I've been anti-meds for most of the duration of my diagnosis, but I've also had no relationships or sex life as well. Its beginning to very hard to live this type of lifestyle at a young age. I just wanted to know, to this who use a daily valtrex regime, have any of you passed it on to partners. I know there are "chances", like anything else in the world, I just wanted to see "how high". To have to take 500 mg daily dosage of a medicine 365 days a year scares me teribbly (considering I Have not had children either), but to live dormant is rediculous as well.

Hi JustNotFair,

Results were just released this past September about a study using Valtrex with heterosexual couples where one had HSV-2 and the other did not. Using standard safe-sex practices (e.g., condoms), transmission was reduced by an average of 50% when the HSV+ partner also used Valtrex in a daily suppressive dosage.

In addition, according to herpes.org, people taking daily acyclovir or Valtrex over up to 10 years report no side effects or development of resistance. At least one study reported a reduction of OBs up to 92% over the first 2-3 years. Resistant strains of HSV (to acyclovir) are around but mostly in people whose immune systems are seriously compromised (e.g., with HIV).

I don't know if any studies have been conducted to check into effects on later pregnancies.

Each person has to make their own decision about it and I don't think it's ever an easy choice for anyone. I'm lucky to have recently become involved with someone who is also HSV+ so it's not an issue for us (in terms of transmission), but I had always figured that if I found someone I liked who didn't have it, I'd go on a suppressive dosage to minimise the chance of passing it on. If I found myself having frequent OBs again, I'd go back on a suppressive dosage in a heartbeat rather than forego sex on a regular basis because of it.

In many ways it's a bit of a numbers game. Is someone more at risk by possibly getting involved with one of the 80% of people with HSV (almost 25% of the general population in North America) who don't know it? Or are they safer with someone who knows they have it and is honest with them and knows how to take precautions? Unfortunately most HSV- people don't see it in a logical way like that because the subject is so laden with emotional charge. But it can help to put things into a sort of perspective by looking at it by the numbers, I think.

I don't know if that helps or not. LOL Good luck, whatever you decide.

For the record, I've had it for approximately 17 years, been through several relationships (one long-term, several short-lived attempts) that used only condoms or nothing at all, with no suppressive drugs, and to the best of my knowledge have never passed it on.

TheOneInFour

I know you hate meds, but please consider it. My life has gone back to normal because of the meds. I've had herpes for 3-1/2 years. I started off on Famvir, then switched to Valtrex about a year ago. I was taking one 500mg tablet a day, then about 3 months ago I started taking one tablet every other day. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have had 3 very minor outbreaks during that time (3 days each with very minimal itching and 1 slight bump). We do not use condoms, etc. and to the best of our knowledge he does not have HSV. Hope this gives you some hope.

One more thing, I'm not at all advocating not using condoms, I was just telling you about my specific situation. Please do protect your partner from HSV and protect yourself from contracting other diseases - having herpes makes you much more susceptible to other STDS. And by the way, Valtrex has no effect on your future ability to make babies.

I have to tell you that you guys have been a god-send. Your messages telling about how your lives have gone one are so important for us newly- diagnosed people to read- it's one of the only things keeping me from despair right now. Thank you for being there.

red0916

Originally posted by red0916:
I have to tell you that you guys have been a god-send. Your messages telling about how your lives have gone one are so important for us newly- diagnosed people to read- it's one of the only things keeping me from despair right now. Thank you for being there.

red0916

Thanks for the feedback, Red. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Glad this board has helped you.

1in4

Originally posted by janedoe1301:
I know you hate meds, but please consider it. My life has gone back to normal because of the meds. I've had herpes for 3-1/2 years. I started off on Famvir, then switched to Valtrex about a year ago. I was taking one 500mg tablet a day, then about 3 months ago I started taking one tablet every other day. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have had 3 very minor outbreaks during that time (3 days each with very minimal itching and 1 slight bump). We do not use condoms, etc. and to the best of our knowledge he does not have HSV. Hope this gives you some hope.

I'm a broke college student and I just could not bare spending 150 a month for the meds. Right now, I have no relationship because I'm so scared. One day I might consider the meds, but those exorbant prices and my then hesistation with meds makes it incredibly difficult currently.

Originally posted by justnotfair:
I'm a broke college student and I just could not bare spending 150 a month for the meds. Right now, I have no relationship because I'm so scared. One day I might consider the meds, but those exorbant prices and my then hesistation with meds makes it incredibly difficult currently.


Just Not Fair,

Keep in mind that paying full retail is not your only option. Call all the county, city and women's clinics in your area. There is a good chance you can get lots of samples or, better yet, a full prescription on a sliding scale basis. It'll take some leg (and finger) work, but it will be worth it.

I was reluctant to take the meds on a daily basis at first, but the wonderful nurse practioner at PP assured me that Valtrex is very much NON-invasive to the body. I started out with once a day and now take 1/2 to 1 pill every other day--keeping some amount of medicine in my system on a daily basis took me from an OB every 6-8 weeks to an OB every 6-8 months. Whew! It's definitely worth it.

As far as not passing it to a partner, this is what has worked for me.

First, I informed myself--I asked my nurse practitioner a lot of questions and she really helped calm me and alleviate some of the anger by helping me to accept that nobody intentionally passes this--so many people don't know they either have the virus or that they are currently very contagious (having an OB)and that I needed to let go of my anger and hurt. I read as much as I could about it--for my own peace of mind and also so that I would know what I was talking about when the time came.

Second, I take my Valtrex. That really does a good job of keeping the annoying pest at bay.

Third, I was always up front with a potential sex partner. Yes, it's hard--I'm not denying that. But, I took a deep breath, and very calmly, matter-of-factly said "Before things go too far, I need to be straight up with you about something...." Be prepared (by informing yourself) to answer their questions. Perhaps I've been lucky but I, personally, never experienced anything negative--just a lot of questions about how to keep from passing it. (And, it just might happen that the person you tell replies with "Me, too!" -- it happened to my sister.) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Fourth, when I know I have an OB, I do NOT have sex. Since I've already told my partner about the herpes, it is easy to say "Can't tonight, I have a sore..." I was diagnosed seven or so years ago, been in three long-term relationships during that time and have not passed it (as far as I know) to anybody.

All that to say, Not Fair, is that it IS possible to have a fun, healthy, loving, sexual relationship while having herpes. Try to let go of at least some of the fear and take a chance on another human. Give people an opportunity to love you regardless of an annoying virus. I'm sure there is a whole lot more to you as a person than this virus, right? You're not a freak. It's not the plague. There are precautions. Remember, one in four people. Look around you. In a room of 40 people, that's ten people, right? Those ten people have partners, husbands, wives, love, relationships, and SEX. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Make some phone calls--you can find the medication for a lot less than $150.

Good luck and give yourself a break. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Cindy (et al),

Your post helped me a lot. I've been really stressed of late and found myself with more symptoms (not bad ones) than I can recall in the 16 years I've had this and as an aside I and I think lots of folks here wonder exactly what JustNotFair was asking about. I can add that when my DH and I seperated for a year and a half at one point in our relationship he had a girlfriend, used a condom, and didn't pass it on. However, personally it seems to me that men would have a better chance of not transmitting it because a condom usually covers all the areas of a breakouts when it does not do that for women. So hearing from the woman on this subject is of special interest to me.

I've really been wondering about Valtrex for suppression, but I too have real $$ issues right now. My sister (who I just told and found she has it too! Was really nice and got a script for Acyclovir and sent it to me. I've used it in the past (it was the only drug back then I think) and it never seemed to do much for me, but I'm trying this to see if it helps. 400mgs 3x per day and I'm on my 4th day of it. I still have some symptoms though - the one that bugs me the most is the tingle in my lip that I've had for months now and never a blister. Weird in that I've rarely had issues with my mouth. Anyway, I'll still take the rest of this, but I'm thinking Valtrex might be a good idea and to just try supression to get over this hump. I'll call around to my local PP and other places to see if I can find someplace. I did find an internet site that sells it for $129 from Canada, but didn't know about doing that.
Also, if I'm not being too personal, I was wondering if in those relationships you mentioned if you always used condoms. I say this because while I'm sure that would be fine for shorter term relationships how that would fair in a long term one.

[This message has been edited by feeling_lost (edited 01-18-2003).]

Valtrex has been shown to sustain about 400% higher level of acyclovir in the bloodstream than ordinary Acyclovir. The active ingredient in Valtrex is still essentially Acyclovir, it is just altered on such a way that it is sustained in the system at higher levels for longer periods of time. That's my understanding of it, anyway. So Valtrex tends to be considered a more powerful and more effective drug; hence more expensive too. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

I am in Canada and have heard a lot that drugs sell for quite a bit less here than in the US, although I'm not sure why. Just be careful about ordering from pharmacies online, as some (anywhere, not just Canada) are no qualified or ethical. I think 60 Minutes did a thing recently about some drug stores that sell from unscrupulous distributors and the drugs are diluted and not as high quality. Good luck, but just be careful. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

TheOneInFour

Until a few minutes ago, I really did not realize how very lucky I am to be insured. Because I do not use one pill every single day, I have donated some pills to people I know who are having an OB. I pay $10 with insurance I had NO idea a one-month supply costs over $100 without insurance!!! That really is outrageous and seems so unfair. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

"Also, if I'm not being too personal, I was wondering if in those relationships you mentioned if you always used condoms. I say this because while I'm sure that would be fine for shorter term relationships how that would fair in a long term one."

Feeling Lost,

Yeah, it's a personal question, but I don't mind. Aren't all of these conversations somewhat personal? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

In the early stages of the sexual relationship, we used condoms. Thereafter, during all three relationships, we did not use condoms. That being said, I'm neither advocating same nor condemning anybody else to do the same. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

OI4, I again wanted to get a chance to thank you for all your great advice. I have not got on Valtrex, mainly due to money than the fear of the drug itself. I wish I could get the guts to feel comfortable with this disease and live "normally", but my fear of how potential partners would take it deters me from everying in the start.

Back to the point, your post are always informative on this board.

Thanks JNF. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif That's so sad that you feel so inhibited about having it that you isolate yourself. Is there a support group in your area? If you're not sure where or how to look for one, try asking your doctor or check with the nearest Planned Parenthood or STD clinic. Or check out that herpes dating website I mentioned. There are many Yahoo groups for people with herpes, too.

You'd be surprised how many people feel the same way as you do, where they're just too scared to be turned down because of it to even find the courage to try. Knowing you don't have to have "the talk" with anyone can be a HUGE relief and can free you up to just be who you are.

Sometimes our inhibition about having H can mask a deeper insecurity in ourselves too, though. In other words, we might already have felt insecure about anyone wanting us even before we got it. Then along comes herpes and it feels so devastating that it overshadows the other stuff. The herpes can then seem to be the "cause" of our insecurities in our mind...when in fact our insecurity runs much deeper. Most of us struggle with insecurity even without the herpes, so why should it be any different after we get it, right? It is still the deeper insecurity that needs to be looked at and healed.

I know I've struggled with this over the years. Before I was diagnosed I already felt afraid that no one would be interested in me for various reasons. When I got H it became easier to believe that someone wouldn't want me because I had herpes, rather than because I felt unlovable or undesirable. It can be easier to believe we're alone because of something that was inflicted on us than to think it might be because of something about who we ARE.

Yet who we are IS worthy of love and affection, with or without the herpes. We have to keep remembering that and pushing ourselves to believe that, and not throw away our integrity because we're afraid we're worthless. It's so important to keep becoming the best we can be.

It has been as I have looked at the deeper issues in myself that I have found the courage to move out of the shadows and take the chance of finding a relationship. Each of us IS deserving of love, but we have to believe it first. That takes the courage to look deeper inside of us and to dare to be really honest with ourselves. A counsellor can help a lot with this kind of stuff, especially for those of us with herpes, because we have the added burden and fear that regardless of who we are, the herpes will get in the way...which is NOT true.

And I'm here to tell ya that you CAN have "the talk" and the person receive it well, since I just did that with someone. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Unfortunately what seemed like a new relationship in my life that I'd mentioned a couple of months ago didn't work out, but I'm back in the want-ads again now and recently had "the talk" with someone and they didn't run screaming from the room! Wow!! LOL So it CAN be done. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I find that herpes will act like a lightning rod for all the insecurities, fears and problems we had before we got it (and since), and then it's easy to tell ourselves that our lives are a mess just because we have herpes. There's no denying that herpes affects our lives, but it can be easy to start thinking it's the ONLY thing keeping us from finding love, when it's probably not. We're human just like everyone else, which means we struggle and hurt and experience fear and inhibition about other things too. It really helps to keep looking at those other areas of your life. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

TheOneInFour

[This message has been edited by TheOneInFour (edited 02-03-2003).]

Hey. i just got back from the doctor and she said that more than likely i have herpes, man i wanted to cry sooo bad. but i kept it back. She gave me a prescription of Acyclovir. but i keep reading about Valtrax. So i was wondering how well it worked compared to the Acyclovir.

I feel like life is over. Someone help me!!!!

I just wanted to say thank you to CindyA and One in Four for your great responses. I am new to this board and herpes. It has been a tough for me to put it all in perspective. Your messages are really helping.

In your experience have you had many bad reactions to telling a love interest about herpes for the first time? Do you tell the person right away, or how long do you wait? I think the talk is what really freaks me out about this whole thing. My fear of that seems to be worse than my actual outbreaks.

I would be so grateful for some more great information.

Also reffering back to the the question about Valtrex. I have been on it for about 3 months(since my diagnosis) and it has worked great for me so far. I also am insured and now I know how lucky I am. I had no idea how expensive it was. I agree with some of the other statements about getting some free samples. I'm sure if you talk to your doctor or go to planned parenthood someone will help you figure out a way to make it work finacially.

The idea of taking a pill seemed scary to me at first too. But then my doctor told me to take it with my multi vitamin every day. Somehow that made me feel better about the everyday thing

At first I thought taking it everyday would be a constant reminder. It actually helps me think about it less. Now I feel like don't really have to worry about it. You should really consider.

I hope I could be helpful. I am new to this too.

has it stopped ur outbreaks as2181?? man im soooo scared. this is my first outbreak, and i started my med. yesterday (wednesday 8) and it seems to be working. so im hoping that the doc. will put me on meds. everyday. so i can keep these outbreaks away. i also started taking L-Lysine and Oil of Oregano. Any advice on those two products? Thanks SOOOOOO much!

So far it has worked for me. My doctor told me to take 2 pills twice a day if I feel something coming on. I have only been on it for a couple of months but so far so good! I would really recommend to anyone in our situation.

As for the L-Lsine and oil of oregano I don't know. I haven't heard about that yet. Let me know if you try it. I would love to know.

Good luck with everything. Hope it works out for you!

I just wanted to say thank you to CindyA and One in Four for your great responses. I am new to this board and herpes. It has been a tough for me to put it all in perspective. Your messages are really helping.

In your experience have you had many bad reactions to telling a love interest about herpes for the first time? Do you tell the person right away, or how long do you wait? I think the talk is what really freaks me out about this whole thing. My fear of that seems to be worse than my actual outbreaks.

I would be so grateful for some more great information.

No, I, personally, have not had any bad reactions. My current partner has herpes too, but I didn't know that when I told. Yes, I told right away -- in fact, right after the first kiss. It IS hard -- and it IS worth it to have the freedom in my mind. I just breathed deeply and calmly and said "There's something we need to talk about... ...and this is a very difficult conversation and well, here goes.... ...I have herpes." See, you can tell from that that I was nervous -- but then it was over!!! :bouncing: That was my last conversation and 4 1/2 years later we're still together -- and loving Valtrex!!!

has it stopped ur outbreaks as2181?? man im soooo scared. this is my first outbreak, and i started my med. yesterday (wednesday 8) and it seems to be working. so im hoping that the doc. will put me on meds. everyday. so i can keep these outbreaks away. i also started taking L-Lysine and Oil of Oregano. Any advice on those two products? Thanks SOOOOOO much!

Snickers I think it is unlikely that your doctor will prescribe Valtrex for suppression right away if this is your FIRST outbreak. I was not prescribed daily Valtrex till my doctor realized that I was susceptible to frequent outbreaks (every 6-8 weeks). Also, consider that many people (90% of the other people I know, personally, who have herpes) get outbreaks less than ONE time per year. One of my closest friends has had only one outbreak in over five years -- lucky dog! :) Anyway, I is possible you could not need Valtrex suppression therapy (daily dose).

I have started on Valtrex last month. My OBs are every month like clock work. When I took Aclovir (spelling is wrong), I had to take it 10 days out of a month so I took it before I was due for my monthly OB and I didn't have an OB. I asked my doctor about Valtrex 500 ml and he gave it to me. I take 2 pills a day for 3 days. I started it last month with the OB and didn't have any relief. I'm taking it this month a few days before my OB hoping it will prevent the OB. Does anyone know if it WILL prevent the OB this month? :confused: I have been lucky that I have not spread the disease because I know what week of the month not to have sex. I'm now in a wonderful relationship and I don't want to have to have "the talk"! I made that mistake once. I am pretty certain that I have not ever spread the disease because my partners have been long term and they never got it. I had my nurse tell me that I don't HAVE to tell because I can always come down with a "headache" during that time. It's worked to this point. Now my real question is this: can I spread it if I'm not in an OB? Say for instance, I'm a day or two away from the time I usually have the OB and I have sex, will I pass it on even tho I have no symptoms or warning signs? I'd appreciate an answer since this has always bothered me. Thanks. :wave:

I believe you CAN pass it, because there is the viral shedding to think about. I'm not sure how long before or after an outbreak this occurs, but it does happen. I think that nurse who said you don't "have to tell" should have her liscense stripped. That is the most malicious. How will you feel about passing it on because you "thought" you were in the clear, when you have every oppurtunity to have someone do their best to protect themselves.
Do the right thing.
JD~

I have to agree with red0916(sorry if the numbers are wrong) I recently found out that I had contracted it. It scares me and I don't know if my life will ever be normal again! But it does give me hope to read all this stuff!

I have to agree with red0916(sorry if the numbers are wrong) I recently found out that I had contracted it. It scares me and I don't know if my life will ever be normal again! But it does give me hope to read all this stuff!

Keep breathing and hang in there. I am pro-anti-herpes-stigma. I fully believe that there is nobody walking around who asked for herpes or who enjoys having it, just like people who have diabetes, tuberculosis and autism didn't ask for their condition. I try to be pretty non-chalant about it in many situations -- just doing my part to help remove the stigma. We are normal people, with hopes and dreams and feelings and moods and sex drives and the need to be emotionally and romantically connected.

I would bet the farm on the fact that you could, in the span of a quick minute, come up with at LEAST 10 other conditions or situations that would truly be life-altering and very difficult to accept and deal with on a much bigger scale then herpes. I'll start with blindness. Then I'll move to rheumatoid arthritis (my poor young cousin is in so much pain with this).....do you see my point?

It's the darn stigma that makes herpes so "horrible" but in the big picture of life challenges, I think it is a minor irritation. Yes, I have recurring outbreaks and I take my Valtrex to keep them at bay or to lessen the time it takes for them to heal.

So, to answer your question, YES, you life will be "normal" again. If you want to be, you will be happy. If you want it, you will have love. You will have sex. You can have a family. Be honest, keep breathing and go for life -- you're only here once!!

I think that nurse who said you don't "have to tell" should have her liscense stripped. JD~

I absolutely agree.

There is FREEDOM in telling. In the very begninning, I had one relationship in which I didn't tell and the shame, guilt and worry was such a BURDEN. NEVER AGAIN! Telling is not comfortable (because of the stupid stigma), but it is necessary and it will take a huge weight off the teller's shoulders.

Telling is hard. Man. Right when you're doing everything you can to make a good impression, to be charming and to show yourself in the best possible light, you have to hit them with the H word. BUT --- you will learn so much about the other person from their reaction.

I've had to have "the conversation" twice. Both times it was received with understanding, and lots of questions. My advice is to have the conversation in a non-sexual context. You don't want to be in the middle of heavy petting, then stop to tell them you have herpes. People don't make good decisions in the heat of passion. After dinner, while you're holding hands walking back to the car, that's a good time.

A couple months after the H conversation, I asked one guy what was going thru his mind when I told him, was he repulsed, did he want to run screaming. He said, "No, actually I admired you, that took a lot of guts. I thought this girl has a lot of character, she'll tell the truth even when it's difficult."

Well that guy wasn't right for me, but it had nothing to do with the herpes. I'm in a LTR now with a guy who is the most understanding man I have ever known. He gives me pep-talks when i get down about the outbreaks, he says "hey, if you can love me and my gross toenails, i can love you and your herpes." And I do. And he does.

In the grand scheme of things, herpes is an annoyance, really. It's not life threatening, it's not horribly painful. I hate the social stigma and the emotional insecurity of herpes, I hate the climate of fear the drug companies use to sell their drugs, but the sores themselves don't really bother me all that much.

Yes, you can have love, companionship, and a fantastic sex life with herpes. And since "the conversation" is so difficult, it pretty much rules out casual sex, so it may in fact help you focus on finding stronger, healthier relationships.

hey there,
to jane doe, i dont know if this is your husband or not, but i am a guy who dated a woman for 3 yrs. and we always practiced safe sex during her outbreaks and years later, after i was married to someone else it popped up out of the blue. unfortunately, my poor wife got it too. and she didnt have it at all when we met. i know that the woman who admitted to me she had herpes gave it to me. my point is, dont have sex at all unless protected or you stand a VERY GOOD chance to give it to your partner. the part that trips me out, is everyone conveniently believes what they want to , but why is it over 25 million people have herpes. not trying to offend, just protect. i couldnt believe it, but back then some dumb doctor actually told us if we made sure we only had unprotected sex when she wasnt having an outbreak....anyway, i got it!! :angel: bshire

Bshire - there is no "protected sex" during an outbreak. condoms often don't cover the area where the outbreak occurs. If you had sex at all during an active outbreak I would look to that as the source of your herpes, rather than blaming it on unprotected sex when there wasn't an outbreak.

Thanks for sharing your story. :)

Bshire - there is no "protected sex" during an outbreak. condoms often don't cover the area where the outbreak occurs. If you had sex at all during an active outbreak I would look to that as the source of your herpes, rather than blaming it on unprotected sex when there wasn't an outbreak.

Thanks for sharing your story. :)

Okay, I only had to read that four times for my brain to kick in. :rolleyes:

And, I absolutely agree!!! I NEVER have sex during an outbreak -- with or without a condom.

actually, no we never had sex when she had an outbreak, rather i was referring to when she thought one might be coming on.(we would use a condom just as a procaution) never had an actual sexual intercourse episode while she was positive for an outbreak. and yet, i still have herpes!! agian, my point is all you out there that think that you can "beat the system" by making sure you only have sex unprotected when there is no symptoms or outbreaks, well all i can say is you'll see what i mean(or rather, i hope you dont) trust me, herpes is a active living virus, just cause its dormant doesnt mean you cant contract it. this is not "my opinion" it says so right on the valtrex label. read it for your self!

I'm not ready to jump on the "viral shedding" bandwagon just yet.

There has only been ONE study that suggested herpes could be passed thru viral shedding. In that study, they followed 144 couples (one partner had herpes, one did not) for 334 days. During that time, 9% of parters became infected. So 13 people got infected in that time. Of those 13 people, they suspect 9 of them got the virus when there was no active outbreak.

Nine people. That is what all this fuss is about. Considering the vast population of people with herpes, i dont consider 9 people to be statistically significant.

Of course Valtrex seized on this finding to sell it's medication to a broader base and to sell a greater number of prescriptions. They talk about asymptomatic viral shedding as though it is a widely proven theory. It is not.

What do they care that they are fostering a climate of fear? That they further stigmatize herpes sufferers and make it sound like we're all a bunch of H bombs that could go off at any moment? They are making money hand over fist. Stigma sells pills.

I'm not saying viral shedding doesn't happen, and I do take my Valtrex every day to protect my partner just in case. But I'm not willing believe viral shedding is gospel, not just yet.

sunless,
i wish you the best. god bless, bshire :angel:

Sunless,
I loved your post! I am not a big fan of this shedding stuff either! I am not saying it doesn't happen but I agree with you about Valtrex using it as a big sales pitch. In my opinion, most people who say they got it from someone NOT having an OB was actually having a mild one & wasn't aware of it, or was just about to have one. I am sure some people are not aware of the prodrome signals or have mild ones and that can be a problem. My dad has type 1 oral(like half the population) and my mother never got it. I have type 1 oral(probably from my dad kissing me as a young child)and my ex never got it orally or my current husband. Shouldn't one of us have been shedding at some point? My hubby has type 2 gen. he has had it since college, 20 years ago, we have been together for 6 1/2 years, no protection half the time and I am fine. I am not saying it will NEVER happen to me but the way we do things have been working so far. My friend got type 2 gen. from a guy she didn't know very well. She said I didn't see any sores on him & I said well, did you look?She said no. DAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My point is maybe he did it on purpose, maybe not...maybe he had a very mild ob that he didn't see nor did she. But anyway I am not buying it just yet either! :wave:

Okay, I was married to a man who had herpes. We NEVER, EVER had sex when he had an outbreak, or when he could feel one coming on. I probably haven't had sex with him in 3+ years.

I just got divorced in June. So what has to show up now? Single after ALL this time and NOW it shows up. I'm devastated.

Oh, Kaki, that could have been written by me. My story is exactly the same. i was married to a man who had genital herpes. He swore he would never, ever expose me. Then after a little afternoon delight while we were on vacation, i notice him scratching like crazy at the spot where his outbreaks usually occurred. i asked him if he was getting an outbreak, he looked sheepish and said no. I didn't develop any symptoms right away so I kinda forgot about it. Immediately after our divorce i had one whopper of an outbreak. My doc said the virus can lie dormant until stress brings it out.

You are in good company, if that helps. You probably know, 1 in 4 people have it. think about that next time you're in a crowded restaurant or standing in line for a movie.

You're going to be fine. :) Don't punish yourself. Treat yourself gently, focus on healing, read all the information you can find to educate yourself.

Because my symptoms vary so much from ob to ob, and over the years, I never have sexual contact with my guy when I have anything that might be a symptom. This includes a little itch, unexplained fatigue, moodiness, irritation down below that I might explain away as caused by friction from clothing, skin sensitivity in my leg, etc etc etc. I don't think most people are this careful; and if their partners end up with herpes, they cry, "Viral shedding!"

When we do have sex, he washes up right afterward. We do not use condoms except for birth control. Condoms do not protect you from herpes. After a couple years on this board I have read too many times too many people, male and female, saying "Gee! I got herpes from protected sex!" Condoms do not protect you. Do not rely on them. They don't protect you from anything 100%, even what they were intended for: pregnancy.

Thanks Sunless...... I guess in a way it's good it didn't show up till now. What if I'd stayed married to him because I knew I had it?!