Haven't been here in a long time, glad the board it still up and running.

Money, the bane of my existence.
Life is the bane of existence.

I crashed a week ago on Thursday night.
I sat with the Hotline phone book page open on my lap for a very long time...didn't call.

My bank account is overdrawn and it is only the 6th of May. SSDI comes the day after my IRS rebate is due into my bank account.

My daughter called last evening, probably to yell at me because I haven't yet paid my quarterly water and sewer bill. As the property owner my water bills goes to my daughter home...ouch!!

I have said it before and will say it again...I hate life...I hate each and every day of it...going on 59 years now. It is too hard living. Way, way too hard.

I won't bore with my laundry list of issues. I will leave it here before my computer shuts down on me again. I only have about five minutes before it fails again. Four weeks now and no one can figure out what it wrong with the darned macine.

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Yes, life is really hard. I think that we all face difficult times, but some more than others. Hang in there! If you are a person of faith, there are churches, synagogues or other places you may find the help you need.
georgi

georgi, I use to be a person of faith...two years of Angel Tree for 110 children at Christmas time (our church was 5,000 strong and could handle 110 children to buy gifts for), studying to be a Stephen Minister, etc....but gave it up years ago. My mother, the daughter of an Episcopal Deacon and widow of an Episcopal Priest, is heartbroken, but I just don't see the use. My mother tells me "all will be set right" if I would just return to church.

I say, bah humbug!

This money thing is really bad. I want to sell my car to recoup the payment and insurance cost...not to mention the cost of putting gas into it. I told my oldest daughter, for whom I watch children a lot, and her response was "do you know what that would do to my life".

So I am so torn over the money thing. The pharmacy just called me to remind me that my glucose test strips are there to be picked up. Yes, I know, but I don't have the $14.78 to pick them up. So, I have not tested in four days now...scary to think what my glucose number might be...I have taken my insulin every morning. Right now I am taking what is left of the scripts I do have every other day to stretch them until next Tuesday when I can pick up the strips and refill the five I have at home that need refilling.

My son is returning from Iraq the first week of June and does not plan to reinlist, this is very sad for me. The issues with my son's live are many and I know returning to civilian life will be a disaster for him yet again. This is his second enlistment. He returned because he couldn't handle civilian life but I can't seem to get him to see that after two years of the Army. Life with my son if a very long story!!

I have Parkinson's disease and even after 20 years I can't get my family to be "involved" or educated.

My list is too long. Suffice it to say I have a wonderful psychologist who called today to make sure I am okay. I told him I was holding my own until I see him again this Thursday when he will grill me again about going into the hospital for a break. I can't bear for my family to know how I am not doing right now. Dr. Jim is well aware of my crash last Thursday night. I had to convince him not to call 911 about me and had to make promises...I don't want to be in the hospital again. I lost sight of promises made 23 years ago and spent 3 weeks in the hospital and I don't want to do that again.

Honestly, if it wasn't for my grandchildren...darn them for being so sweet and huggable...I would give up on planet earth all together. But thinking of my grandchildren provides me with the guilt to continue living, if what I do each day can be called living right now, it is very unbearable but I do it anyway.

It is as I have said many time, every time I hear Dr. Phil say "I want you to get excited about your life" in the program opener, I just want to slap him!!

Sorry to have rambled. I am off to find a tissue box!!

orchardlady are you on medicare? If so I think you can get your test-strips for free and they bill medicare direct. I know that's only one thing on your list, but it's a big one. You need to monitor your sugar if you're a diabetic.

My test strips are through Medicare. Cost is a co-payment of $14.78.

This is the first time I have ever run out and not been able to afford them. Such a small cost too!

I expect to discover next week that I am in the Part D "donut hole"...same time last year. Then it will be time to begin seeking samples from my Internist who is very understanding. I take four meds that are not available in generic...ugh!

My test strips are through Medicare. Cost is a co-payment of $14.78.

This is the first time I have ever run out and not been able to afford them. Such a small cost too!

I expect to discover next week that I am in the Part D "donut hole"...same time last year. Then it will be time to begin seeking samples from my Internist who is very understanding. I take four meds that are not available in generic...ugh!

I know about the donut hole.....my mom just got thru it and she's on the other side. Her pharmacist told her that only one other customer got thru it before she did. She takes a lot of medicine.....
Hopefully you can get samples. I also heard you can write or call the manufacturer and ask for the patient assistance program if you can't afford the pills. I've never tried it, but it may be worth looking into.

rose, yes you can get assistance from the pharmaceutical companies, BUT...and a big BUT it is...your income must not be higher than the Federal Poverty Level. I am above that, gratefully. But sadly, because I am above the level, I don't qualify for the pharmaceutical assistance. I did my research into this long ago.

2007 HHS Poverty Guidelines
48 Contiguous States and D.C. = $10,210
Hawaii and Alaska are a bit higher

You can find the table by searching "federal poverty level" with a search engine. I would post the URL, but I understand it is against the board rules to share such information.

So when you see those wonderful smiling, happy faces on the PPARx commercials, keep the poverty level in mind.

orchardlady - that bites.....I'm sorry to hear that you're "in-between". That happens with a lot of things these days. It seems that the middle class is being phased out and people will either be rich or poor. It just seems like we're headed in that direction and it's not good. I'm glad to hear you've done your research but sorry to hear that your situation seems to have fallen thru the cracks. I hope you can continue to get samples from your doctor. I don't know if this will work for you or not, but my dad had Parkinsons and he and my mom would attend some support groups and some of the patients would trade medicines if their doctors had taken them off of them and they had leftovers. Only to people who were already taking that medicine of course. I don't want to make it sound like a bunch of sick old people were passing around and popping random pills....:D But since you can't usually return them to the pharmacy for a refund they would pass them onto someone who could use them. Do you think you might find that opportunity in a support group? I wish you all the best. My mom is a diabetic and I worry about her all the time and I know how important it is to take care of yourself and stay on top of it.
:angel:

Sharing pills happens more than most think.

One of my brand-only pills is Mirapex for PD. I have a friend in AZ who sent me what she had (she switched to Azilect when it came out) and they have lasted more than a year.

Now I have a PD friend in LA who is sending me what he no longer needs. So for that medication I am okay.

I am such a mess. My psychologist had given me all the Crisis Line number for my county of residence last Thursday and his personal after-hours number. I sat in the middle of the bed last night crying and crying with the list and the phone on my lap. But I just couldn't bring myself to call. I fear being forced into the hospital, and I don't think I can deal with the aftermath of that. Although I could you a two/three week break from life right now. I just can't deal with the family thing attached to hospitalization.

Life is so hard. Indescribably hard!!

orchardlady I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You will get through it. Are you saying you're not getting emotional support from your family?

Correct...no emotional support from family. But then I would have to ask for that to happen, and I can't bring myself to do this.

Although I did invite my oldest daughter, whom I live 10 miles from, to attend therapy with me to help improve our testy relationship...think this was in February of this year. She came once and decided not to come back, but she did later offer for her husband to mediate an improved relationship for the two of us...like I would want him to do this...NOT for me!!

Thanks for hanging out with me here on the board. Always help to have someone to listen.