My daughter, 42, has a son, 10. We're 65. For the past 2 years she has been "crashing with" various people. Thus, her son was enrolled in several schools. He is a gifted student. His father disappeared; he's very unhappy about this.
After she wore out her welcome with a woman, 65, she once again took up with a 79 year old weathly man 1/2 an hour from us. We kept her son since October; he said he was very bored here. So the son moved out and moved in with his mother and this old man who told me, "she uses me because I let her." He's always buying her things and taking them out to eat. His house is a dream. He said he has a rule: she has got to stop calling her ex boyfriend.
She says ok then talks to her ex all night long. Then she naps during the day.
When this man gets his phone bill I assume he'll see the 30+ calls to her ex on his bill and kick her out as he did 2 yrs ago. She is attractive but homeless and very lazy and obsessed with her ex. She cannot come here. I think she has borderline disorder and other disorders, she lies and snoops, reads my emails, rifles thru our cars, can't sit still. We do have the option of moving 1,000 miles away Just to get away from her. Should we move? She ruined my first marriage; why my new H stays is a miracle. She yells at him, has depression problems, her ex encourages her but Never sees her. I think he's enjoying the attention. Am I to understand that each time she gets booted from someone's house we are to go get her son again? Or should SHE be taking HIM with her?? I hate my life. Help!! :mad:
Phoenix
04-16-2008, 07:44 AM
Hello SG,
With all due respect, your daughter is beyond reproach and the mere fact that someone would knowingly be used; anyway.
Your daughter is only concerned with what she can get from an individual but you know what they say about kharma.
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My concern lies with her gifted son. He does not deserve this type of life and should be afforded all the necessary benefits due him.
A child wants to feel cared for comfortably and safe.
If he posesses the intellect you say he does, this could be a cry for help. He could simply be saying that "mom is not providing me with what I need, can you please help me?"(my opinion)
The only thing that he can possibly learn out of her mother's situations is how to use another individual.
In this case, you do want the apple to fall far from the tree.
Can you possibly take care of her child or is it a bit too much?
He needs stability in his life.
Children don't ask to be affected by their parents but nonetheless it leaves a lasting imprint; to what extent remains to be seen.
Take care.
Phoenix1
SusanGene
04-16-2008, 09:08 AM
Hello SG,
With all due respect, your daughter is beyond reproach and the mere fact that someone would knowingly be used; anyway.
**I agree. She's beyond redemption and she crashes with the lonely and desperate people of the world. Plus, her obsession with her ex and the calls she continues to make to him. She acts angry at him like she wants to win "the game" of getting him back but it hasn't worked.**
Your daughter is only concerned with what she can get from an individual but you know what they say about kharma.
**This is so correct. She is always looking at a person , "what can I get from him/her?** Maybe this is common amongst the poverty stricken and the lonely; I don't know.**
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My concern lies with her gifted son. He does not deserve this type of life and should be afforded all the necessary benefits due him.
**Could you give a couple examples of benefits he's lacking? He's with his mother (he missed her), he's 20 min from his grandmother (me) but his mom happens to be single and poor but living like a queen. I kept him for all of second grade, too, and his aunt kept him for third grade. He is extremely lucky to have loving, caring family members with the means to take him in.**
A child wants to feel cared for comfortably and safe.
**I agree. Last October I asked him what he liked being with us and he said he felt safe. So we kept him for six months.**
If he posesses the intellect you say he does, this could be a cry for help. He could simply be saying that "mom is not providing me with what I need, can you please help me?"(my opinion)
**What exactly could be a cry for help? I called him last night as usual. He said he's fine there, that they don't fight and he loves riding the man's tractor. This isn't to say any of us feel it'll be permanent. It never is. I told him I love him and he KNOWS he's welcome back with us. He's attending the same school. He told me a dozen times when he was with me, "I'm bored." **
The only thing that he can possibly learn out of her mother's situations is how to use another individual.
In this case, you do want the apple to fall far from the tree.
Can you possibly take care of her child or is it a bit too much?
**Yes. I can continue but he wants to be with his mother; he missed her.
She is very affectionate with him and he with her. We Could have gotten custody of him but no court would grant it at this time due to his living conditions. His mother does have nine unpaid tickets and an arrest warrant for calling her ex boyfriend's mother. Even so, the police never arrest her. Even when she's stopped in traffic they don't.**
He needs stability in his life.
Children don't ask to be affected by their parents but nonetheless it leaves a lasting imprint; to what extent remains to be seen.
**I agree. I am haunted constantly about what her constant moving around and depression has done to him and what it will do in the future. He is guilty of telling me to "shut up" on occasion and jokingly doubles up his fist in my face. Anger and frustration was showing up IMO when he did those things but then he told my husband You Are So Boring. I become very resentful of his lack of respect. We gave him so much love, I waited on him, I complimented him a lot, we laughed a lot, but little respect was there.
He barely has any fingernails left from nervousness; he's always worried to death about something having to due with his mom.** THANK YOU!!!!
Take care.
Phoenix1
Phoenix
04-17-2008, 05:43 AM
**Yes. I can continue but he wants to be with his mother; he missed her.
She is very affectionate with him and he with her. We Could have gotten custody of him but no court would grant it at this time due to his living conditions. His mother does have nine unpaid tickets and an arrest warrant for calling her ex boyfriend's mother. Even so, the police never arrest her. Even when she's stopped in traffic they don't.**
**I agree. I am haunted constantly about what her constant moving around and depression has done to him and what it will do in the future. He is guilty of telling me to "shut up" on occasion and jokingly doubles up his fist in my face. Anger and frustration was showing up IMO when he did those things but then he told my husband You Are So Boring. I become very resentful of his lack of respect. We gave him so much love, I waited on him, I complimented him a lot, we laughed a lot, but little respect was there.
He barely has any fingernails left from nervousness; he's always worried to death about something having to due with his mom.** THANK YOU!!!!
Hello SG,
A child may know what they like but that doesn't mean that it is best for them. It is natural for him to miss the mother, as some children possess the ability for unconditional love of a parent; hence, they can do no wrong.
Yes, it does seem that the anger and frustration is in him.
Children are often mirror images of their parents and he may be exhibiting some of her mannerisms.
You know how he is treated when you are around only; he may be fabricating falsehoods with respect to her mother's raising him.
It could be the absence of the father......................
At this point it's hard to tell.
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You stated that "he barely has any fingernails left, due to nervousness" and it is associated in some respect to his mother.
