Well, I did something that I haven't done in years.

I tried to add a little more to my diet becasue my family has been commenting on my weight. It wasn't much and it wasn't unhealthy, but it was to much for my brain to handle so I purged.

I feel utterly stupid. I called someone so I could be accountable. I haven't done it since but it opened a can of worms. It seemed like it was so easy. I have been thinking about purging after everything I eat now. I haven't but I've been thinking about it. So, I figured I'd get on here and tell on myself too.

This is such a struggle. I feel like I'm walking on the fence. I don't want to live in a full-blown eating disorder again. So, I'm reaching out. Thanks for reading.

GloBones

Im new here so shut me up if you've already answered this question. Does your family KNOW about your eating dissorder? I would never comment like that if I knew you were struggling. Like my daughter, you are struggling with this and though I am watching her and doing the things I think is right, I would never say to her "you need to eat more" blah blah blah because I don't want to put that pressure on her.

Glo, You've had a relapse, that's all. Don't beat yourself up. Just remind yourself that purging is not an option. I believe it's better to stick to "safe foods" than purge. I've tried venturing out of my safe menu before and it usually results in disasterous consequences. Last night my husband insisted we eat something "bad". After several pathetic attempts to trick him into ordering something else, we went with the "bad" food. I felt really helpless, got cranky, snapped at him and some co-workers (during the day before I got home), etc. I know I was taking out my anxiety and feelings of helplessness on innocent parties, but I was really anxious.

At dinner I ate the "bad" food, but had a long calming talk with my husband before and after eating. Then I went to the gym. Working out to "compensate" was the only way I could make it up to myself for eating the "bad" food.

The point in this long post is that I empathize with you 100%. May sound lame coming from me, but don't beat yourself up. A relapse is just one step back, you can start over and move forward again. Today is a new day. :)

This is a response to sad4mydaughter. My family knows I struggle with this disease. I'm in my 40's, married and have teenage kids. I've been in treatment before and I know what I have to do to get through this.

I've struggled for years with this thing. I have times of freedom and times of relapse. I've read you post regarding your daughter and I think your doing the right stuff. Be careful though becasue it is a tricky disease. Be aware of what you, as a mother are up against. I thank God that my teen daughter has been spared from this dreaded thing.

GloBones