due to the kids parents medicine cabinets? I worry with my kids even though I think they're all great.
Take care and again, thanks for sharing.
Ex
brianpain33
03-06-2008, 07:09 PM
Kass:
I think you may have forgot to mention your husband's "self-medicating" tendencies and his use of alcohol/drugs. I won't say anything more because I am not allowed to "diagnose" but you know the truth.
Brian
I think you may have forgot to mention your husband's "self-medicating" tendencies and his use of alcohol/drugs. I won't say anything more because I am not allowed to "diagnose" but you know the truth.
Brian
Fabrashamx
03-06-2008, 08:06 PM
Okay, this may sound stupid, but you know that song 'whats love got to do with it'? what that means is that there are so many women in abusive situations, who think, well, I still love him, therefore I need to stay and try and work it out.
That is just not true. For most of us, me included, once a man is the father of our children, at least some part of us will love him no matter what happens.
But just being in love does not mean its always for the best to hang and try and work it out, you can be head over heels and still walk out on a situation that is bad for you.
Believe me when I tell you that a family court judge would see right through him if he tried to use your med use to keep your kids from you, it simply wouldnt happen. And the judge will quickly lose patience with him if he keeps up the manupulative behavior.
I really hope you get some counciling for yourself, to support you in sticking up for your own interests, and dealing with this person.
Hang in there sweetie.
Hugs, Fabby
That is just not true. For most of us, me included, once a man is the father of our children, at least some part of us will love him no matter what happens.
But just being in love does not mean its always for the best to hang and try and work it out, you can be head over heels and still walk out on a situation that is bad for you.
Believe me when I tell you that a family court judge would see right through him if he tried to use your med use to keep your kids from you, it simply wouldnt happen. And the judge will quickly lose patience with him if he keeps up the manupulative behavior.
I really hope you get some counciling for yourself, to support you in sticking up for your own interests, and dealing with this person.
Hang in there sweetie.
Hugs, Fabby
kayci38
03-07-2008, 06:11 PM
Kass-
I thought about you all afternoon & evening yesterday. I was literally seething with anger that your husband is being so controling, manipulative & abusive towars you. My first "husband" was the same kind of "man". He was way over the top and considered himself the king- period. He was not only mentally & verbally abusive, but physically abusive as well. Thank God I didn't have chronic pain issues when I was with him.
My husband now (Wonderful man) doesn't necessarily like that I have to take medications, but he absolutely HATES that I have chronic pain and would rather me have to take medications and be functional rather than be in pain and not able to do anything. As a matter of fact, he was the one who really encouraged me to commit to pain management. I was afraid of the "stigma", but he helped me to see that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of because it's really none of anyone else's business.
No one, and I mean NO ONE should be made to feel guilty for seeking out and getting the help they need. As Fabby said, if you are not able to put yourself first in this situation, you will not be able to be there for your children.
I feel like this man has literally scared you into thinking you can't make it without him. He is namely threatening you with the oxy to "keep you in place" and keep you from leaving. He knows exactly what he's doing sweetie. He KNOWS you are afraid that if you were to leave he would try and use the oxy against you. You have a true and documented need for this medication and do not abuse your meds, so please don't let that be the thing that keeps you from doing what you need to do for your children and yourself.
I can assure you there are MANY single mothers out there who take medications and have custody of their children. You and your children deserve to live a happy life.
I am keeping you & Kayci in my prayers.
All of our lives (CP'ers) would be so much less complicated if ignorant people would educate themselves really. Unless and until they are, we are just going to have to bear the brunt of their ignorance.
Thanks ozz! It's good to know someone who totally understands.;)
I thought about you all afternoon & evening yesterday. I was literally seething with anger that your husband is being so controling, manipulative & abusive towars you. My first "husband" was the same kind of "man". He was way over the top and considered himself the king- period. He was not only mentally & verbally abusive, but physically abusive as well. Thank God I didn't have chronic pain issues when I was with him.
My husband now (Wonderful man) doesn't necessarily like that I have to take medications, but he absolutely HATES that I have chronic pain and would rather me have to take medications and be functional rather than be in pain and not able to do anything. As a matter of fact, he was the one who really encouraged me to commit to pain management. I was afraid of the "stigma", but he helped me to see that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of because it's really none of anyone else's business.
No one, and I mean NO ONE should be made to feel guilty for seeking out and getting the help they need. As Fabby said, if you are not able to put yourself first in this situation, you will not be able to be there for your children.
I feel like this man has literally scared you into thinking you can't make it without him. He is namely threatening you with the oxy to "keep you in place" and keep you from leaving. He knows exactly what he's doing sweetie. He KNOWS you are afraid that if you were to leave he would try and use the oxy against you. You have a true and documented need for this medication and do not abuse your meds, so please don't let that be the thing that keeps you from doing what you need to do for your children and yourself.
I can assure you there are MANY single mothers out there who take medications and have custody of their children. You and your children deserve to live a happy life.
I am keeping you & Kayci in my prayers.
All of our lives (CP'ers) would be so much less complicated if ignorant people would educate themselves really. Unless and until they are, we are just going to have to bear the brunt of their ignorance.
Thanks ozz! It's good to know someone who totally understands.;)
Executor
03-08-2008, 02:56 AM
Believe me when I tell you that a family court judge would see right through him if he tried to use your med use to keep your kids from you, it simply wouldnt happen. And the judge will quickly lose patience with him if he keeps up the manupulative behavior.
I agree big time with Fabby on this. In fact, I have a good friend who is a very successful family law attorney....Does a lot of divorces.....And he's mentioned a number of different times that Judges do not look kindly on spouses who try to use a medical condition against the other spouse. I must have heard him say 1000 times "it's what's in the best interest of the children" as to what happens in court.....NOT what's in the best interest of the two parents. IF you decided to go that route, everything would work out. In fact, your husband sounds like someone who may show his a$$ and in effect, would probably hurt his own case in the eyes of the court.
I'd try to get him into some form of couples counseling. Sometimes, it just takes hearing something from an outsider or neutral party to get the point across.
Good luck!
I agree big time with Fabby on this. In fact, I have a good friend who is a very successful family law attorney....Does a lot of divorces.....And he's mentioned a number of different times that Judges do not look kindly on spouses who try to use a medical condition against the other spouse. I must have heard him say 1000 times "it's what's in the best interest of the children" as to what happens in court.....NOT what's in the best interest of the two parents. IF you decided to go that route, everything would work out. In fact, your husband sounds like someone who may show his a$$ and in effect, would probably hurt his own case in the eyes of the court.
I'd try to get him into some form of couples counseling. Sometimes, it just takes hearing something from an outsider or neutral party to get the point across.
Good luck!