myk
05-06-2008, 09:58 PM
Hi,
I've recently been reclassified from hypomanic to full-blown bipolar based on the fact that a recent episode spiraled out of control and eventually interfered with my work. I know that it is time for treatment and I'm waiting to see how lithium works in conjunction with no drugs and alcohol ( I was on seroquel for sleep and stability for a while but I'm off it because it made me too tired and my pdoc said it wasn't necessary).
The big problem I have now is figuring out who I am and what I like. Nothing feels natural anymore, except with my wife and daughter. When I'm around people I just don't have much to say and it sucks. I was really used to using the manic energy to talk and do things with people, plus I did a lot of substances, and now that's all gone.
I'm fine with moving on and changing my life, but it's really hard to be around people because I just don't know how to act. I suppose I should be in psychotherapy, but right now I have a pdoc who pretty much just prescribes meds and expects everything else to sort itself out. So that's my deal right now, figuring out who am I?
:dizzy:
I've recently been reclassified from hypomanic to full-blown bipolar based on the fact that a recent episode spiraled out of control and eventually interfered with my work. I know that it is time for treatment and I'm waiting to see how lithium works in conjunction with no drugs and alcohol ( I was on seroquel for sleep and stability for a while but I'm off it because it made me too tired and my pdoc said it wasn't necessary).
The big problem I have now is figuring out who I am and what I like. Nothing feels natural anymore, except with my wife and daughter. When I'm around people I just don't have much to say and it sucks. I was really used to using the manic energy to talk and do things with people, plus I did a lot of substances, and now that's all gone.
I'm fine with moving on and changing my life, but it's really hard to be around people because I just don't know how to act. I suppose I should be in psychotherapy, but right now I have a pdoc who pretty much just prescribes meds and expects everything else to sort itself out. So that's my deal right now, figuring out who am I?
:dizzy:
Sponsor
seaturtle
05-07-2008, 09:50 PM
Hello,
Yes, that's so difficult when we change like that from being used to the illness's symptoms being our norm and then wondering who we are without them. IT takes time, and I'd suggest you really could use a therapist to help you through this transition.
OF course, we are the same people,. but so much of our behaviour and thinking has been not ours really, but an illness. I think with treatment and meds, you will find yourself feeling much more like someone you once knew and be comfortable again with yourself and friends. But have patience and keep posting, okay?
I've been through the same thing.
Seaturtle
Yes, that's so difficult when we change like that from being used to the illness's symptoms being our norm and then wondering who we are without them. IT takes time, and I'd suggest you really could use a therapist to help you through this transition.
OF course, we are the same people,. but so much of our behaviour and thinking has been not ours really, but an illness. I think with treatment and meds, you will find yourself feeling much more like someone you once knew and be comfortable again with yourself and friends. But have patience and keep posting, okay?
I've been through the same thing.
Seaturtle
savvy traveller
05-08-2008, 12:51 AM
i can completely relate.
i was diagnosed after a bout of mania sent me to the hospital. at the time, i was saying all sorts of nonsensical things - like that i was revolutionary and everyone (and i mean, everyone) was watching me. in a word, psychotic. i was admitted voluntarily but it was mainly because i could tell from the look in my boyfriend's and mom's eyes that something just wasn't right. at the time, i thought it was just sleep deprivation.
i have since gotten better. came all the way down from mania after a few weeks. i was nothing but a blank stare for a month or two thereafter. and now i'm functioning pretty much normally, except, i'm constantly at a loss for words. i used to have too many stories to tell. i used to care about every little thing. now, that part was bad to some extent but the good part was i felt like such a passionate person.
i don't know who i am either. i look back and attribute every success i've had to hypomania, and every failure to depression.
we can be in this together. keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
i was diagnosed after a bout of mania sent me to the hospital. at the time, i was saying all sorts of nonsensical things - like that i was revolutionary and everyone (and i mean, everyone) was watching me. in a word, psychotic. i was admitted voluntarily but it was mainly because i could tell from the look in my boyfriend's and mom's eyes that something just wasn't right. at the time, i thought it was just sleep deprivation.
i have since gotten better. came all the way down from mania after a few weeks. i was nothing but a blank stare for a month or two thereafter. and now i'm functioning pretty much normally, except, i'm constantly at a loss for words. i used to have too many stories to tell. i used to care about every little thing. now, that part was bad to some extent but the good part was i felt like such a passionate person.
i don't know who i am either. i look back and attribute every success i've had to hypomania, and every failure to depression.
we can be in this together. keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Llama
05-08-2008, 12:59 AM
I would DEFINITELY recommend seeing a psychologist! That is all my psychologist and I talk about is how to deal with this illness and what to watch for and what it's like. Well, that is all we talk about now but who knows what will be future topics. I have been seeing him for about 6 months now and it has helped me come to terms with this illness more. I was like you before and did not see a psychologist and just saw a psychiatrist who only prescribed meds (and I saw her for maybe 15-20 mins at a time). Look into this and let us know how it goes. :)
cyclomaniac
05-08-2008, 01:04 PM
i can relate. it has been hard adjusting and figuring out how to deal with life without mania. however, things really started to click into place when i got rid of the depression, too. that's when i actually became stable and felt like i could finally trust myself...all the negative thinking and anxiety about what mood i would be in disappeared.
i would definitely suggest seeing a therapist, even though i myself have not been going to one (it was starting to look weird at work that i had all these dr appts). i feel like i have figured out a lot of things on my own and i don't know what i would talk to a therapist about anyway. i tried it and it just didn't work. HOWEVER, since you are having a hard time with it i would definitely suggest it because i think it would have helped back when i was still depressed.
i would definitely suggest seeing a therapist, even though i myself have not been going to one (it was starting to look weird at work that i had all these dr appts). i feel like i have figured out a lot of things on my own and i don't know what i would talk to a therapist about anyway. i tried it and it just didn't work. HOWEVER, since you are having a hard time with it i would definitely suggest it because i think it would have helped back when i was still depressed.
missflip
05-08-2008, 03:59 PM
Hi! I have been there. It isn't easy. I had to figure out how to act around people too. I lost a lot of friends at first because they just couldn't understand my illness and didn't know how to react to me anymore. It is good that you have a family there for you. You just have to take it slow and one day at a time. You will figure out who you are again. Trust me. Try to step back and say, "Ok, what do I like to do or liked to do? Do I still like doing those things? Are there any new things that I would like to do?" You will make it through this! It feels almost hopeless at first but hang in there. I discovered a few new things that I enjoy doing now that I didn't before. Again, you will make it through and you will adjust. Lean on your family.
klyn07
05-08-2008, 06:00 PM
It is hard. It is hard not to think about it when you are stable, because it makes you wonder how long the stability will last. It is hard when you are down because it keeps you from wanting to be part of your life. It is hard when you are up because you are so busy doing whatever it is you want no one in your life understands the chaos you are spreading. I have yet to figure out how to be part of my life without taking the BP into account with everything. I know that therapy has helped me as much as the medicine has. Your pdoc does not have to okay therapy, if you think it would help, go. Let us know how you are.