Hi everyone, this is my first post here, hope you will bear with me.

My mother has early-stage dementia and some other physical problems (she's 90). She is incontinent and wears adult disposable diapers. I normally help her change her diapers when she needs it; about every other day we have a catastrophic event and have to change pants too. I don't think she can handle this on her own.

Here's my problem: I am a guy. Soon I will need to travel across country with Mom. We might go by car or plane. Car would be most convenient because we have a lot of stuff to carry, but I could manage it by plane if I have to. What can I do when Mom needs help with her diaper? I can't take her into a Women's Restroom-- they would throw me out. Can't take her into a Men's Restroom either, can I? I suppose in the worst case I can hire a woman to travel with us to handle these awkward moments, but I would rather avoid this complication if I can.

Any suggestions? I think others must have faced this type of problem in the past.

Thanks in advance,
jw

Congratulations to you for helping your Mom!

Some thoughts on this subject:

A plane trip is very much quicker, and at airports you will usually find ''family rest rooms". These have the usual bathroom facilites (sink, toilet) but are meant for only one family at a time. (not multiple booths). I think they may originally be meant for Dads travelling with babies or little girls. But there you could change your Mom.

In a plane there is no room in any of those tiny rest rooms even to turn around, never mind the complicated procedure of diaper changing, although I do not think there would be any restrictions on you and your Mom using one together.

On the road - you could stop and book a motel room whenever the 'big change' is needed that day. .. and proceed along the trip the next morning. Expensive, but perhaps your Mom also needs to rest after a few hours in a car?

Another thought - if you are at a roadstop multi-restaurant complex, I think explaining the situation to an employee might lead to them locking the women's rest room to other patrons for the short while it would take you to do what you have to do.

Good luck and may both of you enjoy the trip!

Martha

God bless you for helping your mother!

Is there any discernable pattern to her catastrophic events? If there is, perhaps you could time your travel carefully. For example, my Mother has her own catastrophic events when she takes antibiotics. Or perhaps there is some food that is a little too stimulating? If it's as simple as that, avoiding the offending treat for two days before travel should give you smooth sailing.

I agree that airplane restrooms are impossible for two people to maneuver in.

As far as I know, in my limited travels in my own country, we have disabled toilets along with the usual ladies & gents. They are a much bigger room with toilet, rail and washbasin, but roomy enough to accommodate a wheelchair.

Nobody will look twice with you taking your Mum in .. there are so many kids being carers for their parents now, if anybody gives you a sideways look don't worry about it. They're not educated *yet*. :-)

Good on you and BRAVO for helping your Mum!!

Those larger, wheelchair accessbile toilets are often part of the regular ladies and gentlemen's rooms, so that two people of opposite genders are not allowed in.

I thought of another possiblitiy - at gas stations along the highways there are usually locked rest rooms which can be used by either men or women, you have to get the key from the attendant. However, in my own experience they are not the cleanest.

Good luck.

M

Welcome jw...you're getting great suggestions here!

This made me think about a 4 hr. flight I took last year. I sat across the aisle from a young mother holding an infant...her 2 other children filled the other seats. When she got them all up to go to the tiny bathroom...I asked if I would be of any help and followed her down the aisle. I had the easy part! I simply held BOTH doors open of the 2 empty bathrooms and made a "wall" and stood with my back to them in the middle space! The two older kids were able to help themselves in one bathroom while still keeping an eye on Mom...it didn't take very long before we were all back in our seats.

People DO understand better than we think.............Pam;)

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all the great suggestions. I feel much more confident about dealing with the bathroom challenge now.

We had a discussion with one of Mom's health providers today, and we were told that it would be safer to move her by car than by plane due to the lesser likelihood of her developing a blood clot, provided that we stop the car every two hours or so and get out and walk around. Mom has had some problems with blood clots in the past. So I guess we'll be traveling by car.

Thank you for your support, and I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again some day, maybe sometime soon.

jw