economist
05-05-2008, 07:24 PM
I recently experienced a bout of psychosis and my doctor now thinks I'm bipolar. I was wondering if any of you have experienced psychosis, either in a manic or depressed state.
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savvy traveller
05-05-2008, 10:49 PM
a bout of psychosis is what sent me to the hospital and got me diagnosed. i was in a manic state.
it started off with thinking that the radio was talking to me. every commercial, every news report, (i listen to sports radio) was directed at me and trying to tell me something. but it was in code so i had to figure it out. i then thought that everyone was watching and following me. people in my building, coworkers, people driving on the road were all passing the baton so to speak so that at least one of them was watching me at every minute of every hour of every day. then it was the tv. then i thought my phone was tapped. eventually, i begged my boyfriend and mom to stay indoors and not move because i was revolutionary and 'they' were out to get me.
it started off with thinking that the radio was talking to me. every commercial, every news report, (i listen to sports radio) was directed at me and trying to tell me something. but it was in code so i had to figure it out. i then thought that everyone was watching and following me. people in my building, coworkers, people driving on the road were all passing the baton so to speak so that at least one of them was watching me at every minute of every hour of every day. then it was the tv. then i thought my phone was tapped. eventually, i begged my boyfriend and mom to stay indoors and not move because i was revolutionary and 'they' were out to get me.
klyn07
05-06-2008, 11:33 PM
I can relate to the people are following me part. I have thought helicopters are tracking me for years, even when I am not in a psychotic phase.
Aside from that, my psychosis is less paranoia and more voices and visions. It has been a voice in my head that is not mine for a long time, and recently a voice I can hear no one else can, a vacuum running right behind me that no one can help me find and shut off, and I have seen myself, visually seen myself, where very bad things have happened to me and my physical body is just out of reach of me to touch and see if it is really me. Not sure if that last one made any sense. Also, I have seen a teenage me in a goth look (not anything I ever really went for) with a suitcase and a lawn chair taunting me and telling me that I would not get any better. And somehow (mostly through not being 100% honest with those who would have the power to do so) I have avoided being sent to the hospital when any of these things have been going on.
Aside from that, my psychosis is less paranoia and more voices and visions. It has been a voice in my head that is not mine for a long time, and recently a voice I can hear no one else can, a vacuum running right behind me that no one can help me find and shut off, and I have seen myself, visually seen myself, where very bad things have happened to me and my physical body is just out of reach of me to touch and see if it is really me. Not sure if that last one made any sense. Also, I have seen a teenage me in a goth look (not anything I ever really went for) with a suitcase and a lawn chair taunting me and telling me that I would not get any better. And somehow (mostly through not being 100% honest with those who would have the power to do so) I have avoided being sent to the hospital when any of these things have been going on.
laminarflow
05-08-2008, 06:09 PM
klyn07, I can't imagine what it's like having voices that taunt you, for that sounds like a distressing state to be in, but economist, I have had the delusions in the way that savvy traveller describes. Fortunately I find my medication (Depakote) keeps me on the ground and if I ever go up too far I can take Olanzapine for a few days to come down again. The latter is like an emergency brake that stops everything.
Earlier this year I did something a bit foolish and stopped my medication for a month to see what would happen. Since I had my first manic episode in 2005, I have had a few mild episodes and I wanted to know if I could deal with the delusions on my own.
I have always believed that a manic episode is like a small hurricane of feelings and ideas that gathers energy in your mind, but if you head towards the centre and ignore the side winds, you can reach a calm eye free of chaos and confusion.
In your manic states did you feel hypersensitive to other people's feelings? Did this make you want to put your shields up? For me I found that lowering my shields to zero, even in situations which could be seen as a little hostile (eg two teenagers starting to fight on the street) made it easy to stay calm and in control. Afteral, so much of your effort is spent calming your own inner feelings, that someone else's agitation has little affect.
As for the delusions, I found it depended on who I was around, male or female.
The "male" delusions were hard work. I experienced heightened sensitivity and self-confidence, and this made me really believe in the rougher parts of London, that people thought I might be an undercover cop; whereas in the office where I worked I was increasing believing it was the new site of the UK secret service and everyone I worked with had some "secret" role as well as their real one. The police didn't know for sure who I was, and the many secret services around the world didn't either, and in some way I felt that by giving nothing away and "acting normal" (bar being totally confident) I was actually causing these agencies to work together.
How did I cope? Really by seeing this as an alternative universe, where for an alternative me this was true, but down in the original world everything was the same as normal.
The "female" delusions were much less tiring on the mind, but much more tempting to believe in. Quite simply I couldn't help believing that I both understood and I became each woman's idea of a perfect man. It was interesting how this feeling changed with each encounter.
I found such pleasure in momentarily sharing the same emotional space with a woman even when doing something as innocent as just paying for something in a shop. I'm single and the temptation to seek something further with each woman was great so I had to force myself to walk away each time and just see life as a string of pleasurable moments.
Woops, been talking about myself too much. First chance I've had really. Main thing is I'm back on the medication and I'm just a normal person, well in some ways less because i lack the confidence to do things that others do so easily.
I guess I really wanted to say to others that experience psychosis that if you allow in, passively observe, and then let go of every delusion that comes your way - without buying into them - then you will never have any need to fear anything in the future, and you have a good chance of holding self-control.
Earlier this year I did something a bit foolish and stopped my medication for a month to see what would happen. Since I had my first manic episode in 2005, I have had a few mild episodes and I wanted to know if I could deal with the delusions on my own.
I have always believed that a manic episode is like a small hurricane of feelings and ideas that gathers energy in your mind, but if you head towards the centre and ignore the side winds, you can reach a calm eye free of chaos and confusion.
In your manic states did you feel hypersensitive to other people's feelings? Did this make you want to put your shields up? For me I found that lowering my shields to zero, even in situations which could be seen as a little hostile (eg two teenagers starting to fight on the street) made it easy to stay calm and in control. Afteral, so much of your effort is spent calming your own inner feelings, that someone else's agitation has little affect.
As for the delusions, I found it depended on who I was around, male or female.
The "male" delusions were hard work. I experienced heightened sensitivity and self-confidence, and this made me really believe in the rougher parts of London, that people thought I might be an undercover cop; whereas in the office where I worked I was increasing believing it was the new site of the UK secret service and everyone I worked with had some "secret" role as well as their real one. The police didn't know for sure who I was, and the many secret services around the world didn't either, and in some way I felt that by giving nothing away and "acting normal" (bar being totally confident) I was actually causing these agencies to work together.
How did I cope? Really by seeing this as an alternative universe, where for an alternative me this was true, but down in the original world everything was the same as normal.
The "female" delusions were much less tiring on the mind, but much more tempting to believe in. Quite simply I couldn't help believing that I both understood and I became each woman's idea of a perfect man. It was interesting how this feeling changed with each encounter.
I found such pleasure in momentarily sharing the same emotional space with a woman even when doing something as innocent as just paying for something in a shop. I'm single and the temptation to seek something further with each woman was great so I had to force myself to walk away each time and just see life as a string of pleasurable moments.
Woops, been talking about myself too much. First chance I've had really. Main thing is I'm back on the medication and I'm just a normal person, well in some ways less because i lack the confidence to do things that others do so easily.
I guess I really wanted to say to others that experience psychosis that if you allow in, passively observe, and then let go of every delusion that comes your way - without buying into them - then you will never have any need to fear anything in the future, and you have a good chance of holding self-control.
santos63
05-11-2008, 04:44 AM
How on earth do you tell which is which? I frequently can't tell if I'm really being paranoid, or if someone is really talking/conspiring against me, or if it is both? The antipsychotics medications dry out my mucus membranes so badly that I bleed, so don't take them. But I have gone through a lot of jobs, not knowing. Any tips?
laminarflow
05-11-2008, 10:42 AM
A lot of delusion does come from not knowing for certain what another person thinks, and filling in the gaps with an over active imagination. Could you not gain the trust of someone in a place where you work before you go high, and get them to help you in some way in finding out if anyone has or does develop a grudge against you? I certainly became aware that I was working much more slowly because it was very difficult to concentrate, and I suspected my manager didn't really approve of my progress, and in the end, when coming down from the high I did manage to talk to him about it. Not easy to do at the time though. All the best
katlin09
05-11-2008, 12:19 PM
I have the same problem with the nosebleeds and meds, easy fix is to just use a lil vaseline and keep your nasal membranes moist, or keep a saline nose spray with you, it won't react with any meds, because it's just saline, but once agian you'll keep your nasal membraines moist. The most important part is to take your anti psycotic meds, otherwise you'll never get away from the voices.