I was wondering where to start with helping to protect the money of my husband's mother, who is in assisted living?

Five years ago, he got Durable Power of Attorney on her accounts and is a co-signer on all of her accounts and investments. He pays all her bills from her accounts. I told him that maybe we should also make ME a co-signer, just in case something happened to him -- I don't think that I would have any right to take over the accounts, unless there's some sort of "spouse" clause in the event of a tragedy.

My husband is under the impression that because he is also listed as owner of the accounts, we're covered. But I'm not so sure about that. The government has ways of taking away one's money...I'm not sure if we should be sheltering some of it some way or have other legal paperwork in place to prevent a costly mistake.

She was a teacher and has some pensions and benefits from her former union. She has health insurance with United Healthcare through AARP plus a supplement plan. It has been working out well.

So far my husband says she has been "breaking even" between her investment money and her expenses. But that is probably going to change once we move her into a dementia-specific facility in the next year or two.
I've heard financial some horror stories. I don't want our family to be one of them.

If you know of a "senior finance" lawyer or accountant in the SF Bay area that you can recommend, I would also appreciate it.

Dear May May,

the best person to consult about this matter is an Elder Lawyer. The one my brother found in New York was expensive but worth every penny. He got all the paperwork lined up so that Mom was accepted into Medicaid after spending down her own money. Joint accounts she had with my brother were considered to be 50% hers and 50% his - his half did not have to be spent down. He also advised us to pre pay her funeral. This is a sad and painful matter - it was 2 full years before she actually died - but when she did pass away it was a tremendous relief that everything was planned and paid for from the coffin to the flowers to the refeshments. This move 'saved' that money from going for her care.

The one way telephone in Mom's room had a normal dial, but it was just a sham; she could not get a dial tone to reach anyone. After trying a few times and being reassured that the phone was going to be repaired soon, and that she could go to the nurse's station any time to make a call, she forgot all about it.

I am sorry you too have to go through all this .. AD is a horrible disease. We feel we lost my Mom many many years before she actually passed away. She too had been an intelligent person, college graduate (she graduated at the age of 67 having gone to college after retiring from her job at 62!) and then, gradually, was reduced to a helpless confused childlike person. So sad. I found a lot of help and encouragement on this Board and I hope you do too.

Love,

Martha

You definitely need an Elder lawyer, not an accountant. In our state the accounts can be examined to see which co-owner is actually the owner, instead of just splitting them 50-50. You can ask people in the area if they recommend someone, or can do a lawyer search by specialty on Martindale Hubbell. You will get numerous names, and then can research them further by background and peer recommendations. The sooner this is done the better, since "look-back" periods can vary by state. If the intention is to try to shelter some of her investments from her NH costs, it may be too late.

You may also find that a new signatory can't be added to the accounts at this point without the consent of all of the other co-owners, and that your MIL's consent could be contested later by other family members or interested persons.

When DH was diagnosed, we spent one-hour with an Elder lawyer. It was money very well-spent (we had a lot of questions and made him talk fast). The SF Bay area, along with NYC, can be one of the most expensive places in the US for attorneys. This hour may cost quite a bit, but in the long run it could save you a lot of money too. Our Elder lawyer warned that you have to be clear on who he/she is being asked to represent when you talk to the attorney. The best interests of a dementia patient may be to preserve all assets for NH care, while the interests of the family can sometimes be to protect an inheritance. The lawyer should flag this potential conflict of interest for you.