Yesterday I made an appt with a fertility specialist for consultation. We have decided to try to have a baby using donor eggs. Our financial situation isn't good, but I feel so depressed that I am too old to have a biological child that I feel that we have to take this step. My husband also wants a baby so we agree on this. My first concern regarding this is that the best fertility specialist in my area is somebody I know socially and run into in social situations. I can't decide whether this can become a problem. Right now it doesn't feel like a problem. Apart from that I have a lot of questions. How do you choose a donor? What do you tell people when they wonder how you got pregnant so late in life? How do you know that the donor is honestly answering questions about her health and genetics? I would appreciate any input.
Thanks!

Hi Nelli,

I'm sorry that you are faced with these hard decisions.

Regarding the RE in your area...Obviously, if you would feel uncomfortable having a social acquaintance know that you used donor eggs to conceieve, this might be a problem. However, you said that you don't think that would be an issue, so it sounds like you would be okay with that. As for the RE, your privacy would certainly be protected through dr patient confidentiality. You wouldn't need to worry about the RE telling others of your story or the RE would be opening himself up for BIG problems. If you're concerned about what the RE would think about you after knowing your situation, don't. RE's are professionals & they are in the business because they know infertility is a horrible thing to have to go through & they want to help people overcome it. I'm sure this RE would not think any less of you - after all, nobody should. IF is a medical condition & it is nobody's fault. While it is a private subject, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

As for choosing your donor...I know that donors are screened pretty intensely. I was a donor w/ my first IVF cycle (it helped me offset the huge cost). The government requires lots of testing of donors to protect the rights of the recipients. I'm sure a donor could lie on her application, but I for one was too afraid to answer any questions untruthfully out of fear of being "found out" and not being permitted into the program. I don't know how recipient couples choose donors, but I know there is an extensive amount of information collected, so you should have an informed decision. My dr's office also required me to see a psychiatrist for evaluation before being approved for the program. The testing is quite thorough.

I hope this answered some of your questions & I wish you lots of luck.

We are here anytime you need us.

Holly

Thanks, Holly. I have decided to use another doctor and rather travel outside the city where I live. Since we don't plan to tell the baby (if we have one) it is better to be totally anonymous.
Thanks for reassuring me about the donor screening. Everybody has some diseases in the family, but I am afraid of serious, incurable problems.

Nelli

Hi Nelli,

I'm glad you & your DH have reached a decision together. Since you don't plan on telling the child, using a dr out of your area sounds like a choice you will be more comfortable with, which should help you to relax when your cycle starts. I wish you both lots of luck. Please keep us posted. :)

Holly