Has anyone been in a situation where the had an opportunity to be w/ their ex-, but was not sure if it was there ex- who infected them. I found out I was infected long after the relationship, and I think I contracted it from a loser a--hole boyfriend, but still not sure. B/c I was just in shock and humiliated, I never brought it up w/ my old ex. I have no idea if he is infected, if he even knows he is, or if he is not how he would react. I'm just so scared to bring it up, especially if he isn't or doesn't know taht he is, its gonna just blow up in my face...at the same token we kinda are gaining feeligns for each other again.

you probably should get it out in the open right away for yours and his hearts sake! i think that you would hate to really fall for each other again and have to break it to him then! anyways i would love to get back with my x. how long were you and your boyfriend broken up for? how long did you two go out? did you see and sleep with other people? it would help me a little to get an idea of what your relationship was like, so i can really decide to persue my x agin or not! i hope you dont mind explaining a little bit about that situation. it would be greatly appreciated! thank you! if there is anything else i can answer for you i definitly will! i have had this for 5 years now!

1. Guy I wanted to get back with, we went together over a year and just broke up because if immaturity, etc etc

2. Second guy, we were back and forth for two years. I found out I had it then and he made me believe that he didn't have it. I really feel that he was the one responsible but never would fess up.

3. Now, you know, I could never know who gave it to me whether one or both have it.

4. The main guy still doesn't know about anything and we are really kinda figuring things out. We miss each other immensely, I just don't know how to open up to him about it. He's an incredible hermit and coming out with this, I really know he'd run away and just treat me like an outcast. Its so so so so hard because boyfriend #2 I feel was indeed the carrier and just made my whole world miserable thinking it was all my fault.

Something tells me I just need to let the idea go. I haven't been in a relationship since I've found out about "...." and its so hard. People do not take "...." well.

I've had this same problem. But as you've been stronger, I've been weak and I actually got back with the guy that I believe gave it to me. Oh well, crazy fools in love. I'm not with him now, and I gave it to someone else, but that guy still loves me, so I guess he is crazy to.

Hi JustNotFair,

It's always hard trying to figure out how and when to tell someone. The fact that the two of you have a history can make it a bit complicated, both better and worse.

You mention that you two broke up before because of immaturity. Telling him could be an interesting way to see just how much maturity you both have achieved -- you in being able to tell him, he in being able to hear it, and as a couple in terms of how you choose to deal with it. Maybe you're a bit afraid that telling him will burst the bubble of him being ready for a relationship again...?

I hope you don't dismiss out of hand the possibility of getting back together because you're afraid to talk about it with him. He might get scared and back off, but he might also understand and it turn out great.

The fact that you know how could it "could" be with him (from past experience), and that there are already feelings there, could make it harder to tell him because you're already emotionally invested to an extent. But I do think you should tell him. As you point out, he might be the person who gave it to you. Just from a paractical viewpoint he should know this so he can get tested. Beyond that, though, you'll always wonder if you threw away an opportunity for something if you don't take the chance.

I imagine you two are talking about what has happened to each of you since you were together. Maybe a good way to bring it up is in that kind of context. There's a website around (possibly more than one) that has a letter written by a "Dr. Ray" that can be used to help you tell someone. If you do a search for it, it might be helpful in finding the right words.

Mostly, I've found when telling someone that it helps to get centred and grounded in yourself first so that no matter what the result, you've got yourself to fall back on and you're there for yourself.

Good luck! Let us know how you make out.

TheOneInFour