sanan22
04-02-2008, 05:52 PM
sorry for the long read
I know this might sound like a personality disorder but I scored low on PD tests
I'm a 20 YO male and I have a problem. I feel that something deep inside me is having some rapid, big changes and these changes are so big and rapid that I have lost contact with the *original me*. I can't reconize my self anymore :(
highlights:-
some background:-
I'm the last child in my family. during my childhood I was very social, fun and smart person. I was interested in math, physics and geology and I started reading advanced math at the age of 9. I was very active socially too but I wasn't into sport. I had my first *girlfriend* at the age of 8 and people used to call me *a player* until 2003.
on 2003 I started feeling the change. at start I became attracted to a girl who was totally different from me and had NO idea why I think this girl is attractive. but this was only the beginning. same year I totally lost interest for math and physics and my classes turned into disaster. later on I started *feeling empty-minded*...I didn't know what I like or hate, or what my interests were. I had no opinions about anything and I had nothing to say even though I talk to my self 24/7. I hated most my interests but I didn't know any better.
later this opposite sex attraction continued but at that time I was very shy and sort of afraid of having that sort of contact. I even remember having 8 girls sitting all around me in the class but later I heard these girls telling everyone I'm gay (which I'm not). meawhile I was interested in other girls but I had one big question to my self: why do I think they are atractive?
later I started reading philosophy, art, history, social science, natural science related books and many others like poetry stuff for example. I became very open to everything.
late 2005 until early 2007:
I started getting very depressed because of these big changes and the emptiness i felt inside me. as I mentioned I had nothing to say and when being asked something, the *old me* used to give up. so I got a storm of thought and information in my mind. those were very fast and unclear. but the *new me* used them to get to his point. I felt like another person is being developed deep inside me and that I was 2 persons at the same time.
I was using the words of the *new me*. but I didn't know what my opinions were until I had finnished expressing them. these stuff were very smart tho:)
on 2006 I started thinking I have personality disorder. so I used online tests...but they all gave me different results. later i found I large PD test online...I scored 35% and lower on all PD's
early 2007 was about the end of the worst as the changes slowed down.
at that point I was like a house trapped in a 4 year lasting tornado.
now:
2007 was *rebuilding year* and 2008 will be.
I still have social problems. I'm atracted to difference not likeness (as opposed to everyone i know)...while likeness being very boring.
I'm very carefull and I afraid of caring about anything...I constantly have thoughts of *regret caring* and I block my feelings because I think I'll do crazy things if I let them out.
I don't have any friends because of the points i mentioned above. and I'm sick of it and I need help
thanks for reading and responding
I know this might sound like a personality disorder but I scored low on PD tests
I'm a 20 YO male and I have a problem. I feel that something deep inside me is having some rapid, big changes and these changes are so big and rapid that I have lost contact with the *original me*. I can't reconize my self anymore :(
highlights:-
some background:-
I'm the last child in my family. during my childhood I was very social, fun and smart person. I was interested in math, physics and geology and I started reading advanced math at the age of 9. I was very active socially too but I wasn't into sport. I had my first *girlfriend* at the age of 8 and people used to call me *a player* until 2003.
on 2003 I started feeling the change. at start I became attracted to a girl who was totally different from me and had NO idea why I think this girl is attractive. but this was only the beginning. same year I totally lost interest for math and physics and my classes turned into disaster. later on I started *feeling empty-minded*...I didn't know what I like or hate, or what my interests were. I had no opinions about anything and I had nothing to say even though I talk to my self 24/7. I hated most my interests but I didn't know any better.
later this opposite sex attraction continued but at that time I was very shy and sort of afraid of having that sort of contact. I even remember having 8 girls sitting all around me in the class but later I heard these girls telling everyone I'm gay (which I'm not). meawhile I was interested in other girls but I had one big question to my self: why do I think they are atractive?
later I started reading philosophy, art, history, social science, natural science related books and many others like poetry stuff for example. I became very open to everything.
late 2005 until early 2007:
I started getting very depressed because of these big changes and the emptiness i felt inside me. as I mentioned I had nothing to say and when being asked something, the *old me* used to give up. so I got a storm of thought and information in my mind. those were very fast and unclear. but the *new me* used them to get to his point. I felt like another person is being developed deep inside me and that I was 2 persons at the same time.
I was using the words of the *new me*. but I didn't know what my opinions were until I had finnished expressing them. these stuff were very smart tho:)
on 2006 I started thinking I have personality disorder. so I used online tests...but they all gave me different results. later i found I large PD test online...I scored 35% and lower on all PD's
early 2007 was about the end of the worst as the changes slowed down.
at that point I was like a house trapped in a 4 year lasting tornado.
now:
2007 was *rebuilding year* and 2008 will be.
I still have social problems. I'm atracted to difference not likeness (as opposed to everyone i know)...while likeness being very boring.
I'm very carefull and I afraid of caring about anything...I constantly have thoughts of *regret caring* and I block my feelings because I think I'll do crazy things if I let them out.
I don't have any friends because of the points i mentioned above. and I'm sick of it and I need help
thanks for reading and responding
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nanaxiu
04-03-2008, 02:07 PM
aawww. that must be an awful feeling. i sometime feel like that. empty... so we tend to self talk to motivate ourselves. maybe you've read too much philosophy. it's a brainwasher! haha. not sayin that it's bad but it influences a lot. makes you ask why why why??!! hahaha... i might need to go to a psychologist or counselor that can helo you w/ ur prob. u might be developing a mild case of multiple personality.. abt girls.. well, dont mind them too much. you should hangout with people/girls who accepts you as u are.. (but of course you shoud accept urself 1st. hope that helps:angel:
sanan22
04-03-2008, 04:31 PM
nana...thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it.
yea I talk to my self whole time.
get this situation often:-
someone: did you say something?
me: no, I'm just thinking
I've went throught a total personality transformation since 2003.
I used to be a born engineer but now I'm...hmm..I don't know what I am *rolling eyes*.
imagine a book reading, bodybuilding, photografing, peom writing, metalhead, opera-fan, philosopher, historian, scientist, artist all-in-one.
as you see most of the mentioned stereotypes are against each other but I'm a fan of all of them.. I don't fit in any of them either.
I'm very open to everything and I end up liking the things I hate, and hate what I like, or just like both opposites
yea I talk to my self whole time.
get this situation often:-
someone: did you say something?
me: no, I'm just thinking
I've went throught a total personality transformation since 2003.
I used to be a born engineer but now I'm...hmm..I don't know what I am *rolling eyes*.
imagine a book reading, bodybuilding, photografing, peom writing, metalhead, opera-fan, philosopher, historian, scientist, artist all-in-one.
as you see most of the mentioned stereotypes are against each other but I'm a fan of all of them.. I don't fit in any of them either.
I'm very open to everything and I end up liking the things I hate, and hate what I like, or just like both opposites