Reach and every one here on the board...I want to let know that greg died yesterday! He had been on a two day crack binge and his heart could not handle it any more! He died alone at a lake...I really could use ALL the love and support that every one here can give! Please reach respond! Pam:(

Dearest, Dearest Pam

I think I literally felt a crack in my own heart as I read your post.


I stopped to pray for a moment and asked for some words that might comfort you. Words of comfort didn't seem to come right now. Only thoughts of Gwich's death. He was a lost soul, Pam, and chasing some misguided dream that he thought drugs might fill. I think he died as much from a broken heart as he did a heart attack. His heart just gave out in more ways than one. It was broken physically and spiritually. He has gone home now, Pam, to the only place where he is truly going to find the restoration that so eluded him here in this life. His anguish is finally going to be relieved for good now. No more torment, no more angst for Greg.

I know his leaving is causing great grief for you. How could it not when you have loved him so very much? Even with all the turmoil in the last two years, you have faithfully loved him. If it were possible for love alone to save someone, yours would have surly saved him. However, the truth of life is that we can not save someone from themselves when they fall so deep into the wrong path. Only God can intervene then and that is what God has done. He has intervened and called Greg out of this world. No more drugs, no more torment for Gwich now. It is over for him.

It leaves you to mourn his loss and put all the pieces back together for your own life now. Pam.... God is there intervening for you, too. Use the tears He has built into us, use the friends and family He has provided for you, and use the time He gives us with each new sunrise to let your own healing take place. There is a natural flow to Life, Pam, that Greg lost hold of.... but it is a flow that is strong in you. Even in your profound sadness now, know that there is a strength of balance in you. You survived loving Greg in wonderful times and you survived loving him in adversity. You will contine to survive and the balance will come back again to sustain you.

We will share more.


Thinking of you and love you
reach

Raine - I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost a loved one much the same way 6 years ago. We haven't spoken before, but addicts and their loved ones truly live in a world other people simply cannot understand.... but I understand. You both are in my thoughts and prayers, for strength, and for peace at last. Again, my condolences. Sherbear38

Reach...my dear dear friend,thank you so very much for your loving words! I know in time I will be ok,but right now I feel as if a part of me has been ripped away~and I guess part of me has! I take comfort in your words that greg has gone on to a place where there is no more PAIN in his heart,soul,brain! I am getting ready to go down and pysically identify his body...I do not know that I am going to be strong enough! It was horrible enough to have to do it in a picture! But I will be surronded by family! Then I have to go to the funeral home and start that process...reach I just don't think I am strong enough to do this!? I will be back on when I get home tonight,and sorry if I am rambling or not makeing any sense! my brain is numb! And sherbear thank you so much for the kind words...I need to not feel like I am alone in what I have been through! ty and hope we can share more later! Love to you both! Pam

So sorry for your loss,my prayers are with you.
Daisey

So sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Pam. I have not posted here before, but I do know the pain of a loved one that is hurting while you watch the one you love loose control of their life. My son was on a lost path once and I did not know if/when he would ever come out of it. God Bless you and your family as you go through the next few months and years of learning to let go of the one who has passed. I am here for you anytime you need to talk, as well as many others here that are concerned and caring...I am new here so I do not know the extent of your story but I hope to get to know you better as we go along. Take Care and remember that you are much stronger than you realize!

Pam,

I'm so sorry for what you must be going through now. Try and take some comfort in knowing his torment is over. Imagine how awful it must have been to know the drugs are gonna kill you and all you can think about is scoring more.
He's at peace now and I hope you find peace for yourself.

You will find that you are stronger than you think you are. Something kicks in, and we do what we have to do, no matter how hard it is.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

JB

Dearest Raine, I don't know you or Greg,but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I have lost very close friends to drug abuse. I can understand where you're coming from. This is a very trying time, try to pull strength from your higher power. And the thing that helps me a lot when thinking of my lost loved ones is...Remember how they lived,their deepest feelings,not how they died,not the drugs.

Peace Be With You And Yours

Hello Pam

I am signing off for the night, but it surely won't be the end of the day's thoughts of you. It must have been such a trying day for you. I hope you are totally exhausted and fall into a deep and restful sleep. You need some restoring sleep, Sweetpea.

Greg is resting finally, too, and that is a good thing ultimately. I pray the Lord has lay him in an extra soft bed.

Hugs
reach


To gwich~~~I am sorry to see you leave us, Greg, and will miss you and mourn you. I know how you loved Pam because you wrote about it. I know the drugs tormented you because you wrote about it. Perhaps you were not able to stand against the struggles you went through, but you were still worth so much to so many. Your life was worthwhile, Gwich, and the parts of your life shared here will help others in their own struggles. I don't begin to understand it all, but I do know that I will always be glad we met and shared and got to know each other for a while.
Until we meet again, Buddy
Love
reach

Folks, please follow raine over to the Grief & Loss Board, where you may continue to give her consolation.

Please note that this thread is moved to the Grief & Loss Board.

Raine

I am so sorry about Greg passing away. My thoughts and prayers are with you.:angel:

Hugs Nadine

Hello Raine,

First of all, let me begin by saying my condolences.

The addiction which you speak of, I knew all too well.

I tend to look at situations of this magnitude as it being God's way of unclenching the hold that narcotics had on him.

I pray that you find some comfort in knowing that he is in a better place; away from the dealers, the stereotypical gestures made by others, the guilt, the shame, the altered mindset, the paranoia, the binges, the excuses; all the things attributed to the specified substance.

My prayers are with you and also Greg(who says that we cannot pray for the dearly departed).

Keep your head held high and may God Bless.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Phoenix

Good Morning Sweetpea

Went to sleep last night thinking of you and woke up doing the same. Smiles. The smile was especially for you because I know right now it must feel like you will never smile again so I did it for you. Lots of people are going to bee the "keepers" of things for you until you can reclaim them again for yourself. Like the grandbabies are going to be the keepers of joy and light-heartedness for you, like your children will be the keepers of some special memories, like friends will be the keepers of hope ahead for you.

You don't have to be so brave and strong during this time, Pam. It is okay to let the grief and mourning flow. It is okay and natural and needed. Lean on others who love you and will hold you up and who will keep all the things that will be yours again until you are ready for them.

This is a time of sorrow for Gwich, but also a time of sorrow for you. Take the time you need to recognize all the sorrows, take the time you need to heal from all the losses. And yes, Pam, healing absolutely will happen. Yes, it will.

Many of your friends here who can not be with you physically will be with you spiritually in the coming days. Move over and make room for us!

Peace
reach

Pam,
I dont even know how to start. Reach left me a note on the Pain Board to look at your thread, and I thought it was going to be wonderful news and not have to hear that this terrible thing has happened.
I dont knw how to put into words how devestated you must be, so I will just say, IM so sorry, and I hope that youll come back and post and let us know how you are doing. Greg was so lucky to have you in his life. He was a good guy, he just couldnt outrun his demons. Im sorry things had to end this way. I pray he is finally comfortable and happy, and Im sure he is with you in spirit. I hope you know we love you guys.
Hugs,
xoxoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

P.S. thanks Reach ~

reach and Izzy (and every one else)...You just don't know how very much all of your loving,kind,and encouraging words have meant to me! Every night when I come home from the furneral home I log on and your words help to get me through the night! So reach I have done as you asked and moved way over to let you all in gladly and warmly! This truely has been the hardest thing I have ever done! I thought that seeing greg would make it just a bit easier for me...but it was and is the worst thing ever! The reality of it set in and it set in hard! And today will be the worst...I will bury my husband today...how will I ever make it through this!? Please Please keep myself and my family in your prayers today...and most importantly keep greg in them also! love to you all~pam

Ah, Pam

I can only begin to imagine the sorrow you are feeling.

Pam, today you are saying goodbye to the body of Greg, but certainly not to the essence of Greg. The burial is for sure a painful realization of the final goodbye to the body, but I think it will also be the beginning of your healing. Moments of reflection on Greg will start to include some good memories as time goes on and in those memories you will start to find peace.

Sometimes in life we face situations where we think, "I can not live through this." But we do, Pam, because we have no choice. We breathe so we continue to live. We do it somehow and our lives continue. And balance comes again. It really comes, Dear Pam.

I will especially keep you in my thoughts today. I just sent a prayer that Holy arms are around you extra tightly today.

Stay in touch

reach

Hi Pam,
I know today must have been Hell for you...But you can make it through this. Youve made it through some terribly tough times before and you are still here. Greg isnt, in the physical sense, but he is in sprit. I know that is not much of a consolation when you are felling so down. I cannot imagine burying my husband, Pam. I just cant.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. The harsh reality of it all is there are no shortcuts through this. None at all. but you have us and you have others who will be there for you and take your hand and love you and care for you.
Im sure today has to be the second worse day for you. Im sure the first was learing about Greg's death.
Baby steps, and just try to hang on one second at a time, Pam. You are my hero, girl, I couldnt do it. I just couldnt.
I hope youll come back later and let us know how you are doing, Im sure its been a terrible day for you, but Im praying for you and asking God to give you comfort, and also that He will help you through this time. It takes time, Pam, and I know you dont want to hear that, but youll find some rest in the next few days. Im so terribly sorry, I really am. Im a Kansas gal, born and raised, and its not even that. It has just been the love and care and everything that you and Greg have been through. I remember all of the posts when I accidentally logged onto the addiction board, and started posting to you. Im still just floored. You are an amazing woman, and wife. I just want you to know you are in my prayers and thoughts. If you need anything please ask.
Im sure you wont feel like posting tonite, but Ill be waiting to hear how you are. My problems today seem like nothing. I hope you can get some rest~If you have any more room to let me slide in beside Reach, Im here for you. I really am.
xoxoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

Hi Pam

Thinking about you... nothing specific, just thinking about you.

Hope you are spending a bit of time with the family today.

Love
reach

Hi Pam, I am new here, but I feel your pain. I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know the whole story behind you & Greg, but it doesn't even matter. You have lost the other half of you and you feel lost right now. It's been almost 3 months since my husband died and I'm still wandering around like a lost soul. I don't have any magic words for you, I wish I did, but nothing is adequate, so just please know you are not alone. Sometimes that helps and sometimes it doesn't. Try to remember good times and let go of the bad memories.

Hi reach and Izzy...I am feeling so many emotions right know that it is making me physically sick,I am vomiting and having problems with my bowels! I though that maybe just maybe after the funeral I would be a little more at peace....not! I am worse than ever! I can't even put into words the feelings I am having! I have never in my life felt so alone! I can't eat,I can't sleep...I can't function at all! I have tryed to keep busy but my mind just wanders and I do nothing! I feel like I am a body walking around with nothing inside! This feeling is just indescribable! I want it to stop!!! I am even now findidng it hard to type and think about what I am typing! any way please keep posting to me! All of you! It has helped sooo very much! Izzy I have room my friend so you just slide right in there beside reach...please! And every one else too! I need ALL of the support I can get right now! I will post more later am very tired right now...love to you all Pam

Hi Pam

Well, of course you are feeling totally disoriented, Babygirl! I know it sure doesn't feel good, but it is so normal. A huge piece of your life is missing now and it will take time to adjust to this and find ways to cope with the huge loss.

Grief has no timeframe, Pam, except the amount of time needed for you. It is so important that you take the time needed for your grief. It is okay to feel sorry for yourself for what has happened. And it is okay to let go of Greg, who is in a much better place now. He is fine now, Pam, and you need to find your way to being fine also. It will happen and that is why we need time to mourn and grieve. It lets us spend time in thought and reflection and allows us to begin to heal and move on. It is a needed time out that we must take before we can move on.

As Donetta has written, there are no magic words or magic bullets that cause healing. It is a process of time and baby steps. Pam, it is like the process many of us have gone through on the other board.... it is a process of great emotional pain, but by accepting the pain, by acknowledging it, we began the slow process of healing. We have to take leaps of faith sometimes, Pam, and grasp the hope tightly that we will be okay again because others are after going through whatever are are enduring.

I am so very sorry for all you have, and are, enduring. Whatever time is needed for you, know that I will be here for the duration.

Love
reach

Hey There Pam

Just had you on my mind... so good morning to you. Smiles.

I am sure you are still in turmoil and coming to grips with all that has happened. Take your time with it all, Pam. It is a lot to come to terms with.

Here's a wish that there is at least one bright spot in your day today.

reach

Hi Pam~
Im out of town, just left this morning. I wont have much time to post, but I wanted to see how you are doing, and tell you that you are i my thoughts and will be the whole weekend. Ill get online when I have a chance and see how you are doing.
Just keep on keepin on, and put one foot in front of the other and God will make sure you are taken care of. I know most advice sounds like the teacher on the old Charlie Brown cartoons, [wah-wah-wah-wah] but trust in yourself and day by day you will get stronger and make it through this.
Hugs and love,
IZZY'SMOM

Pam...Im flying home and wondered how you are? Please post when you feel like it. Ive been thinking about you.
xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM