Well the most amazing thing in the entire world happened to me lastnight. I was out with this super hot guy, who I've wanted for like a long time. I never even let myself try have him because I feel like a dirty pig with my herpes. BUT last night we were in his room, and it was getting kind of intense, but I did not remove anything below my waist! We were both kinda drunk, but he totally was cool with it. I just told him that I will never sleep with a guy until 3 months into the relationship (which is true) We just laid there and talked, but now I have a question for someone. I have genital herpes..I KNOW I don't have oral herpes..so it was alright if I said hi to more than his lips, right? AND if his hand went somewhere more than my back, in all reality that should be safe too, right? Because there is always that stupid chance. Like I remember reading in this Teen Magazine about how this girl got pregnant and didn't even have intercourse..it was pretty messed up. But are the odds low or high that he could give it too himself? AND what a great feeling it is. I said NO to sex! AND I know that if something progresses from this, he will have SOOO much more respect for me that I said NO to sex, while I was drunk, because I cared enough for him not to infect him!!!

Hey Winger, good to see you posting again. I'm glad to hear about your budding relationship! I have a few cautions to pass on about it though. Since you have genital herpes, then for him to touch your genitals could possibly expose him to herpes. It doesn't have to be his penis, it could be his hands or his mouth, for instance.

I'm not really clear on what kind of contact actually occurred between the two of you. Any kind of skin-to-skin contact that he has with *your* genitals is not strictly safe contact (for him). You need to talk with him about the fact that you have herpes well before that kind of contact happens. If that has already happened, then you need to have that talk *now* (don't wait for another encounter with him) if you haven't already.

There is no danger to him for you to perform oral sex on him, though. Of course, contact with his sperm or precum is not strictly safe for you, so please be aware of that and make your choices wisely. You might want to have both of you do a run of STD tests before any more intimacy occurs, just so you both can decide ahead of time how intimate you want to be at this stage and how to do that safely.

Good luck with this new relationship! Keep us posted how you're doing. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

TheOneInFour

How many times does a guy have his hands down your pants that he rubs his mouth, and touches himself after? Maybe the touches himself after part, but either way. I have learned since like grade 5 that a virus cannont survive outside the body for a long time. Like seconds probably. So the chances actually for him to transfer it to himself are nil. AND I will not talk to him about this yet. I think that is the mistake that people might make. You don't tell someone the first night of a NON sex night. Are you looking for a heartache?? They should get to know you for you. Obviously I have proven that I can hold out, and he understands that. So why would I risk the relationship right now, when it is right in the perfect place?? Well it's Saturday night \.

He could get HSV on his hands if he has any break in the skin. The breaks don't even have to be visable for him to contract it.
I'm always very careful about touching myself with my hands because I pick at my fingernails and usually have a few cuts around my nails.

Originally posted by TheOneInFour:

Of course, contact with his sperm or precum is not strictly safe for you,

Can you explain this??? I dont get it

Hi JZ,

I meant it would not strictly be safe because it could contain HIV if he was HIV+. It seemed to me they hadn't discussed STDs, so she could not know for sure his HIV status, just as he does not yet know her HSV status (or status for any other STD for that matter).

TheOneInFour

Originally posted by Winger20:
How many times does a guy have his hands down your pants that he rubs his mouth, and touches himself after? [...] You don't tell someone the first night of a NON sex night. Are you looking for a heartache?? They should get to know you for you.

If you are letting him have any kind of skin-to-skin contact with your genital area, then you are putting him at risk for getting herpes. Like TickledPeenk says, he could get it on his hands. It's not *as* common as herpes on the mouth or genitals, but it's common enough that it has its own diagnostic name: herpetic whitlow. If he ever gets a hangnail or bites his nails or cuticles or scratches his hand on something, that would provide an opening in the skin that could enable transmission of the virus.

I appreciate the fact that you are being disciplined by waiting to have intercourse, and I understand that you want to let him get to know you first before having "the talk." But if he is being exposed to the virus by the way you two are making out (and it sounds like he is) then you should be having "the talk" now, not later.

I'm sorry to have to say that; I know it's hard to hear. I know you were hoping it would be safe as long as there was no intercourse, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. That's just the way herpes is.

Good luck. Let us know how you do.

TheOneInFour


[This message has been edited by TheOneInFour (edited 04-08-2003).]