azteacher
04-24-2008, 03:48 PM
I'm bipolar. There I said it.
I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself as I'm sure I will be spending a lot of time here. I'm Azteacher and I'm a 34 year old female. I was just diagnosed Monday. I feel a mixture of fear but relief that now I know what is wrong with me.
Talk to everyone soon!
I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself as I'm sure I will be spending a lot of time here. I'm Azteacher and I'm a 34 year old female. I was just diagnosed Monday. I feel a mixture of fear but relief that now I know what is wrong with me.
Talk to everyone soon!
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martavee
04-25-2008, 11:02 AM
Welcome azteacher :) I grew up in Arizona - Tempe to be exact. Oh I'd kill for that weather right now!!! It's still in the 50's (and rainy) where I now live.
I wish the doctors had caught on to my problem sooner there. I first sought help when I was 14 or 15? Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic attack disorder..... then other stuff since then. SSRIs never worked - they made me feel worse. As I got older the worse my symptoms got and the worse my reaction to SSRIs got. So I was diagnosed finally - age 25 but knew something was seriously wrong when I was 21/22.
The fear is normal. I think in a way you go through a grieving process. First denial, then anger about so many medical professionals not recognising the problem. For me the bargaining step was about struggling to force myself to take the time to address the issue. I tried to ignore it/run away for so long, which of course just made it worse. So I've finally been able to convince myself that I'm not 'weak' for looking after my health. I used to be quite the perfectionist so I've finally embraced (well kind-of, I still have overly high expectations) being content with not having to be the best ... lower the stress so to speak. I've become a lot more laid back. The fourth stage, depression, I think I'm still going through that but that's mainly due to the fact that I haven't found the right medication combination yet. I'm still struggling a lot with my focus/attention - basically all cognitive skills, which is quite rough considering I'm on a law course in the UK.
Welcome! Grrr now that I'm thinking about Arizona I'm thinking about how much I miss mexican food :(
I wish the doctors had caught on to my problem sooner there. I first sought help when I was 14 or 15? Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic attack disorder..... then other stuff since then. SSRIs never worked - they made me feel worse. As I got older the worse my symptoms got and the worse my reaction to SSRIs got. So I was diagnosed finally - age 25 but knew something was seriously wrong when I was 21/22.
The fear is normal. I think in a way you go through a grieving process. First denial, then anger about so many medical professionals not recognising the problem. For me the bargaining step was about struggling to force myself to take the time to address the issue. I tried to ignore it/run away for so long, which of course just made it worse. So I've finally been able to convince myself that I'm not 'weak' for looking after my health. I used to be quite the perfectionist so I've finally embraced (well kind-of, I still have overly high expectations) being content with not having to be the best ... lower the stress so to speak. I've become a lot more laid back. The fourth stage, depression, I think I'm still going through that but that's mainly due to the fact that I haven't found the right medication combination yet. I'm still struggling a lot with my focus/attention - basically all cognitive skills, which is quite rough considering I'm on a law course in the UK.
Welcome! Grrr now that I'm thinking about Arizona I'm thinking about how much I miss mexican food :(
CarenR
04-25-2008, 04:32 PM
Welcome, neighbor, I live in aZ also..... you will find lots of support here. tell us your story. how you were diagnosed if it is comfortable to do so.....???
Caren
Caren
katlin09
04-25-2008, 05:04 PM
AZTeacher,
Hi and welcome to our world of ups and downs. BiPolar and a teacher, now that's got to be interesting.We're all around so anytime you need to talk or need advice just let us know.
Hi and welcome to our world of ups and downs. BiPolar and a teacher, now that's got to be interesting.We're all around so anytime you need to talk or need advice just let us know.
myk
05-06-2008, 10:20 PM
Hi AZteacher,
I'm a teacher too (sort of) and just recently diagnosed as BP. I'm married, 40, and live in Hawaii. I'm adjusting too, though not so much fear and relief as clinging to the past and kind of avoiding the future.
I'd be really interested to swap teaching stories and talk anytime.
I'm a teacher too (sort of) and just recently diagnosed as BP. I'm married, 40, and live in Hawaii. I'm adjusting too, though not so much fear and relief as clinging to the past and kind of avoiding the future.
I'd be really interested to swap teaching stories and talk anytime.
klyn07
05-06-2008, 11:26 PM
Welcome! I am glad you found us.
azteacher
05-10-2008, 01:42 PM
Hello,
I have been MIA for a few weeks. First dealing with the diagnosis. I couldn't even bring myself to get on the computer because all I would do was research side effects. Then we moved and it took us a while to get our internet up and running. Anyway, I am back now.
I feel a lot better than I did a month ago. You guys asked for my story so here it is. I have been struggling with what I thought was depression for about 10 years. I have been on 4 different anti-depressants which only made me feel worse. I didn't know, or even imagine that the "highs" were manic. I just thought I was going through a time where I wasn't depressed. The highs consisted of lots of drinking, LOTS of shopping, and lots of sexual partners (before I met my husband of course). Well, about 2 months ago I started to come down from what I now know was a manic episode. The depression knocked me off my feet and I couldn't even function. I went to my general practitioner who questioned me for about an hour. She said she suspected bipolar. DH and I went and got a few books and did a ton of research. After collaborating with him and my parents, we all agreed with her diagnosis. They always thought i was "hyper" as a child and as I started to make my own money, they thought I just had a spending problem. Now, we are tens of thousands of dollars in debt yet I continue to spend. Last year I got sick of my perfectly fine engagement ring and went out and charged a new $5000 1.25 carat one. I think that was my low. I have no idea how we are going to pay for our mortgage this month, yet I still went out and bought new towels and candles for our new house. *sigh*
So I am now taking Buspar twice a day and Depakote twice a day. She is going to mix in the antidepressant in about 4 weeks. I am also seeing a therapist and a pdoc in about 2 weeks. I am so glad I found this board. I feel like no one understands me. Thanks for listening.
I have been MIA for a few weeks. First dealing with the diagnosis. I couldn't even bring myself to get on the computer because all I would do was research side effects. Then we moved and it took us a while to get our internet up and running. Anyway, I am back now.
I feel a lot better than I did a month ago. You guys asked for my story so here it is. I have been struggling with what I thought was depression for about 10 years. I have been on 4 different anti-depressants which only made me feel worse. I didn't know, or even imagine that the "highs" were manic. I just thought I was going through a time where I wasn't depressed. The highs consisted of lots of drinking, LOTS of shopping, and lots of sexual partners (before I met my husband of course). Well, about 2 months ago I started to come down from what I now know was a manic episode. The depression knocked me off my feet and I couldn't even function. I went to my general practitioner who questioned me for about an hour. She said she suspected bipolar. DH and I went and got a few books and did a ton of research. After collaborating with him and my parents, we all agreed with her diagnosis. They always thought i was "hyper" as a child and as I started to make my own money, they thought I just had a spending problem. Now, we are tens of thousands of dollars in debt yet I continue to spend. Last year I got sick of my perfectly fine engagement ring and went out and charged a new $5000 1.25 carat one. I think that was my low. I have no idea how we are going to pay for our mortgage this month, yet I still went out and bought new towels and candles for our new house. *sigh*
So I am now taking Buspar twice a day and Depakote twice a day. She is going to mix in the antidepressant in about 4 weeks. I am also seeing a therapist and a pdoc in about 2 weeks. I am so glad I found this board. I feel like no one understands me. Thanks for listening.
twisted71
05-11-2008, 12:20 AM
Hi Azteacher, I am also new to this board. I am 37 and my story is a lot like yours. when I was a teen my friends always called me "wild". even some of my friends now do. over the past ten years or so I thought I also suffered from depression. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and even PMDD. and like you I never thought the highs were a problem. prozac always made me a zombie and wellbutrin made me worse. the only thing that worked for me is Zoloft. I was just diagnosed this past monday so now I am on Depakine along with the zoloft. I have also had a lot spending problems. we are in alot of debt because of it and I also spend money just because I want something or think I need something that I really don't even when I know we can't afford it. So you are definately not alone. and yes it is a big relief to finally know what is wrong with me and to know that there is help.
Llama
05-11-2008, 01:36 AM
Hi again azteacher and welcome back! I just wanted to say that I can so relate to the fact that your parents just thought you had a "spending problem" or "problems managing money." Who would have thought that this was actually a symptom of a disorder (impulse control).