This is my first post. My dad died on 13 Feb. Some have told me I've grieved enough. I disagree with that. We all grieve for as long as you need too. This is the first loss I've had within my family other than two stillborn babies. The empty feeling is gone, but it being Father's day next month has created the memory of loss. When ever I'm thinking of dad, what happens is I see him in his coffin, over and over again. So I try not to think of him, which I know is not the good thing to do either. The two worst symptoms I get are depression and anxiety. This is slowly going away until something reminds me of dad. I don't know how to handle the negative thoughts I get. Could some one please help me with what helps them

Norma

Hi Norma, sorry to hear about your recent loss. I totally agree with what you say about how we grieve for as long as we need to. I lost my dad on feb14 06 and it still hurts even now. After my dad died I suffered really badly from anxiety and depression to the point where I was in bed for over 2 weeks and it is still to this day just a blank. Have you got any friends or family you can openly talk to about your dad? Or as I'm sure may have already been suggested to you... going to see a counsellor/ therapist?
It's hard trying to remember a person as they were after they've gone. i found it helped me to collect together photos and favourite songs to help me remember. Yeah it can be upsetting at times but trust me it does get easier and you do eventually get some pleasure from it.
It was different for me in that I chose not to see my dad in his coffin as I wanted to remember him the way he had been to me, but there is always the view that many people take that at that point it isn't your dad there, not the person you knew. I was with my grandma when she died and even minutes afterwards, to me her body wasn't her, the person I loved, it was just an empty vehicle and her whole essence had left it. That's just how I see it, maybe that will help you a bit?
Also when I have any negatives thoughts I just try to think how my dad would react. Yeah you'll get lots of people telling you that he wouldn't want you to be upset, but it's better to get upset and let others know it than keeping it to yourself and letting that hurt build up. When that happens it'll only make you feel worse.
Just remember that you know that you loved your dad and no-one can take away happy memories you have of him. In time it'll get easier.
(((Hugs)))
Poppy