FHL
05-19-2008, 03:44 AM
HELP:confused:My husband has PTSD.
In addition to that, he also has severe depression, TBI.
Took him to the doctors on Friday, now they tell me he has "Anger Explosive Disorder". They said that this did not surprise them because of what he went through over there (Iraq). They want me to bing him back on Wednesday 5-21 for more testing.
Right now I am so emotionally and physical drained, I don't know if I'm coming or going. It seems like this is all a big nightmare, when I wake up, everything will be okay and back to the way it was before he went over there. The last few weeks, he has been such a handful. It is taking its toll on me. It is hard when you have a husband (or anyone else) that depends on you for everything, raising kids, own health problems, and many other issues.
I feel like I am at this alone. My family does not live close by. He has some family that lives in the same town. Some of them will help out, when it is easy for them (at least it gives me a break, which I am thankful for).
Then he has some family members, that wants to tell you: You need to do this for him, well you shouldn't do that, But one thing for sure-they don't want to come and help me with him! Sometimes I just want to choke them!:o
Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent some.
Take Care:angel:
FHL
In addition to that, he also has severe depression, TBI.
Took him to the doctors on Friday, now they tell me he has "Anger Explosive Disorder". They said that this did not surprise them because of what he went through over there (Iraq). They want me to bing him back on Wednesday 5-21 for more testing.
Right now I am so emotionally and physical drained, I don't know if I'm coming or going. It seems like this is all a big nightmare, when I wake up, everything will be okay and back to the way it was before he went over there. The last few weeks, he has been such a handful. It is taking its toll on me. It is hard when you have a husband (or anyone else) that depends on you for everything, raising kids, own health problems, and many other issues.
I feel like I am at this alone. My family does not live close by. He has some family that lives in the same town. Some of them will help out, when it is easy for them (at least it gives me a break, which I am thankful for).
Then he has some family members, that wants to tell you: You need to do this for him, well you shouldn't do that, But one thing for sure-they don't want to come and help me with him! Sometimes I just want to choke them!:o
Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent some.
Take Care:angel:
FHL
Sponsor
Phoenix
05-19-2008, 09:30 AM
Hello FHL,
Please feel free to post here as often as you like.
Take care.
Phoenix
Please feel free to post here as often as you like.
Take care.
Phoenix
FHL
05-19-2008, 10:39 PM
Phoenix,
Thank you and I will. I know I could/need some good advice and support.:)
Take Care,
FHL:angel:
Thank you and I will. I know I could/need some good advice and support.:)
Take Care,
FHL:angel:
maybecrazy
05-21-2008, 06:42 AM
Hang in there FHL,
I'm hoping we are talking about the same thing when I mention - TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) there is always hope - there are ways of managing anger either with techniques or medication that may work - but often the carer is left behind and their needs are not met - is there a social worker at the Hospital? that can help you? often there are services out there that can help but people don't know about them. (Also there may be support goups that you can "buddy up" with someone or talk to a friend about what's happening)
Family members often focus only on the person who has had the trauma and forget that there is also a husband or a wife and children involved. Let them know what you are going through - it may help - ask them for help if you need it - they may be thinking that you don't need any help - whatever happens know that there is always support here for you even if it's just vent!
Take Care MBC
I'm hoping we are talking about the same thing when I mention - TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) there is always hope - there are ways of managing anger either with techniques or medication that may work - but often the carer is left behind and their needs are not met - is there a social worker at the Hospital? that can help you? often there are services out there that can help but people don't know about them. (Also there may be support goups that you can "buddy up" with someone or talk to a friend about what's happening)
Family members often focus only on the person who has had the trauma and forget that there is also a husband or a wife and children involved. Let them know what you are going through - it may help - ask them for help if you need it - they may be thinking that you don't need any help - whatever happens know that there is always support here for you even if it's just vent!
Take Care MBC
FHL
05-21-2008, 10:23 PM
MBC,
Yes we are talking about the same thing -TBI. There is also a few social
workers that have been involved with his recovery. So far they have done what they could do and point me in the direction I needed to go. It is like with any case anymore, their hands are tied and they can only do so much.
Another problem is that we live like 2 1/2 hours one way from the nearest VA.
I have even thought about moving closer to it, but my husband didn't take to well on that idea.
I have talked to his family about what is going on and how I felt about it.
There is a couple of them that really understands. They try to do what they can, but they work and most weeks it is 60 plus hours and they have their own family to tend to. Then there is some that wants to judge you for every little thing and don't want to help out. Like today, I had to take him for a dr. appt. Got up early, got the kids up and was trying to get him ready so we could leave as soon as I got the kids on the bus. Got him to the drs and they did some more tests and gave me the test results from last week. They did find something wrong with his heart. Got to take him to the specialist next week. Anyway, I called a family member of his to let them know because they had asked when I found out anything to let them know. Next thing I knew they was going off on me because they said that I haven't done anything for him and I wasn't taking good care of him. I told them that if they could do a better job at it and by all means come on over and do it!
I know I do everything for him(I have even let my health go in order to take care of him). But this really made me mad:mad: I hung the phone up. This probably made it worse, but oh well. Sorry just had to vent to.
Thank you for listening.
Take care
FHL:angel:
Yes we are talking about the same thing -TBI. There is also a few social
workers that have been involved with his recovery. So far they have done what they could do and point me in the direction I needed to go. It is like with any case anymore, their hands are tied and they can only do so much.
Another problem is that we live like 2 1/2 hours one way from the nearest VA.
I have even thought about moving closer to it, but my husband didn't take to well on that idea.
I have talked to his family about what is going on and how I felt about it.
There is a couple of them that really understands. They try to do what they can, but they work and most weeks it is 60 plus hours and they have their own family to tend to. Then there is some that wants to judge you for every little thing and don't want to help out. Like today, I had to take him for a dr. appt. Got up early, got the kids up and was trying to get him ready so we could leave as soon as I got the kids on the bus. Got him to the drs and they did some more tests and gave me the test results from last week. They did find something wrong with his heart. Got to take him to the specialist next week. Anyway, I called a family member of his to let them know because they had asked when I found out anything to let them know. Next thing I knew they was going off on me because they said that I haven't done anything for him and I wasn't taking good care of him. I told them that if they could do a better job at it and by all means come on over and do it!
I know I do everything for him(I have even let my health go in order to take care of him). But this really made me mad:mad: I hung the phone up. This probably made it worse, but oh well. Sorry just had to vent to.
Thank you for listening.
Take care
FHL:angel:
maybecrazy
05-24-2008, 06:23 AM
Hi FHL,
Sometimes when people are feeling helpless and frustrated they take it out on anyone they can and in this instance some of the family are taking it out on you. I know it's hard to deal with and you have every right to be angry. Don't let your health go - if you don't take care of yourself you'll find it even harder to take care of someone else - this I know from experience - make sure you take at least 10 mins for yourself a day - yes I know that seems impossible - but maybe when the kids are eating or having breakfast you could take some time - have to go I'm at work and I'm being called - take care - I hope things improve soon.
MBC
Sometimes when people are feeling helpless and frustrated they take it out on anyone they can and in this instance some of the family are taking it out on you. I know it's hard to deal with and you have every right to be angry. Don't let your health go - if you don't take care of yourself you'll find it even harder to take care of someone else - this I know from experience - make sure you take at least 10 mins for yourself a day - yes I know that seems impossible - but maybe when the kids are eating or having breakfast you could take some time - have to go I'm at work and I'm being called - take care - I hope things improve soon.
MBC
specialk12378
06-04-2008, 11:45 AM
Hi FHL. I read in your first post that you feel like you are dreaming and hope that things could go back to the way it was before your husband went to Iraq. I have been diagnosed with PTSD only about 16 months ago. I, myself, would like things to go back to how I was before my incident. I watch old home videos and see an entirely different person that who I am today. I have come to terms with myself in realizing that I will NEVER be the same person I was back then again. Once someone experiences something as traumatic to cause PTSD, their mind and body will never let them forget about it - which keeps them from going back to the person they were before.
I'm sorry to say such a negative thing, but being someone who has PTSD, I can probably better explain some of what you husband feels and thinks.
My family tries to help me but they just don't know exactly how to. They try to understand why I do and say things I do now - that I did not do before - but still get frustrated and angry with me. I know that I now am difficult to understand by friends and family but I wasn't that way before.
Feel free to vent on here because it is actually good to release frustrations than it is to bottle them up even longer. Also, feel free to ask me questions too. I can probably give a better view on what & why your husband does things.
My own therapist has recently suggested that I join an chat room/message board to help me express things and release some frustrations that I have with not only myself, but with others around me too.
I hope I can offer some help and advice.
I'm sorry to say such a negative thing, but being someone who has PTSD, I can probably better explain some of what you husband feels and thinks.
My family tries to help me but they just don't know exactly how to. They try to understand why I do and say things I do now - that I did not do before - but still get frustrated and angry with me. I know that I now am difficult to understand by friends and family but I wasn't that way before.
Feel free to vent on here because it is actually good to release frustrations than it is to bottle them up even longer. Also, feel free to ask me questions too. I can probably give a better view on what & why your husband does things.
My own therapist has recently suggested that I join an chat room/message board to help me express things and release some frustrations that I have with not only myself, but with others around me too.
I hope I can offer some help and advice.
FHL
06-10-2008, 04:12 PM
Specialk12378,
No, you didn't say a negative thing. I don't know what he feels or thinks. I am just trying to be here for him. And lately that has been very hard to do. Seems like he is pushing me away. Last few weeks he has been hiding in the bedroom, sleeps 16-18 hours/ day. (Did get a report from his last dr. appt from the tests they did, there is something wrong with his heart. Going 6-16 to a heart dr.)
So I'm thinking that is why he has been "hiding out". Maybe he is scared of what will happen next. Maybe that is the only place where he feels safe. I don't know, just guessing/ wondering :confused:
Thanks for the help and advice. ( I will probably be asking again.)
Take Care:angel:
FHL
No, you didn't say a negative thing. I don't know what he feels or thinks. I am just trying to be here for him. And lately that has been very hard to do. Seems like he is pushing me away. Last few weeks he has been hiding in the bedroom, sleeps 16-18 hours/ day. (Did get a report from his last dr. appt from the tests they did, there is something wrong with his heart. Going 6-16 to a heart dr.)
So I'm thinking that is why he has been "hiding out". Maybe he is scared of what will happen next. Maybe that is the only place where he feels safe. I don't know, just guessing/ wondering :confused:
Thanks for the help and advice. ( I will probably be asking again.)
Take Care:angel:
FHL
specialk12378
06-11-2008, 12:44 AM
I hope for whatever he has isn't bad. I know all too well about the "hiding" you say your husband does. I spend most of my day sitting at my desk thats in a corner of my basement. I rarely spend much time away from it in other rooms. It's a place that I feel safe, secure, and comfortable. I'm not much for socializing either. When I go somewhere, I get bored really quick and don't have much interraction with company (whether they visit me or I visit them). I used to be fun and outgoing...until...now, almost 2 years since my incident, I'm still not one to socialize, visit, or be away from my desk. I can't explain it but I like being here. I understand completely why he spends a lot of time alone but I can't quite explain it to anyone other than it's a place he feels completely safe. I have a live-in girlfriend who I give a lot of credit for "putting up" with me and the things I do. There are times when she just can tell that I want nothing to do with people but there are also times that dealing with me is definately frustrating her. I'm not the same person I was before my incident and never will be that person again - which frustrates me to no end. I just have to learn to live with who I now am and learn how to deal with having PTSD - it's nothing I would wish on anyone.
Take care and fell free to ask any me anything.
Take care and fell free to ask any me anything.