Just been to a grief counseller I don't know whether it helped or not. I must have used up a whole box of tissues up at the session.

Felt worse than when I went in; is this normal?

I am getting a little better in that I can now go into his bedroom for short periods but still very hard to do. Almost impossible to touch anything of his - is this normal?

I have to have one sleeping pill at night to get to sleep and I always seem to have horrible nightmares; is this normal.

I am going to have a brain ct scan to see whether my sons have inherited an abnormaility from me as my husband had a brain CT scan two years ago which showed everything was normal.

I seem to have good days and bad days.

My prayers and thoughts are with all of you; don't let anyone tell you that you should pull yourself together just allow yourself to grief for your loved one. This will be with you for life although apparently it does become a little easier to bear I don't know I hope in my case I hope so. I feel that my heart is torn apart and that I will never be the same person. I see teenagers out and about enjoying themselves and find myself hoping that their parents don't lose them but that they live a normal healthy life. On the other hand it hurts to see them enjoying life whereas Jozef was ripped from us so suddenly.

Hi Aussiemum50,

Everything you are feeling and going through sounds like you are describing me...except for the sleeping pills. My son past away nearly 4 1/2 months ago,
I went to a bereavement group 1 month after he pass, I too stopped going because I would be more depressed after. Don't get me wrong it help for a short period of time. As far as I know all that you are feeling is a normal part of the grieving process...like everyone in this site says...Everyone has their own grieving process and timeframe...I can tell you Im able to sleep better...focus more on my living children, because I was so focus on my pain I forgot to acknowledge my childredn's pain. I am able to go into his room without crying and remember all the silly, funny and good memories I had with him. I still have bad days and there is not a single day that goes by that he is not on my mind. But I have noticed that if I put my mind into helping someone or just keeping busy, my day goes by quicker.

I started reading the "The power of Now", It has helped me.

I don't think we will ever be the same...as I see it I need to learn to live a "new normal live". Where my son is not physically here with me, but I know he is with me in spirit. I talk to him all the time and i know he has come to visit me...I have felt his kiss and his hug.

I pray for you and for everyone that has lost a loved one.

I now treasure the past, don"t look into the future and live the now...because the now can be the last moment of my physical life.

hi Aussiemum50, i am so sorry for the loss of your son, my mum died from cancer 3 months ago and i felt counselling made me feel worse. It is completely normal not to be able to touch his things everybody reacts in different ways, i actually hug my mums clothes and can still smell her scent on them. You never get over a death you only learn to live with it and try your best to get through each day. With the loss of a child it seems to go against the natural order of things. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children. My heart goes out to you and i wish i could give you a hug. I find that you have to take each day as it comes and some days are more difficult than others with the loss being unbearable at times. Please remember there are so many people who sympathise with your loss, the pain of which, i find, is like a physical ache. Everybody grieves in different ways and my prayers go out to you.:angel::angel:

Hi NewDreamBuilder

My son also past away on 01/21/08. He died in a car accident. You are right there are good days and then there are bad days. Life is just not the same. I still question God. Why? People tell me there is a purpose for everything. I have yet to make any sense of what the purpose of my son's death is. I guess Im going through an angry stage right now. I just hate this emptiness and aching pain that I go through everyday.