Hope you find this new thread to continue our supportive discussions for those considering or recuperating from sphincteroplasty.

take care,
Kim

Phewww--thank god. I thought I would be on my own. I am glad you started another thread. Since the other board was closed....

WOndering about kegels and the amount to do in a day and the most effective way to do them (standing, sitting, etc). If that is the exercise to keep us healthy and working than I want to be doing them correctly.

In terms of the memory form pillow--those arent as soft as regular pillows...does that matter.

Is there anyone out there who went back to work week 4? I am a teacher who can sit or stand and do not need to be bending, etc. Just wondering.

Last question--the doc said he will be putting me on mineral oil I think its called....will I be able to make it to the bathroom? When can you start to try holding the muscle after surgery?

Glad you found it. Hopefully others will join us soon. I'm just getting used to Kegals; I've aways been so bad about doing them. I found a website that talked about 2 types of Kegal exercises: http://www.thewomens.org.au/Pelvicfloorexercises

I was never on mineral oil or stool softeners, just high fiber.

I like the memory foam pillow (which was recommended by my doc) because it molds to you creating no pressure points like a normal pillow might.

I went back to work part-time at 3 weeks, but then was WIPED OUT at home the rest of the time--working from home on the laptop laying down. This week I'm back to working full-time hours and able to help around the house a little bit (7 weeks post-op).

stay healthy!
Kim

Thanks for that website--it has some good info on it.

About the memory form pillow--those are somewhat hard arent they? But I guess if your doc recommended it then I will go get one.

What is the best way to lay during the times you are horizontal? Sorry for all the questions but I want to make sure I let myself heal correctly and dont screw anything up during that time. I wonder how long the stitches are in until they dissolve?

Now that you have went through all this...are you happy you did it? That seems to be the general idea---although the recovery is hard, it seems most of the ladies are happy to have done it and get on with their lives.

By the way in an earlier post I said how my baby sitter had someone in her family go through all this and the surgery...anyway its been 5 years since the surgery and no problems since so thats great news!!

Hi everyone!
Sbremom -- The memory foam pillow is not hard and it really molds to the position you're sitting in. It is much more comfortable than sitting on a regular pillow, in my opinion. I still take it everywhere when I go out because I am uncomfortable without it.
I think all of us would say during our recovery we layed on our sides, and while sitting we sat on one cheek or the other. It is really uncomfortable--I'm not going to lie to you--but it does get easier over time. Every person heals differently, too. To answer your question as to whether or not I'm happy I went through with the surgery, I have to admit that I wish I had done more research beforehand. I had a fistula, and my symtoms were not the same as everyone else's. The doctor said he thought my sphincter muscle looked like a U instead of an O, so he wanted to combine the sphincteroplasy surgery with the fistula repair. I wish I had known that I would have ended up with stool leakage from the sphincteroplasty because I may have just gotten the fistula repaired and not the muscle. That said, who knows if I would have had issues later on with the muscle since it wasn't completely intact. I guess maybe it is best that I did both surgeries, but I'm not thrilled that my symtoms aren't completely gone at 12 1/2 weeks post-op....

How's everyone doing? I'm pretty sure my wound is completely closed now, however I still have stool leakage and need my pillow to sit comfortably. The leakage bums me out because I didn't have it pre-op, but I am hopeful it will go away with time.

'Hope everyone is doing well! Take care. Spring

Exercises from my doctor:

Perineal Strengthening Exercises
Lying on back with knees bent, raise head and reach hands toward knees.
Raise head and reach right hand toward left knee. Relax. Raise head and reach left hand toward right knee. Relax.
Flatten back. Pull abdomen in and squeeze buttocks together.
Take a deep breath in. Squeeze buttocks together and close anal passage.

Sitting: Squeeze buttocks together. Relax.
Standing: Pull abdomen in and squeeze buttocks together. Knees should be relaxed.

Another simple strengthening exercise is to pretend to hold in a bowel movement and count to 20. This can be done 15 or 20 times a day while walking down the street, riding in a car, or sitting in a chair – whenever the patient thinks of it.

Thanks for posting the exercises, Suzanne! How are you feeling?

Spring, I can't imagine your frustration, because you didn't experience anal fecal incontinence like the rest of us and now are having to go through the sphincteroplasty recovery. I'm so glad your wound closed FINALLY. I thought mine was, but I still have a couple of freckle-sized spots that are superficial. So do you still need the pillow because your perineum's tender? Mine is tender as well, but using mostly the one-cheek sitting method which is not comfortable, as you mentioned.

Update (8-weeks post-op): I am so glad I had the surgery! I'm ready to start exercising again (lightly--nothing too crazy too soon) and go to the gym without fear of an "oops!" 6 minutes into walking/jogging on the treadmill. I'm able to be more active and help around the house a bit more. I'm back working full time for the most part, but am about to take some time to travel and hang out with my kids. I'm so excited to feel like I can get around better, have more energy, and better and better BM control. As long as I'm faithful to my high-fiber breakfast, I have good days. I have shooting pains very little now--once a day or so. I still shower or use Cotenelle flushable wipes to clean myself after most BMs. My biggest dread, which is lessening, is to be away from home when I have a BM, because my perineum is still tender and cleansing myself is easier & more comfortable at home with the wipes, etc.

Hope everyone is doing well! Stay strong!
Kim

Kim,

So glad to hear you are doing so well and able to resume some of your previous activities! Very exciting! I still need my pillow because my perineal area is still tender and it hurts to sit on hard surfaces. I'll be glad to retire the thing though, because it gets annoying explaining to people in public why you have a pillow, or getting strange looks in restaurants. Oh well! Yes, the leakage is very frustrating, especially since I didn't have that symptom before. I try to do my kegals every day, however the other exercise my doctor gave me bothers the area right now; I think it's because I'm not completely healed up. I will probably try the other exercise in a few more weeks once I am less sore.

I have an appointment with a urogyn at the end of July to see if he can figure out the urethral mystery. I have noticed that the air bubbles may be slight urine leakage, so I'm not thrilled. I have to keep positive though and think that maybe the problem doesn't need surgery, otherwise I will just cry! Anyway, I'll keep ya posted on that.

'Hope everyone is doing well. We are definitely strong women to endure this! ;)

Spring, Yes! Keep us posted on the pee-bubble problem. I hope you non-surgical good news!

I thought that my wounds were completely closed. Then I had an active weekend--going to church on those hard pews, walking, and outings. I also did a tom of Kegals (which I'm usually awful about doing. Then Monday, noticed a couple of freckle-sized wounds where I thought they had closed. So I wonder if the Kegals plus other activity irritated the area. So I'm going to do "Kegal-light" for a couple of more weeks before I go whole-hog.

Stay strong!
Kim

Kim,
Yah, I find that the exercises bother my perinium, too. I haven't done too many kegels in one day (usually 10-15 per day), and I'm going to wait until the tenderness subsides before I do more than that. I think it's like any other muscle and physical therapy--the exercies hurt at first so you need to ease into them.
Sorry you stressed your bottom. Did the wounds get bigger or did you just feel raw after the weekend? Sometimes if I do too much I feel really sore and know I need to take it a little easy.

Spring,
Comparatively, I mean--considering where we were when we first started to write one another, we are light years beyond that. But, geez! We're young (I'm 36), active mothers. We're more than ready to get on with our busy fun-filled lives. But we need to blah-blah-blah, listen to our bodies, and remember that a few weeks of recovery is relative to the years we'll get minus fistulas (in your case) and fecal incontinence (in mine). Fingers crossed and knock on wood!

How's everyone else doing out there?

Stay strong!
Kim

Kim,
You are so right! Hopefully a year from now this whole sphincter-o-nightmare will be a distant memory! I do hope that our conversations and posts will help other women out there who are suffering through any "complication" from childbirth, though!

Hope everyone's well! ;) Spring

I can tell you the posts definately are helping me through this. I don't know where I would be without them!

What did your individual docs say about the longevity of this surgery? I know Kim you said your doc said there havent been good studies done bc the muscle naturally loses tone, but wondering what other docs have said about it. My doc seemed very optimistic about the longevity of it. I am going to ask him more next time I see him bc that was just the initial consultation.

One other thing---do you ladies also have problem holding gas in? I can probably guess the answer but just wondering. Like many times I try to hold it and it just comes out...probably right at the point where the muscle is no longer a circle. I cannot wait till I am fixed.
Thanks girls!!

The threads on this board and the support have been invaluable for my emotional health through this whole ordeal. Without you ladies, I would feel absolutely defeated becasue the recovery has been much more involved than the 2 weeks mentioned by my doc. Instead, I feel strong and motivated to take care of myself so I can recover fully now without relapses. Just think about Tiger Woods messing up his knee surgery because he HAD to play the big tournament TOO SOON. Recovery needs to be #1 priority.

To answer Sbremom's question, holding gas for me has been better since the surgery. Many of the women have had a worse time with controlling gas, but mine is better than before.

Stay strong!
Kim

Ladies,
I too feel that the support system on this board has helped me through this difficult recovery. I definitely took many precautions and didn't push myself too hard like Tiger. All I had to do was think about the fistula recurring and I started to freak out! I even had some nightmares in the beginning that I was passing gas through the vagina...talk about anxiety! I just hope that the repair will last and that I won't have to go through this again. I had a hard morning trying to have a BM today. I thought I had eaten enough fiber yesterday, but I guess I didn't because I had an awful time with hard stool. It almost felt like trying to go to the bathroom right after this surgery, that's how difficult it was today. I didn't want to push too hard for fear of wrecking everything, but I finally went somewhat even though it was difficult. I really think that we're going to have to pay close attention to our diets for a long time. My rectum has been sore all day from this morning; I don't think the muscle will be completely healed for many more months. Anyway....sorry for TMI, but I know you ladies are the only ones who understand!!! I was practically in tears over it!! :(

'Hope everyone has a great weekend. Take care!

Not TMI, Spring! I know what you mean about monitoring our diets (which something I never did before). I live in Texas and Mexican food is fabuloso but dangerous for me. Spring, was your diet different in any way? Were you dehydrated?

I usually have the opposite extreme--looser stools.

Anyway, stay strong & dont be a Tiger :D
Kim

Hi Ladies---
Question on sitz baths after surgery....you do them in a tub of warm water correct? What about straining the area to sit in the tub and get up...is that okay? Just do it gently?

Unlike others, my doc didn't recommend Sitz baths. And I don't have a bathtub in our bathroom. So I mostly got in the shower with peri-bottles at first, Then after about 10 days, I used a removable shower head to cleanse and "soak" area.

-Kim

Sbremom -

Some general info/tips to help you with your surgery:


Nursing lying down. My son was 8 months old and 22 pounds when I had the surgery. We never got the hang of nursing lying down, so he sat on my lap while breastfeeding (he's also very tall). This put a lot of extra weight on my bottom. I'd recommend working now while your baby is young to nurse her while you're lying down (if you don't do this already).
Backup childcare. My son's nanny went out with an unexpected health problem 2 days after my surgery, so I didn't have childcare for several days. I did find backup help, but I lifted him quite a bit the first 5 days after surgery. You might want to have a backup, just in case.
Meals. Our Sunday school class always provides meals during times of sickness or other need. However, I was embarassed about my surgery and didn't tell anyone about it. What a mistake! My husband did let them know after a week and a half, and we were given two meals, which helped a lot. When asked what the surgery was for, he just said "complications from our son's birth". I encourage you to let anyone who offers provide any help they will.
Laxatives. I was on stool softeners for 10 days after surgery per my doctor's instructions. I had one small bowel movement 3 days post-op. At day 5, I took a laxative. I continued this for a couple of days. It did result in diarhhea that I couldn't control, but I found it much easier to handle that than regular - even soft - stools. The pain from my stitches opening up was much worse than the initial surgery pain, and I can't imagine having to strain at that point.
Boppy pillow. I sat/sit on my boppy. Others have said it's better to use a memory foam pillow. I actually use both. The boppy opens wide enough that I don't believe it pulls too much, but then again, my stitches opened up completely, and I still have a gaping hole that hasn't healed, so what do I know?
Sitz baths. My doctor said no sitz baths initially. I know others say it helped them, so who knows? If you do them, definitely make sure you dry the area well with a blow dryer to prevent infection.

Others have said it, but it bears repeating:
Use a peri-bottle, blow dryer, and 2x2 gauze.

Hope this helps! :cool:
Suzanne

Ladies -

Thanks for the updates. Kim and Spring - sounds like you're almost there! Hang in there :) I appreciate you providing details. I'm almost 6 weeks post-op, so it helps knowing what to expect. Has the drainage stopped for you two? My certainly hasn't, and now I'm bleeding more than I did earlier. Wondering if that's normal?

I'm starting my exercises this week. Will let you guys know if/when I experience an improvement.

Take care!
Suzanne

Hi wonderful ladies,

Suzanne: my draining continued until the wound closed completely (week 11), so don't be discouraged about that. I actually had bouts where the draining would increase -- and I would bleed too -- but the dr. didn't seem too concerned about it. If it's a lot of blood though, I would certainly check with him; you want to be careful not to get an infection. The area is still quite sore now, even with the wound closed; it will take a while for the tissue to heal completely, I think. I am supposed to start a 3 hr 40 min class on Wednesday of this week but am not sure I will be able to sit for that long. I may have to work something out where I stand for parts of it...

Sbremom: my doctor said sitz baths were ok, however I found regular baths in clear water much more soothing. With the sitz baths, I felt like my wound was splitting open (I think that's why Kim's dr. didn't recommend them). Suzanne's suggestions are all excellent. Just make sure you take it easy and don't push yourself. At least your baby is young and doesn't weigh that much! Remind me when your surgery is again? Beginning of August?

Kim: my diet really wasn't very different when I was having the hard stools, I just didn't eat any fruit the one day. It was awful and they were very hard to expel so I have upped my fiber intake recently and made sure to eat a lot of fruits and veggies (and beans!) to help keep it soft. I think I got ahead of myself thinking, "Oh the wound is closed, I'm feeling better, blah blah, I don't need to be so anal (pun intended) about the fruit". Now I know better! I just hope it doesn't happen again in the near future because it was painful and worrisome for me.

Take care everyone!! Spring

Yes, "being anal" has taken on a whole new meaning, huh? I guess whoever coined the phrase "an apple a day..." had bowel issues :blob_fire

[as of today, I'm 9 weeks post-op]
I thought my wounds were closed up, but have freckle-dots of blood some mornings still. Not a big deal now. I can handle sitting and standing most of the time now, but still prefer one cheek sitting b/c of tenderness.

Spring, enjoy your class. It may be a welcome diversion for your brain after being home-bound so much with recuperation.

Suzanne, thanks for keeping us in the loop regarding your recovery. Drainage for me has stopped since wounds are closed for the most part. Stool leakage has also subsided b/c swelling is down and "drainage ditch effect" decreasing. Hang in there! I even got to swim with my girls a couple times this past week. And I'm able to walk around much netter without getting so fatigued. Now, after a long day, I just feel slight pressure from internal healing (I guess?!?) where it sure feels good to relax on the couch. But pain--not really. Stool leakage--not really, but I still try to shower after most BMs to get all the remnants that might be hiding. Drainage--not anymore. Bleeding--a few times a week with an itty-bit on the toilet paper either in the morn or after a BM. I'm cautious about what I eat keeping my fiber really high.

I haven't been doing Kegals much. I need to start easing into them and not go hog-wild like I did last week. I always forget. I need to make them part of my routine. My doc suggested at red lights and during commercials.

Stay strong!
Kim

Hi everyone,

Yes, I am welcoming the distraction of a class; however, I am concerned about sitting for such a long period of time. We'll see how it goes. I have had a lot of pain today because I had a hard time going to the bathroom again. I think I might try some stool softener tonight because I don't think I can handle another day like this. I literally feel like something is stuck up my rear end, and it is very tender and sore. I also still have leakage after my BMs. I feel like I am going backwards, ugh!!!

Kim, glad to hear you are doing so well and that your wounds are practically closed. Won't be long now and they'll be completely closed. Not to get too personal, but have you tried sex yet? I think you mentioned you were going to wait, but I was just wondering. We tried and OUCH, not pleasant. Very frustrating!!! I am going to wait another month and see how it goes.

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the holiday week.

Take care!!

I just had my surgery date set for sphincteroplasty, perineaplasty, levatoroplasty and rectocele repair and was wondering what to expect and I came across your thread. It is so helpful and informative to hear from those who have gone before. But also thinking should I do this.

Elley:confused:

Hi Elley, welcome aboard! Tell us a little bit about your situation if you don't mind. I'm assuming--childbirth trauma, correct? How do you feel about your doctor? When's your surgery set for?

Hi Spring, Sorry that you've experienced some back-sliding. Does stress tend to make you constipated? Stool softeners may help; I have no idea. My stools run on the softer side--especially when I make sure to have my high-fiber cereal in the morn. Give your doctor a call with your concerns. Maybe call them first thing in the morning and tell them you need his feedback by day's end. Don't feel like you're being a pest. Afterall, we paid for their services and advice.

I was a little frustrated today because I was at my office and felt like I needed to poo. Instead of going right away, I finished up a couple of emails. Then had to scoot quickly down to the bathroom. I started to go before reaching the bathroom which left a small skid mark on my underwear. And the wet wipes (that I still carry b/c it's gentler to clean up after a BM than dry toilet paper) came in handy for clean up between my cheeks. It was frustrating. Most of the BM came out when I was on the pot, but geez! No comparison to pre-op mind you. Afterall, I sensed everything that was going on down there and have the muscles to get most the poo out once I'm on the pot. Nothing like pre-op. So, I'm still happy with the surgery and results. It's just not ideal. I need to listen to my body, be mindful of what I put in it, and stengthen those muscles.

I have NOT tried sex yet. I'm really nervous about the prospect. I'm scheduled for my annual gyn exam on Monday and am tempted to postpone that for another month b/c the thought of probing makes me nervous. I guess I should go to my annual appt. I'll just tell the doc to be gentle :jester: It'll also be nice to get his opinion on how things are healing down there. It was a year ago that I mustered up the courage to tell him about my fecal incontinence in the first place. So I'll keep you ladies posted. I'll ask him when he thinks I could handle intercourse. My colorectal surgeon told me to wait for intercourse until wounds were completely closed + a couple weeks longer. He also definitely recommended lubrication. So I have my Astroglide (like KY) ready when I am. My doc told me we could do anything but penetration, but my hubby's not interested. I guess he wants all or nothing.

Stay strong!
Kim

Hi kim,
Thanks for responding. Its so neat to find others going through the same things as myself. For so long I thought I was the only one going through this misery and that I was stuck with it. I'm 57 and have had 4 kids, my youngest is 28. 9 years ago I had a hysterectomy and I think all that combined took its toll. Last oct. I finally seen a proctologist. I had 4 hemorrhoids over 4 months removed (banned) and then in Mar. had a polyp removed, thinking it would take care of my leaky butt and give me control of my bowels. April was my worse month, I couldn't really go anywhere and my bottom was raw so I was soaking it all the time. So in june had a sonagram and went for the surgery so I can get a normal life back. my surgery is scheduled for 7/22 and the procedures are Sphincteroplasty, Perineoplasty, Levatoroplasty and Rectocele repair. I'm looking for all the help I can get on what to expect and what to have on hand after surgery that helps and what work for you and what not to do.
Thanks to all you for sharing,
Elley:)

Hi Elley,

It's great that you're taking steps to prepare yourself mentally and physically for what's ahead. Have you looked through the previous threads at all? It can be overwhelming, I know. My husband thought this board was an obsession of mine right before and after surgery, but in reality, it was my lifeline. My first post at the beginning of June lists some tips for surgery. Also, sbremom has been asking some really great questions these past couple of weeks about what to expect from surgery. Read through some previous posts and let us know if you have any specific questions.

Stay strong and optimistic!
Kim

Hi ladies,

Elly: So sorry you are dealing with all of this, but I don't think you will regret the surgery. I think we all agree that the long recovery is well worth not pooping ourselves. Suzanne and I just posted some tips for Sbremom the other day; look through the previous posts and see if any of our thoughts answer your questions. If they don't, please let us know and we'd be glad to answer anything. I think we can all agree on this board that there is no such thing as too much information!!

Kim: I'm sorry you had poopy poking when you ran to the bathroom. That actually happens to me a lot if my stool is loose. You mentioned you have loose stool, so maybe that's why. At least you made it to the pot!!! You should try doing your exercises. I have noticed a little improvement in my gas control since doing them (I've been doing them about a month EVERY day).

You're smart to hold off on sex...I'm wondering if I tried too soon and disturbed something? I still have that feeling that something is stuck up my butt; however, I can't tell if it's because we tried sex or if it is because of my issues going to the bathroom lately. I also went to that class I was telling you about this morning and man does my bottom HURT this afternoon!! The professor was going on and on about how disruptive it is when people get up during class and to please refrain from doing so, so I emailed him to see if he would let me stand for parts of the class in the back of the room. Even with my pillow I was uncomfortable, but I'm even more uncomfortable now than during the actual sitting. Ugh!!!!!! I may need to drop it because it is Macroeconomics and I really need to concentrate. Not easy when your bum is constantly on your mind....

How's everyone else doin'??

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time during class, Spring! Even with your pillow and everything, huh? It's tough having all that weight on the pelvic floor (sitting and standing). You may want to drop the class if you think it's going to cause you pain or get in the way of healing. See what your prof says about standing for part of the class. I can't imagine him having a problem with that!

How are your wound/wounds? How big are they now? According to my mirror checks, I think mine have pretty much closed up as of a week and a half ago. And I haven't been in pain per se in a couple of weeks. At the end of the day, I have more of a fatigued pressure (if that makes sense).

You're on your way to recovery! Stay optimistic. Just remember how far you've come. I'm sure intercourse didn't hurt anything internally/surgically, but you should probably hold off until you can at least sit and do normal everyday kinds of activities. I can sit down, but hard benches and chairs--forget about it! I figure when I can sit down on a wooden chair without bracing myself, I'll be ready to try intercourse. Until then, I'll just have to wait.

Question: Do you all think I should go to my annual GYN appt on Monday?

I've spent most of the day going back as far as I can and reading all your input...wow this is so helpful. I really like my Dr. and trust him completly, but now I'm wondering because you all were in the hospital for at least a couple days and some longer, instead of as a out patient (I'm supposed to have out patient) The more I read the more it seems one should be in longer not on an out patient basis. What do you suggest???

Elley

Elly: I would not recommend this surgery as outpatient, but there are some who have had it this way and didn't complain much about it. It's just that you won't be able to eat solid foods for several days which can make your blood pressure plummet (at least it did mine), and they want to monitor that as well as your bowels. You have to be sure to be on some sort of stool softener, mineral oil or high fiber diet after the surgery so that you don't become constipated. It is a hard balance at first because the whole area is just so irritated. I would discuss inpatient with your doc and see what he says. It can't hurt, right?

Kim: I would go to your appointment on Monday, even if he can't do a thorough exam. It is nice to talk to an OBGYN after this surgery; after all, it was because of childbirth that we had to have the surgery anyway, right??

I haven't decided about the class yet. I really want to take it and get it over with, but then again I don't want to stress myself and prolong the healing. I really thought I would be able to handle it with the pillow, but even today my bottom is sore and feels stick-like. I still have no idea why I am having trouble getting my BMs started. They are so hard to get out at first, then it's fine once it is started. I started a new birth control pill last weekend, do you think it could be that? The weird thing is that I started it Sunday, but the hard BMs started last Friday. I have no idea!! This could also be why my butt is sore...

My wound is closed, but if I sit just right or for too long, I can feel a tug and pang in the area. I know what you mean about hard chairs...ugh! The thought makes me cringe. I am definitely going to put off sex again for another 4-6 weeks. The reason I went back on the pill was because we've decided to wait a while longer than we had originally planned because we want my body to be completely recovered.

Take care, everyone!

Hi there,

I have just had this surgery too and was wondering

1) how long the recovery was for you

2) when you felt the benefits of the surgery

3) whether you had a lot of weeping from the scars and if you did how long it lasted for (I'm paranoid about infection).

Thanks for your help - I'm praying this surgery will be a success as I have been having the same problems as you all since I gave birth to my son 18 mths ago (I had a third degree tear and my internal and external sphinter muscles were damaged all the way along).

Take care,
Gxxx

Welcome to the board, gwriter! Happy healing (if there is such a thing :p). How are you feeling? When was yor surgry? You asked about:
1) how long the recovery was for you: That's tricky because it's a long process and different for everyone. I was in hospital for 4.5 days; horizontal for 2 weeks; able to work 3-4 hours a day outside the home after 3 weeks, but then was completely WIPED OUT (didn't lift a finger around the house AT ALL); after 6 weeks, I feel like the birds came out to sing a bit b/c I could get around a little better and even do 1-2 things on the weekend (e.g., movie, water plants outside, one flight of stairs). I was able to go swimming with my children last week acouple of times and do slightly more walking (at 8-weeks post op). Now at 9-weeks post-op, I'm doing a little more around the house, able to work nearly full-time, and experience fatigued pressure (not pain) especially in the evening. I'm definitely not 100% but slowly working my way there. Other women have had a much harder and longer road than me--especially if their wound/wounds opened up considerably or if they had more involved surgeries (like fistula repair)

2) when you felt the benefits of the surgery: The biggest benefit is having sensation back in the anal area right away. I could tell benefits almost immediately--the urge to have a BM happened sooner (giving me more warning to get to the pot), having a complete circular muscle to push out better, pinch off the BM, and hold it in, etc.

3) whether you had a lot of weeping from the scars and if you did how long it lasted for (I'm paranoid about infection). The weeping, or what we American call drainage, ("weeping" sounds much more poetically palatable though :D) lasted as long as you have open wound/wounds. It varies in color (clear, greenish, brownish). My doc said that's normal. 2x2 gauze between the cheeks makes it much more comfortable.

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Spring, turns out my gyn cancelled the appt on monday due to his surgery schedule. So I have to reschedule anyway. Just when I had been looking forward to his feedback.

It's a tough call about you class. Sounds like if your BMs were cooperatingly maleable (i.e., NOT so rock hard :mad:) you'd be able to handle the class much better. Because you've been pretty active lately--always going to the store and activities on the weekends, etc, right? I don't know! Keep us posted. And who knows..the pill might not have made your stools hard to begin with, but may have something to do with them remaining hard, especially if that's not been a long-lasting problem for you before.

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Elley, the thought of doing the surgery out-patient makes me wary as well. My doc wanted me in the hospital until I had a BM. My blood pressure was really low as well like Spring's. I loved the automatic bed, good drugs, and assistance in the bathroom. It also gave me permission to be cranky, miserable, and in pain without my kids seeing that. My friend's hubby is an anesthesiologist and he thinks this surgery (sphincteroplasty) is pretty MAJOR and recuperation should not be taken lightly. So even if you do it out-patient, remember to line up help for the next 2-3 weeks at least. No joke!

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Update: Didn't want anyone to think that I have to dash to the bathroom at the slightest urge (like my last story). Today half way through gracery shopping, I got the slightest hint that I may have a BM on the horizon. I was able to finish grocery shopping with my 2 kids, drive 20 minutes home, take in groceries, and make it to the bathroom without a scare. So if that aint' a success story, I don't know what is :bouncing: So now I know the difference between a slight urge like today at the grocery store and a "drop everything and head for the pot" urge like I had the other day. As I strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, those close calls should be fewer and far between (knock on wood).

Stay strong, ladies! The world needs us with our chins up!
Kim

Hi Kim,

Thanks so much for responding to my queries - it really helps and it's lovely to find people in the same boat as me. (makes me feel less of a freak - I always seem to get the embrassing probs)

I had my surgery just under two weeks ago and am feeling better than I thought I would be. I was in hospital for 5 days as they wouldn't let me out until I had a BM. I eventually had one and then suffered severe constipation at home (apparently a common side effect of surgery) and ended up going to my local dr and having to get suppositries and movicol. My surgeon had prescibed lactolose 3 days after my surgery and has told me to stay on that now. Unfortunately he seems to be a man of few words and hasn't really told me what to expect. He is quite far away from me and I don't want to keep ringing him with every little thing...

At the moment I am more mobile that I thought I would be. I tend to sit/lie down most of the time as I can't really stand on my feet for more than ten mins or else I get this really searing heavy pain like my crotch is being pulled to the floor (sorry if I sound completely mad). The drainage seems to be quite a lot (It runs down my inner thighs after a shower etc), but is definitely the colour you decribed, but quite watery (excuse me for being so graphic).

On the up side I think that I am getting more notice with BMs and I don't seem to leak as much. I hoping all of this will improve with time!

Typically my gorgeous little boy has come down with a vomiting bug, which I could really do without. But that's life isn't it!!

Take care all and thanks for your help,
Gxxx

Gwriter: Welcome to the board! Ok, I know it's not exactly like joining a sports team, or a new class, or a book club, but we women need to stick together! ;)

My recovery has seemed really long compared to some other women; however, I did have a fistula repair along with the sphincter-o-nightmare. My wound closed up around week 10 or 11, and I am currently at week 14. I still have discomfort when sitting for long periods of time, and I have to be careful not to have hard stools b/c I get the feeling that I have a stick up my rear end if I have to push too hard. Lovely image, huh? I had drainage from the wound until it closed completely. I am concerned when you say that the drainage drips down your legs after a shower. Did the dr. say this is normal? I didn't have that much drainage; I mainly saw it on my gauze (I kept a 4x4 gauze between my cheeks at all times). Since my case was a little different, I felt the benefits right away from the surgery; I never had too much trouble controlling BMs, and now I have leakage afterwards, which I never had had before. It's frustrating for me because my main concern pre-op was the fistula and passing stool and gas through the vagina. Anyway, I am hopeful the leakage will go away with time and kegals.

Kim: that's too bad your doc cancelled! Ugh. Do you have to wait a long time to see him now? I am SO happy for you that you got through shopping, driving and unpacking without having an accident!! That is such good news. It's the little victories, right? We really do need to celebrate each time our "new" muscle functions correctly, don't we? :D
I still haven't decided on the class (I have until Monday). I felt a little better today, but sitting does bother me. When I stand up, I have this "full" feeling in my rectum, like something is in it. I think it is the muscle, which isn't completely healed. I'll keep 'ya posted!

Take care!

Spring and suzanne--thanks so much for the information...I am adding it to my list. Went out and got some supplies tonight--gauze and wet wipes....better to stock up now I figured. My surgery is aug 5th which I am excited and scared about all at the same time. I have been busy the last few days reading from the first thread and I finally tonight got to the 6th one...so still some reading to go, but WOW thank god for this thats all I can say. I have a supportive family and all but they have no idea what this will be like or what I am going through now!

Suzanne if and when you have time....do you have any other specifics for me in terms of breastfeeding during this surgery and recovery? What was the pain meds you were on that you were able to take and still breastfeed? I get up every night and pump and freeze so I am getting a lot stored up for her.

Kim---I cannot wait to have that "urge" or feeling again. I went for my anal manometry test on tuesday and that one part where they blow the balloon up and it gives you that feeling---its so sad to say this but I miss that feeling! haha Oh my god I am sure only you women could truely understand that! haha Gotta get some sleep....hope this finds everyone well and in good spirts and health. Happy 4th!
By the way how many kegels do you ladies do per day?

Hi ladies,

Thank you so much for telling me about your recovery periods. It really helps to know what to expect and I have probably learnt more from you than from my surgeon.

I tried to phone my surgeon today to ask him about the drainage, but just kept getting his voicemail. I left a message so hopefully he'll get back to me. I was brave enough to have another look at my scars and I (fingers crossed) don't think they look infected. So, hopefully it's ok. I still find it pretty weird that they leave it open! :confused:

I have been using pantyliners instead of gauze as haven't been told otherwise and have been changing them about 4 times a day. I think I'll buy some gauze and see how I get on with that. Did you just place between your cheeks or did you use anything to keep it there? Did it feel uncomfortable or stick to the scars (the thought of having to peel it off makes me feel nauseous).

Anyway, have a great weekend!

Gxxx

Kim and Spring,
Thanks for your input about staying in the hospital..vs..same day surgery. I haven't been able to get a hold of my Dr. due to the holiday but come Monday morn, hopefully I will be able to talk to him. I had a big set back Friday morning, I lost my mom. She was 86 and the best mom ever. She lived by herself and my sister and I took turns going over every day. She was such a joy to take care of and was in pretty good health for 86. She would take her morning pills that we set out for her and call who ever name was up (mine was up for Fri) to let us know she took her pills and was eating her breakfast. When she didn't call by 8:30 my sister said her and her husband would go check and call me. I decided I needed to go too and was 3 min behind her. Our mama had a heart attack and died in her sleep. Boy we were not ready for that (I know you never are) We wanted her forever. Its been hard but we know she is with our dad who went home 9 years ago, and Jesus...We were blessed to have went to Arizona last weekend with our mom and 3 of us girls to see our sister (there are 5 sisters) we had a ball with our mom and she enjoyed herself so much...Any way it has made me kinda forget about my surgery for a while...
Thanks for being there,
Elley

Hi Elley, I'm so sorry to hear the news about your mother. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Let us know how we can support you in balancing your emotional and physical needs. Also let us know about the in-patient vs out-patient decision.

Gwriter, I'm glad you mustered the courage to look at the wound. I remember going through quite a bit of guaze in the beginning (after each trip to the bathroom at least). My doc said he left a drainage hole to prevent infection since he went in about 2 inches deep for the surgical repairs. Unfortunately, most of us have additional openings of external sutures b/c the skin is so delicate down there and we use our pelvic floors for EVERY little move. So just stick the guaze between your cheeks to catch uncomfortable drainage; it'll stay there pretty well. I only found that the guaze stuck to the wound in the morning toward the very end of the healing process. Other times it came off pretty easily.

Spring, BMs any better? What did you decide about your class? Oh, my gyn is going to see me Tuesday. So I'm looking forward to what he has to say. I'll keep you posted on what he says.

Take care,
Kim

Elly, Oh I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what a shock it must be to lose your mom so suddenly. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

Gwriter, ditto on what Kim says. The gauze didn't stick to my wound too much, either. You should buy a softer type of guaze (there is some gauze out there that is kinda prickly) so that it's more comfortable. It really helped me with the chafing and discomfort in my underpants! I still use it after my BMs because I leak afterwards and would prefer not to stain all my panties! :eek:

Kim, that is great you can get in Tuesday with your GYN. Let us know how that goes. My butt's been a little better b/c I've upped my fiber intake and am having an easier time going to the bathroom. I think we are going to have to pay close attention to our diets for a very long time. *Sigh*

Take good care everyone!

Kim & Spring,

Thank you for your condolences, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and know it will take time for the hurt to lessen.
I was thinking since I was having a lull in my symptoms and also getting scarred, to maybe postponing my surgery. But then I remember what I have went through with all my "accidents" and I really really want to be normal again and not have to worry when I go someplace. It would really be nice if I was where you guys are now (the other side of surgery closer to all healed up) I was wondering about work. my surgery is the 22 of this month and I am supposed to start the 25 of aug (almost 5 weeks) I will be sitting, but I can take frequent breaks. Any suggestions??

Hi Elley,
I could see why you would want to postpone your surgery since you have a "lull in your symptoms" as you say. That is your call; whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Starting a new job 5 weeks post-op may be a challenge, but the healing process for this surgery really depends on the person. I would at least alert your new employer to the fact that you are having major surgery so that they know in advance incase you need longer to heal. Have you asked your doc? What does he think? I have read that some people return to work 3 or 4 weeks post-op (like Kim, who went back part-time), but others need a lot longer (8-10 weeks), like me. I think it also depends on what you do for a living and how flexible your job is.

Ladies, any other thoughts?

I agree with everything that Spring has suggested. Soft gauze--lovely! Cheap, sand-paper gauze--Ouch!

Elley, I think that 5 weeks sounds good in theory, but, as Spring said, you may discover that it's not long enough. My advice is to really and seriously stay horizontal as much as you can for the first 3 weeks. My husband didn't let me do anything but go to the bathroom and show up to the table to eat. He even rigged me up one of those kneeling office chairs with a memory foam pillow on it so I could have most my weight on my knees at the dinner table. I really think that staying horizontal so much and not having a baby to take care of (my youngest is 3 years old) helped to prevent my external sutures from opening up. I never had more than a couple of pea-sized openings--unlike many women with something like a quarter-sized wound. I worked on my laptap (connected to my work's VPN) mostly from my couch. Also when you go back to work, prepare for CRASHING out once you're home. Even when I went back half-time and three-quarter time (at 3 & 4 weeks), I was completely exhausted in the PM & weekends. Or, as gwriter, so aptly described, I felt like my crotch was being heavily pulled to the floor. So line up family and friend to help with cooking & cleaning.

Let us know what you decide regarding your surgery schedule. Given your emotional upheaval with the death of your mother, only you can gauge when and how much you can handle right now. Just remember that you are a strong woman who will find the strength you need to get you through these tough times.

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gwriter, since your doc is a man of few words (like most of ours), try to read through some of the previous posts to piece together what works for you. I swear by keeping my fiber intake at about 30-35 grams a day. I don't do the supplements. I try and get my fiber from high-fiber cereal, fruits, veggies, etc.

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How's everybody else out there? Sbremom, when is your surgery scheduled for? Spring, glad you butt's getting better :D! What did you decide about your class?

Stay strong, ladies!
Kim

Hi, so glad to find this site with some moral support. I am 31 years old. I have two little ones, ages 1 and 2. I am stay-at-home mom of two busy little ones. The birth of my first was traumatic for both of us. I ended up with grade 4 episiotomy and apparently more fun side effects! Then, my second came along 16 months later with no complication. Both were of average size and early (36 weeks). Since the birth of my second, began having more complications and issue with bowel control (especially with looser stools), bladder can feel falling out and just plain old don't feel much energy and not that great ever. Finally, went to the pelvic restorative center in my town after my internist and ob blew me off saying I was to young to have anything like this happening. I have been diagnosed with uterine prolapse (grade 1), cystourethrocele (grade 3), rectocele (grade 2) and damaged anal sphincter. I am scheduled in a month for a vaginal hysterectomy, anterior/posterior repair, bladder sling and sphincteroplasty. Has anyone ever had all of the procedures at the same time???? I am terrified. Totally a pain weenie and not looking forward to all of this. Hired a nanny for 2-3 months to help with the kids in addition to our regular housekeeper so hopefully will be able to stay down for as long as necessary. I am looking for as much information, tips and encouragement as possible. I would really, really appreciate the help. I dont know anyone that has been through all of this. Thanks.

Welcome Linday, Elly, and Gwriter. I am a newbie here as well compared to the other ladies, but I can tell you this thread has been a savior for me. I am only 28 and began experiencing this after the birth of my first baby, so I was very depressed and upset at first but once I found this, these women gave me the strength and courage to fight this battle and get on with my life.

Things are good with me. I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying my baby. I had my anal manometry test which was uncomfortable but not bad. As I said before I enjoyed having that urge back to go during the test. TOo bad I cannot experience that now. Why is it that we dont have the urge anymore?

Next week I go for my ultrasound....thats not painful at all is it? Is that when they will be able to see where the damage is?

The surgery is set for aug 5, with a colonoscopy on aug 4. Little did I know I would have all this to look forward to before I even turned 30! :D I am still trying to do kegels everyday to get into a habit for after the surgery....does anyone have a good routine to remember to do them...

This may be a dumb question but I will ask anyway. Once our anal sphincter is a circle it will always stay that way right? It will not go back to being a horseshoe shape? Also, same question for our perineal walls? I know as we age we lose muscle tone but the shapes will stay there right??

I hope this finds everyone well and recovering nicely. You ladies are allways in my prayers!

Hi Sbremom,
I had the ultrasound in my docters office and it was just a little uncomfortable and mine lasted less then 5 min. It really wasn't bad. I did not have to prep with it just went in and had it done. The colonoscopy wasn't bad either since I had an IV with something mild that made me just relax and sleep. The worst part for me was the prep the day before.
You are so right, this thread is both comforting and encourageing and so helpful. I've learned more from readinding this thread then from my own docter. Thank you Kim and Spring for all your sharing.
Keep on taking one day at a time and enjoying your baby, I think thats the most rewarding thing you can do. We don't need to borrow worrys from tomorrow, thats what I keep telling myself, and I am getting better at it each day.
Have a great day!!

Welcome aboard, Lindsay! Geez, you do have quite the roster of procedures, don't you? It's great you've already been thinking ahead with lining up a nanny and housekeeper. If it were me, I would rather do all the surgical procedure at once--as opposed to stair stepping them. Get the best of the best doctors!!! Look through the other threads parts 1-7. I think some of the earlier posts involved multiple procedures, but most of us have just done the sphincteroplasty and surrounding area (like levator and perineal muscles).

Sbremom, I don't remember any of the pelvic floor tests being painful. The bowel prep for colonoscopy and surgery stinks (literally and figuratively). I just parked it on the toilet with books and my laptop. I took the prep stuff in the bathroom with me, b/c you literally (with our sphincter problems) can't make it from one room to the other without messing yourself.

Stay strong!
Kim

Spring and Kim prior to your surgery how your bm? Mine used to be fine before all this but are now much softer (sorry for being so graphic), smaller pieces, and more times a day. I guess they are more times a day because of the smaller pieces, but not sure why the consistency has changed so much because of this problem?

Hi everyone,
Wow, lots going on today!! 'Glad we're all supporting and helping one another; it's very important with problems such as ours!

Sbremom: the ultrasound was not painful for me. I found the other test more painful because of the nerve testing. Have you gotten the results from that one yet? To answer your question about the shape of the muscle, the idea is that it should stay intact in a circle like it was pre-baby. I think what happens over time is that the muscle weakens but does not necessarily go back to being a U like it is after a tear. I'm not a doctor, but that's what I think. Kim, do you have any ideas? I am not sure why the consistency of your stool has changed since you had the tear. Mine didn't really change much. I've always had a bit of IBS, so I'm not really one to say that my stools were always consistently a certain way.

Lindsay: welcome to the board! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this...UGH!!! Like Kim said, at least you are getting it over all at once. I actually have to see a urogyn at the end of July for some other issues I am having. I really hope it is not going to lead me to another surgery! If you read the threads called "I Survived Sphincteroplasy", there are about 7 parts going all the way back to the beginning of 2007. There is a wealth of information about all sorts of things, and I think I remember reading about some women who had multiple repairs like you will have. I will keep you in my prayers that all goes well. When is your surgery scheduled for?

Kim: are your wounds closed now? How are you feeling? How do you do sitting for long periods of time? I decided to stay in the class because I went today and was able to stand in the back of the room through most of it and take notes, so I should be able to do it. It makes it much easier for me to see the board, too! :D I'm just so sick of my butt ruling my life!!! I am quite sore tonight because I sat through a long baby shower yesterday, then had class this morning, but tomorrow I will try to do more standing....

Take care everyone! :) Ciao!

Thanks for all of your encouraging replies! I know that all this is the right thing to do but is scary! My surgery is scheduled for August 6th. It is the last thing that I want to do but I know and hope is best. I hope that my children will understand and not suffer for it. They are my life! (of course, my husband too!!)!! I just wish I knew someone who had had all of the procedures that I am having. Though, I think I am most scared of the sphincteroplasty. Agggg!!! I will need you all so much more after. I obviously have a lot of reading to do in past threads (when I ever find the time)! I am looking forward to learning as much as I can!!

Sbremom: During all of my work-up, I had an ultrasound which to me was not painful at all. Little embarassing as all of this is, but otherwise ok.

I would love to hear each of your number one tips for surviving this all!! What can I expect each step of the way?? They told me at least 5 days inpatient then home with a list of fiber pills, metamucil and enema daily, etc! I will meet with each of the 4 surgeons a week before surgery to discuss all plans further. Hopefully, then will get more questions answered! Thanks for all of the help!

Lindsay:)

Sbremom -
You asked for breastfeeding tips. Re-read my posts on 6/17 and 6/30 for specifics. Also, I would suggest you call the lactation consultant at your hospital. They are there to help you and have wonderful information/knowledge. One last thing, make sure your baby can take a bottle from someone other than you before your surgery.
Also, I had a colonoscopy the day before surgery. The cleanout the day before that was horrible. I couldn't sit on the toilet for the 12 hours it took to completely clean out, so I had accident after accident. I used depends all day and night and took many showers. Once I was standing next to the toilet and couldn't get my pants pulled down fast enough, so it was a reminder of why I really needed the surgery. Just be prepared for that because (I believe) the cleanout for a colonoscopy is more extensive than just for the surgery because the entire colon has to be cleared.

Welcome gwriter, elley, and lindsay. Glad you found us!

gwriter75 -
My doctor said to expect an 8-10 week initial recovery but not to expect a full recovery until 6-9 months. I'm at almost 7 weeks now, but I still have a large opening that will take a while to heal. I haven't yet noticed any benefits from the surgery, but I'm just starting my exercises (see an earlier post for my doctor's recommended exercises).

elley -
So very sorry to hear about your mom. I'm glad you have your sisters for support. I had the surgery outpatient and didn't realize how difficult it would be (found these message boards after my surgery). My recovery hasn't been as difficult as some. I had sphincteroplasty, perineaplasty, and levatoroplasty, and others have had more extensive repairs. I started back to work part time the week after my surgery, but this was from HOME and SITTING at a computer. I didn't return to a 30-hour workweek until a month after surgery, and again, mostly from home.

lindsay -
My number one tip is have a backup plan in case your recovery is extensive. I don't know anyone who had all those procedures at once. With little ones, you'll need extensive help. My son's nanny went out with an illness of her own 2 days after my surgery, so I wished I had a backup plan at that point. Luckily, I have a neighbor who was out of school for the summer and could help me. GET AS MUCH HELP AS POSSIBLE AND STAY IN BED! Also, peri-bottle, blow dryer, and gauze will help.

Kim -
Let us know how your doctor visit goes - today, I think?

Spring -
Glad you were able to make it through class.

All -
Sorry I've been sporadic in responses lately. I'm having a hard time keeping up with work and family these days. Nothing new to report here - wound still isn't really closing, but I'm hoping that will change soon.

Take care!
Suzanne

Hey Suzanne
Thanks for all the tips...I wrote it all down and am ready to go, with the baby at least! ;)

I also have a colonosopy the day before surgery, which i am so scared about. Does it hurt? THe prep sounds awful...it takes that long to clean out? Oh my god thanks for the warning..I better prepare help that day too. Urgh. If I remember correctly you had the surver outpatient correct? I can go back and check your other posts, but I think I remember you saying that.

I notice you said to gwrite that you still have not noticed benfits from the surgery...it seems after reading the other ladies posts on earlier threads that it takes some time, so dont give up hope! Did you mainly have it for the incontience before your bm that you spoke about earlier?

Also noticed you went back to work part time the week after surgery but you were sitting.....was sitting hard to do and painful? I am a teacher and just planning for when I do go back...I have a comfy chair, but wondering if it will still be painful.

Hope everyone else is enjoying their summers and healing nicely!

Hi Sbremom,
To answer your question about the sitting thing, I am still in pain after sitting for long periods of time (more than an hour w/out standing) and my surgery was March 28. As a teacher you won't do too much sitting, so that's a plus (I'm a teacher, too). I am currently taking a class and having trouble sitting through all of it, so I do a lot of standing. The perinium is still VERY sore and tender.

I didn't have a colonoscopy before the surgery, but I can tell you the prep is not fun. You definitely notice why you need the surgery in the first place when you can't make it to the bathroom in time! I had quite a few accidents...make sure that you drink plenty of fluids before and during the prep because it will dehydrate you and you don't want to pass out or something.

'Will be thinking about you!

Spring

sbremom -
You're so prepared - you're going to do great! As for the colonoscopy, it's not painful at all. I had one several years ago, and I don't remember going to the bathroom for as many hours as I did this time. This time I had diarrhea all night long (over 12 hours, though the last few hours were much less frequent than the beginning). Hopefully, you won't have as much/frequently as I did.

Yes, I did have the procedure outpatient. I didn't know there was another option - didn't find this message board until 3 days after my surgery when I couldn't understand why I was still feeling so bad. I had the drop in blood pressure others have mentioned as well. I normally run low (90/60), but it dropped lower after the procedure. I drank a coke and walked around, and it came up enough for them to release me. Just be prepared if you do the procedure outpatient that you may actually have to stay overnight if that happens to you. Thought I remembered you saying you'd be staying one night - that might be a good idea anyway.

Thanks for the encouragement - I will keep you posted when I see some positive results.

I would not want to return to any job outside the home for at least a month after surgery. I was able to work from home because I just work on the computer. I can literally walk 4 feet from my computer and lay down on a couch if I have problems. Sitting can still be painful. I sat down too hard and quickly tonight and had a reminder that I'm still healing. Just be sure to allow yourself plenty of time to heal.

Wow, Suzanne! I'm so impressed with your role call earlier. You did a great job recapping who everybody is and their status!
I did have my annual gyn exam today. I was nervous about the speculum insertion b/c I couldn't even handle a tampon yesterday (b/c it was uncomfortable and irritating). Luckily my doc is so good, quick, and stealth; the exam was no problem. He did say that he could tell that I was still healing internally--especially on the right side where my colorectal surgeon had to dig to find good sphincter muscles to re-attach. My gyn doc said that he could see or feel sutures and could tell it was still healing. Makes me realize how intense this surgery truly is. That's why a tampon is still not a good idea--maybe next menstrual cycle. He also instructed me to wait at least a couple of weeks for sex. My husband wants to wait even longer. I think we underestimate how this affects our spouses, too. I think he's pretty traumatized by the whole ordeal. I mean--seeing me go through and being so supportive with two 4th degree tears (plus recovery), fecal incontinence, & major surgery down there (plus recovery). He's scared of messing anything up--I think. He wants me 200% healed and recovered before we are intimate again. Then I end up misinterpreting his resistance as him not finding me desirable anymore (which logically I know isn't the case, but emotionally I feel rejected that he's not counting down til the time we can be sexual again).

Up side: I'm 10-weeks post op and feeling great. I have pretty much resumed regular activities--swimming with kids, short walks around the neighborhood, working, sitting, etc. I still prefer to use my memory foam pillow if I have to sit on hard surfaces. I won't try riding bikes for at least another month (probably longer). Anyway, that's where I am.

How's everybody else doing? Suzanne, when you mention no benefits yet, are you still having fecal incontinence to the same degree as before? Because I still have to rush to the bathroom sometimes, but the urge and sensation are noticibly evident again. I just have to remember to do those dingy-dang Kegals (which I'm not consistent about).

Stay strong!
Kim

Kim,
That is great that your doc was able to do your exam w/out causing you too much discomfort. It's amazing that you/we still have internal sutures after all this time. I wonder if I still do??? I'm 14 1/2 weeks out now so I'm assuming they're pretty much dissolved, but you never know. If you don't mind my asking, what did the discomfort feel like when you tried to wear a tampon? I was going to try using one during my next period, but am not sure if I should or not. I think you are definitely right about how this ordeal affects our spouses. My husband has been really patient, but I know it must be hard on him, too. At least now I can do much more, even if it doesn't mean sex. Anyway, it is definitely a test of one's patience, that's for sure.

'Hope everyone's doing well! Hang in there! :)

I use OB tampons. I tried to put in the smallest size 2 days ago. And it felt like I had tried to put in a super-dupper big one while being bone dry inside. You know that irritating friction feeling, right? It felt like that. So I took it out and used a pad. I'll try again next cycle.

Stay strong!
Kim

Hey Ladies
Suzanne thanks for the encouraging words! I am trying to be as prepared as possible without thinking too much about it bc then I get scared!

Spring--you mentioned sitting is hard, what about standing? I teach computers so I have the option of walking around, standing, or sitting in a comfy chair. I usually walk, however, I am trying to plan ahead for what would be best when I do go back. I take it laying down is what feels best even a few weeks after the surgery.

Kim...a question about the urge. You said you still have that gotta go feelings sometimes....but other times you can hold it? Why don't we have that sensation? Does that have to do with the circle not being round? I am so happy to hear your progress through all this!

I am surprised about the internal stitches....wow thats a long time. When do you get the go ahead to resume normal activities like outside?? Kim...I think it was you who runs?? If so are you able to do that again? I am a runner so this has been hard in that aspect to. Not that I have nearly as much time to just go for a run with a little baby! :)

Keep smiling and enjoying the day....as always you are all in my prayers....

Hi ladies! It has been a long time since I have posted. To refresh, I had my surgery last September and was the first one to respond to Kelley the original poster.

As far as the internal stiches, my Dr. told me I would always have them and that is why it is so very important that I don't get constipated. I am still trying to figure out my diet. I was irregular before the surgery, but I have to say I am completely satisfied! I have to run, but I will try to log on more often and give my input.

As far as this being your lifeline, it is the reason I had the surgery. It was the most beneficial tool I had to prepare myself and to talk to other women going through the exact same thing as you are. Especially since it is a very touchy subject.
Take care everybody,
Mindy

Kim: thanks for the explanation about the tampons. Yes, I am familiar with that "friction" you are describing--it's awful!

Sbremom: walking and standing are much more comfortable, but only recently. I didn't return to work to finish the school year b/c I have very young children and do a lot of bending, squatting, and sitting on the floor. I would get sore standing for too long, and sitting was not an option either b/c of the wound being open, so I preferred to lay on my side or sit on one hip bone. You should be fine if you are not in too much discomfort to rotate between sitting, standing, and walking around, you will just have to see how you feel. Each person handles the recovery differently, so it will all depend on how your body is reacting to it.

Mindy: how are you doing? It's nice to read you again. That's interesting what your doc said about the internal sutures and that they'd always be there. Did he say you could rupture them at all? If so, how constipated would you have to be to do so? I mean, super constipated where you feel like you're have having a second birth, or mild constipation? This is first time I have heard this, so I'm curious!

Take care everyone!

Hi Ladies,

I have been so busy lately trying to get things set for my mom's memorial, that I haven't had a chance to write.
I had a lot to read through and I can't say enough how helpful it is. I'm so glad to hear the progress of you guys that have all ready been through it.

Spremom, I think Kim has the perfect solution to the prep for your colonoscopy, I wish I would have thought of that, parking my bottom on the toilet and letting come what may. I was going to use my mom's disposable underware but thought when I messed myself it would be to hard to pull them down without getting it all over, so I went with extra long and wide overnite kotex (generic brand) and when I felt the urge I would run to the bathroom holding my bottom and I was able to carfully take the waist band down without getting it all over and carfully take the pad off and throw it away.....the worst part for me lasted for about 2 hours and then it seemed to go and I slept.
I decide that I am going to go through with the surgery and called my docter Mon. he wasn't in but talked to his nurse who is so much easier to talk to any way and so very helpful. She said that he only does same day surgery, unless there is a problem. I really do like my doctor so I don't feel comfortable looking for another one and she really encouraged me with the success of his past patients so I am going to think positive and gather everybodys prayers and go for it.

Kim I'm so glad your Dr. appointment went well and wasn't too painful. and that your husband is so understanding. I know it isn't easy when you haven't had sex for awhile the mind can conjure up the worst thoughts of he doesn't want me because.......blah blah blah..but it really sounds like you have a really super sweet heart who is only thinking of you instead of himself.
Thanks for all your input.
Elley

Sbremom, I normally am much more active, but easing into things. The doctor complimented me on listening to my body and gauging my activity accordingly. The last couple of weeks I've been able to swim with kids and this week I've started walking (no more than half a mile so far), but it feels good to move again. I do walk/run and have averaged a sprint-distance triathlon a year (painfully slowly--mind you!). Last year, I slowly completed my first Olympic-distance triathlon (training in the midst of poopy symptoms). So I'm really looking forward to training in the spring without worrying about soiling myself :eek: But for now...Just focusing on full recovery.

Regarding BM urges. I have control. But sometimes I get like my kids and think I can wait to go to the bathroom. Like I feel the BM urge. But I think, "Oh, I should have time to serve the kids some cereal." Then I think, "Oh, I have time to serve me some cereal, too, and eat real quick." Then after I eat my cereal, I'm doing the quick shuffle to the bathroom, b/c the poo is at the back door. So it's exciting to have the head's up sensation and not soil myself (NOT even that annoying poo leakage anymore--knock on wood!). But when it's at the back door, it's a rush, b/c I still have to strengthen the muscles back there.

Stay healthy & strong!
Kim

Hi Elley, so good to hear from you! I hope you have found strength within your close-knit family (especially your sisters) to cope with the loss of your mother.

I guess we were posting at the same time. Thanks for your insightful words about my amazingly new-age sensitive man. You're right about him!

And, by the way, I discovered the "park it" secret to the full bowel prep in January when I had to do my first full bowel prep for the colonoscopy. My experience was similar to yours (holding my bottom, but not quite making it to the pot). Both my January and April full bowel preps took approximately 4-5 hours. So with the second one, I kissed my family good-night at 5pm and headed to the bathroom as if I were going camping :D

Hang in there, Elley! We're all thinking about you!
-Kim

Kim,
Thanks for your encouragement and I am so blessed to have my sisters to draw strength from. I don't know how people go through anything alone, and thats what so neat about this thread, the info and the encouragement from all of you.

Thanks,

Elley ;)

Hi everyone,

I can't believe a whole week has gone by since I last posted. Thank you so much for all your advice. It's so good to hear from others who are going through the same thing. I say this again because a couple of my relatives seem to expect me to get on with things as before. I think they think I should be doing cartwheels or something! And I think I've been doing very well.... I should mention that I have just got my period, so people may have rubbed me up the wrong way more than usual.

It was really useful to see your comments on tampons as I had put one in this morning. After reading your posts I then went and changed it thinking that it makes sense to leave it until I've healed a bit more. It certainly hurt taking it out - Ouch!

Since last week I think my recovery has certainly improved in terms of my mobility and the pain also seems to be subsiding. I still have drainage, but it appears to be a little less than before. I walked into town yesterday (usually a 15 min walk) as I wanted to see how far I could go. I took the bus back as I was completely wiped out (for the rest of the day too). But it felt great to be out in the sunshine.

I don't know if any of you happened to get thrush from the drainage irritating the vaginal area? Well it seemed to be the cause for me, which I cured by using Canesten.

I also felt a little down from some leaking after BM today and yesterday - plus it taking ages to clean myself after a BM, which were exactly some of the reasons I had surgery. So I was really encouraged to know from some of your comments that it may take a while - fingers crossed for all of us.

Elley,

I was so sorry to hear about your Mum - you take special care and as all the other girls said we're thinking of you. xxx

Kim,

Really pleased your app went well. I can also identify with what you say about you feeling a bit rejected that your husband isn't counting down until you get intimate again. I felt like this after I'd had our son as my husband wasn't in any rush to either, but really I think it shows how much they care. If they were chasing us around the place I guess we'd be complaining how insensitive they were. I have to admit I'm afraid of doing it in the near future - that drainage hole seems to be far to close to the vagina area!! - but I better get over it as I want another baby very soon.

Suzanne and Spring,

Thanks so much for your comments about the recovery process - I'm learning so much from all of you.

Sybremom and Lindsay,

I found the worst bit was waiting for the surgery and wondering how we'd all cope. My son (he's just 18 months) being away from me and my husband having to take more on when he's so busy at work and how I'd recover. I have to say that as soon as I woke up from surgery I felt relief that I could just get on with it instead of waiting for it to happen. I've also had a lot of help with my son, which has really helped.

Well I better go ladies, take care and thinking of all of you,

gxxxxx

Hope you are all doing well. At least it is Friday!

Kim - Thanks for the encouragement. I am sure that the anticipation is one of the worst parts. I am really ready to get this all over with. Like you, I worry most about my 2 year old and my 15 month old and how they will handle it all. I want them to come out as unaffected as possible. They are my world and would have liked to have more but that was not in the plan.

I am just so frustrated because I feel this all could have been prevented with a simple c-section. I am a small person 5 ft, 100 lbs. Delivery of my son, 7 lb 1 oz, in 2005 was difficult and he was born with apgar of 1 (heart rate only) and me with major blood loss and grade 4 episiotomy. Doctor was on top of me pushing on my belly to get him out. Thankfully, he is now totally fine!!!! and happy 2 year old. Baby girl came 16 months later with very easy delivery. Since then, I started having symptoms of bladder and uterine falling as well as the inability to control stool at times. I went to my internist who told me to take immodium and laughed at me saying well you change diapers anyway. I told him that things were not right and he said I was too young for that and that I must just have a stomach bug. Finally, went to my ob. He did not pay to much attention either. Did a few tests and said that we should go ahead and have another baby and that things would be fine but then I would need surgery. However, last pregnancy I was dilated to 5 cm at 35 weeks and she came 36 weeks, 0 days. He said it would be safe but I doubted this. Finally, went to the pelvic restoration center in town after referral from a friends md. They found that all of the was not right. I now am facing all of this surgery (hysterectomy, anterior and posterior internal repair, bladder sling and sphincteroplasty on aug 6th). I am glad that finally someone listened to me and what I have been experiencing. I have had difficulty dealing with all this emotionally. I mean how many grown adults have all of these incontinence issues. And it is not like your friends want to hear about it. Feel lonely so glad to find some women that understand. I called my ob and spoke with the nurse to have him call me back but he never did. My new ob surgeon for the surgery alluded to the fact that my problems now are due to his mismanagement of my care and first delivery. I think he is scared to talk to me. Now we have all this to deal with and tons of money for a nanny to help care for the kids not to mention my physical and mental anguish. Sorry for the rant but I am just still angry that all this is happening to me and my family. Thank God for my supportive husband and family. So much of this is just hard to talk to anyone about.

Elley - so sorry about your mom. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Thanks again for listening to my ranting.

Lindsay

Hi Lindsay,

The anticipation is definitely one of the worst parts. I remember feeling very anxious and worrying so much about who was going to look after my son and how it was going to affect him (as I said in my previous post). I was ringing around nanny agencies and worrying about how we were going to pay for one - thinking we would have to break into savings. Thankfully my neighbour who is a childminder had a gap and is taking him for 3 days every week for 4 weeks (who is half the price of a nanny) and then my in-laws and husband have done the rest. It will work itself out somehow. I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but it will.

Also my son didn't really have much trouble adapting. Everyone kept him really busy. I must admit I found it hard when I came out of hospital and I was no longer the favourite, but this soon changed.

I know exactly how you feel about people not taking what you say seriously. I kept going back to my gp (local dr) and telling her that I didn't think it was right and also at my gyno. app at the hospital to the point when I just didn't go back as I thought things would get better in time (and that I was complaining over nothing). But when it reached my son's birthday and things hadn't improved I knew I must get it sorted out. It was a big relief when I finally found out that something was wrong and it wasn't all in my head. I find it outrageous that your internist had the audacity to laugh at you. What kind of care is that? Thank God you found someone who took you seriously and listened to you.

I can understand the emotional effects too. I felt like a child who couldn't keep her knickers clean or left going to the toilet to the last minute. I still haven't told my husband about the leaking issues as it made me feel unattractive. I felt like a broken record talking to friends about my tear and I'm sure they were sick of hearing me go on, but it is very distressing and I didn't have the amount of problems as you. (I had a third degree tear. They later found out that my anal sphinter had damage all the way along the internal and external muscles. I still have a lot of scar tissue inside the vagina, which may have to be addressed at a later stage).

I can understand your anger too and the only thing I can say is that at the end of the day thank God we have something wonderful to show it - our children. Who despite our pain and discomfort are worth every minute of it.

You'll get through this Lindsay - we all will. Getting angry and talking about it are all part of the process of us coming to terms with difficult births (there are aspects of my labour that could have prevented my tear too) and horrible embarrassing after effects.

Your surgery date will be here before you know it and fingers crossed it will really improve things for you. It's been 3 weeks today since my surgery and it has flown by.

Take care, Thinking of you,
Gxxx

Gwriter and Lindsay,
I can completely understand the emotional trauma that incontinence and other issues cause. I am still a wreck sometimes because I have other issues that need to be reckoned with still and am scared of what they will tell me once I have my appointment at the end of the month. Having any of our issues is no fun; and Lindsay, I totally hear you when you say that all of it could have been prevented with a simple c-section. I too am very small and my friends and family were all shocked to hear that I delivered vaginally. The docs tell me after the fact that the smaller you are, the higher your risk for problems later. Thanks for telling me this BEFORE the baby was born!!! Argh! I even looked into suing my OB, but the lawyers tell me that it is very hard to prove that the OB caused the problem (I had a rectovaginal fistula), but I find it hard to believe. They (lawyers) said that it would cost me a lot of money to do the proving, and I'd maybe even lose money in the end. So...I've been trying to let it go, but it's hard.

Lindsay, I am going to a pelvic surgeon at the end of the month for my bladder/urethra issues, is this the type of surgeon that will be performing your hysterectomy and bladder sling operation? What are the tests like when you see the docs? I am scared to death b/c I have read that they have to place things into the urethra, which is painful. I am just hoping that it is nothing grave and that I can still have more children.

Hang in there everyone!! We will get through this!
Kim, Sbremom, Suzanne...how are you guys doing?

Hello everyone!
Hope you are having a great weekend! Not much here. Just starting a fast renovation of a bathroom so I can have a jacuzzi tub for soaking during recovery. My best friend's husband is a contractor and they are helping us get it done fast as a treat to make recovery better! So great to have wonderful friends that understand (as much as they can anyway)!! She is the only person that I have told mostly everything too (besides my hubby and mother)!

Gwriter - Thanks for the encouragement! We already hired the nanny through an agency so that we would have liscensed, bonded, legal and one that could drive our kids to school, activities. This way if something happens with her they have to provide an alternative. Also housekeeper with job share with her and help with kids some. My mom will be here for a few weeks at beginning and then mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Nanny only on weekdays so poor hubby on weekend patrol with help I am sure of his mom whom he will end up begging for help. He has never been alone with both kids for over 3 hours at a time and pretty sure never fed, bathed and bedded both ever.

Glad to know your son adapted well. I was also worried about losing my "favorite" position for both of them. Will just have to do special things with them while in bed like reading or watch special cartoon.

I am also glad finally found a center here that is dedicated to helping women (mostly older than me, of course) with such issues as we are all dealing with. They have been great!! Glad you have someone you trust.

In the end, I thank God for two beautiful, healthy babies that are worth all this and more. I am working through the anger and inability to have another baby each day. I know once all is done and I feel better that I will know it was the right choice.

Spring -
I too have been thinking about legal action. Only starting to look into it after all the expense that this has been for us. Not looking to get anything but cover the expense to fix it. I am sure that what you were told is right and not to mention having to tell lawyers and such all the HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING things that I have dealt with as a result. Sure that I will not end up doing this. Just makes me extra mad at him now that he will not return my phone calls. On one hand I thank him for saving our lives but on the other hand know that it would have been better to plan ahead for a c-section as I am small and also high risk as I have high blood pressure even without pregnancy.

I have also been thinking of going to therapy. The center for pelvic restoration that I go to has a therapist just for women like us. The therapist also help with sexual issues, etc. I am really worried about that after all this.

As for the surgery, there are four surgeons (gyn surgeon, colorectal surgeon, urological surgeon, and plastic surgeon) and of course anesthesiologist. I meet with each independently. The testing with the urologist was the least comfortable. Not sure how much you want to know. So if TMI, I appologize. I had cystometrics which was not painful but more just embarrassing (actually humiliating as the wanted me to pee with a catheter in while watching me and had a catheter in my booty at the same time). With the issues we all have, I could not do one without the other and just was humiliated. The nurse could not have been nicer and more understanding as this is all they do daily and does not bother them like it does us. As a nurse myself, I understand this. The urologist also put another catheter in to check residual urine (this was not bad at all). The more relaxed and pleasant your doctor and puts you at ease the better. I guess after all of this and who all has seen it all has made this all easier. This is their job and what they do. Like I said, as a nurse, I can totally understand this. I used perform procedures and think nothing of it. In the grand scheme of things, the tests were the easy part!!! I understand your apprehension.

About further children, with all of my complications they said that we could try to keep the uterus (even though it has fallen some) but that could not guarantee a healthy pregnancy for me or baby and definitely c section and possible need to re-repair all that they fix (but can't have a baby without fixing it). So...we are not willing to take that risk with a boy and a girl with only minor health issues (peanut allergy, kidney reflux, asthma, eczema, etc). My delivery ob disregarded ultrasounds that reflected kidney problems in my daughter during pregnancy that after birth we found to be reality after a series of urinary tract infections.

OK-sorry for the ultra long reply. I am a talker and apparently a typer. Just so glad to have some support and those that understand what we are going through. Spring - it sounds like you and I have the most alike symptoms so feel free to ask what you like, I am a tell it like it is kind of person. So sorry you are having to deal with all this as I am with any of you that all of you are.

This might be the longest post ever but I am long winded! Thanks for all of the support ---- you have no idea how wonderful it feels to have women than can relate! Best wishes to you all.

Thanks for being you and understanding,
God Bless
Lindsay;)

FYI, ladies...I'm going on vacation with my family for the next couple of weeks so internet access will be intermittant at best. In case you wonder why I won't be as active on the thread as before.

Lindsay & Spring, I understand your anger and hurt over what has happened with the results of childbirth. I'm not small (5'8'' & 160 pounds) and had 4th degree tears with both girls. Like you both mention, I'm sure the incidence is much higher with petite and small-framed women.

Since my incontinence, my current doctors have asked me why my second ob/gyn didn't do a c-section with 2nd baby. But I don't think I would have listened anyway. I guess I felt (and still do but to a lesser degree) that c-sections are way over-used and that natural vaginal births are optimal. I guess what helps me get over the anger and hurt is remembering that childbirth used to be one of the number #1 causes of death of women; childbirth is a major event. Unfortunately, we women are SILENCED if there happen to be complications as evidenced by the horrid and/or uncomfortable reactions of some of our very own medical professionals, family, and friends. I also try to remember that the majority of us on this board assumingly have medical insurance and the support necessary to seek out answers and solutions to our unfortunate problems. I'm not intending this post to sound like, "Suck it up, girls." Quite the contrary, I encourage each of us to ask hard questions, challenge the outcomes of what has happened to us, and advocate for a better understanding of these issues. We need to speak up so other women do not continue to be silenced and feel that they are without options.

This board empowers us to reach out to one another which, in turn, gives us voice!

Thank you, everyone, for empowering me to not feel hopeless. Like I've mentioned before in previous posts: without this board, I would have doubted myself throughout this entire process--feeling alone, being humiliated about messing myself, wondering why recovery was not as easy as the doctor originally stated, not giving myself permission to recover more fully, not aksing enough questions, advocating for myself, etc. I am stronger because of you all. I can level with and even joke with my friends and family about my problems and recovery now when before I was completely SILENCED and humiliated. I've turned into an advocate for women like us, as opposed to just another statistic.

Chin up, ladies! Stay strong & healthy!
-Kim

Lindsay -
Your internist may very well be the worst doctor in the U.S. I cannot believe his diaper comment. Good for you for pursuing this until you got an answer for your problems.
Your physical issues are much worse than mine were, and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you during this surgery and recovery.
Elley -
Hope your family is doing o.k. during this tough time.
All -
There are good doctors out there. My OB/GYN wanted to induce early, but I chose not to. We also discussed a C-section because my first child broke my tailbone, and he was two weeks early. My insurance didn't cover elective c-section, and I really didn't want to do that, either. Though he didn't mention bowel incontinence, my doctor did spend time talking with me about the possibility of a difficult birth, and I had an ultrasound 4 days before my baby was born to measure him so we could make the final decision about c-section. They said, "He's 7 lbs 6 oz, give or take a pound. I thought I could handle that, but he was 8 lbs 12 oz. Also, I told my doctor immediately about my incontinence issues, and he examined me, gave me exercises to try, and said after a few months (once I healed from the birth), if I wasn't better, he would refer me to a surgeon. He assured me, "You will be o.k. The surgeon will help you." He's always been kind and taken time to talk with me, and he's been my doctor for 20+ years. I don't blame him for what happened to me, and I get very angry reading about other doctors who are completely insensitive to this very real issue.

Hang in there, ladies!
Suzanne

Kim,
I'm glad to hear you are going on vacation.  I hope you have a great time and enjoy yourself.

It is so true that the waiting for one's surgery can sure make your mind run away with some unnerving thoughts of what you are going to go through.  It will be nice to be on the other side of surgery like Spring, Kim, Suzanne and Gwriter.  Thanks again ladies, for all the advice you have been sharing to make it easier for us that will soon be having our surgery.
Gwriter, Lindsay and Suzanne, Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for my loss.
Hope you all have a great day today. Elley

Hi Ladies
Gwriter--you said about having another baby...what did your doctor say about another pregnancy after this surgery? WIll it be a c-section?

Just got back from my ultrasound...fun times again! Oh gosh I just have to laugh at myself otherwise I will go nuts from having one more person poke and prod my butt! Anyway, I guess I have problems with both the internal and external sphincter--any one has have both repaired?

I must say the doc is sooo nice and so are all the nurses. One more test (colonoscopy) and then surgery and then in the clear...boy I cannot wait until all this is over. I hope I never have to deal with another fleet enima---yuck!

Just wanted to update everyone....thanks again for the support and encouragement. Taking my daughter for her 3 month old pictures this week...I cannot wait. That appt is much more exciting than todays!! :) Stay strong and positive!

Suzanne-

Thanks! I agree about my internist. I found a new one just after that. She is great. I have my pre-op appt for clearance with her tomorrow. I am so glad that you have such a wonderful obgyn doctor! Mine never went through any of that with me. Really never spent more than 5 minutes with me. Never once even acknowledged my episiotomy again after the fact (even when I was still in the hospital after delivery and asked)!! Wish I had had the resources and option of c section the second time to spare more damage. Wish I could not feel like I blame mine. Just part of working through it all. Thank for the support!
Have a great night
Lindsay

Sbremom-

Hope your pictures went well. So fun!!!

At least you got through the ultrasound. Getting there. When is your surgery scheduled for again? It will be great to be on the other side of it.

Have a great night,
Lindsay

Hi Sbremom,

I have been told by 4 dr/specialists that my next delivery (please God) will definitely be by c-section as I could very well tear to the same degree again. Also having had the surgery to fix this they don't want to risk ruining it. They also said 2nd babies tend to be bigger, so this would increase the risk.

My surgeon has said that I can start trying for another baby 3 months after surgery. I had originally planned to start trying again in May, so am feeling v.broody. Especially with my sister and all my friends falling pregnant!

I also had damage to my internal and external sphincter all the way along. My surgery was to repair them by cutting through the damaged muscle and overlapping it (as far as I understand it). The surgeon said it went very well as there was some very good muscle there, so I'm hoping within time it will sort out my problems.

I'm seeing him next week for my month post surgery check up, so will have him looking at my rear-end again - how lovely!

I am lucky tho as girls here (in the UK) who are going through the NHS (national health service) are still waiting to be diagnosed. My husband had recently taken out private medical insurance, so I was able to get it done quickly.

Hope the pics went well!

All,

I am looking after my son for 3 days this week and am back at work (I work from home). My son was so good yesterday, but I was completely worn out. Feel in a complete daze today and a bit achy, but am doing well considering it's just been over 3 weeks since my surgery.

Am writing a list of questions to ask my surgeon on Mon - determined to get all of my queries answered. He still hasn't rung me back! He's very good at what he does, but I don't think he's that great with people. But hey as long as my surgery works that will be the main thing.

Take care everyone,

Lol,
Gxxx

PS. Don't know if any of you tried Surgical-Tone? It's a homeopathic remedy that's suppose to aid recovery from surgery. It seems to have helped me.

Hey Ladies,
I thought I would put my 2 cents in as well.. I am 42 and have 2 boys (one 9 and one 6). I too am not very big and my incontinence came from the birth of my first son who is 9. I was in labor for over 30 hours and was a 10 (in the pushing stage) for about 7-8 hours. His head was too big to come down the birth canal because I was so small. I was at a big hospital in a big city. One of the best. He got stuck, had everything imaginable stuck in his head to monitor him. I had every Dr., nurse, intern you could think of in the room with me, as well as sitting on me trying to get him out. At one point, they all got in a circle to discuss what to do (c-section) however it was too late because he was too far down the birth canal. Finally, he came out with a apgar of 1 and blue. My husband didn't know who to go to (me or his brand new son). I still had to deliver the placenta, but they put me totally out and I woke up in my room and didn't see my son for the first time until 6-7 hours later. It was the most horrible experience I have ever had in my life. The only thing that got me through was my baby. Of course I tore completely which is where the incontinence comes into play. Needless to say, the birth of my second son was much easier and nothing like my first. My incontinence however didn't start until after the birth of my second son. I lived with it for about 5 years before saying anything to anybody. I guess I kept thinking it would just go away, but instead it kept getting worse. I told my obgyn who is wonderful and he referred me to my colo-rectal surgeon (who is a male). I wanted a second opinion, preferably by a female, because I thought she could relate more to what I am going through and feeling. I made a appt. with a colo-rectal surgeon who is suppose to be one of the best. It took me 2 months almost 3 to get into see her and had to drive 2 hours for my appt. I was sooo excited to see her and for her to tell me what she could do. I left the appt in tears. She told me to stick a cotton ball up my you know what after a bowel movement and that I would just have to live with it. I had to hold back the tears in the exam room and the nurse just looked at me and said I am so sorry. I also told her that I was worried about having sex with my husband and it is affecting that part of of our marriage, because I feel like I am going to go all over the place. She also told me to give myself an suppository before we have sex to make sure I get it all out! Can you imagine? I never wanted to see that lady again in my life. I went with my first colo-rectal Dr., who was wonderful and really listened to me.

I had my surgery in September and couldn't be happier. It is so worth it and I know all the ladies on this board who have the surgery will be so glad they did. I still have issues with regulating my bm's, but I don't have to worry about going out and having an accident.

Stay strong ladies. You are not alone, as we can see by this board.
Take Care,
Mindy

Mindy,
Oh my gosh, I cannot believe that woman doctor that told you to stick a cotton ball in your butt after a BM and live with it!!! What kind of care is that???? Ugh! That infuriates me because so many docs underestimate the effects that incontinence and other issues have on the patient. They think that just because you are not in a life-threatening situation that you should just suck it up and deal--it's not right. My docs never really acted like it wasn't a big deal, I was just furious with them for allowing a fistula to develop after delivery. In my opinion, fistulas are totally barbaric and should not occur if proper post-delivery care is taken and the patient is looked at thoroughly within the first 6 weeks postpartum. Anyway....nothing I can do now except spread the word to my pregnant girlfriends that they should insist on getting checked frequently and thoroughly if they have a bad tear. I don't want to scare them, but I don't want anyone to go through something that is preventable, either.

Good news on my end: I have been feeling better sitting, so it's making my life (especially my 3 hour and 40 minute class) much easier. I still have leakage, but it seems to be lessening (knocking on wood). I hope it goes away completely at some point because I actually do stick gauze between my cheeks after a BM to catch the leakage and don't want to have to do that for the rest of my life...

'Hope everyone's hangin' in there! Take care! :)

Spring

Hey everyone
Spring--do they know what caused the fistual to occur? I know you mentioned that they can occur in the postpartum care...is it from an infection at that site that your doctor missed?

I just don't understand it. With all the medical care there is out there, why can't they spot this. I guess with many of us they can spot that the sphincter is torn, but the way they repair it doens't hold up. Maybe its the way our tissue and muscle is in that area..I am sure everyone's is different because think of all the ladies out there that have episiotomies and don't have problems.

I had a third degree tear, which isn't as bad as most of you. From the sounds of re-reading most passages, it seems that a lot of you had 4th degree tears. I guess if there is a positive thing its that we are taking care of this issue now, as opposed to when we are much older. We are young and our bodies can heal faster. As someone recently told me--stay strong...there is a reason why women have babies--men would never be able to endure the pregnancy, delivery, and raising children all while running a household and working! How true that is---we have a hidden strength that will get us through this.

Sbremom,
The docs think the fistula was probably caused by an infection post-delivery which caused tissue breakdown, however they are not 100% sure. Since I didn't feel symptoms until months following delivery, this is probably what happened. This is why I was so angry that they didn't catch it in the hosptial because I was truly in agony after delivering but didn't know I had an infection (obviously, it was my first baby so I didn't know any better). The nurses and docs didn't even bother to check the area, even upon discharge. I had a 3rd degree tear and an episiotomy as well. Aaaaaaanyway, I could rant all day about it, but I try not to for my own mental health! ;) You are definitely right in that we need to stay strong so that our bodies will heal. I have heard and read that stress and anxiety can hinder improvement, that's why I have tried to let the whole "suing my doctor" thing go and just move on. I don't need the aggravation.

How have you been doing? How did the pictures of your baby come out?

Take care! :)

Hey
I cannot believe they didnt check..really makes you wonder sometimes. You had the sphincteroplasty though too correct. Were you having issues with that as well? If not I am sure in the future you would have, so good to take care if it now.

I learned that early on too through this whole thing...you can't dwell or ask why me bc it will drive you nuts. Same thing with people that get cancer or other illnesses--there are no answers why...just happens I guess.

How are you feeling at this