tomatojuice
03-31-2008, 12:53 AM
Just wanted to say hi to all my friends on this board that have been so helpful to me. I found a lump in my breast around middle of February. Had a core biopsy Feb 26 and cancer was found. Mar 25th had a right masectomy. Am five days post op-doing fine. Do not have a full pathology report yet, but I do know that it is very aggressive. Will be doing chemo in afew weeks. Wishing you all the best.
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montesflus
03-31-2008, 02:16 AM
Hi, tomatojuice:
I was sincerely sorry to hear about your breast cancer.
I know you're a strong person with a positive attitude, and you'll get through this, as many others have done. I hope you have good family support around you.
Wishing you the best outcome with your treatment, and please continue to post to let us know how you're doing.
montesflus:angel::angel::angel::angel:
I was sincerely sorry to hear about your breast cancer.
I know you're a strong person with a positive attitude, and you'll get through this, as many others have done. I hope you have good family support around you.
Wishing you the best outcome with your treatment, and please continue to post to let us know how you're doing.
montesflus:angel::angel::angel::angel:
phylwill1152
03-31-2008, 08:59 AM
Hi tomatojuice, sorry to hear about the breast cancer dx. I agree with Monte...you ARE a stong person and i know you will fight this with every fiber of your being. We're all here for you, sending our thoughts and prayers. take care...phyllis
starfish81
03-31-2008, 09:22 AM
Tomatojuice: so sorry to hear this. You've been helpful to me with your posts about strontium, and so now I'm sending positive thoughts your way:angel:. Do keep us posted on how you're doing.
osteoblast
03-31-2008, 04:10 PM
TomatoJuice-I am praying for you. You have been through alot , and now you have alot of healing to do. I have always admired your focus on natural health and your self-reliant ,can do attitude. And I have felt a special closeness to you because of our shared tremendous love of walking. I know you used to write how you just walked and walked those streets of Manhattan and totally loved being out there. I have read that in our minds we can do those things we love and there will be a neuro-chemical response as if we were there doing what it is that we are thinking about. So, during your recuperation when you may not physically be able to go on your long walking excursions perhaps you can visualize in fine detail yourself making all your usual preparations to go out walking, walking out of your apartment, closing the door behind you , and taking a glorious walk on the most wonderful spring day and seeing the most lovely of all sights and feeling completely perfectly happy doing what you love to do. I can see you out there now. Your friend and walking companion-Osteoblast. :angel: :angel: :angel:
Canna
03-31-2008, 08:49 PM
Tomato Juice... so sorry to hear of the breast cancer... this is a very difficult time in your life but we are all rooting for you.. wishing you inner peace through it all.. you are an inspiration to all of us.. I am learning from your postive attitude in a time of adversity.
tomatojuice
04-01-2008, 12:22 AM
Osteoblast-I have to say you write some of the coolest things. I love the idea of visualizing places , where one might want to go,etc. You are very spiritual. It made me think of one of my very favorite movies "The Sea Inside". Don't know if you have ever seen it. It is a foreign film. About a paraplegic. He walks in his dreams, and flys out the window-over the mountains to sea. This part of the movie I found to be so beautiful-I always want to watch it over and over. Your words are an inspiration. Thank you. Actually though I am not as debilitated as one might expect. I spent 2 days in the hospital. Taking care of myself.home from a doctors appointment, and stopped to shop a little on the way. Maybe the worst is yet to come-the chemo. Even so, I have been thinking alot of spring approaching. I also plan to get back to my walk aerobics in about a week. My right arm is a little bothersome, where they did the axillary disection. And having one breast is very annoying to me. As soon as I am feeling better (after chemo)will have this other breast removed. Just want to be flat. Can't stand the asymmetrical aspect. I knew I would feel this way, but was afraid to do it all at once.
osteoblast
04-01-2008, 01:39 AM
It is getting late here but I just saw your message. I am so happy to hear how you are doing. It is amazing to me that within a few days of surgery , you are up and going to your doctor's appt. and then walking home. That is wonderful. When I wrote my earlier message to you , I really did see you walking outside and felt happy for you-little did I know you were perhaps outside walking then. I want to write more tomorrow about the movie you love, different kinds of travel and other things too. I hope you sleep well, you are a brave soul.
tomatojuice
04-01-2008, 11:56 AM
It was late last night when I answered osteoblasts post. I really wanted to answer everyones. Monteflus , always admire how you seem to stick to your guns about your own decision to not take meds, yet you always get invovled and explore what others are doing. Phylwill feel a real connection to you, because of the strontium and the exercise. I stopped taking the strontium about two months ago. I tried to get them to let me have a dexa-before surgery. But they said I wasn't really do til June and there were just too many other things that needd doing. I will being doing chemotherapy in a few weeks. From what I have read they sometimes will want to put a biophosphate into the mix, when you have osteo. Don't know if this is the case, but I do know that I will protest it. Starfish and Canna-I so much appreciate your kind words and thoughts-what more could we ask for than inner peace.
phylwill1152
04-01-2008, 12:46 PM
Hi Tomatojuice...you are one amazing woman :bouncing::bouncing::bouncing:. If ever i am in a similar situation i hope that i'll be as able as you are to deal with and face the what's coming. I too feel a connection to you...we've been talking and sharing for a long time. I know in my heart that you will beat this and that you will be an inspiration to all those around. You say you are loner, but you have reached out to all of us..we may not be friends in the flesh, but we all share common concerns and hold each other up when need.
You mentioned the biophosphate added to the chemo drugs...i wasn't aware of this. If you talk to them well before you start and express your concerns about it, they may have something else they can add in its place that will help your bones without the added risk. Remember that you are in charge of your health and its their job to make your expectations a reality. Sometimes its necessary to jar their thinking so they will look farther than their usual methods.
I know how much you enjoy walking and know it will play a big part the coming months. I think we are the same in that walking is not only exercise, but also our therapy and peace. I'll be looking forward to you telling me about the city in the spring and summer. Here it's still all shades of brown, but the green will be showing soon..this cold weather can't stay forever. Take care...phyllis
You mentioned the biophosphate added to the chemo drugs...i wasn't aware of this. If you talk to them well before you start and express your concerns about it, they may have something else they can add in its place that will help your bones without the added risk. Remember that you are in charge of your health and its their job to make your expectations a reality. Sometimes its necessary to jar their thinking so they will look farther than their usual methods.
I know how much you enjoy walking and know it will play a big part the coming months. I think we are the same in that walking is not only exercise, but also our therapy and peace. I'll be looking forward to you telling me about the city in the spring and summer. Here it's still all shades of brown, but the green will be showing soon..this cold weather can't stay forever. Take care...phyllis
DesertBloom
04-01-2008, 03:55 PM
Dear Tomato, I can't believe all that has happened in such a short time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad your son can come and spend some time with you that should help a lot.
Check with your chemo center and see if they have a patient advocacy group, it might help to have someone to talk to that has experience in this area.
You are correct that they *can* include bisphosphonates with your treatment, so if you really don't want that, speak up. The reason they use these drugs in breast cancer and other types of cancer is that the drug helps to kill off the cancer cells before they migrate to other tissue or bone. Bisphosphonates have been used in cancer therapy a lot longer than they have in osteo treatment, but the ultimate decision must be *yours*.
I think you are terrifically strong and that the surgery will be a great success; just don't hesitate to ask for help while you are going through the chemo/rad, even if you think you don't need it. It would be nice to have the option of going to someone for help when needed that has personal experience in this area.
I know you'll stay positive, and do whatever you need to. Best Wishes and keep us posted on how it goes...:angel::angel:
Check with your chemo center and see if they have a patient advocacy group, it might help to have someone to talk to that has experience in this area.
You are correct that they *can* include bisphosphonates with your treatment, so if you really don't want that, speak up. The reason they use these drugs in breast cancer and other types of cancer is that the drug helps to kill off the cancer cells before they migrate to other tissue or bone. Bisphosphonates have been used in cancer therapy a lot longer than they have in osteo treatment, but the ultimate decision must be *yours*.
I think you are terrifically strong and that the surgery will be a great success; just don't hesitate to ask for help while you are going through the chemo/rad, even if you think you don't need it. It would be nice to have the option of going to someone for help when needed that has personal experience in this area.
I know you'll stay positive, and do whatever you need to. Best Wishes and keep us posted on how it goes...:angel::angel:
Aleta145
04-01-2008, 08:00 PM
Dear Tomatojuice,
Well, this has been quite a week. My SIL just learned she also has breast cancer, and will be meeting her oncologist and surgeon tomorrow. I'll tell you the same thing I told her: join a support group. I'm not a "joiner" but my husband urged me to join one where I had my radiation treatments and they were a big help to me. In fact, it was due to their encouragement that I fired my oncologist and got a new one I was able to connect with much better. There were online BC support groups and chats back then, but sometimes it's better to meet other survivors face-to-face, you know? You can compare notes with ladies in all different phases of treatment and maybe even help someone else while you're at it.
I too used visualization to get me through my treatments. I imagined I had a microscopic Xena Warrior Princess kicking butt in any cancer cells I might have had left after surgery. I know that sounds silly, but it kept my spirits up. And you can't argue with results...this June I'll have been cancer-free for nine years. Soon you too will be looking back and thinking "Whew, I'm glad that's behind me!":D
Well, this has been quite a week. My SIL just learned she also has breast cancer, and will be meeting her oncologist and surgeon tomorrow. I'll tell you the same thing I told her: join a support group. I'm not a "joiner" but my husband urged me to join one where I had my radiation treatments and they were a big help to me. In fact, it was due to their encouragement that I fired my oncologist and got a new one I was able to connect with much better. There were online BC support groups and chats back then, but sometimes it's better to meet other survivors face-to-face, you know? You can compare notes with ladies in all different phases of treatment and maybe even help someone else while you're at it.
I too used visualization to get me through my treatments. I imagined I had a microscopic Xena Warrior Princess kicking butt in any cancer cells I might have had left after surgery. I know that sounds silly, but it kept my spirits up. And you can't argue with results...this June I'll have been cancer-free for nine years. Soon you too will be looking back and thinking "Whew, I'm glad that's behind me!":D
osteoblast
04-01-2008, 08:47 PM
TomatoJuice-I am so glad that you did come to the osteo board so that your friends here could offer their care and support. As DesertBloom said in her message,being sure that you get the support that you need is so important now. As a source of support, I wanted to suggest a cd by Carolyn McManus called
Relaxation, Imagery and Meditation:Healing Practices to Complement Cancer Treatment.
I know from meeting with Carolyn that she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer about a yr. and a half ago. She has gone through treatment and is now back at work at Swedish Hosp. in Seattle.
Over the past 5 months or so I have met with Carolyn several times. She is a phys.therapist and teaches various forms of relaxation at Swedish Hosp . Carolyn has completed Master's degree programs in phys. therapy and psychology. While she sees people individually at the hosp. she also conducts an 8 wk program that involves meditiation, and relaxation. It is set up along the lines of what Jon Kabat Zinn did at Univ. of Mass. Med. Center about 15yrs. ago.. Jon Kabat Zinn wrote a book called" Full Catastrophe Living" that details how/why he designed the 8 wk. program . He has travelled throughout the US and the world teaching his program. To my understanding most major metro hospitals in the US would have such a program. The program is offered to those who dealing with major health issues . People who want to find a way through that feels better to them. I would think your hospital in Manhattan would likely have such a program.
When I have seen Carolyn , she has been very frank about her own journey with cancer. When I first met her at the end of last year, I understood it had not been that long since she had resumed her responsibilities at Swedish. She is a true and genuine caring person ,also very brave like you. I have used a number of her cds - mostly Mindfullness Meditation and Body Scan;and, Relax into Resful Sleep . All proceeds from the sale of Caolyn's new cd go to the Cancer Treatment Center at Swedish. Carolyn has been there and you can feel it when you listen to her voice. Nothing hokey or new agey , just gentle , heartfelt compassion. No religious angle . Nurturing.From our interchanges I have a feeling that the cd may be a fit for you and may be a real help.
Of course if this is not for you, that is ok too. I just wanted to share something that might help. Your friend ,wishing you peace.:angel:
ps-I wanted to second Aleta's advice about a breast cancer support group-that could be one of the best sources of help!
Relaxation, Imagery and Meditation:Healing Practices to Complement Cancer Treatment.
I know from meeting with Carolyn that she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer about a yr. and a half ago. She has gone through treatment and is now back at work at Swedish Hosp. in Seattle.
Over the past 5 months or so I have met with Carolyn several times. She is a phys.therapist and teaches various forms of relaxation at Swedish Hosp . Carolyn has completed Master's degree programs in phys. therapy and psychology. While she sees people individually at the hosp. she also conducts an 8 wk program that involves meditiation, and relaxation. It is set up along the lines of what Jon Kabat Zinn did at Univ. of Mass. Med. Center about 15yrs. ago.. Jon Kabat Zinn wrote a book called" Full Catastrophe Living" that details how/why he designed the 8 wk. program . He has travelled throughout the US and the world teaching his program. To my understanding most major metro hospitals in the US would have such a program. The program is offered to those who dealing with major health issues . People who want to find a way through that feels better to them. I would think your hospital in Manhattan would likely have such a program.
When I have seen Carolyn , she has been very frank about her own journey with cancer. When I first met her at the end of last year, I understood it had not been that long since she had resumed her responsibilities at Swedish. She is a true and genuine caring person ,also very brave like you. I have used a number of her cds - mostly Mindfullness Meditation and Body Scan;and, Relax into Resful Sleep . All proceeds from the sale of Caolyn's new cd go to the Cancer Treatment Center at Swedish. Carolyn has been there and you can feel it when you listen to her voice. Nothing hokey or new agey , just gentle , heartfelt compassion. No religious angle . Nurturing.From our interchanges I have a feeling that the cd may be a fit for you and may be a real help.
Of course if this is not for you, that is ok too. I just wanted to share something that might help. Your friend ,wishing you peace.:angel:
ps-I wanted to second Aleta's advice about a breast cancer support group-that could be one of the best sources of help!
moderator2
04-02-2008, 10:09 PM
Please do not post websites except as described in the posting policy section titled "How to share information".
tomatojuice
04-03-2008, 12:31 AM
Hi dessertbloom Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Hope that you are feeling well. I will definately be looking into a support group, as soon as I can. Right now there is one online that has really been carrying me through from the very beginning. Aleta.. Congrats on your nine years free. Sorry to hear about your SIL . Tell her to keep her fists up, that is what I plan to do. Osteoblast.. I will definately try to get Carolyns cd, sounds good to me.
osteoblast
04-03-2008, 01:48 AM
Tomato-Hello, you are up late tonight. You have been through alot for a tomato-or even tomato juice for that matter.:) From your recounting of the crane accident I can well understand your feeling that everything is unstable. I felt that way too after going through the biggest quake in SF since the 1906 one. It was really hard to get back on a firm footing. I think your witnessing the crane accident/building explosion though seems more traumatic. It must have brought back alot of 9/11 anxiety as well. Your list of major life stressors is really up there right now -no question. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister- the relationship you had with your sister sounds beautiful. You were very fortunate to have each other. Sounds like you and your sister were two brave peas in a pod. Wearing the pin your sister gave you to chemo is an excellent plan. You just seem to be on the right track with all that you are doing. I am astounded by the presence of mind that you have. I am glad you went to the psych and that you like him -but, if you are not feeling depressed and are not depressed prone then the prozac doesn't make sense to me either. On the other hand, I wonder if an anti anxiety med like xanax may help you from time to time maybe not every day in a routine manner. I can hardly believe I am saying this because I have been very anti med. like you. But, recently my autoimmune disease has gone very unstable and the endo wants to try to get my autoantibodies down by using xanax together with the thyroid med. I expressed all my reservations but I don't want the autoantibodies running completely amok, finding new places to attack. I have tried the lowest dose.25 on a daily each 8 hr. basis and it isn't going to work for me. It made me a couch potato (maybe you would be a couch tomato)and I do not want that-I love my walks (today I walked 11 miles at a nature preserve). So, I have to be able to move and do. I have recently gone to half the lowest dose and that can work it seems. But, what I wanted to mention is that when I had the recent mass found in my neck lymph gland, the u/s and then the ct scan and then the next u/s--it all stressed me so much and the .25 xanax was equivalent to having a glass of wine before the procedure. I would just take the .25 about 45 min. before the procedure and it was so much easier on my system. I am thinking that since you are not depressed, that perhaps when you feel anxious or you are going for a stressful appt. or procedure you could just try a very low dose as I did and it may soothe you . Personally from my experience using xanax before the appts/procedures , the xanax helped alot-really I have to say the .25 was equivalent to one glass of wine and probably a little less of that feeling and it lasted maybe a few hours .I have talked to others who have used xanax on an intermittent basis for med. procedures and it helped them. Let me know if you get the Carolyn McManus cd and find it helpful. I am hoping the best for you dear tomato. Take care.
tomatojuice
04-03-2008, 11:58 PM
hi osteo I meant to tell you that you were in my thoughts also, with you autoimmune problem. I even tried to look it up, because I really didn't quite understand what it was. Most autoimmune problems(I think) are not always easy to figure. In any case, really hope the best for you, that it gets resolved real soon. I am definately not going to take prozac. Actually I have been taking klonipin occasionally for sleep problems for the past two months. Its also .25mg. I try to limit it to evryother night. And sometimes not even that. On the in between nights I use simply sleep, even those say to take two tabs(I find one dose the job). Xanax, like klonipin are benzodiazapines. They can be highly addictive. True they are good for anxiety. But, many years ago, I had a problem with panic disorder and anxiety. I was given klonipin, and before I knew it I was using 4,5, even 6mg daily. It was over about a four year period. One day I just started thinking this cannot be good-so I decided stop.It was a two year roller coaster ride. Well anyway I was able to do it, on my own. I have heard of people having to go into rehab. That is why I am cautious, and try to space it out. What happens with the benzos is you get used to them, and then you need higher and higher doses.
osteoblast
04-04-2008, 02:34 AM
Hi Tomato- Today I thought of you and hoped that you are doing well. I was so moved by what you had written about your sister. The bravery and joy that she expressed despite her worsening condition is nothing short of astounding to me. And, you sound as though you have this ability too. What is this about the tomato women? (I know from our discussions it is not religious dogma) Where did you get this ability to truly feel the joy and love around you despite the most difficult of circumstances? As far as I can tell , I would think it is something you learned from your mom, dad or both.
Also , I think it is a very rare ability-maybe it is just not what I have seen and known . If you learned this from your parents , I would have to say this is one of the greatest gifts a parent could give to their children. I guess it has to deal with some wisdom of acceptance of what cannot be changed and an abiding joy in the living of one's life well. Again , I am in awe of both you and your sister!You have really put an idea in my mind and a feeling in my heart that I would like to aspire to. It is a seed that I will water.
Your kind concern about my hashimoto's is really sweet . I am sorry to hear that your daughter has lupus. I have a friend with lupus and she has been out on disability since her 20's-it has not been easy .You are right ,the autoimmune diseases are problematic, some as to diagnosis and many as to treatment. Dealing with the mind body connection is very central to quieting the autoimmune diseases. I hope your daughter is doing allright. Were you ever diagnosed with an AI disease. Genetics play a very large role and many scientists and doctors now feel there is often an environmental toxic trigger.
Keep us looped into what will be happening for you. And, don't forget to feel the caring that is coming your way from our little community of big hearts. :)
Also , I think it is a very rare ability-maybe it is just not what I have seen and known . If you learned this from your parents , I would have to say this is one of the greatest gifts a parent could give to their children. I guess it has to deal with some wisdom of acceptance of what cannot be changed and an abiding joy in the living of one's life well. Again , I am in awe of both you and your sister!You have really put an idea in my mind and a feeling in my heart that I would like to aspire to. It is a seed that I will water.
Your kind concern about my hashimoto's is really sweet . I am sorry to hear that your daughter has lupus. I have a friend with lupus and she has been out on disability since her 20's-it has not been easy .You are right ,the autoimmune diseases are problematic, some as to diagnosis and many as to treatment. Dealing with the mind body connection is very central to quieting the autoimmune diseases. I hope your daughter is doing allright. Were you ever diagnosed with an AI disease. Genetics play a very large role and many scientists and doctors now feel there is often an environmental toxic trigger.
Keep us looped into what will be happening for you. And, don't forget to feel the caring that is coming your way from our little community of big hearts. :)
tomatojuice
04-04-2008, 05:40 PM
Hi osteo. I am just normal, like everyone else. Someone very kind once told me that people are the salt of the earth. Everyone has a compelling story inside. Yes my mom was special, more than others-I don't know.
tomatojuice
04-04-2008, 06:14 PM
Hi again Osteo-Just wanted to add that I have never been tested forAI.
osteoblast
04-04-2008, 08:37 PM
Tomato -Your mom was a momma bear.Momma bears show tremendous courage and strength to defend their young against whatever odds. And, your mom did that. Now the picture becomes clearer as to where you and your sister got your strength and tenacity.You and your sister are part bear. It is truly a wonder that your mom, pregnant with her 5th child gets up and goes back to NY. I love that in an era of "accepted discrimination" your mom knew in her being that that was no way to behave and that she treated people fairly - whether or not others would criticize her for that. I started crying when I read that - racial unfairness is a true evil. Evil because it seeks to rob another of their dignity and it corrodes the soul of the racist. MLK Your spirit lives on .Some people still don't get it though . So your mom did not let the standards of her day dictate her actions .In your brief accounts I feel that you have answered my questions as to where you and your sister learned to handle adversity. Congratulations on being the first in your family to obtain a univ. degree-that was a big accomplishment. Besides being an artist, you seem to have a talent for writing. With your brief descriptions I "saw" your mom leaving the farm with kids in tow, her reaching out to the black family, and your dear uncle who took you to church and showed you how to love nature and animals. I am so glad you had that picture of your uncle with you at the hospital. As Wildflowers said to me when I was going through my recent trauma with the 3cm. mass in my lymph gland-hold to you closely what you love, what is dear to you. She was right, and it sounds exactly like what you are doing.
And your sharing with us what is dear to you , also expands our hearts in a way. It's interesting-just as racism hurts everybody involved, your sharing of what you hold dear is nourishing to you and to us . Thank you tomato.
It will be wonderful when your daughter visits. She sounds like she is carrying on the family tradition of being a free spirit . I am sure you two will work it out regarding the treatments she is proposing-of course, she wants to help in any way she can. And, of course you need to clear the stuff with your doctors . That she has settled her lupus down is quite amazing. Probably her being there with you will be the best medicine that she will provide. Your tepee in the Catskills sounds like it must have been so much fun. But, only do what you and the doc think wise-maybe what wouldn't have bothered you before like a little mosquito bite, will be too much now. Maybe it would be a good time to keep it simple and have mellow afternoons sitting back and sipping your tea just being together in your apt. You want to be sure not to strain yourself.Take it easy.
Did you get more info on whether they wanted your infusion to include a bisphos. Have you had that discussion with your doc. .Let us know how that discussion goes and what you decide. Glad to hear too that there is a breast cancer site that has seen you through alot of this. How did you find it?? I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers.
And your sharing with us what is dear to you , also expands our hearts in a way. It's interesting-just as racism hurts everybody involved, your sharing of what you hold dear is nourishing to you and to us . Thank you tomato.
It will be wonderful when your daughter visits. She sounds like she is carrying on the family tradition of being a free spirit . I am sure you two will work it out regarding the treatments she is proposing-of course, she wants to help in any way she can. And, of course you need to clear the stuff with your doctors . That she has settled her lupus down is quite amazing. Probably her being there with you will be the best medicine that she will provide. Your tepee in the Catskills sounds like it must have been so much fun. But, only do what you and the doc think wise-maybe what wouldn't have bothered you before like a little mosquito bite, will be too much now. Maybe it would be a good time to keep it simple and have mellow afternoons sitting back and sipping your tea just being together in your apt. You want to be sure not to strain yourself.Take it easy.
Did you get more info on whether they wanted your infusion to include a bisphos. Have you had that discussion with your doc. .Let us know how that discussion goes and what you decide. Glad to hear too that there is a breast cancer site that has seen you through alot of this. How did you find it?? I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers.
tomatojuice
04-04-2008, 09:54 PM
Oh Osteoblast you are just so cool. I will now forever think that I am part bear, and my daughter and...etc Love it. How do you come to these conclusions.Amazing. Wildflowers is so right-hold close the things that are dear-because in them is your love. Just this morning I awoke to the sound of a bird, different from others around here. I raced to the window, and there in the tree was a beautiful red bird, chirping away. All day today I have treasured that citing. I don't know yet about the chemo. My Oncologist is going on vacation for a week. I haven't even gotten a full pathology report. I know if I pushed it, maybe I could find out right away. But I don't want to be told over the phone. Also my Oncologist seems to be the most compassionate person, on my team, thus far. I want him to tell me the results. I have been reading a bit that they usually will give you Zometa infusions for Osteo Right now I have no idea what I will do. It will be one of many decisions that I will have to deal with.
osteoblast
04-05-2008, 01:18 AM
Tomato-You wonder how I come to the conclusion that the women in your family have alot of bear spirit. First, it just seems so obvious to me. It is how I view things and it makes sense to me. I love nature and love to learn about animals-how they make their homes, what they eat, where they sleep, what they do-which usually is look for food in various brilliant ways. I like to learn how they take care of their young, whether they hang out alone or in groups all that stuff.And, sometimes I see in people really strong aspects of certain animals. From what you have written about yourself, your mother and your sisters-well there was bear written all over it. It seems the women in your family are very strong . Your visitation by the little red bird this am was really cool. Esp in the tree in which you told your son that god was present.You must have lived in the same apt. for along time-that is nice to put down roots .Keep an ear/eye out for the bird to return tomorrow.Maybe it even has a nest in that tree-it's possible.Probably the tree hasn't got its leaves yet, so you should be able to get a pretty good look to see if there is a nest. It may be interesting for you to look on the net and see if you can try to identify who came to visit-they may have an interesting story to tell . If you get a good look at the bird, I may be able to help you with an identification.I am not any kind of an expert , just someone who likes to look .If it is of interest to you, you might try to see if there are other colors on it besides red, and where those other colors are, and maybe get a handle on its relative size. Do you have binoculars? If not, a lighweight set of binoculars wouldn't cost much and would let you get more close up with the bird. You may even have fun taking binoculars on your walks. Birds have a lightness of spirit and the color red is so uplifting-I would take the sighting as a special visit from a little friend who wants to remind you that you can let your spirit take flight .
phylwill1152
04-06-2008, 09:47 AM
Hello tomatojuice and OB...i just wanted to tell you both how much i have enjoyed reading your inspirational exchanges. Just reading them lifts the heart and makes the spirit soar. :angel: I have thought many of the things you've written, but don't have the words to write them as well as you two have. Thank you. I have a feeling we're a bunch of old hippies who've retained what we learned from days gone by.
We have a beautiful day here, i think spring has finally sprung. Have a good day...take care...phyllis
We have a beautiful day here, i think spring has finally sprung. Have a good day...take care...phyllis
tomatojuice
04-06-2008, 11:10 AM
Morning Osteo and Phywil-Osteo, Read you r post about the GBH.Had a similiar experience with one. We had been camped on a bluff, alonged side a river for about 4 months and it would often visit us, flying through our camp site -making the sound it makes. Phywil -I sort of in my twenties aspired to being a hippie. But never really was one, Didn't evr have long hair, and was never interested in mind altering drugs. Certaintly knew alot of hippies. Loved the music, the idea of communal living, natural living, native american influences, peace and love, war is not good for children and other living things, The maharishi, the prophet-Gibran, Sidhartha, ghandi, malcolm x, MLK, the beatles, dylan,. I took two road trips across America, and lived for awile in the Ozarks-40 miles off a dirt road. I am the kind of person that has difficulty with labels. What a day I have today, very busy. And its a Sunday. My brother is coming over, with my nephew to help and keep me company. Woke up with a sinus headache. I get these barometric headaches. I have got to figure out what to do about them, before chemo. Well everyone, hope your day is beautiful and peaceful
phylwill1152
04-06-2008, 04:46 PM
Hi tomato... i hope i didn't offend you...even without long hair and experimentation you enbraced the times and learned from it. I have a copy of the Prophet sitting on the bookshelf and had the war is not healthy poster..wonder whatever happened to all those posters? Rememeber the book Future Shock by Alvin Toffler?...i wonder how many of the things talked about in it have come true. I still have all those great albums, but not a turntable in good enough shape to play them.
With all that is on your plate now you have not let it take control of who you are. Between what you learned from you Mom and waht waht life ahs taught you you are well prepared for whats coming. A fighting sprit with a lambs heart. Have you started a journal to document your thoughts and feelings? As well as you write it could be a best seller.
Today has turned beautiful here...sunny, warm and of course windy. The dogs and I went for a walk this morning. I've been doing yard work, all that raking and carrying is good exercise. take care..phyllis
With all that is on your plate now you have not let it take control of who you are. Between what you learned from you Mom and waht waht life ahs taught you you are well prepared for whats coming. A fighting sprit with a lambs heart. Have you started a journal to document your thoughts and feelings? As well as you write it could be a best seller.
Today has turned beautiful here...sunny, warm and of course windy. The dogs and I went for a walk this morning. I've been doing yard work, all that raking and carrying is good exercise. take care..phyllis
osteoblast
04-07-2008, 04:02 AM
Hi Tomato-It's funny you mention the GBH, because I edited that message down. It just seemed too much about me and I went on and on AND most importantly I want to be of some comfort to you and what you are dealing with in the here and now. I know that you must be utterly exhausted and dealing with just so much and I want to respect that and not tax your energy. I am so glad though that you too have had a wonderful GBH experience. So, you are a part of that lucky group of people who has met and admired the GBH.I will never forget the first time I saw a GBH, and I will never forget the first time I heard a GBH. I have read in a bird book some very interesting names for the GBH-Old Cranky, Long John etc. So I better not get started here on the GBH or I just won't quit. I can sit here and think of at least a half dozen times when they have just rocked me to my core with their wondrous ways.( I just have to sneak in one little bit-I have seen about 100 herons nesting along a small stretch of a local river,I have seen them with twigs in their beaks going back to the trees to construct their nests for their yourng.-If you are at all interested, look up "herons forever" it has alot of wonderful info) As you didn't mention your little red bird friend again, I will just hope you two meet up again soon!
Sorry to hear about the blazing headaches that you have got going. I have had headaches for the past few years on an almost daily basis..So, I have an inkling of what you are going through. My headaches are not debilitating though just kind of like a near constant backdrop. Did your headaches pre-date your cancer diagnosis and surgery? I have found that anesthesia takes a real long time to clear my body and causes worse headaches and diminishes cognitive functioning for up to a week sometimes . Maybe it is taking some time to get the anesthetic /and other drugs out of your system. And this may be coupled with your post traumatic anxiety from the crane accident and it is just alot for your body and spirit to copy with .
I do hope you can enter into your personal refuge and find peace. Do you ever follow your breath, just noting it coming into your body and then releasing?(I don't do any fancy lotus posture-generally I just do this lying on the floor or in bed) There is a reason that breath meditation is an ancient practice that has been used to deal with the great stress and fear that is part of the human condition.It works. Though breath meditation is a natural fit for some ,for others it is not . Thich Nhat Hanh a Vietnamese monk who was actually nominated by MLK for a Nobel Peace Prize is someone I dearly cherish . He has a book called Blooming of a Lotus with meditation practices. There are a number of practices in that book which really help me. One goes like this : Breathing in , I know that I am breathing in(on inhale) Breathing out , I know that I am breathing out (on exhale) You can just shorten this to saying In (on inhale) Out(on exhale)do this for what feels comfortable to you it may be several minutes . Then proceed to Breathing in my breath grows deep(on inhale) Breathing out my breath goes slowly(on exhale) You can just shorten this to saying to your self Deep (on inhale) Slow(on exhale) -again do this segment as long as feels good to you-your breath will just naturally lengthen and deepen-No need to try to make your breathing rhythm any particular way ,it will just slow naturally. Then :Breathing in, I feel calm(on inhale) Breathing out, I feel ease (exhale) you can shorten it to Calm(on inhale) Ease (on exhale) you are just saying these words in coordination with your breath, silently in your mind. Then after a while :Breathing in I smile, Breathing out I release --then shorten to Smile( on inhale and gently smile) and Release(on exhale). Then Dwelling in the present moment(on inhale) I know it is a wonderful moment (0n exhale). If this is not your cup of tea-that is Ok.(So many different roads/for so many different people.) I just put here hoping that maybe it would feel good to you. It may allow you to slow down your breath, and then perhaps your blood vessels will become less constricted and maybe your headaches will lighten some. On the chance this may be of any interest to you-I'll do a shorthand of it below:
In(on inhale),Out(on exhale)do this and other segments as long as you wish-at least a few minutes
Deep(on inhale) Slow (on exhale)
Calm(on inhale) Ease(on exhale)
Smile(on inhale)Release(on exhale)
Present Moment(on inhale) Wonderful Moment(on exhale)
And , yes sometimes-I don't feel like smiling at all ( Thich Nhat Hanh talks of the smile as one of those gentle buddha smiles).He talks about how he believes that just the smile in and of itself calms the body and mind. Sometimes, I almost laugh/cry when I get to the Present Moment/Wonderful Moment segment.There are times the present moment seems like a huge burden that is just too much. Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching may sound simplistic yet he has been through fire-during the Vietnam War he led a group of monks and nuns who sought peaceful reconciliation between the sides-for this attempt to understand/speak with both sides , the monks and nuns in his group were killed by both sides and some in his group self-immolated ,hoping that this would bring an end to the violence. Surely these people who love their monks and nuns would then stop. But, it didn't happen that way.For his efforts to bring reconciliation-which even included coming to the US and meeting with US leaders to end the war ,he was branded a US colloborator and exiled from his country. He has lived in France for many years since the war and has only recently been allowed to revisit his home country. So, when he speaks of these meditations that may sound perhaps simple-in the way of a simpleton-he has lived the horrors of war and seen the worst that humans can do/be. His teachings sound simple but are deep.I do not think that if people did this meditation ( for example) regularly they could be so prone to acts of aggression and ruthless violence. Again, I fully accept there are many ways to approach seeking/finding/being peace. I think also that this mediation and others can heal us on levels that the med establishment does not know how to heal. So, it is also another healing modality.
I am so glad that Phywill mentioned journaling.Phylwill has so many good ideas -she is a very wonderful person-part dog no doubt(That is my thought -I love dogs and Phylwil always shows that she is a good friend and loyal , and she likes to play too!) . Well back to journalling, recently I was reading somewhere how journaling can be of such a help esp when going through medical difficulties. The author even mentioned how many people find it helpful to take their journal to write in while they wait in the doctor's office for appts. or wait for diagnostic or other medical treatments. I can see how this could really help and I am going to expand my dream journal which I keep into more of a dialogue during these stressful med. times. Our writing here too is a method of journaling and all the sharing we do is so helpful. Tomato, I cannot know exactly what you are going through but I can only imagine from my much less serious issues that you are needing to draw on all your physical, mental and emotional reserves to see you through. And, it is likely a daunting task that occupies so much of your time and energy. I want you to know I treasue all that you have shared and from the bottom of my heart , I feel deep gratitude to you.
ps-I don't want to exhaust you with such a lengthy message-and will keep it tighter but I so wanted to share the breathing exercise with you. Again- it may be the medicine for you, or it may not be the medicine for you. Only you will know that .
Sorry to hear about the blazing headaches that you have got going. I have had headaches for the past few years on an almost daily basis..So, I have an inkling of what you are going through. My headaches are not debilitating though just kind of like a near constant backdrop. Did your headaches pre-date your cancer diagnosis and surgery? I have found that anesthesia takes a real long time to clear my body and causes worse headaches and diminishes cognitive functioning for up to a week sometimes . Maybe it is taking some time to get the anesthetic /and other drugs out of your system. And this may be coupled with your post traumatic anxiety from the crane accident and it is just alot for your body and spirit to copy with .
I do hope you can enter into your personal refuge and find peace. Do you ever follow your breath, just noting it coming into your body and then releasing?(I don't do any fancy lotus posture-generally I just do this lying on the floor or in bed) There is a reason that breath meditation is an ancient practice that has been used to deal with the great stress and fear that is part of the human condition.It works. Though breath meditation is a natural fit for some ,for others it is not . Thich Nhat Hanh a Vietnamese monk who was actually nominated by MLK for a Nobel Peace Prize is someone I dearly cherish . He has a book called Blooming of a Lotus with meditation practices. There are a number of practices in that book which really help me. One goes like this : Breathing in , I know that I am breathing in(on inhale) Breathing out , I know that I am breathing out (on exhale) You can just shorten this to saying In (on inhale) Out(on exhale)do this for what feels comfortable to you it may be several minutes . Then proceed to Breathing in my breath grows deep(on inhale) Breathing out my breath goes slowly(on exhale) You can just shorten this to saying to your self Deep (on inhale) Slow(on exhale) -again do this segment as long as feels good to you-your breath will just naturally lengthen and deepen-No need to try to make your breathing rhythm any particular way ,it will just slow naturally. Then :Breathing in, I feel calm(on inhale) Breathing out, I feel ease (exhale) you can shorten it to Calm(on inhale) Ease (on exhale) you are just saying these words in coordination with your breath, silently in your mind. Then after a while :Breathing in I smile, Breathing out I release --then shorten to Smile( on inhale and gently smile) and Release(on exhale). Then Dwelling in the present moment(on inhale) I know it is a wonderful moment (0n exhale). If this is not your cup of tea-that is Ok.(So many different roads/for so many different people.) I just put here hoping that maybe it would feel good to you. It may allow you to slow down your breath, and then perhaps your blood vessels will become less constricted and maybe your headaches will lighten some. On the chance this may be of any interest to you-I'll do a shorthand of it below:
In(on inhale),Out(on exhale)do this and other segments as long as you wish-at least a few minutes
Deep(on inhale) Slow (on exhale)
Calm(on inhale) Ease(on exhale)
Smile(on inhale)Release(on exhale)
Present Moment(on inhale) Wonderful Moment(on exhale)
And , yes sometimes-I don't feel like smiling at all ( Thich Nhat Hanh talks of the smile as one of those gentle buddha smiles).He talks about how he believes that just the smile in and of itself calms the body and mind. Sometimes, I almost laugh/cry when I get to the Present Moment/Wonderful Moment segment.There are times the present moment seems like a huge burden that is just too much. Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching may sound simplistic yet he has been through fire-during the Vietnam War he led a group of monks and nuns who sought peaceful reconciliation between the sides-for this attempt to understand/speak with both sides , the monks and nuns in his group were killed by both sides and some in his group self-immolated ,hoping that this would bring an end to the violence. Surely these people who love their monks and nuns would then stop. But, it didn't happen that way.For his efforts to bring reconciliation-which even included coming to the US and meeting with US leaders to end the war ,he was branded a US colloborator and exiled from his country. He has lived in France for many years since the war and has only recently been allowed to revisit his home country. So, when he speaks of these meditations that may sound perhaps simple-in the way of a simpleton-he has lived the horrors of war and seen the worst that humans can do/be. His teachings sound simple but are deep.I do not think that if people did this meditation ( for example) regularly they could be so prone to acts of aggression and ruthless violence. Again, I fully accept there are many ways to approach seeking/finding/being peace. I think also that this mediation and others can heal us on levels that the med establishment does not know how to heal. So, it is also another healing modality.
I am so glad that Phywill mentioned journaling.Phylwill has so many good ideas -she is a very wonderful person-part dog no doubt(That is my thought -I love dogs and Phylwil always shows that she is a good friend and loyal , and she likes to play too!) . Well back to journalling, recently I was reading somewhere how journaling can be of such a help esp when going through medical difficulties. The author even mentioned how many people find it helpful to take their journal to write in while they wait in the doctor's office for appts. or wait for diagnostic or other medical treatments. I can see how this could really help and I am going to expand my dream journal which I keep into more of a dialogue during these stressful med. times. Our writing here too is a method of journaling and all the sharing we do is so helpful. Tomato, I cannot know exactly what you are going through but I can only imagine from my much less serious issues that you are needing to draw on all your physical, mental and emotional reserves to see you through. And, it is likely a daunting task that occupies so much of your time and energy. I want you to know I treasue all that you have shared and from the bottom of my heart , I feel deep gratitude to you.
ps-I don't want to exhaust you with such a lengthy message-and will keep it tighter but I so wanted to share the breathing exercise with you. Again- it may be the medicine for you, or it may not be the medicine for you. Only you will know that .
tomatojuice
04-07-2008, 10:37 AM
Hi Osteo It has been a long time ,since I have even thought of the meeting with the GBH. IT was truly for me, a special event and nice to remember. It would be fun to read some about them. Love they way you give honor to animals.Native cultures, Eyptians, and India have always done so, and still do. Western society is disconnected to some extent. I once though, asked a Catholic monsignor, who was one of my closet friends(he passed away last year at 84)"why does the church say that animals do not have souls, and do not go to heaven?" His response was "Animals are whole souled, they are all love." Have always hel on to his response, it places them on a higher tier than us. Don't know if the whole church heirachy would agree, but oh well. Yes Phywil sounds part dog-she most definately is a good friend, loyal and true and playful. Not that I would ever have thought of it. You have a lovely gift of matching people spiritually to animals. Who among us would not want to know their spirit animal. I just love thinking of myself as part bear. Animals transcend us in so many ways. When I was about 18, someone gave me a book, called"The Breath of Life" by Swami........really don't remember the author. In any case it talked all about breathing and its importance to physical and spiritual well being. Tantric breathing had become apart of my life. In college I got into yoga a bit. And also used it for natural childbirth. Thank you so much for all you have written out. I will definately try the method you have described. The smiling, and the next moment is something new. The anesthesia definately takes time to come out of your body. The first two days out of hospital, I had the worst headache. Also although this may sound strange and gross-there was this body odor-that took about a week of bathing evryday to get rid of. I think it was the anesthesia. I usually keep what I call is my morning journal-try to write first thing in the a.m. There is a book"the Artist Way" which sort of teaches you how to become creative, or if you fall into a slump where you are not being creative. Anyway it has always helped me. One of the practices is to write evryday in the journal. My problem is, I always change my mind about just what I want others to read of my thoughts, and I will often go back and destroy what I have written. I guess there is a part of me that is very unsure, and even mistrusting, fearful of judgement. And so writing for me is difficult really. Have a wonderful day.Phywil if you read this. Your sentences paint a big beautiful picture of a day in your life. The warmth, the dogs, the wind, raking leaves, working. Wonderful
phylwill1152
04-07-2008, 12:46 PM
Hi Ob and Tomato...i too like the dog anology. I have a claddagh, a Celtic symbol, tattooed on my ankle. It stands for friendship, loyalty and love...you pegged me just right. I live a simple life and its the simple things that make me happiest. Take care dear friends...have a good day...phyllis