has it crossed your mind to try to find a husband/wife who does not want to have a sexual relationship? I know it sound unrealistic but Im sure that there are people that would be willing to do this.

I havent been diagnosed with herpes but I have had lots of stress about it recently (just ask the 10-12 doctors Ive seen or the all the Planned parenthood offices/STD clinics Ive called)

If I do have it, I dread the thought of dating a girl and then having to give her the news.

I agree 100%. I've said it before and I'll say it again. This and ONLY this is my biggest fear about having Herpes. I could care less if I have to suffer, but the thought of having to tell a girl I love I could give it to her, is enough to make me kill myself. I don't think I could handle that.

Don't lose hope. There are a lot of understanding women out there. I was once that girl. I was a young, beautiful 22-year-old when I met my ex-boyfriend who was much older than me. We started dating and he treated me so much better than my first boyfriend, I fell in love with him. After a few months of dating he told me he had herpes but I loved him and decided to stay with him. Unfortunately, we broke up after more than four years together because HE (not I) did not want to go through with marrying me. I thought I was risking getting it for my soulmate, someone I loved dearly, and now I have only herpes and no soulmate. My story is sad, but you guys are much more sensitive than my ex was and would not do this to a girl, so really, you have nothing to worry about. Someone will marry you. My ex is now married and she didn't care about his herpes either. I don't know if men can be this understanding, though and I often fear that nobody will ever want to marry me, even though my symptoms are very mild. Oh well, if you're all still single in five years, I'll marry you! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

U guys are so funny. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wow.gif Listen no one is going to committ suicide...I am going to put it in perspective now. IT REALLY IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. Don dada I think you and (geesh can't think of the other guys name) are special in your own rights. Guess what you have integrity which is more than i can say for most people so yes you will one day find someone that will love you inspite of herpes.

It tells me alot about the character of a person just by being considered that they will give herpes to someone else. If you meet a woman worth being with believe me she won't mind...stop worrying!!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

A very sick person infected me with the disease and he has never felt bad about it..what does that tell you. Now there may be some people that will run and hide..its called the process of elimination...not the end of the road. I wasn't meeting quality people before the herpes..so I know that has nothign to do with me being single.

The same probably applies for most of us here when you meet the right person you will know it and I am sure herpes will not run them off...if someone runs it was because they were up to no good anyway..ya feel me!

Yeah, Notsobad, doesn't this melt your heart that all these guys have so much integrity that our ex's lacked? I would gladly get H to be with a guy who is a wonderful, loving, sincere person rather than spend my life with a 100% healthy a-hole. Many women think the same.

Yes, it is how a guy treats you that matters, how he listens and cares, validates your opinions and beliefs, accepts you, faults and all--and how honest he is with you. And if he will actually work at the relationship when you go through rough times, instead of sinking into himself and avoiding you.

Listen, guys, what you can do while you're waiting to meet Ms Right is start reading some of these relationship/communication books, so you'll know the right thing to do once you meet her. My favorites are "The Psychology of Romantic Love" by Nathanial Brandon and "Fighting for your Marriage" (unfortunately now with an added section on divorce.) I knew my soulmate and I would be able to handle anything when I found he would read these kinds of books with me and work to improve our communication and our automatic reactions to stressful times.

Yeah u know what, I consider myself to be a great guy. I don't mean to sound cocky or anything, but I say that because I treat my girl (have treated, currently single) the best I could and give her the attention and communication she wants and deserves. I understand those things are important, but u gotta understand it's sad and frustrating knowing u can hurt them in this way, and the thought of having ur sexual freedom taken away sends chills up my spine. I mean not being able to have sex spontaniously just plain sucks. That's the worst part.

I think herpes and any other disease is as serious as you make it and as worrisome as your mind allows for it to be.

I've spoken with some older friends of mine lately, in their 50s mostly who happen to know about herpes from first hand experiences. It's amazing how they take it so lightly while recognizing it's a virus with its sporadic and sometimes frequent symptoms... but for them it's not their major issue on life. They know more about herpes than my generation it seems... since the hippie days, and they've lived normal, productive, loving lives despite that... or maybe inspite of that.

It sucks that sex won't be as free... I know it does. But either we look at life positively and accept that it's a sure process of elimination to get to the real person who will love us for us, not for our virus, nor just for sex. Sex doesn't need to be eliminated from our lives... just revised, revisited.

And by the way... instead of us feeling so sorry for ourselves and so worried about passing this onto someone else, why don't we consider that maybe that next person we meet, may be in the same boat as we are? or worse? I hope not, but the fact is... plenty of people out there who have no clue, just as I didn't. I still want to stress that before we freak out when the time comes to tell someone this, we should probably make them test themselves too. In fact, I think we should make EVERYONE we know take the test. We will probably be surprised to find out that far more people have it then we think. It's not to make it better but just to make this thing more near us, cause it is. To make us realize that this is part of humanity nowadays, that it's part of the sexual liberation, maybe even evolution but fearing it won't make us any better... blah blah blah...
I hope you all get a grasp of what I'm saying.
Smile, though your heart may be aching! At least we're not alone. Hell, if the only way to have sex again is to go out with others who also have it... well at least that's a solution, huh? Not that we should limit our love lives... but each can choose what path to take...
Ok, enough.. until my next post

fof

I totally agree. In fact I was already thinking about this when I read your post. I am 37. I was diagnosed ten years ago. Looking back, I realise that ignorance (about shedding etc) really was bliss. OK, my first OB hurt a lot, and repeated OBs for a while did mess things up a bit, but I was not in this blind panic that so many younger people seem to be in.

Perhaps the whole 'what if I never meet someone for life' thing has never been a massive concern for me, but I cannot go along with the idea that your life is somehow blighted for good by having herpes.

I really *don't* mean to sound unsympathetic, as I had my own herpes-related freakout a couple of months ago, (and it does bring me down now and again) but, from the way people are reacting, you'd think this board was for people diagnosed with HIV or Hepatitis C!

If herpes diagnosis is the worst thing that's ever happened to you - I envy you, big time.

Yes, some potential partners are ****ty about it. Some potential partners are ****ty full stop, HSV or none.

As someone else said, this is an opportunity to exercise quality control in your relationships. If you are in your late teens or early 20s, this will hopefully protect you from some of the nastier relationship experiences. I had some I could have done without, believe me.

Yes, its a bummer. But your life is not over, honest! :-)

Garnet

GarnetFlower...I can relate to you so much. That's the thing...perhaps herpes is the worst thing that has happen to the people that are taking it to mean a death sentence. The thing is to make it into something positive. Bottomline is if you got it..unless you know something we don't know you have to deal/live with it. Sometimes my heart aches for people on this board. Then I want to personally put my foot up the person's behind that gave it to them.

Herpes ain't a sunny day but it still ain't the worst thing that can happen. I got it a year a go....in my late twenties...and have had more than enough drama filled relationships than I wish to share. I doubt very seriously because of herpes that I will have another one....and I am not about to stop dating either. The thing is I am not going to get involved without telling my partner...so for me that means the only guys that will be in my life now are the ones that mean business. No one is about to stick around and play games...and hey if that's the hand that life dealt me that's the one I am going to play with.

If it would make anybody feel better I could tell you some really bad stories about things that can happen in life and they have nothign to do with herpes. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif And yes we all may get dumped by someone we like but guess what F**k 'em! I was recently rejected by someone because of it and since then I thank my lucky stars cause this wonderful prince eventually turned into a terrible a$$hole...had it not been for the herpes I would have not known and would be miserable right now...so good rideons. Anyway..enough rambling...I think you guys are all great...so please stop worrying and get on with enjoying the life that GOD has given you. When life gives you lemons...make lemonade!!!!!

Notsobad.... my sentiments exactly http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif
I always say the same.... I make the best lemonades!
You couldn't have said it better!
Peace and love!

Ditto, ditto, and ditto. You all are the wildest, wonderful--est women! Wish I could give you all hugs.