A man I am seeing has genital herpes - I don't know much about this. He contracted it 16 years ago from a sexual partner. We are at the stage in our relationship where we would like to get intimate and I don't know what we should be doing, not doing. What can we do safely without the risk of me getting it? Can we have sex and oral sex when it is dormant?
Any advice would be great - I don't want to catch this, yet I am starting to fall for him and know this is going to become an issue soon.

A man I am seeing has genital herpes - I don't know much about this. He contracted it 16 years ago from a sexual partner. We are at the stage in our relationship where we would like to get intimate and I don't know what we should be doing, not doing. What can we do safely without the risk of me getting it? Can we have sex and oral sex when it is dormant?
Any advice would be great - I don't want to catch this, yet I am starting to fall for him and know this is going to become an issue soon.


Since the man you are interested in has had HSV for so many years I would think by now he is very familiar with his body, and would know the prodromal signs for himself. Actually, that would make for a good discussion to have with him. Ask him if he is aware of the physical signs that tell him he is about to have an outbreak?

Using condoms and taking anti virals can help, but nothing is 100% effective against transmitting the virus. Even if he isn't having an outbreak there is the small window of opportunity for the virus to pass through viral shedding. That would include the possibility of contracting it through oral as well. You may want to use a condom while giving him oral (no fun, I know).

I guess the ideal situation for taking the risk would be if you thought he was "it". Then you could both have the virus and take that worry out of the equation.

Good luck