Hey everybody. I felt that it was time to chime in and let you know that I am 2 weeks clean today. Seems like an awful long time for me right now. I am still getting weird little things from time to time ( RLS, stomach issue, sleep problems) but overall, I am doing much better. You dont even think about the cool stuff half the time. Not wasting money, time and effort to get the crap. Always on the NET looking to see what is working and what isnt. What site went down and what one is working. Dr. visits and lying. I dont miss any of that and when I look back that is where I was. It is a viscious cycle with a VERY easy alternative surrounded by a few days of discomfort. I wouldnt trade that for anything at this point. Interesting that when you are using you dont think about anything else unless you are forced to. Now, I am forced to live life and learn. It is an eye opening experience.

D

I was looking forward to your post today. Hoping to hear good news. I am day 8 and had a terrible time this morning with this giant day ahead of me. Woke up at the crack of dawn, anxiety, fear. Dragged myself into the shower. Reading your success made me reevaluate what I am doing and why. My stomach is killing me, the headache and of course my pain issues that are not as bad as the meds I take them for. But I was hurting this AM. I've never got anything off the internet; can't say I have not looked; so that is not even an option for me. Anyway, I am at work, feeling better, breathing, ready to conquere the next obsticle of my life and also to notice the next joyful smile that comes when you are not looking. Working at being positive and looking forward to only tomorrow. Thanks Medd you have been an inspiration, just a little ahead but I'm following in your tracks. Just hearing how happy being without pills has made you feel is a big reassurance that this is the only way out and the right thing for the long term.
RRR

Now, I am forced to live life and learn. It is an eye opening experience.


Yes, Meddguy, this is a time of eye-opening learning. It's funny. When I really opened myself up to working on how to change my thinking, it involved so much more than just not using narcotics. In learning how and why not to be dependent on drugs, I had to learn to be content in life in a clear thinking way. I had to learn why I had been discontent and change how I handled the discontent. Does that make sense? I knew I was abusing meds, but I didn't know why I abused them. I really didn't know what it was in my thinking that allowed me to ignore my own abuse.

I remain with my therapist and we continue to work on the whys in much of my thinking. Right now I am working on eating isues and why I sabotage myself. Oh, I am not concerned so much about my figure, but about my unhealthy choices. Really unhealthy. I am aware of them and now as I figure out the whys of why I do what I do, more things are falling in place for me. My eyes are opening more and more in how to think in helathy ways, in how to cope with stress in healthy ways.

I think a common thread in many addicts is our passion. We have strong feelings about much of what we do in life. When we are passionate about something and it doesn't go the way we desire, we have real struggles learning to cope with it in ways that are not harmful. When I worked, I was passionate about my work and was a workaholic. When I played cards or bowled, I always enjooyed it, but there was always also an edge in me that wanted the perfect games. It took some of the pleasure out of it for me. So now I work at enjoying things simply for pleasure, simply pleasure and nothing else. Win, lose, draw.... it is the pleasure of the game and interaction. When I hurt now emotionally, I hurt with more of a resaonableness. I do not ( or try anyway), to let the emotional hurts consume me. Balance... striving for balance.

Oh, well. I feel like I have been in group therapy with you today. Chuckles. Thank you. Lrt the eyes and the mind open up. Learn to find contentment... calm contentment is joy to me.

reach

Medd and all you guys, congrats and keep up the good work! Very motivating for me to know that others have done this, and so can I!

I never went the 'Net route to get the Oxy; my PM was fairly accommodating. But as soon as I got a new scrip, I would go a little crazy for a few weeks, then end up counting and rationing....and looking around for wayward old pills that might be around somewhere....

After beating heroin addiction in 1978, I had dental surgery in 2002 and was given Percocet for pain. First I was nauseous....but then, I noticed I sure had a bundle of energy along with that nice euphoric feeling. Then I got more Percs after back surgery. Started at one 5 mg per day. Once I got into PM for chronic back pain, I was able to get a larger quantity....so I upped my daily intake accordingly. Eventually I was taking every pill I got, and feeling like an addict again.

The past year, though, I have felt like the euphoric feeling wasn't there anymore. Yeah, if I took enough, I felt the 20-min. "high", but it left me feeling more "down" than "up". All my relationships have been affected because I'm so miserable. Plus, as I mentioned in another post, I hate being a slave to the stuff....hiding my usage....worrying about having enough with me....etc. etc. etc.

Well, enough about me....I hope to be able to post a success story like Meddguy's someday soon....well, maybe by June anyway! :-)

im so pleased for you mate - 2 weeks is a milestone. day by day hombre. your other life is disappearing in the distance. i know exactly what you mean by not thinking about anything else unless you are forced - on opiates we become very good at sweeping things under the carpet. anyway....all that is past now - its time to look forward - esp to that family vacation you've got coming!

keep choosing life

yoss

keep on keepin on

Heya Meddguy

You are doing good here, really good. I hope tomorrow is a day of peace for your body and your mind. Stay strong.

reach

Hey guys --Last night was a HUGE milestone for me. I had been taking 1 halcion at night to sleep for the whole detox process. I had switched to 1/2 a few days ago. Then I was sick of them and scared of them at the same time so I went back to Benedryl last night and got a full night sleep!! My stomach is still a mess (bug running around the FAMILY) but other than that I am trudging along. Went to another meeting last night and I am really learning alot from them. I have to drag my butt there, but when I do, I feel better. I HUGE rehab center brings a bus load of patients to our monday night meetings and they have some SERIOUS stories. I used to think it was entertaining, but now I realize we are all the same. Whether you have lived on the street or in a mansion, you are an addict and we all have the same inner soles. Our addictive personalites are alike and dangerous. To think that we are different because of background, race, economic status, is wrong and I feel it gives a person POWER. That is dangerous in a battle in which we are trying to define our own POWERLESSNESS (sp?). Anyway, the mornings are starting to get VERY clear. 3 more days till vacation!!!!! I am so proud of myself for this one. I really am. This will be the first time that I am on vaca with my family in a while that I havent had pills. It really doesnt bother me at all. I am actually looking forward to it. Playing in the sand with my kids or at the pool and not worrying about HOW MUCH I have left or shipping to the island or the FED EX truck intercept!

Life is good right now. DAY BY DAY.

LOVE & STRENGTH to all

D

I look forward to your posts. You are an inspiration for me right here, right now so thank you. Have a ball on vacation. Your attitude about going without pills is so good. I would be worried. Congratualtions and keep up the good work.
RRR