maybecrazy
05-03-2008, 06:56 AM
Hi Everyone,
Today I was at work and someone shouted really loudly my name and I thought they were in trouble and I ran down the ward only to find they weren't in trouble they just wanted some advice - afterwards my hands started to shake - they havn't done that for a while and I thought I was past that - but obviously not - strange thing is at the time I felt wired - ready for anything and after I found out it wasnt any trouble I was exhausted - I know that's the flight or fight thing kicking in - maybe that's why my hands shook... I don't know. But I feel very calm now, it's very strange... it's almost like I'm waiting for something to happen - ok now I really sound nuts!
I feel like there is a layer over the panic and despair that always seems to be lurking ready to come out - the slightest thing drops me right back in to the middle of it - it's always there I can feel it - it's like walking on eggshells - or waiting for the other shoe to drop..... there's a tension - it's hard to explain - does anyone else feel this way?
Today I was at work and someone shouted really loudly my name and I thought they were in trouble and I ran down the ward only to find they weren't in trouble they just wanted some advice - afterwards my hands started to shake - they havn't done that for a while and I thought I was past that - but obviously not - strange thing is at the time I felt wired - ready for anything and after I found out it wasnt any trouble I was exhausted - I know that's the flight or fight thing kicking in - maybe that's why my hands shook... I don't know. But I feel very calm now, it's very strange... it's almost like I'm waiting for something to happen - ok now I really sound nuts!
I feel like there is a layer over the panic and despair that always seems to be lurking ready to come out - the slightest thing drops me right back in to the middle of it - it's always there I can feel it - it's like walking on eggshells - or waiting for the other shoe to drop..... there's a tension - it's hard to explain - does anyone else feel this way?
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Phoenix
05-03-2008, 07:25 AM
Hello MBC,
The nature of PTSD tends to be that once a person has it, the disorder can only be kept at bay, to varying degrees.
There is a layer between the panic and despair; I would like to think that therapy has provided that protective coatiing, so to speak.
The fact that you were able to bounce back with such resiliency is a good thing.
Take care.
Phoenix
The nature of PTSD tends to be that once a person has it, the disorder can only be kept at bay, to varying degrees.
There is a layer between the panic and despair; I would like to think that therapy has provided that protective coatiing, so to speak.
The fact that you were able to bounce back with such resiliency is a good thing.
Take care.
Phoenix
maybecrazy
05-04-2008, 05:56 AM
Hi Phoenix1,
I think you're right - therapy has provided the barrier between me and the panic and despair that is just out of view but always there, maybe with time it (the barrier ) will get stronger and the feelings that I fear will be so far away they can't hurt me anymore, I hope so. At this moment I am just trying to maintain hope that some day it will end - I am so tired - fighting takes a lot of energy but accepting is even harder.
I hope everyone is 'hanging in there' and things get better for everyone .
Take care
MBC
I think you're right - therapy has provided the barrier between me and the panic and despair that is just out of view but always there, maybe with time it (the barrier ) will get stronger and the feelings that I fear will be so far away they can't hurt me anymore, I hope so. At this moment I am just trying to maintain hope that some day it will end - I am so tired - fighting takes a lot of energy but accepting is even harder.
I hope everyone is 'hanging in there' and things get better for everyone .
Take care
MBC
Phoenix
05-06-2008, 07:59 AM
Hey MBC,
The more aware you are of your situation, the stronger, or more protective the barrier.
In one way or another, the fight is inevitable; mainly because life presents with it conflict and with conflict there will always be need for a modicum of resolve(at the very least).
Take care.
Phoenix
The more aware you are of your situation, the stronger, or more protective the barrier.
In one way or another, the fight is inevitable; mainly because life presents with it conflict and with conflict there will always be need for a modicum of resolve(at the very least).
Take care.
Phoenix
Phoenix
05-17-2008, 08:46 AM
Hello MBC,
Haven't heard from you for a while.
How are you doing these days?
Take care.
Phoenix
Haven't heard from you for a while.
How are you doing these days?
Take care.
Phoenix
maybecrazy
05-18-2008, 06:45 AM
Hi Phoenix1,
don't really know how I am - seem to always be on the edge of losing it - but I manage to stay on the right side - it's a constant battle at the moment and I find I have to do several things at once to keep my mind still.....if that makes any sense.. not sure anything makes sense at the moment.
I'm still seeing the psychologist which is good - things are just ...strange - but I'm holding it together - so that's good -
How are you doing?
MBC
don't really know how I am - seem to always be on the edge of losing it - but I manage to stay on the right side - it's a constant battle at the moment and I find I have to do several things at once to keep my mind still.....if that makes any sense.. not sure anything makes sense at the moment.
I'm still seeing the psychologist which is good - things are just ...strange - but I'm holding it together - so that's good -
How are you doing?
MBC
Phoenix
05-18-2008, 07:32 AM
Hello MBC,
You can call me Phoenix.
------------------------
The closer to the edge we get, the more we realize that the space under our feet is dissipating.
It makes us apprehensive and agitated, for once we go over that edge, turning back no longer becomes an option(in theory).
Backing away from the edge takes the exertion of much energy(as you have realized).
------------------------
Keeping your mind focused on unfinished tasks seem to be working for you but what happens eventually is that you end up over-exerting yourself, thus depleting your reserves.
Have you tried relaxation techniques(eg.-quiet music, a hot bath or massage)?
Envision the sun rising instead of setting and bask in its warmth.
Envision a cloudless day and nothing but blue skies surrounding you.
Envision a quiet lake with which you can see both the sun and sky.............
This is your private paradise, created by the mind.
Take care.
Phoenix
You can call me Phoenix.
------------------------
The closer to the edge we get, the more we realize that the space under our feet is dissipating.
It makes us apprehensive and agitated, for once we go over that edge, turning back no longer becomes an option(in theory).
Backing away from the edge takes the exertion of much energy(as you have realized).
------------------------
Keeping your mind focused on unfinished tasks seem to be working for you but what happens eventually is that you end up over-exerting yourself, thus depleting your reserves.
Have you tried relaxation techniques(eg.-quiet music, a hot bath or massage)?
Envision the sun rising instead of setting and bask in its warmth.
Envision a cloudless day and nothing but blue skies surrounding you.
Envision a quiet lake with which you can see both the sun and sky.............
This is your private paradise, created by the mind.
Take care.
Phoenix
maybecrazy
05-20-2008, 08:19 AM
Hi Phoenix,
thankyou for your reply, I am trying relaxation techniques - have just bought a cd for relaxation - you are right about the getting tired thing - I am exhausted - you can only keep doing lots of things all the time (most of the time) before your energy reserves run out and then I get ill - the anti depressants are helping me sleep - I feel like taking more so that I can sleep from when I get home - but I know that wouldn't solve anything.
I liked the relaxation lines you put in - they took me away for a moment - I will work on using them as a distraction - I suppose my problem is always the same (but different) I learn a technique it works for a while and then stops working seemingly when I need it most - then I crash for a while and when I get up again I learn a new technique - the good thing is so far even though each time it seems harder to get back up and my down time seems shorter but far more intense - I do get back up - Im just very tired of fighting -
anyway how are you?
MBC
thankyou for your reply, I am trying relaxation techniques - have just bought a cd for relaxation - you are right about the getting tired thing - I am exhausted - you can only keep doing lots of things all the time (most of the time) before your energy reserves run out and then I get ill - the anti depressants are helping me sleep - I feel like taking more so that I can sleep from when I get home - but I know that wouldn't solve anything.
I liked the relaxation lines you put in - they took me away for a moment - I will work on using them as a distraction - I suppose my problem is always the same (but different) I learn a technique it works for a while and then stops working seemingly when I need it most - then I crash for a while and when I get up again I learn a new technique - the good thing is so far even though each time it seems harder to get back up and my down time seems shorter but far more intense - I do get back up - Im just very tired of fighting -
anyway how are you?
MBC
Phoenix
05-20-2008, 05:38 PM
Hello MBC,
A cd sounds like a move in the right direction.
You see, my relaxation lines are but a sample of what you can envision; create your own landscape and the intersting thing about it, you can change the scenery and/or weather from time to time, as long as it is a relaxing environment.
You can even write down what your idea of nirvana is, for starters.
I'm hanging in there; thanks for asking.
Take care.
Phoenix
A cd sounds like a move in the right direction.
You see, my relaxation lines are but a sample of what you can envision; create your own landscape and the intersting thing about it, you can change the scenery and/or weather from time to time, as long as it is a relaxing environment.
You can even write down what your idea of nirvana is, for starters.
I'm hanging in there; thanks for asking.
Take care.
Phoenix
maybecrazy
05-21-2008, 06:30 AM
Hi Phoenix,
I am reading a book at the moment called "the happiness handbook" when I can concentrate enough and it says to write what your idea or being happy is - I havn't thought about that for a long time - that sort of ties in with your thought about Nirvana - and today I had an instant of peace - not the calm that I feel is the centre of the storm but actual peace - the sun was shining and I got out of my car to go into work and I just stood there (luckily no-one was around) and with my eyes closed let the sun warm me all the way through until I felt like it was coming out of my fingers - when I opened my eyes again (which I didn't want to do) everything looked brighter for a short time - it was the first moment of peace I have had in a long time. I feel wired again now but I keep trying to remember what that one moment felt like to keep me from falling back into the storm that still feels so close if you havnt tried it I would recommend it to you.
MBC
I am reading a book at the moment called "the happiness handbook" when I can concentrate enough and it says to write what your idea or being happy is - I havn't thought about that for a long time - that sort of ties in with your thought about Nirvana - and today I had an instant of peace - not the calm that I feel is the centre of the storm but actual peace - the sun was shining and I got out of my car to go into work and I just stood there (luckily no-one was around) and with my eyes closed let the sun warm me all the way through until I felt like it was coming out of my fingers - when I opened my eyes again (which I didn't want to do) everything looked brighter for a short time - it was the first moment of peace I have had in a long time. I feel wired again now but I keep trying to remember what that one moment felt like to keep me from falling back into the storm that still feels so close if you havnt tried it I would recommend it to you.
MBC
Phoenix
05-21-2008, 08:34 AM
Hello MBC,
You are on your way to something really wonderful; a breakthrough of sorts.
Keep up the positive work.
Take care.
Phoenix
You are on your way to something really wonderful; a breakthrough of sorts.
Keep up the positive work.
Take care.
Phoenix