About four months a go my husband had some kind of seizure and our life has completely changed and I have become a caretaker. He has been in and out of hospitals. They have put him on Prozac, Aricet and Seroquel. He will not at this time get out of bed. He was in hospital for evaluation and was made to get out of bed. Now he refuses to do so at home. This is all new to me and not really sure how to deal with this. He has delusions that the insurance mafia is out to repose our house and put us in jail

I was told he has vascular dementia and I really don’t know what to expect. I am not sure if weeks into the meds the delusions will get better. I am not sure where to find support group in the Dallas area.

Welcome to the board LittleBit though I hate you have a reason to be here. My Dad also has vascular dementia and has for the last 8 to 9 years. He also had five bypasses, two heart attacks, several stints in his legs and heart, and peripheral vascular disease in his legs. We know why he ended up with vascular dementia! He does have delusions and they seem to come and go. He is X-military so there is always somebody attacking the house, trying to break in, or some other reason he needs to defend his territory. We just smiled, nodded, and reassured him as he checked the doors and windows for the fifth time to see if they were truly locked. He was also on seroquel for a while along with namenda, aricept, and a PRN Xanax for those really anxious nights. Now he is on Ativan and Remeron along with the Namenda and Aricept. The meds may or may not have helped his delusions but they absolutely helped his level of aggitation. For the most part he is now happy in his world.

We had the opposite problem with Dad. We couldn't stop him. He was go go go, pacing the floor, and talking non stop. PAD causes cramping when he sits too long and walking makes it better. He also one question right after the other and then repeated them over and over. Since Christmas he has slowed down dramatically. He wakes up late morning (after 10 am) and dresses in time to take a nap before he goes to lunch. He sleeps in his chair during the afternoon, goes to supper, sleeps in his chair for a while, reads the paper and goes to bed by 9 pm. He does not complain but you can tell from the way he walks that his legs are bothering him from the poor circulation. I think this is the reason he is not up and pacing now. When he sits he sleeps.

Did the doctor's determin the cause of the seizure. Could his refusal to get out of bed be related to the seizuire? It's a guessing game that is hit or miss at any given moment to figure out what they do what they do. Sometimes you don't figure it out but just do the best you can to deal with what they come up with. They are in their own world. My best advice is to coax and encourage without being argumentative. Give him a reason to get up. Dad would not get up except we refuse to feed him in bed. The man LOVES to eat. Two trips to the dinning room is his exercise for the day. Be sure to talk to his doctor about what you are observing and see what he might suggest.

Again welcome to the board. It's a great place and has been my sanity since my Mom was disgnosed with ALZ. Yes... I have two parents with their own form of dementia in Assisted Living. So keep typing and asking questions. I will keep you and your Dad in my thoughts and prayers....

Love, deb

thank you Deb for your thoughts, the seisure seemed to be from brain damage from mini strokes. My husband tell me he stays in bed because he cannot face the world.

Welcome to the Board. You will find help and understanding here. We have all been there or are still there -- caring for a loved one with Dementia.

I don't know a lot about Vascular dementia, my Mom died of old age dementia a few months ago, after being sick for about 8 years. It progressed slowly, but always downhill. Eventually she didn't know anyone and had no memories. Yet right up to the end she could speak both English and her native language, German, and sing songs in both languages. Strange, one wonders why that stayed in her mind but not the identity of her own children.

It is a terrible and devastating disease, but you can get through it. Get all the help you can, think about the possibility of a nursing home, or care in the home from a paid aide, and see if all your paperwork is in order - you should have power of attorney, health directives and so forth. An Elderlawyer is a great idea for getting the legal aspects sorted out. keep in close touch with his doctors, and let them know if there are sudden changes in behavior.

Ask for and demand help and FREE TIME for yourself from other family members or paid help. Your life has to go on, you cannot be a 24 hour caregiver or you too will get sick.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Martha

I wondered if inability to face the world was at least part his reasoning for staying in bed. My mom frequently retreated to her room and refused to come out after she was first diagnosed and it was repeated after her driving license was revoked. This was accompanied by much anxiety and tears. She has been on several antidepressants and we seem to have found a combination that works at the moment. Dad's Vascular Dementia was caused by poor circulation so it has come on very gradually. He didn't have a moment of awareness and slipped into his fuzzy world without depression. It has to be scary for the patient to know what they are facing. Each person adjust in their own time and their own way. All you can do is try to coax him out, encourage him, and find reasons for him to leave his bed. You know him so use whatever trick you have up your sleeve.

The Seroquel should help but it takes several weeks for you to see the full effect. If that medication doesn't help then there are many others that your doctor can try. Stay in touch with his doctor.

Martha brings up an important point. Be sure you have Durable POA, medical directives, and all the legal paper work is done. At some point he will not be able to make the important decisions and you will need the authority to sign for him and take care of his medical needs.

Beyond that please get help. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of him. Don't rule out any options and good luck...

love, deb

When my husband was first getting ill I got POA and Durable POA for Health. With the resent trips to Psc. Hospitals I was considering Guardianship. He is having surgery Monday for his prostrate and I will work on getting him out of his bed after that is over. I think this last “run away from life” was due to a family member over stepping his bounds. He caused my husband embarrassment and shame.

That would actually make sense Littlebit. Sometimes it doesn't take much to send them into a tail spin. My mom is a very intellegent and independent lady. Through her confusion, she realized something was not right. Her worst manic episodes related back to something that was embarrassing, or stripped her of her pride and self esteem..... such as losing her driving privilages or the need for an in home caregiver. Others were caused by her knowing that she was unable to do things that she wanted to do. She fought against this disease to exhaustion and melt down. Any illness also makes it worse. Be patient, positive, and encouraging. Explore your medication options and I wish you tons of luck.

Glad you have all the legal paper work taken care of.

Love, deb

My Dad suffered from Vascular Demetia and he had AAA. The dementia, for daddy, caused so much memory loss, and he tended to get argumentative. With dad he got where he was forgetting that he had eaten dinner with Mom..my mother had alzheimers and was in the locked unit of the NUrsing home. So I too had both parents with horrid diseases. With dad he would lose things...like the remote to the TV. My heavens. My cousin finally figured out how to attach it to the recliner so that daddy couldn't lose it. There were days that finding the remote was like playing "WHere's Waldo?" I found it in the freezer once...

Perhaps your hubby is just embarassed and refuses to leave his bed? I know that dad was when he was first diagnosed...my father also had had prostrate cancer, about 10 years earlier...good luck with that also.

Please keep posting...and hang in there. you are in our prayers...