Okay, for those of you who are familiar with my posts you already know my story. For those of you who aren't, here it is:

About a month ago I was diagnosed with genital herpes. My doctor and I are not sure if it was my first outbreak or not. What I want to know is does anybody out there have ANY idea what is going on with my body? For the first week I was miserable. There was so much burning, and itching, and pain. My doctor put me on acyclovir for 10 days and I think that it really did help. However, it never made the symptoms COMPLETELY go away. After the first week its been a complete roller coaster. Granted I'm happy that I'm not suffering as much, but when will it get better? I keeps getting worse and then almost disappears and then it gets worse again and then almost disappears and then worse, etc. etc. etc. Is this all one continuous outbreak or am i having week long outbreaks one right after the other? I've tried to actually examine myself but I can never tell what's an old sore or what's a new sore, and about 90% of the time is something even IS a sore. There are times where I feel just as uncomfortable, but I can't figure out for the life of me where its coming from because I can see any sores. It drives me crazy also because I have my roomate was also just diagnosed genital herpes, but for her first outbreak she just took some medicine and was perfectly fine, back to having sex with her boyfriend in about a week. Why aren't I getting better like that? I get so frustrated because every time it starts to go completely away I get my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, i can start to feel normal again and pull myself together and feel better about myself, and then it comes back. I know that I have to live with this forever, but am I ever going to feel normal again? Will there ever be a day when I'm walking down the street and I'm not thinking about how my anus or vagina feels irritated? Am I ever going to be healthy enough for a long enough time that I can actually have sex? Am I ever going to reach the point where I WANT to have sex again? I didn't realize how much i took my "genital health" for granted before this experience. I feel like I would spend every single last penny I have if i could just feel 100% better down there for a few months. If there is ANYBODY out there who has had a similar first experience with herpes or an outbreak anything like this please reply! Even if you don't have answers but have tips on how you got through the first couple months please reply with those as well. Thanks All!

Very Sad Girl

Hi there,

I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going through. I was diagnosed with genital hsv-1 over 6 weeks ago and still the pain has not gone away. This past Monday my dr finally put me on medicine, so now I feel better, but not totally better. I have become obsessed with checking for sores, and it has gotten to the point where I don't even remember what was there yesterday and what wasn't. I feel hopeless. I feel tired, all I want to do is sleep. Finals are coming up and I am way behind, all because I can't get past this, physically or emotionally. I need help! I am going home for Thanksgiving break and I don't want to feel this bad around family. I worry myself sick, literally, that I am going to be one of those girls that is constantly having an outbreak, and that scares the hell out of me. I have actually had to go see a therapist because of this. And I know I am paranoind and being a tad melodramatic, but I just can't seem to put it all in perspective. I guess mostly because it has been so long since I have felt GOOD. It is reassuring to know I am not the only one, but them again it puts a damper on the whole situation. I am 22 and not suppossed to feel like this! ARRGGHH!! For those of you who have been dealing with this, how do you stop the worrying? And I am sorry if I sound extreme, it's just that I don't know what to do...

Hi verysadgirl and poindxtr,

My heart REALLY goes out to you two. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif It's so hard when you first get it. In many ways it gets easier with time, simply because the body learns how to fight it off better. But I also think we just learn to accept it as a part of life, either as something we must live with or as a nemesis.

Everyone has difficult things happen to them in their lives, many of which are not resolvable in the way we'd like, and we must find a way to accept and live with it. Until you get to that point, where you at least get some relief from the emotional struggle, it seems unthinkable to be able to accept herpes, but believe me, there are much worse things in life.

Saying that doesn't make it any easier, but it might help to remember that many people face circumstances and conditions that are much worse than herpes, and most of them manage to survive and even thrive. Herpes sucks no matter how you slice it, but if that's the worst thing that happens to you, you're one of the luckier ones.

I guess that's part of how I've learned to live with it. Yes, it makes feeling comfortable in your body harder. Yes, it makes relationships and sex more of a challenge than they already are. Yes, it makes it necessary to strengthen your self-esteem and your sense of identity beyond your health status. But I think every one of us has major obstacles in life that we have to climb over, all brought on by different situations. For us, it's herpes.

I'm not saying "get over it, it could be worse" but I guess I've found it helps to put it into a bigger picture. It puts herpes into a smaller perspective. I have someone in my life who is living with far worse circumstances than I ever have (and I haven't had an easy life in many ways). Being around this person can be an inspiration sometimes because they still manage to smile, laugh and find some happiness, even thile they are living in what I consider an unthinkable, unbearable situation. Sorry, I can't go into details without being too personal.

Sometimes that backfires for me and I'll look at this person and their difficulties, and then look at my own life, and things can look pretty hopeless. I find at those times I have to make a conscious choice to focus on what's good in my life, what's good about who I am, what talents and abilities I have, and the things that make me lovable and worthwhile. I have to keep focusing on them to pull me through until I don't have to struggle so hard to keep my balance. Having supportive people in my life who care about me REALLY helps.

I think it's like exercising a muscle that you're not used to using. It's stiff and difficult and painful at first, and it doesn't always come naturally, but if you keep doing it, it will get easier and won't require as much effort to get things moving.

I think most of us have to learn to find ways to feel good about ourselves (and believe it!) when we're first diagnosed. Just as you're discovering how much you took your genital health for granted, I think we also discover how much we've taken a certain amount of our self-esteem, lovability, attractiveness and desirability for granted. Having herpes doesn't negate these things, but it does mean we have to look closer at ourselves to see how we still have the deeper aspects of those things.

It takes time for our whole selves to adjust to the new challenge. In my case, some of how I do that is to try to be a help to others. Richard Bach once wrote that we teach best what we need the most to learn. It helps me stay focused if I can help someone else get into focus. Others get proactive in other ways, like activism or research or education. Some people channel all their frustration, anger and pain into creative and unusual solutions and possibilities, and I don't just mean artistic (although that could be one way). Creative ideas. We each have to find our own way that helps get us through the dark times.

You both will find the ways that work for you. It will take some time and some adjustment. Find ways to ground and centre yourself, and find some patience with the process. Meditate, exercise, clean out your closets. lol Keep yourself busy, simplify your life for a while, try to focus on other (positive) things, and give yourself time to adapt.

A hug to both of you!

TheOneInFour

Um...having said all that... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Have either of you talked to your doctors about going on a daily, suppressive dosage of the antiviral drugs for a while? It is considered by some doctors to be a good idea in the first year, while your body and mind get the hang of dealing with it. If the drugs have helped even a bit, then a suppressive dosage could reduce the viral shedding and calm down subsequent outbreaks that spring up back-to-back. You might also want to check out some of the alternative remedies that are out there.

1in4

1in4,

I called my dr today and of course she wasn't there. So I talked to another one- he said some things that baffle me though. I have type 1 genitally, and he said this is often times WORSE than type 2 gentially. I have never read this anywhere, quite the opposite actually. Anyway, today is my fifth and last day of antiviral medicine (Acyclovir) and I called because although the sores have healed, I am still red and sore (slight burning)around and just inside my vaginal opening- although I have never noticed any sores here. Is this normal?? He prescribed another 5 day round of medicine. (I thought for a first episode I should have been given it for 10 days initially.) I really hope this helps because I am going out of town for the holidays. If I do not show a marked improvement, or if this happens again next month- as I am going into week 7 with these symptoms, I think he will put me on suppressive therapy for a year. Or at least he mentioned it. Thank you again for all of your help.