I posted a while back with concerns that I have phimosis. Since then I've been stretchin a lot and can finally completely uncover the glans when flaccid and can get it half way down when erect - I'm getting there!

When I got the foreskin right over the glans today I found that there was a lot of smegma around the bottom of the head and possibly the beginnings of balanitis on the tip. The head is still incredibly sensitive, almost to the point of pain and I'm worried that if I go and see a doctor he might hurt me.

I'm quite embarrassed about the problem and still haven't told my parents or doctor.

Any thoughts on how I can get rid of the smegma and (unconfirmed) balanitis without medical help?

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. This is normal. Girls get smegma, too, and have to wash as often, for the same reasons.
You've done almost all of the work to make your foreskin fully retractable.
If the head is too sensitive, there are two things you can do to clean the smegma.
One is to retract the foreskin, cup your other hand, fill it with water, and splash it on the bare head and inner foreskin. Use your thumb to clean in all the little folds.
The other way, if that is too much for your newly exposed head to handle, is to sit on the toilet, pinch the foreskin closed, and urinate. Your foreskin will blow up like a balloon.
Then let go. The urine is sterile, and should wash most of the smegma out.
The redness will likely go away, when the smegma goes away. Mostly, this just means your penis is ready to retract.
Balanitis just means irritation. It can come from any source...a change of laundry detergent, for instance. Most of the time, the doctors don't know what causes it, and it just goes away.
Your doctor and parents don't have to know, unless this becomes more of a problem than it is now.
Good luck with it.

Thanks a lot for your help, I'll give what you said a try.