HI All,
I am new to this board and am in need of some desperate help!! My newlywed wife was diagnosed with herpes by her doctor yesterday because of an irritating sore. I have no symptoms, but we did have sex the very first day that she noticed the sore. It wasn't hurting her yet, we blew it off as a friction sore. Would I more than likely be infected too? I am not sure how to deal with this as we have both been very upset since finding out. I guess the worst part is not knowing how we got it for sure or if I have it or not. We think it was from one of our ex-spouses (we've both been married before). I know very little about herpes, could some other married couple tell me how they deal with it?
Thank you for your time

Welcome to the board. I am not married but wanted to offer some support to you. I can imagine how devasted you and your new wife may be. However, honestly...trying to figure out where it came from at this point is of little to no help in my opinion. It is apparent to me you both were unaware of it. Since she has already been diagnosed...I suggest you get tested as well...then you guys can figure out how to handle it from here.

I know its not what you guys would want right now...but what can you do? You have each other and the mutual support will help both of you cope. How long have you guys been married? I was wondering if you were intimate before the marriage and for how long. I bet if you both think about it...one of you may have had really minor outbreaks before and didn't really pay much attention to it.

I know when sores/blisters are present that is when you are most contagious...so tranmission was probably possible. If finding out who the "kulprit" was then you both can ask your past spouses about it...but I don't think you would want to disclose the information at this point. Could have been one of them..then maybe not. Were you and your wife involved with other people after your divorces? Could have been one of those people.

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Thanks for the concern. My wife and I have been married for a very short time, just a few months. We had been intimate before the marriage, but dated just a few months before we got married. Neither one of us has ever had an outbreak of any kind. I guess it doesnt matter how we got it or who gave it to us. Finding out who it was won't help our situation and would rather keep it between us instead of asking both of our ex's " hey, did you give this to me?". To me, the most important thing is that we have each other to lean on and support each other. As far as testing goes, do I need to wait a certain amount of time and what kind of test would I need to ask my doctor about? I do know to stay abstinate during outbreaks. Is it only spread during an outbreak or at any time?

You are so right..you have each other...and where it came from really is not IMO that important at this time. I have read on the board that you have to wait weeks to get tested...however, when I got infected...I think I am pretty sure my doctor tested my blood the next week..and he informed me that I had recently been infected. I am not sure about how long you should wait.

I am assuming you could get a blood test right now. Marriage is such a wonderful blessing..I hope the two of you don't let this interfer with your happiness. You are with the person you will spend the rest of your life with...if you ask me..unless the herpes causes physical concern I would try to forget about it and just be careful in not transmitting it to other parts of the body.

Be supportive to each other...I am sure this will help to stregthen the bond between the two of you even more!

Ditto to what Notsobad wrote! Don't be too freaked out, at least you have each other. Yes, this virus can stay dormant for many years. I got it from my ex fiance with whom I had a 4 1/2 year relationship and it never showed up until five years after we broke up. So i still don't know at which point exactly I had contracted it from him, but it's definitely more than five years ago, and it could possibly be nine. Also, for some people, including myself, the symptoms are very mild and are just a minor inconvenience, and in some cases the virus could become dormant again for a long time, or forever. Someone on this board didn't have any outbreaks for 6 years. So don't worry too much. Congrats on your recent marriage!

To Notsobad and Sophia,
Thanks for the kind words. Your letters have been very encouraging and has given me a sort of closure to the initial shock of discovering the h and learning to deal with it. My wife and I are very close, so the h isn't going to come between us. We have accepted it and have just decided to plan around it, just like another certain time of the month for her. Thanks again!