Hello from Cape Cod!

I have been reading all of your wonderful posts for the past few months.
Each night before I trek upstairs I log on to planet alz with you wonderful ANGELS. You all are my SANITY ANGELS. My lovely Mom has dementia.
She was diagnosed 3 years ago, the day before we left for California for the winter. That was the day my heart broke. I never thought in a million years that this would happen to her! Its been tough, but, it is what it is and we have to make the best of it each and every day.

I just want to thank you all for being there for me each night. You bring so much comfort to me and I want to thank you all so much....
Gld Bless you all!

Welcome to the forum and I am glad you finally posted. I am truly sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible disease with your Mom. I agree that this board is inhabited by angels and has been my sanity!! What is your Mom's living arrangements? Does she live close to you? What stage is she in? I do hope you keep posting. I say the more the merrier and we could all use uplifting!!!

Again.... Glad you posted and welcome :) I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, deb

Welcome Oceanside, I hope we can be of some help and encouragement to you. This Board helped me to keep what was left of my sanity while I was living with Mom for 5 years ... I am now a survivor not a caregvier, but Mom's ordeal is still very fresh in my mind. She died at 99 last December.

Love,

Martha

The more the merrier, that's what I say and welcome Oceanside. I too am a survivor and no longer a caregiver. My DH just passed away 5/13/08 and I visit this website almost every day as I find checking in with all these angels keeps me sane. The love and support are gifts that only we can share and you will have both here.

Love Janie

Thank you for your warm messages! My Mom lives at home with my brother, his wife and their 11 yr old daughter. I pick my Mom up each weekday morning and take her to what she calls "The nut house". It is a wonderful day care in a nearby town. She is there from 9-3. My brother picks her up and takes her home. She stays there until I get out of work around 6 and then I pick her up and we go out for dinner. She still is very spry and loves going out. She was very very active in her younger days. She was widowed at age 54 with 4 children. Never remarried as she said she lost the love of her life. We have a home in San Diego that we go to each winter. Each day that I pick her up she asks "When are we going home"? I believe she is in her 3rd yr of this dreadful disease. She is very well aware that she is forgetful and likes to cover up her memory loss. Last Nov. she was diagnosed with a full blocakge in her left carotid artery and a 60% blockage in her right carotid artery. Do you thnk this has attributed to her dementia? I have 2 other brothers, one lives in in CA and the other lives 1 mile away from her. NO help whatsoever from him and his wife. It sickens me to no end as she did EVERYTHING for him. TONS of $$$$ was given to him over the years and this is what she gets in the end. I just tell her that he is busy working whenever she asks for him. I am trying to just forget about him and someday it will come back to haunt him!
What goes around will come around. Again, thank you so much for your warm caring thoughts!

Janie,,,,thankyou for such a warm reception! I read your post after your DH passed on that very day and I cried for you. I think of you and the other ANGELS on this forum each day and send all my best wishes to you all.
You truly help me thru day and night. God bless you all. I hope that you are feeling better each day. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oceanside

Oceanside123
Welcome. I also come to these boards everyday. These ladies have helped me more than they know. I check every morning and before bed. Its the last thing I do before turning off the lights.
I also have a brother who does "nothing" for Mom. No visits, certainly no money, not even phone calls. She asks about him all of the time. I just say he is working. It seems to satisfy her. He did call Mothers day and she was thrilled. She was in the hospital for two weeks recently and he never showed up once. He lives in the same town as we all do. She did say recently that she would never treat her Mom like he treats her. I just tell her she has us girls, three of us, and we love her. I too keep thinking "what goes around comes around". I just don't think about him. When he does cross my mind,I think, "Don't think about him because then he has the power to hurt us twice".
Mom is 82 and living in AL. She is in the hospital now more often than not. That wears us out. She is so child like now. Always sweet, just confused. As Martha said "this board helps me keep what is left of my sanity" We also have a grandson with Autism. Our single Mom daughter needs our help quite alot. Her husband decided Autism was just too much for him................he too will have to answer for his actions. We don't think of him either...........LOL :)
Again, Welcome.
Chris

The blocked carotid may have something to do with brain function since it is the main conduit of blood to the brain. Block carotids are also the source of clots that cause strokes yet surgens don't like to correct major blockages because the risk is so great for major stokes during and after the procedure. Dad has vascular dementia caused by a combination of vascular disease, blocked carotids, and probably ministrokes as well. He would never survive another stint or surgery. He has already had 5 bypasses, at least two heart stints and two stints in his legs. The last stint procedure bleed out because he didn't remember he had to lay still. He survives on blood thinners and his will to live. It might be worth discussing this with her doctors just to determine what type of dementia she has.

"She is very well aware that she is forgetful and likes to cover up her memory loss." described my mother! As I have stated before she hid what she already knew from us daughters for over 2 years blaming it on depression and Dad's antics. When she was finally diagnosed, she only went for evaluation to "prove us wrong", she blamed her physician for not diagnosing what she was hidding. Then she blamed us for interfering in her life and messing everything up. Such is the logic of the demented brain.

As for your "do nothing" brother, I think most families is infected with at least one of those. You are doing the right thing. Do what you can for you Mom and let your brother live with his own guilt. You will not change him. Only he can change himself. In the end you have to live with your choices and he has to live with his choices.

Love, deb