racingfan5566
05-15-2008, 02:37 PM
Hello,
My SO and I survived one of the 2005 hurricanes. We had been living together for 2 years prior to the storm. We relocated and have been trying to settle into our new lives, however, he has recently been diagnosed with a moderatly severe case of PTSD and his life is suffering from it (he admits he put off getting help too long, but did go on his own accord). He's "grasping at straws" as he puts it. I am trying to understand however he has initiated contact with another female and after long discussions, said that it probably would not be a good idea if I saw the e-mails that they sent each other. He has met up with her twice, lying to me about it each time. I believe some of this is coming from the PTSD (which he is continuing to get help for), but how/where do you draw the line between what is being done being "morally wrong" vs "mental illness"?
My SO and I survived one of the 2005 hurricanes. We had been living together for 2 years prior to the storm. We relocated and have been trying to settle into our new lives, however, he has recently been diagnosed with a moderatly severe case of PTSD and his life is suffering from it (he admits he put off getting help too long, but did go on his own accord). He's "grasping at straws" as he puts it. I am trying to understand however he has initiated contact with another female and after long discussions, said that it probably would not be a good idea if I saw the e-mails that they sent each other. He has met up with her twice, lying to me about it each time. I believe some of this is coming from the PTSD (which he is continuing to get help for), but how/where do you draw the line between what is being done being "morally wrong" vs "mental illness"?
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CALsunshine
05-15-2008, 09:36 PM
I know EXACTLY what you mean in your last few sentences....my SO and i are having similar problems and i just don't know how far is far enough.
Phoenix
05-16-2008, 08:59 AM
Hello R,
Living with someone with PTSD takes patience and understanding.
I am not condoning his actions but it may be a matter of him not caring too much about himself and if this is the case, you are sure to be the recipient of his uncaring or unsympathetic ways.
1) Please read the threads and use the search bar on the top left and keyword PTSD; knowledge is important in situations of this nature.
2) I would have a talk with him and tell him how you feel about what has transpired.
At that point, you should be able to better assess your options.
Take care.
Respectfully,
Phoenix
Living with someone with PTSD takes patience and understanding.
I am not condoning his actions but it may be a matter of him not caring too much about himself and if this is the case, you are sure to be the recipient of his uncaring or unsympathetic ways.
1) Please read the threads and use the search bar on the top left and keyword PTSD; knowledge is important in situations of this nature.
2) I would have a talk with him and tell him how you feel about what has transpired.
At that point, you should be able to better assess your options.
Take care.
Respectfully,
Phoenix
racingfan5566
05-18-2008, 09:35 AM
CALsun- what are your thoughts on what you are willing to take? What are you "writing off" as PTSD and what is crossing the line?
Phoenix- we have had a multitude of very emotional discussions. I've told him repeatedly that I understand the "needy/clingy" part of the PTSD and would understand his need to contact/talk to this other person. I've told him that although I wouldn't necessarily like the truth, the truth is much less hurtful to me than lies. He says he understands, yet he still lies to me... I have read a fair amount on PTSD and in none of the information have I found lying a symptom... I understand patience, but how patient can you be with someone who lies and runs off to be with another woman?
Phoenix- we have had a multitude of very emotional discussions. I've told him repeatedly that I understand the "needy/clingy" part of the PTSD and would understand his need to contact/talk to this other person. I've told him that although I wouldn't necessarily like the truth, the truth is much less hurtful to me than lies. He says he understands, yet he still lies to me... I have read a fair amount on PTSD and in none of the information have I found lying a symptom... I understand patience, but how patient can you be with someone who lies and runs off to be with another woman?
Phoenix
05-18-2008, 10:51 AM
Phoenix- we have had a multitude of very emotional discussions. I've told him repeatedly that I understand the "needy/clingy" part of the PTSD and would understand his need to contact/talk to this other person. I've told him that although I wouldn't necessarily like the truth, the truth is much less hurtful to me than lies. He says he understands, yet he still lies to me... I have read a fair amount on PTSD and in none of the information have I found lying a symptom... I understand patience, but how patient can you be with someone who lies and runs off to be with another woman?
Hello R,
He is being downright inconsiderate of your feelings.
If he is feeling "emotionless" inside, it is going to manifest itself by his words and actions.
It really boils down what amount of this you are willing to put up with.
Have you thought to ask him what he is getting out of this relationship with the woman? Obviously it is satisfying some innate need of his; whether physical or psychological.
What you are ultimately expressing is that you do not trust him, which has been known to interfere with many a relationship.
You have to ask yourself if it is ultimately worth the aggravation.
He seems to be looking out for himself and if he also has PTSD, you are choosing to "roll a boulder uphill with no assistance."
If love is not reciprocated, is this a loving relationship or just one based upon convenience,at this point?
You can do so much for a person but if that person refuses to put in the effort, you are getting the short end of the stick.
I would begin looking out for myself because he(sorry to say) seems to already be taking care of his own needs.
------------------------
Is he in therapy or taking any medications; something is not quite clear here.
Respecfully stated,
Phoenix
Hello R,
He is being downright inconsiderate of your feelings.
If he is feeling "emotionless" inside, it is going to manifest itself by his words and actions.
It really boils down what amount of this you are willing to put up with.
Have you thought to ask him what he is getting out of this relationship with the woman? Obviously it is satisfying some innate need of his; whether physical or psychological.
What you are ultimately expressing is that you do not trust him, which has been known to interfere with many a relationship.
You have to ask yourself if it is ultimately worth the aggravation.
He seems to be looking out for himself and if he also has PTSD, you are choosing to "roll a boulder uphill with no assistance."
If love is not reciprocated, is this a loving relationship or just one based upon convenience,at this point?
You can do so much for a person but if that person refuses to put in the effort, you are getting the short end of the stick.
I would begin looking out for myself because he(sorry to say) seems to already be taking care of his own needs.
------------------------
Is he in therapy or taking any medications; something is not quite clear here.
Respecfully stated,
Phoenix