april1848
06-18-2008, 07:45 PM
Hello Friends,
I feel like I've done very well the past few months, health and job wise, and suddenly I'm feeling kind of down. I'm going to allow myself this one post to feel pathetic and then hopefully move on.
I have a lot to be thankful for, especially my health. My MS is under control for the most part, and looking back, I don't think I've felt this well for at least 5 years. The only symptom that is really unnerving me is the fatigue, and it's definitely getting worse. I take Amantadine for this, but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. Neither is the half pot of coffee and the four shots of espresso I drink on every work day. I get up at 5:30 and I'm usually in bed by 9:30, so I feel like this should be enough sleep. I seem to hit a wall around 2 or 3:00 each day. It's not a caffeine crash, since I sip my espresso slowly throughout the day, and it hits me on the weekends too.
I took a big step down in "status" taking my present job--I've been there for three weeks now. However, in the zany world of non-profits, I'm making slightly more money, and I still have a lot of responsibilities, since I'm the only person in my department. I've been doing well learning the job, and I have it down for the most part. I've developed an excellent rapport with my clients (all severely mentally ill, some also mentally retarded and/or drug or alcohol abusers), and I'm getting along well with my coworkers. I really like what I do, it's very important, and I like coming home with the feeling that I have helped people.
I've been encountering a sort of stress that I hadn't anticipated. In the field I'm in (I'm not bragging here, this is fact), I have a lot of experience in clinical, administrative, financial, billing, and management. I have a lot more experience than the two ladies that run the front office (I'm their back-up) and my supervisor. I welcome their insight and training when it has to do with the database we use, the names of the 80+ staff members, etc. But when they tell me how to deal with certain things, like clients, angry and psychotic clients, intoxicated clients, HIPAA, crises, and county resources, I find it hard. I've been playing dumb for the most part, because I don't want to be a know-it-all and I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate their input.
The clinicians there who I've worked with before, and the others whom I've met or have heard of me in the past know I know these things better than the others, as does the CEO and CFO, and a few other higher-ups. Some of them choose to deal with me exclusively rather than the other office women, and I also get special treatment, especially from the CEO. Nothing major, just things like saying hello and asking how I am while ignoring the others, and emailing me about important things that have little to do with my job, just for my information. I feel like this is attracting attention, bad attention, from my supervisor, who is not well liked by the higher ups, and the women I work with in the office.
I'm also struggling a lot with pretending I'm ignorant or stupid when I'm not. I don't know if that's the right way to go, but I don't want to make enemies of the office ladies and my supervisor. My supervisor is angry enough that the CEO, CFO, COO, and Executive Assistant have chosen me to manage a new project, without consulting her first, and that I'll have more access to certain things in the computer than she does. She tells me this in a passive-aggressive sort of way. I have gotten the impression several times that she's on her way out.
I get out of work at 4:30, and by then, I am so tired that I can barely drive in a straight line when I go home. I just feel withered. As far as I know, the only people who know I have MS are my two very old friends there. Somedays, like today, when I get so tired, I just want to shout it, so everyone knows why I'm slowing down and limping! I don't think this place would be a bad place to disclose (unlike the last job) because there are lots of people there with visible disabilities, and we hire AIDS patients to run our AIDS support groups. I still don't want to though.
That's all. I guess I thought that such a step down would somehow help my fatigue but it hasn't. That was naive! Thanks for letting me vent!
I feel like I've done very well the past few months, health and job wise, and suddenly I'm feeling kind of down. I'm going to allow myself this one post to feel pathetic and then hopefully move on.
I have a lot to be thankful for, especially my health. My MS is under control for the most part, and looking back, I don't think I've felt this well for at least 5 years. The only symptom that is really unnerving me is the fatigue, and it's definitely getting worse. I take Amantadine for this, but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. Neither is the half pot of coffee and the four shots of espresso I drink on every work day. I get up at 5:30 and I'm usually in bed by 9:30, so I feel like this should be enough sleep. I seem to hit a wall around 2 or 3:00 each day. It's not a caffeine crash, since I sip my espresso slowly throughout the day, and it hits me on the weekends too.
I took a big step down in "status" taking my present job--I've been there for three weeks now. However, in the zany world of non-profits, I'm making slightly more money, and I still have a lot of responsibilities, since I'm the only person in my department. I've been doing well learning the job, and I have it down for the most part. I've developed an excellent rapport with my clients (all severely mentally ill, some also mentally retarded and/or drug or alcohol abusers), and I'm getting along well with my coworkers. I really like what I do, it's very important, and I like coming home with the feeling that I have helped people.
I've been encountering a sort of stress that I hadn't anticipated. In the field I'm in (I'm not bragging here, this is fact), I have a lot of experience in clinical, administrative, financial, billing, and management. I have a lot more experience than the two ladies that run the front office (I'm their back-up) and my supervisor. I welcome their insight and training when it has to do with the database we use, the names of the 80+ staff members, etc. But when they tell me how to deal with certain things, like clients, angry and psychotic clients, intoxicated clients, HIPAA, crises, and county resources, I find it hard. I've been playing dumb for the most part, because I don't want to be a know-it-all and I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate their input.
The clinicians there who I've worked with before, and the others whom I've met or have heard of me in the past know I know these things better than the others, as does the CEO and CFO, and a few other higher-ups. Some of them choose to deal with me exclusively rather than the other office women, and I also get special treatment, especially from the CEO. Nothing major, just things like saying hello and asking how I am while ignoring the others, and emailing me about important things that have little to do with my job, just for my information. I feel like this is attracting attention, bad attention, from my supervisor, who is not well liked by the higher ups, and the women I work with in the office.
I'm also struggling a lot with pretending I'm ignorant or stupid when I'm not. I don't know if that's the right way to go, but I don't want to make enemies of the office ladies and my supervisor. My supervisor is angry enough that the CEO, CFO, COO, and Executive Assistant have chosen me to manage a new project, without consulting her first, and that I'll have more access to certain things in the computer than she does. She tells me this in a passive-aggressive sort of way. I have gotten the impression several times that she's on her way out.
I get out of work at 4:30, and by then, I am so tired that I can barely drive in a straight line when I go home. I just feel withered. As far as I know, the only people who know I have MS are my two very old friends there. Somedays, like today, when I get so tired, I just want to shout it, so everyone knows why I'm slowing down and limping! I don't think this place would be a bad place to disclose (unlike the last job) because there are lots of people there with visible disabilities, and we hire AIDS patients to run our AIDS support groups. I still don't want to though.
That's all. I guess I thought that such a step down would somehow help my fatigue but it hasn't. That was naive! Thanks for letting me vent!
Sponsor
Tasia W
06-18-2008, 08:38 PM
Hello Friends,
I feel like I've done very well the past few months, health and job wise, and suddenly I'm feeling kind of down. I'm going to allow myself this one post to feel pathetic and then hopefully move on.
I have a lot to be thankful for, especially my health. My MS is under control for the most part, and looking back, I don't think I've felt this well for at least 5 years. The only symptom that is really unnerving me is the fatigue, and it's definitely getting worse. I take Amantadine for this, but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. Neither is the half pot of coffee and the four shots of espresso I drink on every work day. I get up at 5:30 and I'm usually in bed by 9:30, so I feel like this should be enough sleep. I seem to hit a wall around 2 or 3:00 each day. It's not a caffeine crash, since I sip my espresso slowly throughout the day, and it hits me on the weekends too.
I took a big step down in "status" taking my present job--I've been there for three weeks now. However, in the zany world of non-profits, I'm making slightly more money, and I still have a lot of responsibilities, since I'm the only person in my department. I've been doing well learning the job, and I have it down for the most part. I've developed an excellent rapport with my clients (all severely mentally ill, some also mentally retarded and/or drug or alcohol abusers), and I'm getting along well with my coworkers. I really like what I do, it's very important, and I like coming home with the feeling that I have helped people.
I've been encountering a sort of stress that I hadn't anticipated. In the field I'm in (I'm not bragging here, this is fact), I have a lot of experience in clinical, administrative, financial, billing, and management. I have a lot more experience than the two ladies that run the front office (I'm their back-up) and my supervisor. I welcome their insight and training when it has to do with the database we use, the names of the 80+ staff members, etc. But when they tell me how to deal with certain things, like clients, angry and psychotic clients, intoxicated clients, HIPAA, crises, and county resources, I find it hard. I've been playing dumb for the most part, because I don't want to be a know-it-all and I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate their input.
The clinicians there who I've worked with before, and the others whom I've met or have heard of me in the past know I know these things better than the others, as does the CEO and CFO, and a few other higher-ups. Some of them choose to deal with me exclusively rather than the other office women, and I also get special treatment, especially from the CEO. Nothing major, just things like saying hello and asking how I am while ignoring the others, and emailing me about important things that have little to do with my job, just for my information. I feel like this is attracting attention, bad attention, from my supervisor, who is not well liked by the higher ups, and the women I work with in the office.
I'm also struggling a lot with pretending I'm ignorant or stupid when I'm not. I don't know if that's the right way to go, but I don't want to make enemies of the office ladies and my supervisor. My supervisor is angry enough that the CEO, CFO, COO, and Executive Assistant have chosen me to manage a new project, without consulting her first, and that I'll have more access to certain things in the computer than she does. She tells me this in a passive-aggressive sort of way. I have gotten the impression several times that she's on her way out.
I get out of work at 4:30, and by then, I am so tired that I can barely drive in a straight line when I go home. I just feel withered. As far as I know, the only people who know I have MS are my two very old friends there. Somedays, like today, when I get so tired, I just want to shout it, so everyone knows why I'm slowing down and limping! I don't think this place would be a bad place to disclose (unlike the last job) because there are lots of people there with visible disabilities, and we hire AIDS patients to run our AIDS support groups. I still don't want to though.
That's all. I guess I thought that such a step down would somehow help my fatigue but it hasn't. That was naive! Thanks for letting me vent!
Hi April
Your feeling down, well don't be to hard on yourself. Like you said you took a step down in status and it is a transition that takes awhile to get used to. In one of my past jobs (I work for non-profits too) I was a supervisor of a day program for adults with developmental disabilities. It was a hard decision to make but I chose to step down and work again as a on-line worker. I was trying to sell my house at the time so i could move to another town. My husband had already moved and was waiting for me. I took a graveyard position so that I had my days free to deal with selling the house, packing etc..rather stressful time I must say.
I was working along side staff that were new in the field or going to school to work in the field. Like you I had those feelings of "don't come across as a know it all". But in the end I chose to be a role model to the staff and I learned to approach sticky situations with diplomacy. My first priority was ensuring the health and safety of the clients and making sure their needs were met before my co-workers or myself. How the staff treated me was one of my last concerns. My suggestion to you is be proud of the knowledge that you have obtained and use it to be a role model and guide others. You will your clients a world of good by sharing with others what you know is to be right. But you already know this because you sound like a very caring and concerned person.
I hope that you are feeling better soon. Like you, fatigue is one of my biggest symptoms!! I have not shared with anyone my MS...not yet anyways.
I am now working in another non-profit as a case manager for people with Traumatic Brain Injuries. I absolutely love my job! I hope that you are feeling better soon:)
Like you, fatigue is one of my biggest symptoms!! I have not shared with anyone that I work with that I have MS. But there may come a time when I have to just not now.
Good luck April I hope that I was helpful and did not come across as a "know it all" hee hee
T
I feel like I've done very well the past few months, health and job wise, and suddenly I'm feeling kind of down. I'm going to allow myself this one post to feel pathetic and then hopefully move on.
I have a lot to be thankful for, especially my health. My MS is under control for the most part, and looking back, I don't think I've felt this well for at least 5 years. The only symptom that is really unnerving me is the fatigue, and it's definitely getting worse. I take Amantadine for this, but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. Neither is the half pot of coffee and the four shots of espresso I drink on every work day. I get up at 5:30 and I'm usually in bed by 9:30, so I feel like this should be enough sleep. I seem to hit a wall around 2 or 3:00 each day. It's not a caffeine crash, since I sip my espresso slowly throughout the day, and it hits me on the weekends too.
I took a big step down in "status" taking my present job--I've been there for three weeks now. However, in the zany world of non-profits, I'm making slightly more money, and I still have a lot of responsibilities, since I'm the only person in my department. I've been doing well learning the job, and I have it down for the most part. I've developed an excellent rapport with my clients (all severely mentally ill, some also mentally retarded and/or drug or alcohol abusers), and I'm getting along well with my coworkers. I really like what I do, it's very important, and I like coming home with the feeling that I have helped people.
I've been encountering a sort of stress that I hadn't anticipated. In the field I'm in (I'm not bragging here, this is fact), I have a lot of experience in clinical, administrative, financial, billing, and management. I have a lot more experience than the two ladies that run the front office (I'm their back-up) and my supervisor. I welcome their insight and training when it has to do with the database we use, the names of the 80+ staff members, etc. But when they tell me how to deal with certain things, like clients, angry and psychotic clients, intoxicated clients, HIPAA, crises, and county resources, I find it hard. I've been playing dumb for the most part, because I don't want to be a know-it-all and I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate their input.
The clinicians there who I've worked with before, and the others whom I've met or have heard of me in the past know I know these things better than the others, as does the CEO and CFO, and a few other higher-ups. Some of them choose to deal with me exclusively rather than the other office women, and I also get special treatment, especially from the CEO. Nothing major, just things like saying hello and asking how I am while ignoring the others, and emailing me about important things that have little to do with my job, just for my information. I feel like this is attracting attention, bad attention, from my supervisor, who is not well liked by the higher ups, and the women I work with in the office.
I'm also struggling a lot with pretending I'm ignorant or stupid when I'm not. I don't know if that's the right way to go, but I don't want to make enemies of the office ladies and my supervisor. My supervisor is angry enough that the CEO, CFO, COO, and Executive Assistant have chosen me to manage a new project, without consulting her first, and that I'll have more access to certain things in the computer than she does. She tells me this in a passive-aggressive sort of way. I have gotten the impression several times that she's on her way out.
I get out of work at 4:30, and by then, I am so tired that I can barely drive in a straight line when I go home. I just feel withered. As far as I know, the only people who know I have MS are my two very old friends there. Somedays, like today, when I get so tired, I just want to shout it, so everyone knows why I'm slowing down and limping! I don't think this place would be a bad place to disclose (unlike the last job) because there are lots of people there with visible disabilities, and we hire AIDS patients to run our AIDS support groups. I still don't want to though.
That's all. I guess I thought that such a step down would somehow help my fatigue but it hasn't. That was naive! Thanks for letting me vent!
Hi April
Your feeling down, well don't be to hard on yourself. Like you said you took a step down in status and it is a transition that takes awhile to get used to. In one of my past jobs (I work for non-profits too) I was a supervisor of a day program for adults with developmental disabilities. It was a hard decision to make but I chose to step down and work again as a on-line worker. I was trying to sell my house at the time so i could move to another town. My husband had already moved and was waiting for me. I took a graveyard position so that I had my days free to deal with selling the house, packing etc..rather stressful time I must say.
I was working along side staff that were new in the field or going to school to work in the field. Like you I had those feelings of "don't come across as a know it all". But in the end I chose to be a role model to the staff and I learned to approach sticky situations with diplomacy. My first priority was ensuring the health and safety of the clients and making sure their needs were met before my co-workers or myself. How the staff treated me was one of my last concerns. My suggestion to you is be proud of the knowledge that you have obtained and use it to be a role model and guide others. You will your clients a world of good by sharing with others what you know is to be right. But you already know this because you sound like a very caring and concerned person.
I hope that you are feeling better soon. Like you, fatigue is one of my biggest symptoms!! I have not shared with anyone my MS...not yet anyways.
I am now working in another non-profit as a case manager for people with Traumatic Brain Injuries. I absolutely love my job! I hope that you are feeling better soon:)
Like you, fatigue is one of my biggest symptoms!! I have not shared with anyone that I work with that I have MS. But there may come a time when I have to just not now.
Good luck April I hope that I was helpful and did not come across as a "know it all" hee hee
T
MSNik
06-18-2008, 09:36 PM
Hi April...I think that Tasia offered you some really good insight, and it sounds like she knows just where you are coming from...but let me also add a few thoughts.
I get it. As usual, things are being mirrored here which I can identify with...you and I always seem to have that connection. I might be slightly older than you, but your life and mine, really parrallel on many lines..
So, here it goes. You were not happy NOT working...you are not having the best of experiences working THERE and I think its because you are trying too hard to "find a way to prove to YOURSELF' that you have worth....YOU HAVE WORTH DARN IT! Whether you work 5 hours a week or 50- you are making a difference in people's lives who NEED you- and that, is priceless. It sounds like there is alot of jealousy amongst the 'office ladies' and this is to be expected...your the newest, and more than likely the smartest- you come with much more experience- and do you truly know if you are making more, or more ($) then when THEY started their jobs? If anyone there, knows that you took an increase to come there- they are going to resent you...if anyone there is making less than you- they are going to HATE you..and in the end, you didnt take the job to make friends, but to give yourself both income and a sense of worth...I think that sense of worth is escaping you while you are feeling like this, but I also think deep down, you know what you are worth and the difference you are making by working, both to your clients, and to your household!
Im having some similar issues..my doctor told me to file disability for two weeks- my boss refused it. My doctor and Lawyer told me to submit it with a line thru the employment section saying "refused"...i did that, and I was turned down. I spoke to my lawyer at length about the process of filing permanent disability- and found out that we have too much in property (our home) and in the bank (less money than Ive ever had in my life- but still too much) for me to be considered..we'd have to use up some of this money to get SSI and probably sell my house..my husband FREAKED to say the least.
I spoke to my boss about cutting my hours and was turned down..I have applied at a million temp agencies this week and have actually FLUNKED their tests..turns out my typing ability is less than 50% of what it was 4 years ago, when I did temp and did make good money doing it. I also havent gotten a single call from any of the jobs Ive applied for..
My nerves are shot...
Healthwise, Im worse off then Ive ever been. I even developed a cold sore for the first time in my entire life this week...embarrassing and devastating since I call on nurses and docs all day long. I went to the doctor for it, trying to get anything that would make it go away, and was given a script, but told "tone down the stress, get yourself a massage- stop freaking out daily- or this will continue on and on ..youll get more cold sores, and that would be the least of your problems!" My husband of course wants to know what Ive been doing (wrong) which gave me a cold sore...talk about adding more stress to the mix, we are fighting over my nerves?! Work is a four letter word. I hate my boss. I hate my job and right now, I hate getting up in the mirror and looking at myself...am I depressed? No. Im terrified..and there is a huge difference...so, I get it. I get the whole wanting to be normal and wondering why or when im going to feel that way...I get the whole being exhuasted and not thinking you can drive another mile (I do about 300 a day) and realizing that you HAVE to drive..whether its home to to my next account. I get it. I also get being afraid of being useless...the whole sitting home all day and depending on my husband for cigarette money- terrifies me..and he isnt making it any easier, trust me. I get the whole fear thing. I also get the feeling like everyone hates you, and wants you NOT to be there..the girls in my office treat me the same way, fortunately for me, I can escape them for days on end...but I will say one thing. You have a boss you like..and seems you trust (for the most part)..I dont..in fact, last week, he came very close to firing me, but wont- he'd have to pay me unemployment and that will NEVER happen. Dont disclose April...no matter how much you think people would understand- dont do it..in your position, there are always people "worse off" then you, and you are going to be compared to them...you know this, but Im reminding you..and you know why.
I do want you to know that its ok to feel the way you feel...your entitled, and you have every reason to. There, I validated you. But, you will get past this ,and next week will be better for you..as for the fatigue- look at it one of two ways- you either go to parttime and decide you cant work 40 hours a week, or you thank your lucky stars that fatigue is the only real battle you have these days and keep plugging along; as good as that sounds, I was there a year ago..im regretting not having slowed down when I should have. Im really regretting it right now, while my husband is telling me all the things we CANT do- because Im not making any commission these days.
Your not alone my friend..
hugs and more hugs.
Nikki
I get it. As usual, things are being mirrored here which I can identify with...you and I always seem to have that connection. I might be slightly older than you, but your life and mine, really parrallel on many lines..
So, here it goes. You were not happy NOT working...you are not having the best of experiences working THERE and I think its because you are trying too hard to "find a way to prove to YOURSELF' that you have worth....YOU HAVE WORTH DARN IT! Whether you work 5 hours a week or 50- you are making a difference in people's lives who NEED you- and that, is priceless. It sounds like there is alot of jealousy amongst the 'office ladies' and this is to be expected...your the newest, and more than likely the smartest- you come with much more experience- and do you truly know if you are making more, or more ($) then when THEY started their jobs? If anyone there, knows that you took an increase to come there- they are going to resent you...if anyone there is making less than you- they are going to HATE you..and in the end, you didnt take the job to make friends, but to give yourself both income and a sense of worth...I think that sense of worth is escaping you while you are feeling like this, but I also think deep down, you know what you are worth and the difference you are making by working, both to your clients, and to your household!
Im having some similar issues..my doctor told me to file disability for two weeks- my boss refused it. My doctor and Lawyer told me to submit it with a line thru the employment section saying "refused"...i did that, and I was turned down. I spoke to my lawyer at length about the process of filing permanent disability- and found out that we have too much in property (our home) and in the bank (less money than Ive ever had in my life- but still too much) for me to be considered..we'd have to use up some of this money to get SSI and probably sell my house..my husband FREAKED to say the least.
I spoke to my boss about cutting my hours and was turned down..I have applied at a million temp agencies this week and have actually FLUNKED their tests..turns out my typing ability is less than 50% of what it was 4 years ago, when I did temp and did make good money doing it. I also havent gotten a single call from any of the jobs Ive applied for..
My nerves are shot...
Healthwise, Im worse off then Ive ever been. I even developed a cold sore for the first time in my entire life this week...embarrassing and devastating since I call on nurses and docs all day long. I went to the doctor for it, trying to get anything that would make it go away, and was given a script, but told "tone down the stress, get yourself a massage- stop freaking out daily- or this will continue on and on ..youll get more cold sores, and that would be the least of your problems!" My husband of course wants to know what Ive been doing (wrong) which gave me a cold sore...talk about adding more stress to the mix, we are fighting over my nerves?! Work is a four letter word. I hate my boss. I hate my job and right now, I hate getting up in the mirror and looking at myself...am I depressed? No. Im terrified..and there is a huge difference...so, I get it. I get the whole wanting to be normal and wondering why or when im going to feel that way...I get the whole being exhuasted and not thinking you can drive another mile (I do about 300 a day) and realizing that you HAVE to drive..whether its home to to my next account. I get it. I also get being afraid of being useless...the whole sitting home all day and depending on my husband for cigarette money- terrifies me..and he isnt making it any easier, trust me. I get the whole fear thing. I also get the feeling like everyone hates you, and wants you NOT to be there..the girls in my office treat me the same way, fortunately for me, I can escape them for days on end...but I will say one thing. You have a boss you like..and seems you trust (for the most part)..I dont..in fact, last week, he came very close to firing me, but wont- he'd have to pay me unemployment and that will NEVER happen. Dont disclose April...no matter how much you think people would understand- dont do it..in your position, there are always people "worse off" then you, and you are going to be compared to them...you know this, but Im reminding you..and you know why.
I do want you to know that its ok to feel the way you feel...your entitled, and you have every reason to. There, I validated you. But, you will get past this ,and next week will be better for you..as for the fatigue- look at it one of two ways- you either go to parttime and decide you cant work 40 hours a week, or you thank your lucky stars that fatigue is the only real battle you have these days and keep plugging along; as good as that sounds, I was there a year ago..im regretting not having slowed down when I should have. Im really regretting it right now, while my husband is telling me all the things we CANT do- because Im not making any commission these days.
Your not alone my friend..
hugs and more hugs.
Nikki
april1848
06-18-2008, 10:19 PM
Thank you for your uplifting replies, Tasia and Nikki!
Tasia, you're absolutely right about many things, and it's nice "knowing" someone with similar work experience, the utter pleasure of helping people, and the whole non-profit thing. I've had clients tell me they love me, that I'm pretty, thank me for understanding with their stuttering, blow me kisses, etc. I love my clients. This is the field I was meant for. I also like the crises--not for the clients, but handling them. My priorities for my clients are better qualities of life, respect, safety, and empathy. However, I know my boundaries!
I should not play dumb, and I should be a role model. You're right. I certainly didn't take this job to make friends, and since I have two great old friends there anyway, I don't need anymore. Besides, the two ladies I work with are not exactly interesting; they're pretty dull. I don't want friends like that! I am being too hard on myself; that happens a lot. I have high standards for myself.
Nikki, my mirror, it's hard for me to feel like I"m worth anything, but I know I am. I also know for a fact that my starting pay is 3.00 more an hour than the girls I work with. I'm probably still making more than they, since the job and salary were internally posted. I'll have to pay another $3,000 deductible on my health insurance now, but the CEO offered me $1,000.00 from the company to go towards it, as an insentive to take the job, so that's not so bad. And the sense of doing something good for the community really is priceless.
I know the difference of being depressed and being terrified. BIG difference. I know that someone will see YOUR worth and hire you soon. I hope it's really soon. I feel for you so much, because I've been there, and I too could escape, but only once in awhile.
I am thanking my lucky stars that fatigue is the only big issue affecting me right now. I feel pretty good, just kind of sad, though I can't pin point why.
Work IS a four letter word. My strategy for tomorrow is to point out my coworkers' mistakes, in a diplomatic way, and to show what I know. Also, my coworkers will be last priority, as it should be--Thank You Tasia, for reminding me!
I forgot to mention that they hired a part time as needed person for the front office, where my cube is. The Executive Assistant says she doesn't want me to be a back-up for the front office; she wants to "save me for better things". That has to be good, right?
I'm so tired. Thank you both for your excellent replies! Here's to a better day tomorrow!
Tasia, you're absolutely right about many things, and it's nice "knowing" someone with similar work experience, the utter pleasure of helping people, and the whole non-profit thing. I've had clients tell me they love me, that I'm pretty, thank me for understanding with their stuttering, blow me kisses, etc. I love my clients. This is the field I was meant for. I also like the crises--not for the clients, but handling them. My priorities for my clients are better qualities of life, respect, safety, and empathy. However, I know my boundaries!
I should not play dumb, and I should be a role model. You're right. I certainly didn't take this job to make friends, and since I have two great old friends there anyway, I don't need anymore. Besides, the two ladies I work with are not exactly interesting; they're pretty dull. I don't want friends like that! I am being too hard on myself; that happens a lot. I have high standards for myself.
Nikki, my mirror, it's hard for me to feel like I"m worth anything, but I know I am. I also know for a fact that my starting pay is 3.00 more an hour than the girls I work with. I'm probably still making more than they, since the job and salary were internally posted. I'll have to pay another $3,000 deductible on my health insurance now, but the CEO offered me $1,000.00 from the company to go towards it, as an insentive to take the job, so that's not so bad. And the sense of doing something good for the community really is priceless.
I know the difference of being depressed and being terrified. BIG difference. I know that someone will see YOUR worth and hire you soon. I hope it's really soon. I feel for you so much, because I've been there, and I too could escape, but only once in awhile.
I am thanking my lucky stars that fatigue is the only big issue affecting me right now. I feel pretty good, just kind of sad, though I can't pin point why.
Work IS a four letter word. My strategy for tomorrow is to point out my coworkers' mistakes, in a diplomatic way, and to show what I know. Also, my coworkers will be last priority, as it should be--Thank You Tasia, for reminding me!
I forgot to mention that they hired a part time as needed person for the front office, where my cube is. The Executive Assistant says she doesn't want me to be a back-up for the front office; she wants to "save me for better things". That has to be good, right?
I'm so tired. Thank you both for your excellent replies! Here's to a better day tomorrow!
Nenu
06-18-2008, 10:26 PM
Wow did Nikki ever get it right. Focus on the people you are helping with your work and effort you put in, and your skills you bring, and less worry about what you know, or don't know, as far as the office folk are concerned.
You're an amazing woman April, we all acknowledge that. Kick butt girl, for the people you are working for, and you'll be more satisfied at the end of the day :)
You're an amazing woman April, we all acknowledge that. Kick butt girl, for the people you are working for, and you'll be more satisfied at the end of the day :)
Canadian gal
06-18-2008, 11:31 PM
Everyone has given you great advice, and I agree that you should wear your abilities proudly.
I just want to offer one warning, not meant to spook you.
I have run into several occasions on these "public" forums, that a doctor, neurologist or co-worker has "recognized" someone posting. Please be careful about saying too much here or anywhere, as I've seen this backfire too many times.
Cherie
I just want to offer one warning, not meant to spook you.
I have run into several occasions on these "public" forums, that a doctor, neurologist or co-worker has "recognized" someone posting. Please be careful about saying too much here or anywhere, as I've seen this backfire too many times.
Cherie
Tasia W
06-19-2008, 03:17 AM
Cherie you make a very good point. I probably disclosed too much about myself, I am usually more cautious,Kinda got lost in the moment when I read Aprils post. I could really relate and April I meant to give you words of encouragement. When I read what I wrote to you...kinda sounded like I was scolding you. Shame on me!! Tomorrow is a new day and Nikki really conveyed a good message about self worth!! April, I do hope you start feeling better soon.
T
T
MSNik
06-19-2008, 03:29 PM
Hi April...just hoping today was a better day for you. Mine started out with the workman's comp doc- and I ended that madness- never again will I set foot in that place..followed by an Opthamologist appt, where he is 99% sure I DONT have ON (yeah)- but is convinced I have some sort of virus, which I probably picked up from my stepkids...something like pink eye- but not exactly..gave me drops and sent me packing!
I then went to work, where I informed them that I am taking off the next 48 hours..yes, without pay- but if I dont get some rest this weekend, I may not be around to worry about it. Im ready to drop. So, Im now pushing for a way to get him angry enough to either lay me off or fire me..its NOT going to happen, but in the meantime, Im not getting paid for this recovery time....right now, I dont even care.
Thought alot about you last night, and read the responses this morning..you got some good advice here. Hope that today was better for you..
and, thank you for believeing in me.
hugs,
Nikki
I then went to work, where I informed them that I am taking off the next 48 hours..yes, without pay- but if I dont get some rest this weekend, I may not be around to worry about it. Im ready to drop. So, Im now pushing for a way to get him angry enough to either lay me off or fire me..its NOT going to happen, but in the meantime, Im not getting paid for this recovery time....right now, I dont even care.
Thought alot about you last night, and read the responses this morning..you got some good advice here. Hope that today was better for you..
and, thank you for believeing in me.
hugs,
Nikki
april1848
06-19-2008, 08:01 PM
Thanks to all of you for your great replies! Tasia, you didn't sound like you were scolding me! You were just reminding me of what was most important, and I'm glad you did. It's hard starting a new job and learning its quirks, politics and all of that, and it's a lot for me to swallow.
There is definitely going to be some unnecessary and unavoidable drama that shouldn't even be drama, and I'm just going to get through it by working hard for my clients. I was given another new project today, outside the scope of my job, so I'm excited.
I'm just tired of being tired all the time! But hey, this is the best I've felt in a long time, so I'm an idiot for complaining! I don't remember "normal" energy and "normal" tiredness. I haven't been "normal" in those aspects for years before I knew I had MS! I guess the point of all this blather is that I am realizing that I'll never feel "normal" again, even on the best of days, like the past few weeks have been. When I felt worse and was experiencing more symptoms, it was easier to think I'd feel "normal" again one day. Now I know that's not going to happen. I'm Remitting, and I still feel like I got hit by a semi-truck. It's pretty heavy to realize that. Yet, I'm extremely grateful for this time of better health! Plus, the side effects of my Avonex are finally going away, so I'll get back a day each week, so things are looking up.
Nikki, I'm sorry you had such a nasty day! And they really think you have pink eye? What the heck? If you really do, it's kind of weird, because my infected tear duct got so bad that it turned into pink eye--it's almost all better now. Anyway, that doctor sounds like a major creep (who could confuse ON with a virus or pink eye?), and I'm glad you insisted on rest this weekend! The good the rest will do for you will be worth far more than the pay you're missing. Your boss will just have to live with it. I think he's been putting you through so much BS that a weekend, without pay, to try and get your health back to status quo is the LEAST he could do (or not do, I should say).
I wish you could have a little more time to rest and recover. You'll get a new job soon, and then this will all be just a bad memory. I'm glad that you're putting your health before your work, FINALLY, and I know that's a huge deal for you, Kudos!
There is definitely going to be some unnecessary and unavoidable drama that shouldn't even be drama, and I'm just going to get through it by working hard for my clients. I was given another new project today, outside the scope of my job, so I'm excited.
I'm just tired of being tired all the time! But hey, this is the best I've felt in a long time, so I'm an idiot for complaining! I don't remember "normal" energy and "normal" tiredness. I haven't been "normal" in those aspects for years before I knew I had MS! I guess the point of all this blather is that I am realizing that I'll never feel "normal" again, even on the best of days, like the past few weeks have been. When I felt worse and was experiencing more symptoms, it was easier to think I'd feel "normal" again one day. Now I know that's not going to happen. I'm Remitting, and I still feel like I got hit by a semi-truck. It's pretty heavy to realize that. Yet, I'm extremely grateful for this time of better health! Plus, the side effects of my Avonex are finally going away, so I'll get back a day each week, so things are looking up.
Nikki, I'm sorry you had such a nasty day! And they really think you have pink eye? What the heck? If you really do, it's kind of weird, because my infected tear duct got so bad that it turned into pink eye--it's almost all better now. Anyway, that doctor sounds like a major creep (who could confuse ON with a virus or pink eye?), and I'm glad you insisted on rest this weekend! The good the rest will do for you will be worth far more than the pay you're missing. Your boss will just have to live with it. I think he's been putting you through so much BS that a weekend, without pay, to try and get your health back to status quo is the LEAST he could do (or not do, I should say).
I wish you could have a little more time to rest and recover. You'll get a new job soon, and then this will all be just a bad memory. I'm glad that you're putting your health before your work, FINALLY, and I know that's a huge deal for you, Kudos!
MSNik
06-19-2008, 08:31 PM
Thanks April.and you sound more chipper tonight. Glad to hear it.
Im headed to bed now- its been a very long day...but yes IM staying home and doing nothing for the next 48 hours..at least!
hugs.
Nikki
Im headed to bed now- its been a very long day...but yes IM staying home and doing nothing for the next 48 hours..at least!
hugs.
Nikki