klyn07
04-30-2008, 05:50 PM
I have been pretty good lately. Yes, I was a bit up for me, but not too up and was feeling pretty stable. Nope, not good enough for my mind. I have been crying on and off all day for no reason. I called DH at work to have a bit of grown up conversation. When I told him I was tired and not feeling very good he told me he'd talk to me when he got home and hung up on me.:mad:Yeah, that made me feel better, thanks. I just want to go curl up on a ball and stay there. Is it wrong that I want to get black out curtains for my room and keep all sense of light out while I wallow away in there?
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seaturtle
04-30-2008, 08:55 PM
Hi to you,
What a crummy day, I'm sorry. I always say there's "no reason", but there sure is. It's the good old illness, activating when it feels like it.
Your dh's response was less than helpful. Was he very busy maybe, or is this the way he normally reponds to you when you are in need? Any other people you can call?
I'm glad at least you're posting this stuff here. I will be of any help I can, just ask. As for the blackout curtains, well, I have them in my bedroom and on two windows just across from my bedroom, and dark ones on every window. My sleep patterns are nuts, and I often lie down for several hours in early evening and sleep for hours. The light at this time of year is also overwhelming to me I find I need to get in the dark, and I welcome sunset, frankly.
I think you can do whatever makes a sanctuary for you if you really need to retreat. And maybe you could ask dh why he was so short, and tell him how it made you feel.
Sigh, it goes on and on. Let me know how it goes, okay? You've been so supportive to me.
Hoping you feel better,
Seaturtle
What a crummy day, I'm sorry. I always say there's "no reason", but there sure is. It's the good old illness, activating when it feels like it.
Your dh's response was less than helpful. Was he very busy maybe, or is this the way he normally reponds to you when you are in need? Any other people you can call?
I'm glad at least you're posting this stuff here. I will be of any help I can, just ask. As for the blackout curtains, well, I have them in my bedroom and on two windows just across from my bedroom, and dark ones on every window. My sleep patterns are nuts, and I often lie down for several hours in early evening and sleep for hours. The light at this time of year is also overwhelming to me I find I need to get in the dark, and I welcome sunset, frankly.
I think you can do whatever makes a sanctuary for you if you really need to retreat. And maybe you could ask dh why he was so short, and tell him how it made you feel.
Sigh, it goes on and on. Let me know how it goes, okay? You've been so supportive to me.
Hoping you feel better,
Seaturtle
Llama
04-30-2008, 09:04 PM
(((klyn)))
Don't buy those curtains hun! You are such a strong person and I just know that you'll get through this. Maybe a phone call to the pdoc is in order? I know you had a blow recently about the disability denial...too bad! :( Keep your chin up though!
Try to be kind to yourself and maybe do some light exercise like a nice walk outside or rent your favorite movie or anything! Just don't hole yourself up in your room (as tempting as that may be)...that will only make things worse from my experience!
Don't buy those curtains hun! You are such a strong person and I just know that you'll get through this. Maybe a phone call to the pdoc is in order? I know you had a blow recently about the disability denial...too bad! :( Keep your chin up though!
Try to be kind to yourself and maybe do some light exercise like a nice walk outside or rent your favorite movie or anything! Just don't hole yourself up in your room (as tempting as that may be)...that will only make things worse from my experience!
katlin09
05-01-2008, 10:21 AM
Klyn,
I'm with Llama, you know how the trap works hon, you say you'll just take one day and stay in bed, just to give in and let yourself be sad, what's the big deal? What will it really hurt? But then the next day it's easier to talk yourself into the same thing and so on and so on....Try to get up and go sit outside in the sunshine, read a book maybe, or just lay on a blanket and look at the clouds and let your mind rest. Give your pdoc a call and let him know what's happening. And keep posting to let us know how you are, kay?
I'm with Llama, you know how the trap works hon, you say you'll just take one day and stay in bed, just to give in and let yourself be sad, what's the big deal? What will it really hurt? But then the next day it's easier to talk yourself into the same thing and so on and so on....Try to get up and go sit outside in the sunshine, read a book maybe, or just lay on a blanket and look at the clouds and let your mind rest. Give your pdoc a call and let him know what's happening. And keep posting to let us know how you are, kay?
lavenderlily13
05-04-2008, 11:20 PM
Hey,
I haven't been around much lately, but I found a few minutes to check-in, and I saw this post and even though it's a few days old, I was wondering how things are going now, I'm sure you're much better, right?
Also, one of the things you said sounded really familiar. When you talked about how your dh told you he would talk to you later, and then hung up on you, that's tough. My dh is usually supportive, and helpful when it comes to dealing with me during difficult episodes, but sometimes, when he's busy at work, or just not really realizing how much I'm struggling, he can be insensitive to my feelings and be short like that.
I think we (us biplolar folk) forget sometimes that we're expecting those around us to understand something that they will really never be able to completely relate to. No one outside the people that suffer with this can really ever do that. Although some are especilly compassionate, and understanding, most will never experience anything close to the kind of emotions and fear that comes with feeling like your losing control of yourself, your ability to function normally it's truly frightening.
I can remember the longest depressive episode I had, I was so exausted just from trying to pull myslef together long enough to try and make my kids think I was alright. I would get up in the morning and cry for a while and force myself to stop just long enough to get my kids off to school, and then crawl back into bed and crash. Even with all of the meds I'm on now, I have to work at not sleeping too much, it's like an escape from everything, and it's so easy to want to just stay in bed, boy can I relate!!
I haven't been around much lately, but I found a few minutes to check-in, and I saw this post and even though it's a few days old, I was wondering how things are going now, I'm sure you're much better, right?
Also, one of the things you said sounded really familiar. When you talked about how your dh told you he would talk to you later, and then hung up on you, that's tough. My dh is usually supportive, and helpful when it comes to dealing with me during difficult episodes, but sometimes, when he's busy at work, or just not really realizing how much I'm struggling, he can be insensitive to my feelings and be short like that.
I think we (us biplolar folk) forget sometimes that we're expecting those around us to understand something that they will really never be able to completely relate to. No one outside the people that suffer with this can really ever do that. Although some are especilly compassionate, and understanding, most will never experience anything close to the kind of emotions and fear that comes with feeling like your losing control of yourself, your ability to function normally it's truly frightening.
I can remember the longest depressive episode I had, I was so exausted just from trying to pull myslef together long enough to try and make my kids think I was alright. I would get up in the morning and cry for a while and force myself to stop just long enough to get my kids off to school, and then crawl back into bed and crash. Even with all of the meds I'm on now, I have to work at not sleeping too much, it's like an escape from everything, and it's so easy to want to just stay in bed, boy can I relate!!
lavenderlily13
05-04-2008, 11:23 PM
Hey,
I haven't been around much lately, but I found a few minutes to check-in, and I saw this post and even though it's a few days old, I was wondering how things are going now, I'm sure you're much better, right?
Also, one of the things you said sounded really familiar. When you talked about how your dh told you he would talk to you later, and then hung up on you, that's tough. My dh is usually supportive, and helpful when it comes to dealing with me during difficult episodes, but sometimes, when he's busy at work, or just not really realizing how much I'm struggling, he can be insensitive to my feelings and be short like that.
I think we (us biplolar folk) forget sometimes that we're expecting those around us to understand something that they will really never be able to completely relate to. No one outside the people that suffer with this can really ever do that. Although some are especilly compassionate, and understanding, most will never experience anything close to the kind of emotions and fear that comes with feeling like your losing control of yourself, your ability to function normally it's truly frightening.
I can remember the longest depressive episode I had, I was so exausted just from trying to pull myslef together long enough to try and make my kids think I was alright. I would get up in the morning and cry for a while and force myself to stop just long enough to get my kids off to school, and then crawl back into bed and crash. Even with all of the meds I'm on now, I have to work at not sleeping too much, it's like an escape from everything, and it's so easy to want to just stay in bed, boy can I relate!!
Hoping your feeling better, take care~
~~ lily
I haven't been around much lately, but I found a few minutes to check-in, and I saw this post and even though it's a few days old, I was wondering how things are going now, I'm sure you're much better, right?
Also, one of the things you said sounded really familiar. When you talked about how your dh told you he would talk to you later, and then hung up on you, that's tough. My dh is usually supportive, and helpful when it comes to dealing with me during difficult episodes, but sometimes, when he's busy at work, or just not really realizing how much I'm struggling, he can be insensitive to my feelings and be short like that.
I think we (us biplolar folk) forget sometimes that we're expecting those around us to understand something that they will really never be able to completely relate to. No one outside the people that suffer with this can really ever do that. Although some are especilly compassionate, and understanding, most will never experience anything close to the kind of emotions and fear that comes with feeling like your losing control of yourself, your ability to function normally it's truly frightening.
I can remember the longest depressive episode I had, I was so exausted just from trying to pull myslef together long enough to try and make my kids think I was alright. I would get up in the morning and cry for a while and force myself to stop just long enough to get my kids off to school, and then crawl back into bed and crash. Even with all of the meds I'm on now, I have to work at not sleeping too much, it's like an escape from everything, and it's so easy to want to just stay in bed, boy can I relate!!
Hoping your feeling better, take care~
~~ lily
klyn07
05-06-2008, 09:23 PM
I am willing myself not to sink. At this point, that is the best I can do. Everything seems to make me cry or get angry. I really would love to sleep. I have been going to bed as soon as I get the kids tucked in, which is irking DH a bit since it is our only time to spend together. He is normally very compasionate. And he has told me in the past he knows that how he talks to me and treats me can trigger episodes. He notices that a lot more than I do. The last bad crash I had came 2 days after we had a really big fight. He has been really sweet lately. I just feel like it is on the horizon and all I can do is watch it roll towards me like watching a storm coming over the field. I have been making such an attempt at staying positive. I have been sitting in the sun everyday and trying to get my garden started. I am hoping that moving around enough will keep it away. But the thoughts are creeping in. I can smell the rain.:(
katlin09
05-07-2008, 09:40 PM
Klyn,
Hey wanted to check in and see how you're doing? I know how you're feeling, I have the same problems with my hubby and it can be really tough sometimes. Hopefully going outside and getting some sun is helping a bit. Are you taking your meds and talking to your pdoc?
Hey wanted to check in and see how you're doing? I know how you're feeling, I have the same problems with my hubby and it can be really tough sometimes. Hopefully going outside and getting some sun is helping a bit. Are you taking your meds and talking to your pdoc?
klyn07
05-08-2008, 05:55 PM
I am taking my meds, I know I need them I just hate them right now. My son told me I take more medicine than an old man, and he is 8 so that is quite an observation for him. I am back in therapy once a week now, when I am doing better I usually do every other week or every 3. I saw my therapist again today. He says I seem like I have dropped 3 or 4 notches since last Thursday and DH agrees I am not myself right now. I just feel like no one cares so I don't care either. I just blogged about this, I want to sleep but I have to stay awake because everyone needs something from me. I just want to not be needed for a day or two to just deal with what I need, sleep, sleep, and lots more sleep. But I know I am not going to get it. Mostly because the people who could help and give it to me, my parents, are helpful but I hate to ask for something as simple as coming here so I can wallow in self pity and self loathing and revel in lethargy. I just don't feel like doing anything right now and I wish I could take myself up on that feeling.:(
katlin09
05-08-2008, 08:25 PM
Yeah, curling up in a ball and sleeping the days away sometimes feels like the right thing to do, but it's not. It's times like this you have to make yourself fight to get back in the swing of things. And I know your thinking, "what the hell do you know about how I feel?" Trust me I've felt that way sometimes when I've been given that advice, but it's okay, things will get better, you just have to take it one small step at a time and keep telling yourself that. Have you talked to your pdoc about changing your meds? Maybe you need a bump in something to help with the increased depression right now....just a thought. Keep posting okay, rant, rave, gripe whatever...I'll be here to listen and send good thoughts your way.