I thought I had dodged this behavior, but evidently not. Out of the blue -- never happened before -- DH evidently decided to go for a walk and left the house. Several hours later the police found him several miles away. The police were absolutely wonderful. They said they've gotten these calls many times in the past, and if a patient wanders once he or she is likely to wander again. They said it may not happen for again for another year, but I should watch out for it now and perhaps discuss the behavior with his doctor. Their search was amazing...everything from asking about places he might go, checking the house and yard in the dark with a strong flashlight, etc. I never knew that police cars have searchlights next to those flashing lights that pull over bad drivers, until I saw them driving up and down our surrounding streets looking for DH. Our entire town's police force turned out to help. I'm so grateful to them!

I already have child locks on the doors but hadn't been using them since DH had shown no signs of this behavior He has a safe return bracelet, but it wouldn't have been any help on the dark and lonely roads where he was walking. I'm an emotional dish-rag today, and our high school kid looked like death when leaving for school this morning. I have to face that we're moving to the next level, and have decided I can't put off starting to research NHs any more. No plan to do anything immediately -- but it's apparently time to start research.

I am so sorry Beginning. I know how scary it is when a loved one is missing. You do need to be aware that this can happen again. You have armed yourself with knowledge and are prepared. This will serve you well. I agree that you don't need to jump to something new immediately. You have time to consider your options and can be vigilent now that you know the behavior is possible.

My Dad is not a wanderer because of the difficulties with his legs due to circulations problems stemming from heart bypass surgury 20 year ago. The only time he disappeared, Mom left him at home alone with car keys. We know now that she was not thinking adequately because of her own dementia. Dad decided to go to a club meeting that was not being held that night and from what we can figure out drove to a neighboring town to take a lady he didn't know home and then got lost coming back. Not long after that we were at the beach for a family vacation and Mom took a walk on the beach by herself. She didn't come back and hours later, after us notifying the beach patrol, she was found in a different apartment building looking for her room. At the time we made excuses because the two buildings were similar but now we know it was a product of her dementia. Recently Dad walked out of the ALF. Mom told him to go get the mail because there was a package from me. He walked out of the door and told the lady that went to get him that I was coming to get him. He now has a GPS wander bracelet on. Dad's vascular dementia is different from Mom's Alzheimer. Mom will probably be our wanderer but has just not gotten to that point yet. Dad usually stays close to home and does not walk far. Mom on the other hand is spry and wants to stay on the move. I see the time when she will not be able to find her way back.


So it may not happen again but it can so just be aware. It could be the beginning of something new or it could be a one time situation percipitated by circumstances that may not repeat themselves or that you can control. Either way you just have to be vigilent in your watch.

I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers......

Love, deb

Oh Beginning,

I know how scared you must have been. My Mom was an escapee. She was banded for migratoree flight pattern was what I used to say. She made it down to the main street-in her fluffy socks-when someone who was coming to visit another resident found her and brought her back in. They hadn't even noticed that Mom was missing yet. She was "ONLY" gone 15-20 minutes...but they didn't even know she was gone! They called dad to calm her down on the phone...who then called me to tell me about it. Well, they were suppose to call me first. Chuckle..I know why they didn't. I wouldn't want to call me either and tell me that I had lost my mother. My voice carries quite a bit and I'm sure that they probably heard it in Minn. without the phone from VA! I was furious. But, Mom was quick and fast and slipped out.

They lost her two other times, even with the bracelet on...the last time she slipped out with the pharmacutical supply guy and was in his delivery truck before he even knew it!

It's time to use the latches up high to keep the door shut tight I do believe. And time to start your search for a NH where you will be sure that the doors are well locked and secure.......my prayers-not only for you but for your children.this has been hard for them....

Sorry you and your kids had that awful scare.

I am sure that a large amount of my gray hair traces right back to Mom doing the disappearing act, several times. In our case, the first 'lost' episode was followed very quickly by two or three more. And there were quite a few I wasn't aware of until neighbors told me they had seen Mom in a different street trying to open the outside door of a different apartment building, but two blocks from our home.

For a while we blamed it on her failing eyesight, but finally I knew that she just couldn't remember how to get home. Once she got home about 4 hours late. She had left the senior center and gotten on the right bus. Then her trail ends. When she finally reappeared (all on her own!) she had been walking up and down the neighborhood streets, never recognizing a single landmark. Later she told me, "I went right past this car dealership" and "This is where I sat down on the stoop to rest", and every one of those places was a stone's throw from the right house, but at the time she didn't know it.
Finally she was thirsty, so she went into a tavern and asked for water. The bartender, bless his heart, asked her where she lived, and after she drank the water, called a cab. Mom knew her address, thank God - she just couldn't find it! The taxi brought her home. It was 2 blocks from the house.

My sister said she must have been dehydrated, and I should see to it that she always carried a bottle of water with her. In her opinion, it was NOT Dementia. Mom was just barely able to walk without a cane (which she hated) and refused to carry water. Carrying the inevitable old lady shopping bag with her handbag 'hidden' inside to avoid thieves was all she could manage. This bag is carried by every old lady in New York City and maybe in other places. Now and then I cleaned it out, removing a year's supply of used tissues, small change, several nail files, etc. Often she had her whole bagful of 'stuff' but no money. Often she left the upstairds door (to the apartment) unlocked. Nothing was ever stolen. I guess there wasn't anything worth stealing!

Shortly after the third runaway act we got Mom the Home Health Aide to go with her anywhere she wanted to go. It was an expensive solution, we thought - until she needed a nursing home and we found out what expensive really is!

She would have gone 'a wandering' at night too, if she did not have to walk through my bedroom to get to the front door. I am a light sleeper. Not much sleep for several years! So I always intercepted her and used the cocoa trick. You want to go out ? (in pajamas and night robe?) OK, I'll go with you. (even though I have to be on the 5:30 bus to get to my job at the day care center on time...) But let's sit down and have a nice cup of hot cocoa first. Result: after the cocoa Mom feels sleepy. "Time for bed!" Good night.

Oh yes, the happy wanderer. Many hours of worry and fear. God bless all workers at Nursing Homes who finally gave us peace of mind.

Love,

Martha

Beginning...your challenge is somewhat different than most of us here...it is your young husband...the father of your HS aged children that is affected with this horrific disease. It seems so many of the rest of us have had to deal with aging parents...not a spouse..........I cannot imagine.......

You're getting excellent advice here...this seems to be the beginning of another stage. It's interesting to read other's experiences and their same reactions like my own family...most of us were able to easily make excuses for this behavior. Sadly though, it cannot be ignored.

My own Mom scared us good when she left for a week-long church convention. I drove in to her home the day after her departure (what WERE we thinking that she'd actually be O.K. even going to this?!?) to feed her outside critters. There in the open screen door sat her 2 suitcases...neatly propped side-by-side...and no sign of HER! She had left without them! It took a few days to find her...and we realized we'd have to take steps that she would NOT like! Talk about "Tough Love"....it's been a looooong almost 10 year journey with her.

Bless you, bless you...you are one strong lady who is raising some kids who will be admired for their tolerance and understanding. Sending prayers, my friend.......Pam;)