I have been slowly tapering over the last few months and tomorrow's my "solo" day. I will be getting up and using walking to get my back loose and flexible.

I will have my morning Diet Coke sans Norco.

I will not be getting anxious around 1030, when my boss irritates the stuff out of me and I want to mellow out.

I will not be looking at my urine and wondering if it's "dark" like all the warning sheets caution.

I will enjoy my lunchtime swim, which has become such a source of peace and joy to me, mid-day.
(I will enjoy the post-swim hot tub, which has helped with the mini w/d aches so much.)

I will look at the clock at 3pm and not debate having a Norco or waiting til 5pm.

My contact lenses will not be dried out and driving me nuts.
I might even enjoy a BM since the constipation has been ...going...

Each glass of water reminds me of the toxins that are being flushed out.

I hired a babysitter (unbeknownst to wife) and we're meeting after work at a fancier restaurant to sit at the bar and eat appetizers and act like when we were dating...

A couple of hours later I might even be in the mood since Norco dulled my libido and ....it's on its way back.

I don't need Norco to help me sleep. Wife and deep breathing have helped.

I'm still having chills/gooseflesh and a lot of mental yo-yo-ing but I have a heating pad at work which helps a lot....and I have all of you, my family and a sense of HOPE.

You know that commercial where a bunch of that company's employees follow the customer around? I picture you guys, I swear I do.

I interviewed for a promotion the other day and a co-worker said she overheard people over there talking and that my interview went really well.

I have so much to live for that doesn't take yellow/orange pills anymore.

Just do it. Hoo-yah.

Great post --we are soooo much alike. I loved the BM part and the Contact lense thing --SOOOOO TRUE. Keep going and I will do also. Wish I could get the sleep thing down. still have to take a sleeping pill to get ANY sleep. I am only 8 days thougg--guess that is to be expected.

D

Hi Droopy

God Bless you, Friend. Your post was very meaningful and beautiful. It was like a peek into a personal "Gratefulness Diary."

I wish you a tomorrow that is peaceful and beautiful. What a nice way to end the day with a special ocassion with your wife.

Hoping tomorrow is the first day of tomnorrows filled with hope.

Love
reach

Good luck Droop my friend!! Looks like you have a good plan in place and the slow taper ahead of the ct.

I'm on day 3 of my ct (didn't have enough to even taper) and aside from the kids driving me completely batty, the days have gone well.

Enjoy the time alone with your wife!

maggie

Hi Droopy and congrats! I have a question about your comment on the contact lenses. Does opiate use (over-use) cause eye problems? I don't wear contacts, but over the last several months my eyes have been really bothering me. They get blurry and I have to keep blinking and use eye drops, which really don't help. I had them checked and all is OK. I'm just wondering if there's a connection between the Oxy and the eye issues, since you mentioned it.

Also, Droopy, thanks for mentioning all those things that you won't have to do anymore. All of these things help reinforce my determination to get off this stuff. I wish so much to have my cheerful normal self back and not have to worry about all those complications.

I especially chucked at your comment about all the folks on this board following you around! :-)

Nice job Droop!!!
I am happy for you on your journey out :)

Excellent execution of the taper method!!

I had a tidbit on the eyes for NotPerky. When I started my rapid taper I got double vision sooo bad I thought I had a stroke and went to the doctor. He, and lots of people here have told me it is normal. My doctor called it "third nerve palzey" (sp?). I was a mess for a week or maybe a little longer but I am fine now. I was told it was my brain searching every inch of my body for more of the Oxy. When I quit giving it to my brain, It got really mad at me :)

It goes away in time and you will be fine.

Hope I helped and keep up the good work everyone.

As Always,
Peace.
Baja

What a wonderful post. I cried. You and your wife have a wonderful time. How romantic and thoughtful of you Droop. I would like to know how your taper was scheduled and how you had the disapline to cut back. I need a little help here. Thanks for the insight into all our lives, we are all so much a like in so many ways. Now I'm laughing. What a day.
RR

HI Droopy!! How did your evening go?? I hope that all went well with the date night and also during your day at work.

Yes, I'm looking forward to your update also. How was the evening, and how are you feeling post-Norco?

Well, "tomorrow" has become "Tomorrow + 2". Friday and Saturday were, preludes to today. I'm trying to not look at them as failures, but rather, preludes....

Well now I'm ALL OUT. It's just me...Ativan...and family and cyber friends.
My last refill was the "this one's it" with my doc, who, ironically, is moving onto working in a clinic for poor people. I know I can call her up,but I'M NOT GOING TO. It's got to end somewhere, sometime, and this has to be it. I can't stand this anymore.

The good news...I have Ativan and Wellbuterin and I'm feel SO much less anxious and jumpy than the last 23 times I've tried to kick Norco. I have a mild runny nose and some very minor aches/pains. The Ativan plus wife are helping me fall asleep but I am only sleeping until about 0330/0400 and then I wake up AWAKE.

Here's the part where the mind starts playing tricks on me but thankfully I have read so many posts and know what's going on. Any aches/pains are really amplified signals from my opiate receptors screaming ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR NORCO ICE CREAM.

The date with the wife went so well and was a welcomed trip back to normal.

I've just spent the last 20 minutes staring at this screen and wanting to call my doc to call some more in. I've never even looked at online pharmacies but i'm starting to feel really anxious. I just want the aches to stop and I hate the IRRITABILITY I feel. Wife took the boys out to the duck pond. Normally I would go but I'm not feeling normal because I am sober.

Stay with us Droop. You are walking on this ice here bud. I have fallen through WAY to much to not know what you are saying. You are very close to using again. What you really need to tell yourself over and over again is that you will end up right back were you were a few days ago if you start to use. Just one pill will do that. I learned the hard way a few months back. THought I had it licked and bang, got a taste. That was all it took. Thoughts here, thoughts there and then the thoughts became real and next thing you know it was 2 months later and I was right back in the thick of it again. Praying to stop and using to feel normal. It sucks bud, keep strong and be one of use that see the light. Its so much prettier over here

D

Brother - I'm trying...I just sat on the floor with my wife, crying harder than I ever had...tell her I want this to STOP and I just have to get through this awful hump. One thing that is nice already is...i've lost 5 pounds and I know that is the result of the BM express train that was STUCK IN THE STATION because of the opiates.

Then there's the nicely calmed down liver. I don't feel any pains or pressures coming from it.

I love my wife, I love my life.

Droopy -- first off, you have a real talent for writing. Your posts are very entertaining.

Secondly, I am sorry to hear what you're going through. You sound just like I do when it's nearing time for my next dose. I get SOOO irritable, nasty and almost freak out on people. However, I am glad that you posted here. It is easy to write tales of success and progress....but easier to disappear if we have a set-back.

I don't know if you tapered from the Norco or just CT'd? I remember your post the other day that seemed to indicate you were taking about two a day....is that right? I know I had WD symptoms even when I was only taking ONE friggin' 5 mg Perc a day. I would be at work and start to have hot flashes at meetings, so I'd end up splitting one in half and taking it early. One thing led to another, and here we are, three years and a few thousand pills later. Your last sentence really hit home -- you're not feeling normal because you're sober. Only the thing is with me, I took the d*mn things to feel "normal", while at the same time still being miserable, depressed and irritable....and in pain.

I am still tapering but probably will be feeling what you are soon. I hope you are able to stay strong and get through this one day at a time....but please stay in touch.

Droopy

You hang in there, you hear me???? Hang in there.

It is going to peak and then ebb. Make it through the peaks. Do it. You can do it. Keep mindful that it is a healing process going on... a HEALING process. Every bout of crying is a cleansing going on. The tears are helping the brain to adjust to doing its job again. When anxiety hits, ride it out knowing that again, the brain is readjusting to working on its own.

Get practical. Understand the emotions... the intensity of them is in direct proportion to your body and brains attempt to right themselves. See how the plumbing system is already righting itself? It is working for you, Friend, work with it. Push yourself and work it.

Get out in the yard if you can and walk around. Take a hot bath. Use earplugs if noise seems magnified ( it did for me) and lay still.

Droopy, this is the time to endure and you have it in you to do it. Just a process, a natural proces going on. Like giving birth. It ends eventually. Dig deep inside and know the strength is there to make it through this.

Come back and post often.

Cyber arms hilding on with you
reach

Hi Droop~

Don't you give up!!! Relapse is hell--hell--hell! Each time we relapse it is harder to pick ourselves back up. How about a NA meeting or even AA, just anything to get your mind off of this torture you are going thru at this point. Now go get in that hot tub naked with your wife! That will keep your mind off of this s****!

Positive thoughts,
~Angie

Just wondering how Droopy is doing....please check in and hope you're OK.

Me too. How are things today Droop? We are all in this together.
RRR

My cyber friends....I'm here. I am clean. I did not cave. I am starting to see the dawn. I'm sorry for all the worrying but I've been offline. My wife asked to let her help me get over the last taper hump. She said, "I said sickness and health."

I am so beyond lucky to have her. She didn't let go of me while I felt my insides turning out, my skin crawl and that aforementioned "train" leave the station x1000.

I didn't think the last taper down would be so intense but you know what...even though it was 2.5mg, I think my MIND told my body it was 10mg. I never want to go through this again.

one of you mentioned NA and i want to thank you for suggesting it. i am looking into it because I think I need the reinforcement. I still feel very shaky and not even close to feeling like I BEAT IT. My mind still has me wanting to look in my underwear drawer for the umpteenth time to see if there's one more left. (I know you all relate to that, grin.)

THANK YOU ALL.

Droop, that is FAN-tastic! Have you been able to make it to work? You are so fortunate to have such a loving and supportive spouse.

Ummm, unfortunately, tonight I was not as strong as you. I will explain tomorrow....but I fully intend to get back on the taper train and not let all my progress go to h*ll in a handbasket...

Anyway, thanks for the update and glad you're starting to feel better.

Hi Droopy

That was funny about searching the underwear drawer. Chuckles.

Droopy... consider something about the cravings for a pill: We all know that anxirty is a part of withdrawal. It is part of the process as the brain struggles to right itself. I think that when there is thinking about the pills after withdrawal, it is by habit. It is what we have habitualized our brain into thinking when pressure of any kind comes. It is what we have taught ourselves is the way to alleviate disturbing thoughts.

To stay clean, we have to instill new habits. What do we do to cope now? We can not just tell ourselves, "Oh, no! I can not take a pill." We have to train our thoughts in new habits to cope with everyday pressures. Working in recovery does not mean just thinking about not doing drugs or alcohol. It also means moving forward and figuring out new ways of coping without falling back. Maybe a walk when stressed works, maybe more talking things out, maybe more thinking before reacting, maybe a whole new combination of coping habits.

For me, the more I worked on finding new life strategies, the less and less pills ever came to my mind. At this point, it truly does not ever cross my mind to hide behind an Oxycodone or Xanax. My new habits are what comes to mind.

I think NA can be a wonderful resource for you and hope you make some meetings soon. The people there can indeed help reinforce the necessity of staying off drugs. Work also needs to be done to find new ways to approach life at the same time. Some work with an individual therapist one on one can help us to understand how we can do this.

Oh, Buddy, there is so much happy life ahead of you. God Bless your wife for believing in the "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health vows." Her steadfastness and your efforts are going to lead into a lot more better and health. Way to go.

reach

I am happy for you Droop,

Keep up the good work, Your on the road out Bud!!

P.S. Hi Reach, Remember when I said I was going to be a veteran like your some day! I feel great and it is nice to hear your words. Hugs.

As Always,
Peace,
Baja
_________________________
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.