My life is over.

My Husband died Jan 22nd. Very horrible death. Cirrhosis of the Liver....
(he never drank). Started getting sick 2 & 1/2 yrs ago.

He was supposed to get a Liver transplant at Mt.Sinai in Manhattan....He was on a Pre-Transplant list....but never made it.

He never complained of how bad he felt....never.

I studied the Liver and knew a lot....There were times I informed Drs a couple of times when they didn't know what they were doing, and he'd be ok.

But I couldn't save him this last time....he died from Sepsis.

I sometimes go back and think I could have done more.

It traumatizes me.

He never wanted me to worry.

He tried to act like nothing was wrong....that he was fine....he was so kind hearted that way....but i knew....I lived through it with him 24/7.

There were days he was ok...and he'd drive around...and we'd go out for short times during the day...Then he'd need to go home to rest...he'd get fatigued.

I never thought he would die.

I was by his side, at home and at the hospital everyday and night til the end of his short life. He just turned 46.

I met him when I was 16...I'm now 40.

24yrs....and now it's all memories and pictures.

He was such a great man, Husband and Father.

We Never had much and he would give his last few dollars to anyone who was in need, and have nothing.

We have a 19 yr old daughter, who is now 7 months pregnant.

We'd be young grandparents....but now he will never get to hold his grandchild.

I'm not emotionally well from this. I'm very distraught.

I have a constant gut wrenching knot in my stomach, every horrible day.

I wrote on the Liver Board here about him, for a couple of years now.

I want him back home.

I took care of him. I love and miss him so much.

This is so unreal.


I thought he would live longer.

We were supposed to grow old together.

My heart was taken away.


........Victoria



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~~I MISS AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANDREW!~~

~~My Big Bear..My Heart..The Love of my Life~~

Andrew 10/61 - 1/22/08....Taken too young.

I am so sorry for your loss ..you did your best and I know he is watching over you now.

I am so sorry. I wish that I could bring him back to you and take all of your pain away. It sounds like you had a very special kind of love. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
georgi

I am so so sorry for your loss Victoria.

I can't imagine what you must be going through, such an unfair thing to happen especially to your soul mate.

The truth is you have a very difficult grieving process to go through. My mums friend husband died of mesothelioma due to asbestos exposure and she is not much older that you. Also she met her husband at the age of 17.

She is not dealing with things to well, 6 months has passed and she still cannot sleep and barely eats. She is dangerously underweight, and many of her friends are greatly concerned about her. She has two boys, 20 and 27 who have also been through a lot. It seems as if she has given up.

Now you may also feel like this and at the moment you probably cannot see how you can enjoy life without him.

But you have to remember you have a daughter who probably needs you as much as you need her.

Victoria, I do understand what you are going through. My husband died 2 weeks ago on July 5th, 10 days shy of his 50th birthday. He was a healthy man who collaped and died while working out in a gym. Everyone says time will heal the pain, but I can't hear that right now. We have been married for 21 years and been together for 25. The gut wrenching pain is hard to deal with for myself and my family. I loved him so much, and not only lost a husband, but my best friend. I too wonder how am I ever going to get over this, and how is the pain going to get any easier. I reason that this will as time passes, but can't really see that in my immediate future. I can imagine how you are feeling, and I hope similiar to myself, you are taking it one day at a time. Keep your memories alive..

I am very sorry for your loss Victoria.

I can relate to the pain that you're feeling because I lost my husband too.
We were together for 11 yrs with 3 kids,when he died my youngest one was 10 mths old .He was 36.You are always going to feel like you should've done more,but the answer is you made him very happy, you shared 24 yrs of your life with this man gave him a daughter and stood by him when he needed you the most.Just by reading when you said he didn't want to worry you say's alot about the love you both shared.Don't think about what you think could've been done and wasn't,think about the good times you had and the times you saw him smile, think that you have a daughter and soon a grandchild that carry a part of him that stays with you.Don't torture yourself he did'nt want you to worry before I'm sure he doesn't want you suffering.So smile when you think of him, and be thankful that you loved him and you were loved back. Peace be with you!:angel::angel::angel:

Thank you all for your kind words of comfort, as I am sorry for all of your Losses too.
I re-read some of the posts here and cry,....in a good way.

I struggle to get through everyday without Andrew...it has been 6 months now.

Our daughter had the baby June 6th, and named him Andrew after her father.
He is so gorgeous.

I still have a very hard time getting through everyday....I thought the baby would change that, he does bring a smile to my face, but I am still very deeply depressed.
I never was without Andrew since I was 16.....I'm now 41.

I don't come on here much, but wanted to Thank everyone who replied, and wish you all strength at this time of darkness.