Hi Guys,

My last dose of Suboxone will be tomorrow. I'm very proud of myself. I never once relapsed, and have never taken more of the medicine than I'm supposed to. I've gotten down to 1 mg a day, and now I feel it's the time to jump. I'm scared and excited all at once. I'm excited because I know that this journey (at least with the meds) is about to be over. Scared because I don't want to go through any w/d and of the unknown of course. But regardless of what happens, I'm done with the drugs. That I can honestly say. I also want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me out some time or another on here. I can't say how much this board has been a lifesaver for me, mostly in the begenning when you're so unsure of yourself and what's going on. Reach, you are the bomb. :) Just reading some of your posts have put things in perspective for me. Yoss, I hope to still hear from you... and everyone else. I love you guys, and to everyone out here that's just begenning your journey.. know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though there are some very dark times. Just keep God or whoever is your motivator, (kids, etc.) on your side and you will get through. I'll probably be on here, telling you of my progress since I've not taken any more medicine.. I'll keep you posted!!

Love to all,
Brandi
G8trgrl
GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will pray to my Christian God for you, gatorgirl. You'll be fine.

mike

g8trgrl15

No, No, No - Not the end of the line, but the BEGINNING of the long road out!

The road back to your LIFE, getting your life back, and a wonderful life!

Please don't be scared. You said you are excited, as well as you should be, and proud. You have accomplished a lot in your preparation for this day. Go for it, g8trgirl15, the prize is near! Whatever the near future will bring in the form of withdrawals, anxiety, or depression, don't look back. Your life is waiing, and it will be a great life, rewarding, and with many loved ones. I'm rooting for you.

Please continue posting, for yourself and others. The "suboxone story" is still a little cloudy. What happens going off at 1 mg can provide a lot of information for those trying to make a decision as to cold turkey off their DOC or suboxone.

My prayers are with you.

Friend999

Brandi

What a threshhold you are on, Sweetpea. I fully believe you can make the transition, I really do. I know you can. Everything you have accomplished thus far in tapering, which takes so much discipline, has paved the way.

You know, Brandi, it is a funny thing about the fear as we end a taper. After making it through a few days with nothing, and surviving, we understand that we really can live without the pills. What we hoped for all through the tapering finally comes to be...the conclusion to all we have worked so hard to do. It is going to be the final cut.. AND the final set of withdrawal symptoms for you! This is an awesome thing.

I read a lot on the board about jumping off. Truthfully, though, it was more like a walking away for me. Yes, there was some withdrawal symptoms, but no worse than it had been on any other cut. I was in such a stronger position when that final cut came. I had knowledge, I had tolls to use that had all been gained during the tapering... just like you, Sweetpea.

I am excited for you. I will be here for you with all your other board friends. Lots of thoughts and prayers for you for sure.

With hope always
reach

Hey Brandi - just a quick post, as im about to leave the house - i think all the posts below have pretty much covered anything i could've said.
You have an amazing future ahead of you. Its time to enjoy life - if you do feel a little rough round the edges - it wont be that bad & it wont be for long. I know that you're more than capable of it - the fact that you havent relapsed or taken a higher dosage of meds than you should, speaks volumes about who you are. A determined individual who's focussed on a positive goal (and a true friend i'll never forget).
As you know - if there's anything i can do - just ask, so keep posting and let me know how you are.

And like E.T. "I'll be right here"

take care

Hugs n Love

Yoss

(think tebow ;))

LOL.. Thanks so much guys for the words and the boosting I needed to do this. I will keep posting to let everyone know how I'm doing, as well as for the needed support.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day, even the guys. Whatever you did for your wives or your own Mothers.

Yoss, I start going to the games in September.. :) So it does give me something positive to think about.

Peace out for now!!!
g8trgrl

Hello G8,

As you are about to begin your next phase of recovery, let me wish you all the best and remember that whatever you truly focus on finding, you will.

Take care.

Phoenix

Hey G8 --You will be fine-- the hardest is behind you. This is truely the BEGINNING of another road that you will LOVe to drive on.

D

Brandi, you'll be ok. Stay focused on your goal. Youve been working hard at this and have a great mindset going for you.
I will definetly keep you in my thoughts and prayers.:)

jerry.

hey g8r.... i am truly happy that you've gotten down so low. i know this has been your goal for so long now. i will be with you in thought and prayer while you do this. im always looking for your posts even though i dont write much anymore, i always love to see something from you !!!

<removed>

but you know i wish you the best in all this. just grin and bear two weeks, ok? you'll do fine. keep us/me posted, im on the road not far behind girl and i want to see where i tread. lol

BIG HUG !!!!!

michelle

Stlll thinkin and praying for you...hang in there, be strong and keep thinking about your goals and the big picture. Youve come so far, be proud and strong.Like Med said,this is the beginning of the start for your new life.:)

peace,and God Bless.

"let your life proceed by its own design"

jerry.

2 WEEKS!!!!!!! THAT'S SO NOT COOL..... Spark! I thought you had fallen off the computer tree... lol
I can always count on you to be honest.. and supportive. I had to drop, I was out of medicine and I wasn't paying that Dr another 200 beans just for 30 more pills.. when I know in my heart it's time.

I have to admit, today hasn't been so comfortable for me. It started ok, but the mornings are the worst. I have a question.... do you think it would be wrong of me to take some Ultram when it gets really bad? Or if it does? Only thing I've really experienced, (and it's been almost 2 days since my last dose) is the leg cramps, the back breaking into.. and anxiety. But I have something for that. I just thought I could take them when it gets really bad, but then again I don't want to do something that could jepordize how far I've come. I can honestly say that I don't have any cravings, I just don't want to have any w/d symptoms..

Any advice would be appreciated.. and thank you so much for the supportive words and encouragement.. it means more than all of you know.. I will keep you posted..

Brandi
g8trgrl

Hello g8,

I don't see anything wrong with taking an Ultram tablet as directed.

Although the F.D.A. does not view it as addictive, it can be in certain individuals.

I am currently taking it but no two people are the same.

If you don't feel that this will be accomplished, thus causing you to take more than prescribed, I would ask your doctor if there are any other medicinal options of the prescriptive variety.

Take care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

Hi Brandi

Baby, please do not take the Ultram. It is addictive in its own right and I fear that if you allow yourself to take one for relief, it will lead to 2, 3.....

You can do this, Brandi. A few crummy days is but a drop in the buscket compared to starting all over again, compared to the rest of your life. C'mon, c'mon. Be tough. Hang in. Say no to any form of temptation.

I am pulling for you... you pull from deep inside, okay?

Love
reach

Hey Brandi,

Hang in there, you can do this. Even with a long taper (anti-depressants included) your body is going to react when they are finally stopped.
Any withdrawals you may feel can't be worse than a nasty flu and you aren't scared to death of the flu, right. You have kids and you know childbirth is no easy thing to do - but you wouldn't let that stop you from having a baby if
you wanted to.

So, you can certainly survive a short period of time with "the flu". Just remember, it will be over soon and you are no wimp ;)

Best wishes,

JB

Gator --- one thing I kept in mind that helped a lot.....this is a flu...that I PLANNED.....that got my mind better ready for the physical parts...

Keep moving forward away from the pills and that life.

Best,
Droopy

Hey Brandi - i hope you're not feeling too bad today. Just keep that focus & determination - i know you can beat this. What day are you on now? i need to go to work now - i'll check back in later this evening to make sure you are ok.

take care

hugs:)

yoss

Lol at droopys comment "this is a flu that i PLANNED" - that is a inique way of looking at it. good 1 ;)

For my 2 cents, and this is just my opinion, and I have been known to make bad decisions, anyhow,I would not take the Ultram, would seem to me putting off the inevitable,and that is ridding your body of opiates.
hang in there,the first days are the hardest days, but it does get so much better, believe me.Look towards your goals. Keep that in sight and after a couple days of "flu" you will begin to see your body clearing up and feeling better than you have in a long time.
Not sure if this helps but I'm rootin' for ya.

peace,and God bless.

jerry.

Thanks guys.. I see the majority says to stay away from the Ultram. I understand it's an opiate but not a narcotic??? Whichever. What I was thinking is that if it gets really bad, to take one then and ONLY then. I have Klonopin for the anxiety.. So I'm not worried about that. I haven't really expressed any "flu" like symptoms.. just my back hurts really bad where I have the herniated disk and my legs.. I'm cold, and sometimes I yawn a lot. I'm just so ready for this to be over. It seems like a never ending progress.. It's almost like I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! I don't want to feel that way. But sometimes I get discouraged. Spark, I have to work. I could take off a few days if NEED be, but I would rather not. It's actually better for me to come to work to take my mind off of everything. If I sat at home it would be worse I think. Jerry, thank you for the kind words and the boost..

Today is day 3, almost 4 days.. in the morning will be 4 exactly. What about muscle relaxers? Is that ok? And I won't get addicted to benzos because I don't like them either. If I could sleep solid for a week I sure would... lol

Reach, as you are the oh so wise one, I see what you mean in taking the ultram. It just delays the inevitable. It's like a big circle. You take one thing to get off another, etc... just goes round and round... I'M READY TO JUMP OFF THIS WAGON!! I want to feel the peace that most of you guys have.. I know it's just a week or 2 out of my life, but it's hard at the time..

I'll post later to let you guys know how I'm doing. You don't know how much your support means right now!!!!

Love to all,
Brandi

Brandi,

Oh my, how you are loved and supported. Five pages of responses, and they are all rooting for you!

Four days closer rhan you were four days ago, and going off at 1mg you should start feeling a little better starting tomorrow. I know it has a long half life, but certainly not like methadone, so if not tomorrow, then the day after.

You've read on here, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You've gone through 5,760 minutes, whats one more, two more, etc.

You're on that road out, and you know what you have accomplished to get here. Done turn around, don't even look back. Look forward to what you know is there, what so many people have told you is there...YOU, clean, happy, confident, proud, and ... an excellent example for those that follow you on this site.

My prayers are with you, Brandi.

Friend999

Hello g8,

The majority is against you taking the medication because the odds are against you staying true to the "as directed" instructions.

Based on the percentages, I would be more inclined to agree with them and the fact that you are quite new with respect to the recovery process.

They are looking out for your best interest and it is quite understandable.

There are those on this board who are more familiar with your unique circumstances than I, so I would listen to them; better safe than sorry.

Take care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

Hiya

I know it's just a week or 2 out of my life, but it's hard at the time..


Oh, Brandi... truer words could not be written! It is hard.. like being in the throes of delivering a baby but having it go on for days instead of hours! Waves of withdrawal were, to me, like waves of contractions. Peaked and ebbed only to peak again. And just like in delivery, I spent lots of time in withdrawal begging, "Dear God, let this be over." Both things can seem never-ending as we endure them.

For me, the time of enduring is over (in both withdrawal AND babies!). Now I can enjoy the fruits of my labor... and that time is coming for you, too, Sweetpea. Your time of suffering comes closer and closer to an end and your time of finding peace from all of this nears.

There were lots of times that I had to psyche myself into being brave so I could get through the symptoms. Lots of times. There were also times that that just didn't work and I sobbed and felt sorry for myself. Times when I moaned and groaned and ranted and raved. Eventually, the symptoms of withdrawal came further apart and less intensely. And, finally, it was over. Done. Completed.

Oh, my journey was not done ( still isn't, won't ever be), but finally I was out of withdrawal and on to the next phase.. restoring my life. Brandi... after all the dead time I spent in a haze of living and now to have an excitement about living... it is worth it all. There were times when I sure wasn't sure it would turn out well, but I grasped the hope that others who had gone before me extended to me. Now I understand what prompted them to extend the hope... to have the knowledge that each of us can have such a better life, to know in our very cores that there is so much more to each of us than our addictions... it just has to be shared.

Of course there may still be difficult times as you finish up here. Please try, though, to perceive each tough spot as a time of healing, of getting better instead of worrying about escape contingencies. Rant, rave, whine, complain, moan... it is okay. Every one of those actions is one more step to your healing and reclaiming your own life.

Big hugs
reach

just a quick note brandi to say that i am thinking about you and praying for you..... how are you feeling? hang in there - it's all worth it in the end. you will love you and love life, and that makes everything worth it.

hugs, michelle

:)

im with you all the way.

stay happy/focussed. think of your son - the things that make it all worthwhile.

im supremely proud of you.

take care & keep us posted as to how you are.

im late for work again - so bye bye til later.

as ever...keep on keepin on

yoss

*massive* HUGS

x

G8tr,good morning and hope this day finds you.well,as good as is possible right now.
What alot of great,informative and supportive posts!
You are over the hump right now at day 4. For me, days 2 and 3 were always the worst, however that was coming off of opiates and not sub. I feel it must be roughly the same,tho.
Keep at this. In another day or so you are going to start to feel better. It will take another week or 2 before all symptoms fade, but the worst will be over fairly quickly now.
You need to be so proud of what you are doing, this is indeed the start of a life without those silly pills that tie us down so badly. I used to be so bad, i couldnt even go anywhere without them or I'd get anxiety attacks for fear of being sick...They controlled my life completely BUT THEY DONT ANYMORE.
I hated always,as so many have put it,living on the edge of withdrawl. I was at the point where after 4-6 hours I needed more and if I didnt have it i would start to be sick again. What an awful, vicious circle. I wasnt getting high anymore, just using to keep from being sick. Is that awful,or what?
My point is that you are at the point right now where you have made the decion to stop using, the decision that takes us years and years to make. I just want you to know how good I feel right now after years of drug abuse, and you can AND WILL feel as good as I do very soon!
Again,be proud of your strength and your decision and this will all be over soon, and you will be living a "normal" life, one without the tie-downs of this awful addiction.
So many here are rooting and praying for you, you have many friends here.That is so cool.
Be strong, you are so close.

peace and God bless,

jerry.

I've been thinking of you gatorgirl. I know how tough it is to jump. One mg doesn't sound like a lot, but sub is a powerful drug.

I hope you're doing ok. Stay strong. You probably feel like you're going to die, but you will be fine. It's hard to see this truth when you are in peak withdrawal, but it will pass (I promise).

mike

Hi Brandi

What's the story, Morning glory? Whatever it is, we are with you.


reach

G'mornin', Brandi.
Just thinkin' aboutcha,hope you're doing ok.
rootin' for ya.

jerry.

Hello Brandi,

No matter what you are going through at the moment, know that it is alright to post; you are among caring friends here. If you are not up to it, this is understandable(no pressure) but it would be nice to hear from you.

Take care.

Phoenix

GO gator WEeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hey Brandi - just popped in to say Hi & to find out how you are? I hope you're ok?! Been thinking of you - hope you are finding it easier as the days go by.
You are one tough girl, im proud of the progress you've achieved through your taper - and your attitude has become a lot more positive - the 'life' is creeping back in there! All the posts below have said all the important things - and what a lot of posts you've had! Just remember - keep that 'focus' - think about the things that matter - this will help you on your way.

take care

BIG HUGS

Yoss

keep on keepin on & on & on & on & on :)

Brandi,

i am worried about you. let me/us know how you are girl. Still here pullin for you and praying for you. Hope all is well...... You're gonna be ok no matter what, we all care about you so much, no matter what. so check in, ok?

hugs,
michelle

Hey Guys,

I'm so sorry I didn't have a chance to post before now. Thursday the 15th was very bad. I didn't go to work. I have taken a few ultram, just when it gets so bad I feel that I can't go on. I've taken maybe 5 through the whole thing. I don't think that's too bad. I've been taking my klonopin as necessary, which actually hasn't been much either. Friday, I was very busy at work catching up at work so I didn't get a chance to post then either. I didn't mean to worry you all. Friday I could tell a difference... more calm, less pain, you know what I mean. Friday was day 5. Then last night, the stomach part hit me.....HARD. Luckily I had Immodium AD, and it's working.. Today, I feel almost normal. I haven't really had a hard time sleeping. Which suprises me. I cannot tell you what your support has done for me. I am now trying to not take any more Ultram, as I think I'm through the worst, as soon as my stomach straightens out.. I got a little scared when that started happening. But I do hope the worst is over..

Thank you guys for checking in on me. It means more than you could know. I couldn't get through this without people who understand what I'm going through... I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!

I'll post more to keep you informed, so as not to worry. Hope you guys have a good weekend. I'll continue to recuperate.. letting you know what's going on!!!

I'm keep on keeping on Yoss.. ;) With everything I have. I look into my baby's big eyes and know that I will get through. Whatever it takes...

Brandi
GO GATORS!!

Hello G8,

You will be fine.

Stay the course and you will get through this.

Wishing you a pain-free weekend,

Phoenix

Go Girl ;)

YOU THE MAN (in a womanly feminine way) ;)

i hope you have a good weekend and get plenty of rest.

take care - i'll check on you again 2moro

Nurse Yoss

Hey guys..

Well, it's been a full week since Sub. If I start to feel bad.. I take an ultram.. but I go to my regular Dr tomorrow and am going to lay it all out and see what he says.. My moods have been shifting a lot.. (more than normal for a female.. ;) ) He talked about once I was off the sub putting me on Wellbutrin.. so I don't know.. I just want to be free of taking all things.. but I know it's a gradual process.. if you chose the route I did. You just take things to get you through the process and then wean off of it.. lol What a circle. Lortab to methadone to morphine to suboxone, klonopin and rozeram for sleeping, (which is not habit forming BTW) and now the ultram when I start feeling the butterflies in my stomach and the leg pain or back pain.. As for how to handle the real pain once I'm through all this.. I have no idea... what do people with chronic pain do once they become an addict.. and can't take the medicine that makes the pain go away??????? That's a big question for me.. that no one seems to be able to answer.

Anyway, just checkin in.. I'm hanging in there and getting better every day I think. I ended up having a virus this weekend on top of this.. so that was nice.. lol

Peace out.. talk to yous guys later..

g8trgrl

A virus! on top of all this! SHeeesH! how crappy is that?! . have a good chat with the doc - i know what you mean - why stop taking 1 drug for another.
Still - its great news to hear that you are doing so well 1 week on :)

BIG CHEERS! :) :) :)

Keep it up Brandi - You know you're worth it.

*hugs n love*

Yoss

Hey guys, just checkin in. I'm about to not take any more ultram. Of course the Dr. didn't see any reason for me to be on it. I'm just so scared of w/d. I know that it's a 3 day weekend, and would be a perfect time to just go CT and let whatever happens, happen. I'm not feeling all that good right now, but what should I EXPECT?? My head's pounding, I'm freezing, I just have 0 energy..etc. My fear with the withdrawals is you never know how long they will last.. 2 weeks? 2 months? Longer? I know that I've talked to some people on here that have been clean for over 3 weeks and still feel like total crap. I have a family to take care of.. can't be out of commission for that long. I just am starting to feel hopeless. This has absolutely been the hardest thing I've ever done.. and am not finished yet. Just don't see the light at the end of the tunnell.. Just need uplifting words I guess and encouragement.. PLEASE!! :)

Brandi

Hi Brandi

Don't confuse feeling hopeless with feeling scared, Sweetpea! Of course you are scared, but in no way are tyou hopeless. Big difference and I want you to identify the feelings correctly because scared is definitely something we can deal with.

You are not going to deal with anything you have not already dealt with! Chills... yes, and we will take hot baths, showers, Salon Pas patches and heating pads. Headaches... yes, and we will take an Advil, massage the temples and survive it. Anxiety.... yes, and we will work it off physically with housework and walks and pushing ourselves even against the fatigue. We will combat the fatigue with energy drinks and food. We will combat any depression with the knowledge that it will pass and the knowledge that this will come to an end and life will be so much more balanced and good.


Brandi, keep the focus on the fact that you are getting stronger and better everyday, that all symptoms are temporary and are symptoms of healing. Healing, Brandi! Face it with a totally practical attitude... "You Are Healing."
Every step taken is just one more step to a restored life and that is the life for you.

You be strong, girl and know that the troops are ral;lying with you.

Love
treach

Hi g8, I'm new to the site and have been keeping up with your progress. You are doing so great!
Of course your scared of w\d's! They are not pleasant that's for sure! I agree with others that you treat this like you would a bad case of the flu. And remind yourself often that "This to shall pass".
I'm praying for you and send warm, gentle vibes your way. You can do this.

Hugs,
Pepper:)

Brandi.

I'm with you; I know your pain and struggle from an "insider" point-of-view.

Not all people will agree with me, but this is not an easy "knock out in the third round." Your opiate opponent will go the distance, and the victory will be a split-decision in your favor.

Blessing and strength to you and your victory (my bet is in your corner),

mike

Brandi

Girl, you're DOING it. You've gone wayyy to far now to turn back! I know you can do this. Its almost over. Count the little victories. Push through the fatigue, just like reach said. You've GOT to try to get any little exercise that you can, because that is the one thing that will make you feel better, faster. Take hot baths, treat yourself gently. Take care of yourself like you would a sick child, and remember that every day is another day toward getting better, beating the crud out of this addicton. I know you wont let it win, girl. we are all on your side and, most importantly, God is on your side. That light at the end of the long tunnel is getting oh so much closer every second Brandi. You are in my prayers every night when i get on my knees and ask God to bless those close to my heart. And you are...... keep us posted. Cant stop thinking about you and wishing I could take even a little bit of it away for you..... your suffering is not in vain because i will follow in your footsteps at some point and you are helping me so very much. and i thank you so much Brandi, for posting your experiences to help me and others.

STAY STRONG, THE VICTORY OF THIS BATTLE IS THE SWEETEST VICTORY EVER.

Big Hugs,

michelle :angel:

hey brandi - i hope the weekend break has given you some much needed rest. We all have the fear when 'jumping off' - there will be those parts of the brain that want you not to jump & will try to convince you otherwise - they'll feed you all the excuses under the sun not to give up. You've come such a long way - and as reach says - chills?, take a hot bath. Headache?, take some advil etc etc. Everything you are going through CAN be alleviated in some way (i know that the aches wont disappear totally - but anything is better than nothing). There isnt anything that this situation can throw at you that YOU cant handle! You gave birth to 2 kids - now that IS real pain!!!! Just keep ploughing through it as i know you can. I say all this because i know how much you'll love having your life back. And because i know you can do it.
Hang in there - as always, im rooting for you.

Take care & i hope things have started to pick up for you.

BIG MEDICINAL HUGS!!! ;)

yoss

keep on keepin on

Reach - as always, thank you so much. You uplifted my spirits so much, as your words and wisdom do so many.

Michelle - My partner in crime... lol Your post almost made me cry!!! :) It was so sweet and uplifting.. Girl, it could be the prayers from people on this site that keep me going when I feel I can't.. And when it's your turn, I will so be there for you. Every step of the way!!!

Pepper - thank you for the kind words.. I need all that I can get. :)

Mike - you are right when you say a lot of the struggle is mental.. it is. I almost think I could deal with the physical part.. this mental part is killing me. I was a wreck yesterday. I know, I just need to pull up my diaper and deal.. thats the way I feel sometimes. I just want this to be over.

YOSS - my constant...You know, I was watching a movie last night that my husband put in to cheer me up, after I cried my eyes out watching Titanic. lol And this guy in the movie kept saying something you end all your posts with.. I think I got your secret.. "Just keep on keepin on man!!" I laughed so hard when I connected the 2. And if you didn't get it from Joe Dirt, then I'm wrong.. but he sure says it.. :)

I'm a little better today physically, but the mental part is killing me.. Like telling me that if I take just one of something, some of my suffering will pass.. but the rational me tells me that it will just prolong it.. I know that..

Hope everyone had a nice holiday.. I will check in tomorrow!

Love,
Brandi

I think that I can speak for all of us, Brandi.

We are very proud of your progress.

I put my bet in the right corner, ha-ha.

mike

i second mk

You're winning. Coz you're a winner :)

As for 'Joe Dirt' - im sorry to say.............wrong answer :(
Although i've no doubt it is mentioned in the movie - i 'took' the line from a song by the greatest band in 'my' lifetime - The Stone Roses. :)
I was listening to them at the time of my W/Ds and it struck a chord (quite literally).

Tho - im glad it made you laugh ;)

Ignore 'the voice' - trust your instinct. 'the voice' always lies. more so now because its losing its power. keep up the good work girl :) and........

keep on keepin on

*hugs*

Stone Roses?

yeah - they were thee next big thing when i was a youth (1989). fantastic 1st album, absolutely timeless. IMHO.

:)

I'll have to check it out.

my recommendations would be -

1.Waterfall
2.Shoot you down
3.Fools Gold
4.I am the resurrection

for starters. (may not be everyones cup of tea tho)

ultram was one of my doc's when i couldn't get lortab--it is very addictive and not safe for any recovering addict. i had 6 grand-mal seizures from it!! it is an atypical opiate--which means our brains process it like a regular opiate--works on the same receptors--so be careful and congrats on your recovery!!

Yes, well those of you who don't read my other post, check it out.. Due to not being able to take the way I was feeling a moment longer... I got put back on sub. But read my post, as it tells you why.. and I'm all for hearing the pros and cons.. I'm confused about it myself.. I didn't like taking the ultram, or anything else for that matter.. I felt I had came so far and I didn't want to risk the chance of relapsing.. If staying on sub makes that happen, so be it.. I'll stay on it a little longer and wean off the right way.. very slowly..

love,
g8trgrl
Brandi

Yoss.. lol Well anyway, he says it in the movie a lot and it just made me think of you.. it was funny to me.. :)

hey brandi :)

i read your other post. Im sure you are aware of the story of 'the tortoise & the hare' ? .
No need to rush. You have a wonderful life ahead & it takes a lot of preparation. Im sur with your new prescription you will be well able to taper in that ammount of time. Dont feel anything but pride in what you have acheived this far. After all - its not as if you've relapsed! you've taken proffesional medical advice & are doing the best thing for you & your mind/body.
And i KNOW how much 'Tebow' speaking to you on the phone will have cheered you up - i bet you are still on cloud 9. Im still waiting for Salma Hayek to ring me. Im a patient man;)

take care

xxx

lol.. Salma Hayek, huh? Yeah, my husband likes her too..

Thanks for the encouragement.. And you're right. I think I was just being hard on myself. I wanted it to be over.. And I felt at the time it was a step backwards. Ya know? But now I know different. Life goes on and we do what we have to do to keep going. Because it doesn't stop just because we don't feel good.. I found that out when my baby was crying for me and I couldn't get off the couch. That was rough. Plus I was starting to get seriously depressed. But now I feel I'm back in the flow. I leave to go on a Cruise to Mexico in 9 days. I can't believe it. It was a Christmas present and now it's already time to go.. I'm excited. Ordered the new swimsuit and all. :) Well, I'll still post to say hello and let you guys know how it's going.. as you better as well.. I couldn't do it without you Yoss.. DON'T GO ANYWHERE. ;)

Brandi

I aint going nowhere - except maybe out on my bike. but i'll be back in a few hours ;)

enjoy that cruise. i've always wanted to go to mexico.

take care

yoss hayek

:) I will give a full report when I get back of how beautiful it was.. and hopefully with a new tan..

TAKE CARE ALL!!

Brandi Tebow.. ;)

Im totally devastated - one of my 2 cats (they are bro & sis) has been missing for 6 days. She never strays too far normally. Shes always there 1st thing in the morning or coming to greet me when i get home from work. I just wish i knew wether she's dead or not!? Its the not knowing thats eating me up. i know to most it sounds kind of stupid to be concerned over a pet like this - but she was my special little cat. And i miss her :(

sorry for sharing this. just a bit down i suppose.

:(:(:(

Hey Yoss

I once had a bro and sister cat and the female disappeared for over ten days. I was so sad. However, she reppaeared one day and gues where she had been? Locked in a neighbors shed. She was skinny as a rail, but was okay otherwise. The man saw her run out when he opened his shed.

Do check around and call by places where she may be locked in.

And Buddy, if you were not so concerned about your kitty, you would not be the Yoss we all know and love. Special prayers on behalf on you and Kitty being reunited.

Love
reach

thanks for the words of comfort reach. I've been round all the sheds/garages/outhouses in the area. ive put up posters, knocked on doors & probably covered about 10 miles on foot looking for her - as well as call every agency/vet in the area. I still have hope - but in my heart of hearts its fading as the days go by.

once again - many thanks

:(

:( Yoss, I'm so sorry about your cat. Hopefully by now you've found her. I've never had any pets, and in that aspect I'm glad. I don't get close to one to lose it.. But I'm still doing well, leaving in 3 days!! I'm not looking past anything other than my cruise for now.. let me know if you find your cat..

Love,
Bran

Enjoy that cruise - you deserve it. Make sure you have a margarita on me ;)

have a great time

g8r -

wow !!! a CRUISE !!! better than cruisin the hood lookin for dope, huh?

You go and have a WONDERFUL time. i am soooo jealous. please write when you get back and tell us all about it. Um... i'll take one of them Margaritas too, k? how about a nice toast? we'll lift our glasses and thank God that we exactly where we need to be today. You- in the middle of the ocean :D

Yoss, i DO hope you have found your cat. I cant even imagine how you feel right now. please update - have you found her yet? my prayers are with you.

love all,

BIG HUGS,

michelle

Man, I want a cruise. Can I come?


jerry.

hi all.

still no sign of her. 10 days now. :(

So sorry, Yoss.. What about now?

Hey guys. I got back last Friday. I had a wonderful time! I was glad to be home though after being on a boat for a week. Mexico was beautiful.. and so were the Keys. It's a memory I will always treasure.

I think I'm a little down today because my prescription ran out of the Klonopin I was taking during the cruise. I was ok at first, a little snappy but otherwise ok. Well, the past day and night I've had anxiety attacks, shaking, nerves just BAD. I guess it's from jumping off of that.. or maybe just right now in my life I need it. While trying to get off this sub. Last night I had bad anxiety. So now I have to wait for the Dr to call in a refill, etc. You know the drill. Other than that, I'm ok though. lol ;) Haven't really been trying yet to wean off the sub, but now I'm back in the real world and have to start once again the taper. I know it can be done, it just takes a resolve to do so. I can stand feeling a little rough for a while, but just not full w/d's. I know that I need to start exercising, but it's hard when there's not enough hours in the day as it is. I have to do something though.. maybe just get up earlier so I'll have time.

Writing this and hoping everyone is doing great.. Jerry, I read another post that you replied to, giving someone hope that there is someone that's been through the hell and survived it.. that was so sweet. Hope this finds you still smiling and face up to the sunshine.. :)

Take care everyone! I'll post soon

Love,
Bran

I dont know you whole story, just read the post (End of the Road). Why do you feel its time to get off the Sub.?, has it made your situation worse?. I have read posts on other boards where people want to take Sub. for the rest of thier lives in some amount because it helps them with depression. Nothing worked before some never even had a problem with drugs started the med because of the effect it had on depression. I started on Sub. to help with w/d from drugs and found that it helped releive the overwhelming depession I have had for years, years and would take anything to help with that. My life was not a life I found no joy in anything, I was to the point where I was about to give up. I am still looking for answers but the effect it has made in my life is one I cannot explain, part of the reason I started abusing drugs was to feel a relief from the depression. I pray you find some peace, the end of the road feeling is one I know well. may grace be yours. Lynn

Brandi, hang in there, hon. :)

So glad you had a good time!

Well, we do all have our moments, but for the most part I am indeed still smiling towards the sunshine. I have lately gotten some urges, not sure why now, but just gotta keep getting beyond them. Life overall is great.

Again, hang in there and stay positive!


* another dopeless hope addict *

jerry.

hey brandi - glad to hear you had a good time on your cruise. Just keep on keepin on as somebody used to say ;) hang in there, you've come a long way with this taper. just keep ploughing through it. Dont worry about the exercise, this will come afterwards when you have recovered from the meds/wd's. I piled on 3 stone in weight over the space of a year. ive lost the same amount in 5 months. Listen to your body - it'll tell you what it needs.

take care - hope you are doing well :)

- and - no, the cat is still missing :(

v.sad

anyway - the hills are calling for my endorphins & my bike to join them :)

speak/type soon

I guess the rush to get off of sub is mostly because I got on the drug to help ease the withdrawals from methadone. And the whole thing was to taper off of it.. But when I did what I was supposed to do, I felt so bad once I got off of it. My Doc said it just wasn't time. Good for him, he gets more money.. I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel about this place I'm going to. I feel that they are just money oriented. I just get confused sometimes because no one told me in the beginning that it may be hard to get off of the sub. I thought it would be a piece of cake. Then I started reading on here and talking to some people in my group. I know every person and case is different. I just want to get this chapter done in my life so I can move on. Don't get me wrong though. Being on suboxone is so much better than being on other pills.. wondering where you may get your next pill from. For that I'll always be grateful. It's just so confusing!!

But I only took 3mgs yesterday, and today I'm going to try to only take 2. Then we'll go from there.. :)

Talk to you all soon!!

Love,
Brandi