This is Eric. I am so lost my Mom is very ill and it is like our family is walking around in a daze. My mom is refusing to take the pain med she is prescribed because of what she has seen it do to me. I have talked to her that what happened to me is not goiing to happen to her but she says she is ok without it.

I know she is not, I can see the pain on her face when she thinks noone is looking. The doctor says noone can make her take it. I also worry that she doesn't want it in the house because of me. I also have been not making it to as many meetings because I want to be with her.

I am fighting depression also but donot let it show around her. I talk to my sponsor everyday and he understands why I what to be with her but also says I need to get to more meetings to keep my self on the right track. I know this but just want to be with her.

In her typical fashion she is nagging that we are just hovering to much. I am going to do something she will skin me alive for but have to tell someone. She has breast cancer. She had her right breast removed, all the nodes came back clean but has been taking chemo and rad.

I am so thankful that I am clean, because what good would I have been to her if not. This has made me stronger in my sobriety. I have not even thought about drugs. I am really feeling guilty because I feel she wont take the pain med because of me.

We think that the drugs only effect us but look at this it has effected my family once again. I just hope that I can repay my Mother with sobriety for the rest of my life. God I hate this addiction.

I am sorry if I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself just needed to talk . If you don't hear from me for awhile, it will be because I am healing up from the whooping I am going to get from my mom when she feels better.

Ma"s son
Eric

Hey bud --I have been around and have seen the amazing transformation you have made with yourself. Congrats and keep going. You are an inspiration to us all. I battled cancer 10 years ago and won. I am ten years clean and battling this horrible fight with addiction ever since. You mom is acting like my mom ever since I had cancer. She doesnt want to show weakness, because she was so strong when she stuck with you through all the hard times. My mom wont even admit she is hurting to me EVER (even when she broke her foot!) At this point, you need to support her and not push her to do anything. I can see why she doesnt want the meds in the house. She feels its too much for you, and forgets about her. They are doing great things with breast cancer these days and if she believes she will be ok and has a bunch of positive support around her, then she will pull through. Be there for her, like she was for you.

D

Hello Eric

I have been thinking about you and Mom and was wonderin how things were going. I knew Mom was not well. I am glad you have told us what is wrong... it makes it easier to pray specicfically now for her.

First I want to tell you that yes, the word cancer is enought to scare the bejeesus out of us. It is not, however, the word it once was! My own Mom is a breast cancer survivor ( 13 years now), and I am a survivor (11years) if a rare cancer called myxoid liposarcoma. Survivors. Just like your Mom is going to be. The fact that her nodes came back clean have made this a best case scenario!

Now I want to talk to you about being in treatment for cancer. Thankfully, as more and more new treatments in chemo come about, there has been so much advancement in medicines that help us tolerate the treatment. better anti-naseau meds and meds to help build up the white counts again faster, great creams to help if skin gets burned. It is still a tough road, though, and we do get very, very tired. Chemo makes us not feel so great and radiation tires the body. A very smart nurse once told me concerning treatment that "sometimes we have to make you sick to make you better." True words! To get better, we have to spend some time feeling sick and tired.

Tired. Oh, boy, did I ever drag a lot during treatment. Just like your mom surely is now. Moms.... and here, Sweetpea, is where I am going to tell you what it is like being a mom with cancer in a family picture. We know we are ill, but we fight back as hard as we would fight for any member of our family because our family is our most precious thing in the world to us and we want to stick around for them. We want to see them thrive. Afterall, that is what we have worked so hard for for so long! Being ill does not stop Mamabears from being moms... just like your mom, like all good moms.

And here, Eric, is where I am going to stand for your mom. She needs to know that you are thriving. One extremely important way to show her you are okay is to demonstrate to her is to show her that she has done a great job giving you all the skills you need to survive. One of the areas she fought long and hard for was your sobriety. I am telling you, for your mom, that making your meetings is an important, really important, matter for her recovery from this illness. It will give her much more peace of mind as she deals with this illness than any hovering will ever do. She needs to know that you are continuing in your work on this. I know this not only because I have gotten a great sense of your mom through this board, but also because I have been where your mom is. I am telling you true. She needs as much peace in her mind as possible right now so she can concentrate on getting herself better. Please don't crowd her thoughts with worry about you because you are not making meetings. Your sponsor is right that you need the meetings for you, and I know I am right that Mom needs you at those meetings for her. Eric, I want you to believe me. Even if you doubt me, I want you to believe that what I am saying is true because you have a sense of me from this board. Trust me and believe me and follow through. One of the best meds your Mom can receive right now is peace about you.

Oh, Buddy, I have so much more to say to you (like when do I not?????), but this is enough for the moment. Please tell Mom that no beatings for Eric. We care about her as much as we do for you. And here is where I stand with you... I am glad you shared. Your mom raised a great son in many, many ways.

Love
reach

Amazing advice. I don't know what else to say.
RRR

eric, i dont have many words for you. your mom is wonderful..i am the mom af a 22 yr old addict,so im going to tell you like it is..we would do anything in our power to keep you guys clean,anything, so i can believe what you are saying about the pain pills..i would suffer for my son too. As for you being depressed thats a normal feeling going thru all you have been thru and still going thru..try to make a meeting,keep talking to your sponsor. we will be praying for your mom, they have come a long way with breast cancer,im sure she will pull thru..:angel:

Hi

Only have a few secs, I am going to an out of town meeting tonight and got off work early to change clothes and leave. Thank all of you for your kind words. I do realize that I have to get back to my meertings.

Reach you know me as well as my own mom( still wonder if she rats on me) LOL. Mom is having a better day today. I told her that I told about her illness and she wasn't as upset as I thought she would be. She said she thought that at somepoint I would reach out to the board and you reach.

I still am struggling with the guilt of her not taking any thing of any substance for pain. I saw my doctor today and he said that the addiction will always affect my life in one way or another. Even if it something as little as thinking twice about do I really need this aspirin.

Well have to go. I will keep you posted about my mom. I have to learn to let go a little just as she had to learn to let go of me. My mom used to tell me that life will come full circle, just didn't think it would be this soon

Ma"s son
Eric

Eric

'"Atta Boy" to you, Buddy. You stepped up to the plate to do what has to be done for you and Mom.

Eric, it is very hard to understand (well, actually, we can not) why such adversities come into life. Like addiction, like cancer, like untimely deaths, like losing everything. We can not understand the bigger picture, only accept what is there and work with it. We can only, ultimately, be responsible for what we can control. God allowed addiction to come into your life. He didn't give it to you, but He allowed it. Yes, it impacted your whole family. Gee, Eric, it impacted way beyond that.... it impacted your extended family , those on this board, and all who know you. In some way or another, it has had impact on many, many people.

However, your choosing to fight it, to bring it under control, has also left a huge impact on all these people. It tore your family up, but ultimately, it has brought them together with a closeness that not all get to experience. It is the good that the Lord has allowed to come out of the rotten. Eric, there is a closeness and caring and confidence that exists now between you and Mom that is a direct result of what happened in your struggle. It is a relationship that is so much more than it was a year ago.... it is a relationship that has been brought up to a level that is not possible without having struggled together throughout the past year. You need to rejoice in this, Buddy, and stop looking backwards.

Perhaps Mom is leary of drugs for pain because of your experience. If she is handling it, let her. It is her decision, Buddy. The brain has many ways of helping us cope. This is something I have discovered with my own pain. Mom will know if it becomes too much for her. I am confident of this. Eric, I say this gently to you... as much as your addiction affected Mom, I am sure the stories of so many others is affecting her also. Like your friend. Like all those she has met on this board. You are accepting guilt for every addiction story your Mom knows. It is just not your sole responsibility or job to do this. The time for guilt is long over, Eric. We can not dwell there if we want to keep moving forward in life. There is too much hope in the future to do this. Work from where we are each day. Today you are a young man who is continuing to stay sober and who also has a Mom to care for within the family. We are a culmination of our experiences in life and I do believe you have experiences that are going to make you a valuable aid in Mom's healing.

I am confident that because you were shown how to care, how to love, how to stand by someone in need by Mom that it is going to come back to her tenfold now in big part by you. No one wants cancer anymore than anyone wants addiction. It just happens sometimes in life. We need to work with this same as we worked with addiction. A day at a time.

Yes, Eric, as you wrote, you have to let go of Mom a little just as she had to let go of you a little. Let her make the choices she is comfortable with in her treatment and accept that she understands what is right for her. Walk alongside of her, not in front or back of her. She is the culmination of all of her life experiences and knows what she is doing. Trust her. You can always trust that Mom of yours. Smiles.

More to come, no doubt
Chatty reach

Hola

How is the day going at the Eric's Ma household? It sure seems to be a time of sharing struggles in life together, huh? Sharing struggles and loving each other as you do.... what could be a better definition of family?

I am off to my therapist today.... I am going twice a week for a while. It becomes more and more apparent to me that I still have much work to be done on myself, within myself. It is good to have someone to guide and help me with this. There is an element of my depression that is biological, but much of the stress that inflates the depression is brought on me by my very own self, by my own actions and thinking. So, I am working to change the thinking that will change the actions. I so clearly see now that there is no way to hide from life... I can try to ignore life, but it is going to catch up to me eventually anyway. better to face it, deal with it, and learn how to be happy in it.

Okay, the philosopher in me is starting to run rampant here. chuckles. A sure sign that it is time to go. Hahaha.

Wishing you guys well, thinking and praying for you.
reach

Hey Eric~
Im so sorry about your mom's health, but you know how tough she is. she will pull thru just fine.
I remember the first post your mom ever made here, and you have gone though so much and she has been by you the whole way, and now you are here for her. Its an amazing thing right there, so please remember that.
I adore my son, who is 11, and would die for him in a nanosecond. Hes so sweet, kind and gentle, and I hope he will always be there for me, like you are for your mom.
Tell her I said hi. I popped over here from the Pain Board, hoping there would be something from you guys. Hang tight!
xoxoxoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

Hi

Well I am just speachless, I just thank God for this board and for a special friend named reach. You made me feel so much better about my mom and the pain medication. I guess I reverted back to just thinking about myself, even if it was to take the guilt for this.


I know my mom has really educated herself about addiction so much in this past year. She said to me last night that it becoming a problem for her is just not an option for her.

I also have made an appointment with my addiction therapist for next week. I don't want this depression to worsen and take away from my being able to care for myself and my family. I am going to a meeting tomorrow and plan to get to as many as I can. I just keep thinking what if I was not clean for this what would have happened to myself and my family. Scares me to death. Makes me want this more than ever.

I am on my knees everyday, not just asking for help for my mother but also to be thankful for all the help I have received.

My sister told me this morning that she was worried that I would take to much blame for mom not taking the pain med, she said that our mother is not stupid and if the pain gets to the point that it is destracting her from healing she will do something. She also said to not be hurt if I wasn't in the loop about it. I still don't know how I feel about that??

Well I am going to do some step work tonight. I will keep you posted about Mom. Nice to hear from you Izzy's Mom. I will tell Mom you said hello. Hope this makes sense my mind is racing and as you know what is in there doesn't always transfer to paper well

Ma"s Son
Eric

Heya Eric

It all transfered very well to paper, Buddy, very well. Chuckles.

I am glad to hear you are seeing the doctor for the depression.... you are wise to handle it before it deepens. I am seeing my therapist in part for the same reason... to keep a handle on the depression. We need to do whatever it takes to keep this in check as well.

Big hugs all around, Eric. You are a special friend to me, also. Smiles. Grins. Chuckles. Hugs. Nice way to end the night here. Heehee.

Sleep well. All this learning life stuff is pretty exhausting, huh?
reach

Hi Reach, my dear friend~
Would you please beep me if something like this ever happens again? I really do try to come over and say hi to everyone, and Im so upset that I missed Eric's post.
We were there for the first ever posts from Eric's Ma, and I really dont want to miss anything with them. Ive never asked this of anyone, but you know how I feel, and I will always check in, but if its something Ive missed, please come get me on the PBoard.
I love you my dear cyber friend. You are really a dear angel, Reach.:angel::angel::angel:
Im so thrilled to be a part of all of your lives...
xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

Hi

Something has been stuck in my brain today and I just can't seem to shake it. My Mom has said something to me on serveral occasions in my life and it has been hounding me today. It takes two to speak the truth, one to speak and one to listen. I know I am trying to tell myself something but just not getting it yet?

I am also wrestling with something that I know my mom is going to hit the roof on. I just don't think that I can continue to go to night classes right now. I really feel like I am juggling to much right now. I know what ever I decide I will have the full support of my family and wonderful girl. I just don't want to disappoint mom . She was so happy when I decided to go back to school. I too want to finish my degree, because I wanted to get married this next year but also feel that I just might crash under all this weight. Does this make me seem weak?

Having a very strange day. I had a very strange night last night too, dreamed about the past and woke up in a cold sweat.
Maybe just this ugly depression rearing its ugly head because I havenot had a dream about drug use for many months.

Mom is having a pretty fair day, I have kinda been avoiding her some what today( sometimes I think she can read my mind) I just want to make my decision before really having that talk with her.

Sorry if this is strange, wouldn't suprise if it were.

Ma"s Son
Eric

Hi

I am starting to get nervous that if I tell you I can relate to what you are saying about school, people are going to start wondering how many damn things can one old lady relate to? Well, here goes anyway.

I was in my second semester of night classes when life started getting pretty complicated pretty quickly for me. I wanted to go to school so badly. My chance had finally come and I was so very excited about it. I was still raising kids, still working full time, was a busy union chairman and had a household to run. However, I was going to fulfill a dream and get my degree. Life was really hectic and busy, but I was ready for it. and handling it.

The week I started, my father-in-law died at home. As we buried him, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The next week my Pop with lung cancer and, unbelievably, the week after that my uncle with lung cancer also. It was stunning to say the least. I was the caretaker for my parents who both had surgeries, radiation and chemo. I was the extra hand for my uncle as he only had his wife and both were elderly. What was a hectic life turned into a more hectic life and my head became overcrowded trying to juggle so many things and think about studying also. In a short time, it really became overwhelming. Something had to give because it was more than I could handle. I had to prioritize seriously or I was going to break completely.

I turned over the reigns of the Union to my second in command. I thought that would take enough pressure off.

It didn't. I recognized myself continuing to go down with overcrowded head syndrome and stress.

My family came on top of the list, so the next thing I gave up was school. It was a very hard thing for me to do, but the truth was I couldn't concentrate the way I needed to with all the other things on my mind. I withdrew form school. It was sad, maybe, but the school would always be there. I had to take better care of myself or I was going to flop at all my responsibiities. I thought now that I had taken enough pressure off.

Still didn't work. Again, I still found myself with overcrowded head because I was constantly juggling schedules for my parents and my own household and still trying to handle many needy students.

So, I took a leave of absence from work that lasted about three months or so.

And finally, finally, I had the time and space to be able to think and concentrate on the things I needed most to do at that point in my life. And that is what we are responsible to do for ourselves. To do what we need to do to function the way we must.

It takes two to speak the truth, one to speak and one to listen. I know I am trying to tell myself something but just not getting it yet?

Eric, I believe that you need to be both the speaker and the listener to yourself. I think this idea planted by your Mom is surfacing from the subconscious and trying to help you understand what your conscious mind is thinking. It is the mind trying to meld together the subconscious and the conscious. Actually, it is self-hypnosis! That is a silly sounding word for the melding that is going on, but I sincerely believe that is what is happening.

School... ah, I could go on for hours of the benefits of education! However, I could go on for even more hours about "to thine own self be true." I think that school may be just a bit too much right now. If you are feeling strongly that you are "juggling" too much, if the feeling is so strong that you are here sharing it, then I do believe it is too much. I think you are believing it i a truth for you right now and you are speaking it.... to us. Speak it to yourself... and listen to yourself.

Going to school was not worth jeopordizing my well being with all else that was going on. Do not jeopordize your well being in areas that are of utmost importance to you right now with all that is going on for you... your sobriety, the depression, working, helping with Mom's care, planning a marriage. If you need to take pressure off yourself to regain a sense of balance again, then I agree with you that time off from school is the logical place to start. The school will still be there and, of course, you will return in a semster or two when you feel better equiped to handle it again. Juggling when we don't feel capable of it will only lead to a downward spiral.

I am sure I sound like a parrot when I write this,,, again... but this is life on life's terms. We can not always follow an exact timetable in life. So, follow your timetables in the scope of what life brings.

Time real soon to share with Mom, Eric. Just lay out the truth. In being honest with ourselves, it makes sharing the honesty so much easier with others... even moms. Smiles.

You sure have had a lot of life this year, but you are going to be okay, Ma's Son. Yes, you are. And that is because you are, in so many, many ways, exactly that... Ma's son.

Hugs
reach

Hey Eric!
Hidy Reach as well! thank you for being such a good friend to Eric and his mom, I miss you!!!
Eric...My son, who is 11, is waiting for me to come read him a story before bed. I love you and your mom, and I really want to tell you that, even though I dont have time to type right now, you are with us in our prayers, and during the day as well.
Just you helping your mom is all I can fathom right now...Im so proud of you, and your mom is such a dear lady, and I know you know that.
Listen to Reachs' wisdom, and others who give you nuggets, I guess Im only here for support, and it makes me feel kind of bad, really
My son is in a crisis...remember the days of when kids were kids, and did mean things...hes so sweet, and he has been going thru the last few days with a "so-called" best friend treating him horribly. Its a HUGE deal in 6th grade. And Id like to strangle the little sh*t who is doing it to him, BUT I have to let it run its course. I am here for him, he knows it, and its still tough to see your son go thru hard times. Ive been in tears...BUT you can be rest assured that if its not settled tomorrow, Ill be getting it settled...
Hang in there, buddy...
xoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

Hi

Just have a few seconds here so this will be brief. I am finishing this quarter I just started and am taking the summer off. I just can't handle more at this time. I am transfering one class to the internet and going to the other.

Mom is feeling ok today. She understood better than I thought she would. Told me my well being comes first. Reach you are so right about life not exactly fitting into our time schedule. Man' you at some point in life have to meet my Mom. You echo her so much.

Going to a meeting so have to hurry. It is only 7:15 here. I notice when I post it is always later. Izzy's Mom thanks for the kind words about my Ma. Reach that goes for youo too

Catch You soon

Ma's Son
Eric

Hi Eric, and Ma~
Just checking in and sending tons of love to you both~
xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

Eric

Smiles, Buddy, just smiles.

Stay in touch
reach

Hey,

Just wanted to let everyone know that things are going ok. Mom is doing as well as can be expected. She finally broke down and got something from the Doc that she would take after her PT. I was a little hurt because she went out and bought a small safe to keep her meds in. I thought about it and I know that it will take a long time for the worry of me relasping to go away. I also know that she needed the peace of mind it gave her. I am just glad she fin ally gave in and took something.

I have been going to a lot of meetings and working some overtime so I can help my parents more. They won't ask but I know that they are swamped by medical bills.

I just get so scared thinking about what could happen with my mother that sometimes I am almost frozen to the spot. Call me a Mama's boy, and guess what you would be right. She wanted me to join the boards on my own but I told her that we started together and that was the way I wanted it. She said that she would not read a thread started by me but I told her I don't write anything that I wouldn't want her to know.

Well it is late and have to get up early so will say goodnight all

Ma's Son
Eric

Hi Eric

I appreciate your checking in here. We all need to see those who successfully stay clean even under the pressures life sometimes brings. That can be a difficult task when emotional trauma hits in a family especially. Stay strong and celebrate in your strength. Compasssion and empathy is growing like wildflowers in you, Buddy, as you grow in your sobriety. I hope you can recognize this in yourself.

I am glad, too, that Mom is taking something for relief when needed. Getting a safe was a good idea. Mom is peaceful and temptation is locked away. I made sure all family members helped keep me safe by asking them to please hide any narcotics in their homes. I wasn't anticipating myself stealing, but it made me feel better just in case I came across something. I have learned from others here that tests do come so I just made the obvious ones safe for myself. When I tried working a while ago in a private house, part of my job was to start supper. I opened a cabinent looking for spices one day and saw a bottle of vicoden on the shelf. I muttered, "Hmmph," and just closed the door and opened another until I found the spices. I understand how easily temptation can pop up unexpectedly, you know?

Well, Mama's Man, I need to try and get some sleep. My night has been restless, but I am going to try and find Mr Sandman again. This old chick needs some beauty rest and, anyway, I have to get up early for a doctor appointment.

Stay well, friend.
reach

Hi eric,
Im, glad your ma is doing better. You are such an inspiration tome, and your mom is as well. Whenever things get tough, I think of both of you and what you have been going through.
Im glad she got some meds to help, and the safe issue was probably to help you not be tempted, Eric, all of your hard work and your mom doesnt want you to be tempted. Not that you would act upon anything, but she loves you and is so proud of you, and most importantly, she needs you.
What a good son you are...take care, and dont work yourself too hard.
check in when you can~
Best to you and your ma~
xoxoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

Hey Reach and Izzy's Mom.

Thank you both for caring about my mom and me. Everything is going pretty good. Mom has a few treatments left and she is handeling them pretty well.
She is really tired most of the time but still finds time to give me a hard time. LOL

I have been going to plenty of meetings and keeping really busy with school and a loving girlfriend. I really appreciated the story about the drugs in the cupboard Reach. I do know that she only was doing it to help me. I too don't put my self in harms way if I can do something about it.

I want anyone out there that is still struggling to know that when things out of our control happen and beleive me they will, you can handle them without the crutch of your choice. I have had two very deep and personally hurtful events happen to me in the last few months and guess what I am still here and still clean. IT CAN BE DONE.

If someone would have told me this 15 months ago I would have called them the biggest liar in the world. Just hold on and you can and will get to the other side of the monster named addiction.

Well guess what Mom is calling me, said I would watch a movie with her(darn chick flick) LOl Gotta Go

Ma"s Son
Eric

Ah, Eric,

Always good to see a post from you.

It is good to read that Mom is moving along in her treatment. Its a funny thing, but cancer treatment and withdrawal from drugs share a common denominator... in both processes, we must get more sick in order to get better. You and Mom share a special bond in this. Different ailments, common course of more sick before the feeling well comes. And both fights well worth the effort!

15 months must seem a lifetime ago for you. It sure is for me, also. I guess that is because it is in so many ways. The same body, but with a new and improved brain. Chuckles. Isn't it magnificent to understand that we can handle life with out running for cover in drugs? Wow. How awesome, totally awesome, to have found and claimed that for ourselves.

Stay strong. Mom, too.
Hugs to you both
reach