Any help would really help, even if you can only advise on one thing I've mentioned or anything.

I'm a virgin and just found out today that I have HSV.

Last Thursday, a bump appeared on my genital area, then two, and so on until it became a full outbreak as of yesterday. I made an appointment yesterday to get it checked out and I went in today. The Doc said that it's definetly HSV, and looks like HSV-2.

She took a swabbing of the area and I should get the tests back next week. I'm taking Valtrex now.

I have only had one sexual partner that could have given this to me. My current boyfriend has 8 former partners, all of but the last he feels he is sure weren't infected. He had an incident about 10 years ago with giving a girlfriend HSV-1 through oral sex, but she was tested and had only HSV 1.

This last one, though, was last summer. A one night stand, unprotected. He didn't see any leisions or bumps, but of course that doesn't mean she wasn't shedding. Anyway, he has not had any outbreaks. Not one bump. He has never considered having HSV-2, having cleared all STD tests and never seeing symptoms.

Anyway, we have been very careful with avoiding oral sex whenever either of us has a cold sore (aka HSV-1 outbreak, I suppose) so when this showed up, we thought we had slipped up somehow and that it was a simple (comparatively speaking) HSV-1 genital outbreak.

Well, the doctor today seemed VERY sure it was HSV-2. There is a possibility, I suppose, that there was contact during an asymptomatic outbreak or shedding, but how?

So, to the questions:

1. Is it possible to really determine whether or not an outbreak is 1 or 2 visually?

2. What are the differences, visually, of HSV-1 and 2?

3. Is there a bloodtest he can take to determine that he definetly has HSV-2?

4. Are there risks or reasons why, in the future, we can't engage in sexual activity (intercourse and otherwise) within safety if we are both infected?

5. What can I do to make him feel better about this? The nurses and doctor all seemed to blame him (not to his face, but to mine) for being reckless or untrustworthy, and seem to assume that he was either aware of it or an idiot. Shouldn't the doctors be aware that one can have HSV without symptoms? He feels terrible, this is the last thing he'd ever wish for me and I can't stand to see him suffer. It's also making it difficult for me because we don't want to tell anyone about this, so he is the only person I can talk to about it, but it just makes him feel worse.

5. How does one prevent the reported 6-7 outbreaks per year that I keep hearing? Is it really that frequent?

6. Is there any reason why I can't be active and ride horses, bicycles, or do other activities that may cause friction?

7. Is it possible that the reason my boyfriend has never seen outbreaks is because he is very active and healthy?

Any advice or anything would be great, I'm not heartbroken or anything, I mean, it sucks, but it's not the end of my life. It's an inconvienience, not a "condition." - right?

Thanks,
Siren



[This message has been edited by SausSiren (edited 08-12-2003).]

1. Is it possible to really determine whether or not an outbreak is 1 or 2 visually?

2. What are the differences, visually, of HSV-1 and 2?

As a general rule, they can look identical. You will have to see what the swab test says, as it will tell you which type you have. In practice, genital HSV-1 can often be much milder than genital HSV-2, but it doesn't always work that way, so you can't tell by just looking at it.

3. Is there a bloodtest he can take to determine that he definetly has HSV-2?

Yes. Get him to go to his doc and get a type-specific blood test. If he only wants to test for HSV-2 he can get his doc to order the POCkit which tests only for type-2 and is quite a bit cheaper than others that test for both types.

4. Are there risks or reasons why, in the future, we can't engage in sexual activity (intercourse and otherwise) within safety if we are both infected?

If you both have the same type in the same location (e.g., genital HSV-2 or genital HSV-1) then you won't give each other anything you don't already have in a location you don't already have it. (if that's not too many double negatives LOL) However, it's still wise to avoid sexual contact when either of you is experiencing symptoms that suggest you might be shedding the virus. This could include tingling, burning, itching, pain, pressure, aching, etc. in the genital area or the mouth area.

5. What can I do to make him feel better about this? The nurses and doctor all seemed to blame him... Shouldn't the doctors be aware that one can have HSV without symptoms?

Sigh... Yes, the medicos should be much more aware than that, but unfortunately they often are not up to date about this aspect of herpes. The asymptomatic shedding (being contagious without symptoms being present) is something that has only come to light in the last 10-15 years through research, and not all doctors are fully aware of this.

...he is the only person I can talk to about it, but it just makes him feel worse.

See if there is a herpes support group in your area, which one or both of you could attend. Planned Parenthood might know about one (or might also provide one-on-one counselling to either of you), or a local STD clinic or hotline, or the local board of health. You do need support right now from someone who isn't emotionally invested in what you're going through, and right now he can't be that for you.

He needs his own support too. It's very common for the source person to feel incredibly guilty about this and he needs to get past that, but I don't think you can be the sole person to help him that way. He needs to be able to talk with someone who can be objective and detached, yet supportive.

5. How does one prevent the reported 6-7 outbreaks per year that I keep hearing? Is it really that frequent?

First of all, it's different for everyone. Some get a lot of outbreaks (OBs) especially in the first year, while others get no symptoms at all. You won't know what your pattern of OBs will be until you give it time to find out. There is antiviral therapy (Valtrex is one of the best, along with Famvir) and it's possible to go on a suppressive (daily) dose of that.

In fact, if you find you are getting a lot of OBs, it is often recommended now to go on suppressive therapy for about a year initially, since the body needs time to build up antibodies. The antiviral therapy will help minimise the spreading, frequency and severity of OBs while this happens.

Alternatively, you might want to try (instead of or along with the drugs). There's a lot of discussion about herbal remedies here on this board, as well as on herpes.org (in our Resource Links). Research it well before you try anything, though, and consult a naturopath or herbalist if you can manage it.

6. Is there any reason why I can't be active and ride horses, bicycles, or do other activities that may cause friction?

Not necessarily, although you might find the heat and friction aggravates the condition and either induces or prolongs your OBs. If that happens, better ease off that stuff until your body settles down a bit.

7. Is it possible that the reason my boyfriend has never seen outbreaks is because he is very active and healthy?

That could certainly be a factor, since a stressed immune system tends to let OBs through more easily. But some people just never get symptoms or very rarely or very mildly or atypically. It is estimated that a majority of people who have genital herpes don't know it because of this.

Good luck! Let us know how you two make out.

TheOneInFour

I'm a virgin meaning I've never had sexual intercourse. I wasn't raped, but you're not alone...

Siren