dmb024
05-06-2008, 08:04 PM
hi,
just a forewarning, this may be long! but i hope you will still read it because i really need some answers :)
i'm new to this board and am trying to figure out if i have ocd. i have been reading about the symptoms and relate to a lot of the obsessive/intrusive thoughts but not so much the compulsions. i used to think i was going crazy until i started reading about ocd. but when i told my mom (i'm a highschool senior and still live with my parents) that i thought i had ocd she yelled at me and told me i was being a hypochondriac because i always think that i have some sort of disease. we got into a huge fight about it where i was sobbing, begging her to take me to a doctor for this. in a way, she is right about me being a hypochondriac because i would always tell her about illnesses i might have because i was looking for something to explain my awful thoughts and feelings. but when i read about ocd it was like something clicked. i KNEW i had this. but then my mom talked me into thinking i don't. i think she doesn't want to accept that i might acctually have ocd.
i have one or two main things that i always worry about and then a few things that i worry about but these switch out. some days its not so bad and other days its horrible. when i am trying to go to sleep at night is one of the worst times. i have to keep the tv on so there is some other noise distracting me from my thoughts.
i never noticed my thoughts until one night at a party about a year and a half ago. i smoked some pot (which i now in hindsight and b/c of other experiences with pot think was laced). at first i was fine and then i was sitting there and had this horrible thought running through my mind over and over again. i would tell myself "thats not true" or "thats gross" to stop it but it kept coming back again. i thought everyone could hear what i was thinking and i ended up having a panic attack that night. after that experience i really started to notice my symptoms.
i have a fear that people can hear what i'm thinking. i also have a fear that i'm going to scream/shout obscene things at people and not remember doing it. i tell myself that if i were doing these things i would know it but then i say what if for some reason i don't remember doing these things? i recently got into a fight with my best friend and now i am scared that i am screaming out mean things about her in the middle of class. even though i know i'm not and i would never do this i am scared that i really am doing this and just not remembering it.
i have unwanted sexual thoughts about people while i am talking to them. i would NEVER want these thoughts to be played out and in no way enjoy them but i still think them. i even think them with family members sometimes. these thoughts DISGUST me. whenever i think one i always tell myself "thats gross!" but i keep thinking them. and i feel like they know that i am thinking these things. i'm soo scared that i am going to act on these thoughts even though i know i would NEVER EVER but i still think what if? :confused:. sometimes it's so bad that i have to leave the room and go be by myself to calm myself down which is especially bad when i am in class and cannot leave.
i've recently developed a fear of reading stuff aloud in class because i am scared that while i'm reading i am going to be shouting out obscene things.
also i need constant reassurance from people. when i think someone is mad at me, i will apologize 39847 times and even if they say everything is okay i still feel like they are mad. i have to always check with people to make sure everything's okay. i always feel like people are mad at me or talking about me. i dont really knwo how to explain this but i think it hinders my relationships
the more i read about ocd the more i make connections about things with my childhood and things i would do and i think i may have even had it then
theres more examples and things i could go on about but i don't want to bore anybody. hopefully this gives a good picture of what i am going through. if this sounds like ocd please let me know? and does anyone know what i should do if my parents won't take me to a physchiatrist/psychologist (if it sounds like i need to see one)?
thanks so much!
just a forewarning, this may be long! but i hope you will still read it because i really need some answers :)
i'm new to this board and am trying to figure out if i have ocd. i have been reading about the symptoms and relate to a lot of the obsessive/intrusive thoughts but not so much the compulsions. i used to think i was going crazy until i started reading about ocd. but when i told my mom (i'm a highschool senior and still live with my parents) that i thought i had ocd she yelled at me and told me i was being a hypochondriac because i always think that i have some sort of disease. we got into a huge fight about it where i was sobbing, begging her to take me to a doctor for this. in a way, she is right about me being a hypochondriac because i would always tell her about illnesses i might have because i was looking for something to explain my awful thoughts and feelings. but when i read about ocd it was like something clicked. i KNEW i had this. but then my mom talked me into thinking i don't. i think she doesn't want to accept that i might acctually have ocd.
i have one or two main things that i always worry about and then a few things that i worry about but these switch out. some days its not so bad and other days its horrible. when i am trying to go to sleep at night is one of the worst times. i have to keep the tv on so there is some other noise distracting me from my thoughts.
i never noticed my thoughts until one night at a party about a year and a half ago. i smoked some pot (which i now in hindsight and b/c of other experiences with pot think was laced). at first i was fine and then i was sitting there and had this horrible thought running through my mind over and over again. i would tell myself "thats not true" or "thats gross" to stop it but it kept coming back again. i thought everyone could hear what i was thinking and i ended up having a panic attack that night. after that experience i really started to notice my symptoms.
i have a fear that people can hear what i'm thinking. i also have a fear that i'm going to scream/shout obscene things at people and not remember doing it. i tell myself that if i were doing these things i would know it but then i say what if for some reason i don't remember doing these things? i recently got into a fight with my best friend and now i am scared that i am screaming out mean things about her in the middle of class. even though i know i'm not and i would never do this i am scared that i really am doing this and just not remembering it.
i have unwanted sexual thoughts about people while i am talking to them. i would NEVER want these thoughts to be played out and in no way enjoy them but i still think them. i even think them with family members sometimes. these thoughts DISGUST me. whenever i think one i always tell myself "thats gross!" but i keep thinking them. and i feel like they know that i am thinking these things. i'm soo scared that i am going to act on these thoughts even though i know i would NEVER EVER but i still think what if? :confused:. sometimes it's so bad that i have to leave the room and go be by myself to calm myself down which is especially bad when i am in class and cannot leave.
i've recently developed a fear of reading stuff aloud in class because i am scared that while i'm reading i am going to be shouting out obscene things.
also i need constant reassurance from people. when i think someone is mad at me, i will apologize 39847 times and even if they say everything is okay i still feel like they are mad. i have to always check with people to make sure everything's okay. i always feel like people are mad at me or talking about me. i dont really knwo how to explain this but i think it hinders my relationships
the more i read about ocd the more i make connections about things with my childhood and things i would do and i think i may have even had it then
theres more examples and things i could go on about but i don't want to bore anybody. hopefully this gives a good picture of what i am going through. if this sounds like ocd please let me know? and does anyone know what i should do if my parents won't take me to a physchiatrist/psychologist (if it sounds like i need to see one)?
thanks so much!
Sponsor
OCDwontgetme
05-07-2008, 01:05 AM
yes it sounds like ocd
i went through the same thing
the sexual thoughts will cease but you do need to go to the doctors and get a perscription. they will not stop the thoughts but they will help. in 2-3 weeks you will see a HUGE difference. you need to work at it though. repeat the saying "its not me, its the OCD" whenever you have one of these and confide in someone. if you have any questions, contact me or reply to this, i check them often :)
good luck.
im sorry you have this.
welcome to our club lol
Kellie
i went through the same thing
the sexual thoughts will cease but you do need to go to the doctors and get a perscription. they will not stop the thoughts but they will help. in 2-3 weeks you will see a HUGE difference. you need to work at it though. repeat the saying "its not me, its the OCD" whenever you have one of these and confide in someone. if you have any questions, contact me or reply to this, i check them often :)
good luck.
im sorry you have this.
welcome to our club lol
Kellie
chickenxx
05-12-2008, 07:56 PM
Yes it does sound like OCD. Discuss this with your mum (if she doesn't listen, write it down in a letter, that way she will take it in without interuppting). Also explain to her calmly that a symptom of OCD is excessive worrying about illness, if you can, show her this and the other symptoms on a valid website (a real health website that has legitimate information) or a book or anything else. Explain to her that it is causing you a lot of distress and causing you problems at school, and you need her to help you. Failing that, talk to a teacher or school nurse about this; they might talk to your mum for you, and she may listen more to another adults opinion. I think you may be right that your mum doesn't want to face the possibility of you having OCD, so you should also approach her sensitively and calmly too.
But either way you should definetly try to find some help to deal with your worries
Best wishes
But either way you should definetly try to find some help to deal with your worries
Best wishes
Kathrin74
05-13-2008, 06:08 AM
I totally agree with Chicken: Hypochondria actually does belong in the OCD spectrum, and you could try to explain to your Mom that all the worrying she gets angry about is actually a symptom of the illness. Maybe you can find something on OCD for her to read. Or you can print out this thread and show it to her?
When I was a teenager my parents would sometimes get angry too because I was worrying so much (I had the ilnness thing too, sometimes I would even wake them in the middle of the night because I was afraid I could have something dangerous. And other worries too...) I think it was mostly out of frustration and worry about me that they got angry. I had anorexia when I was 18 too and my Mom worried so much sometimes it came out as anger.
You say you can't relate to compulsions. Well, actually, asking for reassurance and excessive apologizing (ahh, both I can realte to as well!!!) can also be compulsions. After you have done it, you feel relief from the anxiety, right?
But only for a while, until the next worry strikes?
Please also be assured that your unwanted, intrusive thoughts are a VERY VERY common form of OCD. They do NOT mean that you actually want to think those things!! They do NOT make you a bad person. Ok?:)
Kathrin
When I was a teenager my parents would sometimes get angry too because I was worrying so much (I had the ilnness thing too, sometimes I would even wake them in the middle of the night because I was afraid I could have something dangerous. And other worries too...) I think it was mostly out of frustration and worry about me that they got angry. I had anorexia when I was 18 too and my Mom worried so much sometimes it came out as anger.
You say you can't relate to compulsions. Well, actually, asking for reassurance and excessive apologizing (ahh, both I can realte to as well!!!) can also be compulsions. After you have done it, you feel relief from the anxiety, right?
But only for a while, until the next worry strikes?
Please also be assured that your unwanted, intrusive thoughts are a VERY VERY common form of OCD. They do NOT mean that you actually want to think those things!! They do NOT make you a bad person. Ok?:)
Kathrin
dmb024
05-17-2008, 01:25 AM
thanks so much to everybody. i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one going through this. and if my mom doesn't want to listen then i guess i'll just have to take matters into my own hands. but seriously.. thank you! :)
fastfwd
05-24-2008, 01:39 AM
Parents don't want to acknowledge that their children have an illness because that means that they could have an illness.(the apple doesn't fall far from the tree)and they might look on that as a failure in themselves. When I told my Mother I had OCD ,she said it must have come from my Fathers side of the family. My Mother has OCPD and My Father had AVPD. Luckily I inherited both. OCPD + AVPD gave me enough screwed up thinking to produce the OCD as well as some anorexia. Educate yourself with books on personality disorders & schemas. Find out family Quirks are there(they'll actually be disorders) Everybody has something, a little or a lot ,hidden or exposed - thats the only difference. It can hurt when parents do not acknowledge your illness & make light of it but it is only thier own fears or illness or lack of knowing what to do making them respond this way. Remember all those weird thoughts are only thoughts, everyone gets them - they just get stuck in our heads longer. The more you understand what they are - the less important they'll be to you & eventually they'll diminish . You just have to realize that they're only thoughts. Also OCD is fueled by stress whether it's Financial,personal etc. The better your life is - the less time you'll have to worry about OCD.
Kathrin74
05-24-2008, 05:38 AM
Parents don't want to acknowledge that their children have an illness because that means that they could have an illness.
And I think also because they think it may mean they have done something wrong in raising the child?
By the way, I have also had struggles with anorexia.... wondering how related the two things are!
Kathrin
And I think also because they think it may mean they have done something wrong in raising the child?
By the way, I have also had struggles with anorexia.... wondering how related the two things are!
Kathrin
Trixibel
05-24-2008, 06:31 AM
I have some ocd too as part of my generalised anxiety disorder and I remember when I had to share a book in clas I had this irrational fear that I would lean over and kiss them - even if they were girls !! and I'm not gay...or even bi...it was anxiety... Now if I look at someone attractive I worry that they can tell I'm thinking they're attractive - that they'll somehow read my thoughts in my eyes. It's anxiety - and for me a lack of barriers but that's a whole different story.
I agree with the poster who said parents don't like to admit there might be something wrong with their kids, especially in their minds. I dread anything going wrong with my kids' minds but I'm well aware that it might, given the anxious genes I've passed on. Good luck talking to your mother about it. If you get her something to read about it it might be easier for her.
to fstfwd - avpd? avoidant personality disorder - isn't that a manifestation of anxiety?
I agree with the poster who said parents don't like to admit there might be something wrong with their kids, especially in their minds. I dread anything going wrong with my kids' minds but I'm well aware that it might, given the anxious genes I've passed on. Good luck talking to your mother about it. If you get her something to read about it it might be easier for her.
to fstfwd - avpd? avoidant personality disorder - isn't that a manifestation of anxiety?
horrorshow
05-24-2008, 11:47 AM
so for the unwanted thoughts, how can one be SURE he or she won't act upon them? mine are sexual in nature as well, and they are seriously disrupting my life. I try not to avoid situations though, b/c I know that only fuels the obsession. I don't want to go back on medication but I think I may have to.
dforum225412
05-24-2008, 01:53 PM
Hello, first post ever, which is strange. Quickly, I got here after watching a program on depression recently shown on PBS. I recorded it because my sister recently attempted to take her life after a very manic episode one night (pills, cutting, drinking). So i recorded it for some understanding. In the program the mentioned "intrusive thoughts" which finally gave a name to something I've had for a long time. A kind of eureka moment. Flashes of negative things will just pop in my head. Its so normal that I can't even tell you how long they've been happening or how often they occur. But everything from say.. if I'm driving in a car with a dog, seeing in my head, the dog fly out the window to the tpical "did i unplug the iron" while driving to work or having thoughts like "lets make out" while talking with friends, even though I don't want that at all, and I'm not gay, in the case its a male friend. Flying freaks me out, and at times I will have a picture of the plane just falling out of the sky. I'll immediately say a prayer and let God know that I'm not cool with that and am not ready to die. I was also let go from a job a while back and, although it comes and goes, paranoid that it will happen again with any speed bump that comes up at work. I've only had 2 or 3 panic attacks in my life and those were many (5 to 6) years ago. This stuff is just more of a constant.
Anyways, I don't know what I may or may not have but thanks for letting me talk out loud. My suggestion to the originator of this thread is help your mom understand what your going through, if she doesn't, reach out on your own, through a school counselor or something like that. But if your parents dont immediately understand be sure to find someone you can talk to. After seeing my sisters situation I can see that (stating the obvious) keeping things to yourself don't have the positive consequences you desire. Keep reaching out and make sure at least one of your good friends is aware so they can keep an eye on you. Good luck.
Anyways, I don't know what I may or may not have but thanks for letting me talk out loud. My suggestion to the originator of this thread is help your mom understand what your going through, if she doesn't, reach out on your own, through a school counselor or something like that. But if your parents dont immediately understand be sure to find someone you can talk to. After seeing my sisters situation I can see that (stating the obvious) keeping things to yourself don't have the positive consequences you desire. Keep reaching out and make sure at least one of your good friends is aware so they can keep an eye on you. Good luck.
Kathrin74
05-24-2008, 04:54 PM
so for the unwanted thoughts, how can one be SURE he or she won't act upon them? mine are sexual in nature as well, and they are seriously disrupting my life. I try not to avoid situations though, b/c I know that only fuels the obsession. I don't want to go back on medication but I think I may have to.
The general consensus seems to be that OCDers don't act on their intrusive thoughts.
And: If you have OCD, then if something feels it may be from the OCD, it probably is....;)
The general consensus seems to be that OCDers don't act on their intrusive thoughts.
And: If you have OCD, then if something feels it may be from the OCD, it probably is....;)
horrorshow
05-25-2008, 09:57 AM
hey, thanks Kathrin...yes I find that when I just chalk it up to, "it's not me, it's OCD" i can put it further from my mind. Though whenever I really start to think about it, I flip out...b/c it seems so easy to give in. I just need to remind myself of the ocd and things get relatively easier. still, this is ten times worse than rituals...for me anyway :(
Kathrin74
05-25-2008, 04:48 PM
. Though whenever I really start to think about it, I flip out...
The trick seems to be, for me anyway, to catch "it" early. That is, before I really start obsessing about it.
medication has helped me not let it get to that point at all.
But even now, if I do let it get to that point where it has started spinning around in my head... it can become very bad. So maybe it's better, in the beginning, to tell yourself: Ok I am taking a break thinking about this right now, if I still worry about it in 15 minutes I'll come back to it... and see if it just slips from your mind again...;)
Kathrin
The trick seems to be, for me anyway, to catch "it" early. That is, before I really start obsessing about it.
medication has helped me not let it get to that point at all.
But even now, if I do let it get to that point where it has started spinning around in my head... it can become very bad. So maybe it's better, in the beginning, to tell yourself: Ok I am taking a break thinking about this right now, if I still worry about it in 15 minutes I'll come back to it... and see if it just slips from your mind again...;)
Kathrin