We have been very helpful to our neighbour, regarding snow removal, rides to appt. ect....Lately she has been spying on what we are doing. She is 80....

When we shovel or are outside at all, she comes out in her pj's and pretends to sweep the porch but all the while watching what we do. We think she thinks , we are doing something to her property.
We share a chain link fence between properties. Yesterday I was hanging a bird feeder on the fence and she told me to take it down, that it would create to much of a mess. She has 2 in her yard already. I obliged and took it down. Then I was putting some lawn ornaments out and she yelled at me about putting it on the fence. She doesn't want it on the fence. This particular thing has been on the fence every year for years.

Can this be sign of dementia or Alzheimers? She has been very ugly with us.......We can't tolerrate this anymore and we are afraid we will "blow up" at her even though we know it could be senility or something....

any advice ...thnkyou..

You are probably right in your assessment. This kind of uncharacteristic behavior can definitely be a sign of dementia. I wonder if her family knows this is occuring. Does she have family that you can talk to? They may not be aware that this is happening.

My Mom and Dad lived in the same house for over 54 years. Some of her neighbors lived there just about as long as they did. One day Mom became angry at her next door neighbor for putting yard debris out. The neighbor was putting it where the city told her too. I found out later that Mom was walking by the neighbor's yard several times a day and throwing trash into that their yard. Later she got into a yelling match with the neighbor. This was very out of character for Mom and the first the neighbor's knew of her dementia. When I talked to the neighbor and they realized what was happening they were very understanding. I would suggest that you find a family member and talk to them before it goes to far.

Good luck. It's better to be proactive than to let the situation get out of control.

Love, deb

Just because your neighbor has started to exhibit some signs of odd behavior, i doubt that it is Alzheimers. She may be getting senile, or just plain old and crotchty. Sometimes they just don't like change as they get older. She may be lonely...... but then, if it is a form of demenia does she have family that looks after her? How does she seem other than that? Is she cognizant of the month, year? Does she keep current on going ons? Does she get about without getting lost? Can she make calls without help, use a remote? All these things would indicate if she is failing or not.....Who would take care of her if she needs help? who has her POA?

Ibake&pray asked good questions. What does her own yard look like? It might be hard to distinguish between a yard that isn't maintained because the Owner is 80, and one that isn't maintained because the Owner doesn't see a problem with garbage, etc. If her nightgown is totally inappropriate and you told her to get inside where it's warm, would she understand you? Does she wear inappropriate clothes at other times? If so, DGabriel's suggestion about trying to talk to her family is great.

When I read your posting, I got the impression that she's really, really lonely not that she was watching you to find fault. I once lived next to a little boy who was very lonely, and I couldn't go out in my yard (even to get my mail) without this kid coming out and staring at me, waiting for me to play with him. I love kids, but this was just too much. Your situation sounds familiar as a neighbor issue that will eventually resolve itself. (At 80, she's unlikely to make it through a lot of winters. I had a teenager to look forward to with little bug-eyed Jimmy.) I suspect you wrote your posting when she had just done something to irritate you!!

I wondered whose fence it was? Although you share it, it either belongs to you or it belongs to her unless the two of you paid to have it put up. If it belongs to her, she's entitled to tell you to stop doing stuff with it even if you've been allowed to put decorations on it previously. If its your fence, of course, then you can do whatever you want as long as it's not violating any code or creating a nuisance.

Her crankiness about the bird feeder is absolutely something my Mom would have done. By putting the feeder on the fence, you're inviting birds to perch on the fence and start leaving droppings....and if they perch facing your nice bird feeder, the droppings will be all over your neighbor's side of the fence. But what do I know...I have cats....

It sounds to me like a type of dementia. Senile is only an old word for dementia. Every old person doesn't get it, but many do. If her behavior out in the yard is bizarre, I wonder how her house looks inside. Is she eating spoiled food, is she keeping her books (check book) in order, is she taking care of her mail. My Mom was throwing out important bills, keeping junk, throwing out fresh foods, keeping old mouldy stuff.

If you have any contact with her children or other relatives, now is the time to expess your concern. Not that she annoys you, but that you are very concerned about her.

Since you have driven her to appointments, you may know who her doctor is. If so, he or she cannot give you any information, but if you tell the doctor's practice what you are seeing, THEY can call her next of kin, whch they must know.

Good luck. I thank you for being caring, concerned neighbors, even if you do feel justifiably annoyed!

Martha

The neighbour still has her husband. They have a daughter who lives an hour away and visits a few times a year. We have actually spoke to her about this situation about a year ago (different traits then) but she won't talk back to her MOM and Dad. Her Dad is mentally excellent but his body is shot. The Mother is good in body with the mind trouble. They actually need help, but refuse it. Their house and yard are in clean condition.....She constantly askes the date and time.
She hears things too. We think she hallucinates. They have decided at their age they do not need a DR anymore and refuse to go. She claimed my grandson's age 6 and 7 were smoking in her yard. They live far from here....

As you see there are other things going on there too. We also think there is a hygiene problem with the husband. He can not go the stairs to a tub or shower.

In all this the daughter does not seem to care too much....

These people have no friends and have never been very social. If you can believe it, they have never eaten in a restaurant in the 30 years we have known them.....

We also know money is a non issue with them.....they have lots....

Thanks for listening to all this......It makes me feel bad when I am yelled at but I guess I should not let it bother me.

Most of us here are or have been caregivers for Alzheimer patients. Getting yelled at is the least of it.

Yet, as good neighbors, you could still do one thing. Call the local police, anonymously if that is possible, and tell them you think the woman at that address may be incompetent to care for her disabled husband, who is not getting bathed properly. If you want to identify yourself you can go into more details about her strange accusations. Then it is in the police's authority to go there, or send someone from social services, to investigate. If there is an obvious issue, they will call the daughter. She may be totally unaware of her parents' situation. Over the phone is it is easy to sound relatively 'normal.'

If you don't feel you should go that far, just keep one eye open. If anything changes for the worse, you can still call someone. And please don't take anything she says to you to heart. A bizarre accusation like your far off grandkids smoking should just be laughed off. Some harmless remark, like "Oh my goodness!" will do , so she knows you heard her, but you don't have to agree! It's a survival technique for caregivers.

I don't know if there is a social system where you live to have elderly people checked on by a social worker. It is odd they don't go to doctors at all ... at least for a basic checkup. Or is there something they both want to hide from the authorities?

Good luck!

Martha

If you suspect an unsafe situation in the house, that is detrimental to their health and well being, and the daughter is not stepping up in their care you could call adult protective services. They would investigate and see what is truly going on and that might spur the daughter into doing something or put it in the hands of the state. I would use this as the last step though. I would be more inclined to call the daughter and tell her what you expect. It's very difficult, as an outsider, to spur people to do any different than they have done in the past but it's worth a try and you always have that last recourse of Protective Services if you think it is warrented.

Love, deb

We had neighbors call us about Mom...wish we'd have paid more attention to what they were carefully trying to make us realize. After Mom told me about a visit from some Adult Protection agency, it was easier to convince my 5 siblings to Mom's condition. It still took being hit be a car in an early morning walk and breaking her hip to get her out of her home....she never returned.

You must already suspect something, twokatss...my understanding of obvious changes in people has become more acute and compassionate since seeing what Mom has gone thru.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do........Pam;)

My Gram also yelled at her neighbors. Her neighbors were her Grandaughter and her small children. She said she was going to call the police because they were playing in the water in a small pool.
This was the first time we were sure there was something wrong with Gram. She loved those little ones. On this day she couldn't understand them playing in their yard. She thought they were wasting water. My neice called us and said "Something is wrong with Gram".
After that day we knew something was happening to her. She hired a roofer, she had a new roof put on only 3 yrs. prior. My husband stopped them. They did get a large check. Then promptly disappeared. It seemed the prediators knew her name and phone number. We stopped what we could.
Until we went to court for guardianship she did lose some money to these horrible kind of people. At this time she also started hearing people outside her bedroom window, all night. Fighting and trying to get in her house. It was so sad.
Maybe her daughter will be interested in their care when her inheritance begins to fly out the window...................Oh Yeah.............??
Chris

Gram had enough money left so that we were able to hire 24 hr. care and keep her at home until she passed away. In her own bed, with us all around her. Few people have the money for this kind of care. Gram and Grandpa saved their whole lives and it was spent on her. Thank God she had enough.