Ljascoe85
04-28-2008, 12:24 AM
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about six years ago. I was 16. I am now 22 and I have been medication free for 5 of those years. I chose not to take meds partially because I knew I was going to drink and party and I didn't wanna mix drugs like lithium with alcohol. And the fact that I was a total zombie because of all the meds. Anyway I'd like to think I have been controlling my bipolar symptoms pretty well all this time. Although I would still have outbursts I kept them somewhat under control. I am now in a somewhat new relationship, started nursing school in september and life had been getting increasingly stressful. I fear that I am loosing control of myself alot more lately, or maybe its just the fact that my significant other is always there to tell me how bad I flip out about everything and that Im like a timebomb. I feel like Im always on edge, I completely over react about everything, Im so angry and irratable.. I just cant take it anymore.. example: my mom is down visiting because my grandfather is ill in the hospital. i slammed my elbow on something and it hurt so immediatly i yelled and took it out on my mother. i always try to catch myself but im just never quick enough. Right after i explode i know and i feel remorse.. but im always too late.. i know i need help but right now i have neither money nor time to get it. I guess im just hoping for some insight before i end up snapping and losing everything ive worked so hard for. help.
Sponsor
cyclomaniac
04-28-2008, 03:56 AM
my suggestion is to start trying some medications. cut out the alcohol and take control. i was diagnosed about 6 months ago and have been on medications ever since...luckily the first meds i've taken have worked wonders. i never even knew i could feel this good!
i was very scared to start taking medications, but i am so glad i did. in the past month i have been able to achieve things that i only dreamed about (remaining calm at work and not crying in the bathroom every day, having a bbq with friends at my house)...all simple stuff but very important stuff in leading a happy life. what you said at the end of your post resonated with me..."before i end up snapping and losing everything ive worked so hard for"...that is exactly what sent me to the doc in the first place. for years i have blamed my mood swings and erratic behavior on other people and circumstances. then, when everything was finally set in place (husband, job, independance, you name it) and i still wasn't happy despite having everything i wanted and had worked for, and i was still have fits like a child and feeling like a big baby...i knew something else was wrong and knew it was me. i had nothing left to blame it on! so, anyway, what you said struck a chord with me. you've got to get treatment. try the drugs because you may end up feeling better than you ever knew you could. also, you may not neccessarily end up on something like lithium. my doc put me on abilify and lamictal and HOLY COW...what a difference. throw in some visits to the psychologist and there ya go...you may just start seeing some changes.
the road is tough but it seems that you have recognized all that is at stake...seek treatment as soon as you can!! good luck!
i was very scared to start taking medications, but i am so glad i did. in the past month i have been able to achieve things that i only dreamed about (remaining calm at work and not crying in the bathroom every day, having a bbq with friends at my house)...all simple stuff but very important stuff in leading a happy life. what you said at the end of your post resonated with me..."before i end up snapping and losing everything ive worked so hard for"...that is exactly what sent me to the doc in the first place. for years i have blamed my mood swings and erratic behavior on other people and circumstances. then, when everything was finally set in place (husband, job, independance, you name it) and i still wasn't happy despite having everything i wanted and had worked for, and i was still have fits like a child and feeling like a big baby...i knew something else was wrong and knew it was me. i had nothing left to blame it on! so, anyway, what you said struck a chord with me. you've got to get treatment. try the drugs because you may end up feeling better than you ever knew you could. also, you may not neccessarily end up on something like lithium. my doc put me on abilify and lamictal and HOLY COW...what a difference. throw in some visits to the psychologist and there ya go...you may just start seeing some changes.
the road is tough but it seems that you have recognized all that is at stake...seek treatment as soon as you can!! good luck!
CarenR
04-28-2008, 11:22 AM
Getting on the right medications is the answer..... I take zyprexa 5 mg.s
Caren.... Bipolar 1
Caren.... Bipolar 1
Llama
04-28-2008, 01:37 PM
I know you say you don't have the time or money for treatment, but this really is a necessary if you want to feel better.
You could go to a free clinic in your area and they would be able to treat you for free or on a sliding scale.
And as far as the time thing goes, just consider it a little investment in your health. One little pdoc appointment can go a long way towards recovery. It will really only take maybe an hour of your time.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
You could go to a free clinic in your area and they would be able to treat you for free or on a sliding scale.
And as far as the time thing goes, just consider it a little investment in your health. One little pdoc appointment can go a long way towards recovery. It will really only take maybe an hour of your time.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
katlin09
04-28-2008, 02:28 PM
Ljascoe,
I was Dx'd 17 yrs. ago BP/BPII with sever suicidal depression...and after the first 5 or 6 years and 2 suicide attempts I stopped taking meds and going to therapy I thought I was cured and I didnt' need it anymore I could handle it by myself thank you very much!...Yeah right, I was good at convincing myself of that. 1 more suicide attempt a few years later and being heavy into Self Harming, I figured out that I wasn't handling anything, just suffering needlessly, and causing everyone around me to suffer as well. So my suggestion is that you get back on meds and find a good pdoc. because this really isn't a disease that you can cure yourself with just will power and a good attitude, sorry but it just doesn't work that way....it will continue to get worse, and worse and harder and harder the longer you go untreated.
Good luck to you and let us know how you're doing.
I was Dx'd 17 yrs. ago BP/BPII with sever suicidal depression...and after the first 5 or 6 years and 2 suicide attempts I stopped taking meds and going to therapy I thought I was cured and I didnt' need it anymore I could handle it by myself thank you very much!...Yeah right, I was good at convincing myself of that. 1 more suicide attempt a few years later and being heavy into Self Harming, I figured out that I wasn't handling anything, just suffering needlessly, and causing everyone around me to suffer as well. So my suggestion is that you get back on meds and find a good pdoc. because this really isn't a disease that you can cure yourself with just will power and a good attitude, sorry but it just doesn't work that way....it will continue to get worse, and worse and harder and harder the longer you go untreated.
Good luck to you and let us know how you're doing.
blair96
04-29-2008, 10:27 AM
Hi,
I am 44 and get identify with what you are going through. Bi-polar disorder is serious and has to be treated with prescription medications such as lithium or lamictal. I have tried many times to go off medications, but the end result is often a disaster. You mentioned that you are about to go to nursing school. Is there a way to have access to a student health facility to see a doctor?Try a NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill) web site to have access to free medical care. I hope this helps. Hang in there!
I am 44 and get identify with what you are going through. Bi-polar disorder is serious and has to be treated with prescription medications such as lithium or lamictal. I have tried many times to go off medications, but the end result is often a disaster. You mentioned that you are about to go to nursing school. Is there a way to have access to a student health facility to see a doctor?Try a NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill) web site to have access to free medical care. I hope this helps. Hang in there!
sikdog
04-29-2008, 11:48 AM
To begin; Booze is more than just Booze for us. It is a drug. I was an alcoholic and drug addict for 30 years so I know from whence I speak, it was only after I sobered up that I began to get a grip on my anger. Booze is a depressant and can only make our BP life worse than it already is.
Uncontrollable anger is a very dangerous beast. It destroyed every relationship (3 wives and maybe 6 or 8 serious relationships) I've ever been in. Fits of fury can easily get out of control as well as becoming very physical. It has taken me many years of very close observation of my self to begin to see when control might be slipping. You say you're in a new relationship and that he says things...A bit of advice; we already have a not so shinning opinion of ourselves. You don't need someone else telling you how you fly off the handle. I'm not saying to end the relationship but maybe he could find more helpful ways to talk about things.
I can't talk about the meds issue. I've tried a few and though I was on them for some years, they didn't seem to do much for me. I take amitriptyline now which was originally Rx'd for migraines but also seems to keep me a little back from the edge. Other than that I have been called a white knuckler (one who just deals as best he can).
Everything I've ever done brought stress into my life. It really sucks but other than simply not engaging (as I've chosen) isn't going to be easy for you. Your youth and aspirations to being a nurse are not going to make life easy for you. I'd like to say you're going to be fine. I can't. I had aspirations..........once. I've been married 3 times and had 6 or 8 what I thought of as serious relationships.
The edge of this seemingly dark cloud is, if you start now watching for the triggers you can learn to back out before you go off. Please start looking for them now. I can tell you one thing for a certainty. Being alone and growing old sucks the big kazoo.
If I have said something inappropriate, I apologize. I am 56 years old and I've fought this demon all of my adult life. I have succeeded on putting him in a box. Nonetheless he is constantly trying new better tricks trying to screw up what I've settled for as a life.
I wish you the best
R'
Uncontrollable anger is a very dangerous beast. It destroyed every relationship (3 wives and maybe 6 or 8 serious relationships) I've ever been in. Fits of fury can easily get out of control as well as becoming very physical. It has taken me many years of very close observation of my self to begin to see when control might be slipping. You say you're in a new relationship and that he says things...A bit of advice; we already have a not so shinning opinion of ourselves. You don't need someone else telling you how you fly off the handle. I'm not saying to end the relationship but maybe he could find more helpful ways to talk about things.
I can't talk about the meds issue. I've tried a few and though I was on them for some years, they didn't seem to do much for me. I take amitriptyline now which was originally Rx'd for migraines but also seems to keep me a little back from the edge. Other than that I have been called a white knuckler (one who just deals as best he can).
Everything I've ever done brought stress into my life. It really sucks but other than simply not engaging (as I've chosen) isn't going to be easy for you. Your youth and aspirations to being a nurse are not going to make life easy for you. I'd like to say you're going to be fine. I can't. I had aspirations..........once. I've been married 3 times and had 6 or 8 what I thought of as serious relationships.
The edge of this seemingly dark cloud is, if you start now watching for the triggers you can learn to back out before you go off. Please start looking for them now. I can tell you one thing for a certainty. Being alone and growing old sucks the big kazoo.
If I have said something inappropriate, I apologize. I am 56 years old and I've fought this demon all of my adult life. I have succeeded on putting him in a box. Nonetheless he is constantly trying new better tricks trying to screw up what I've settled for as a life.
I wish you the best
R'