gorgee
06-22-2008, 12:03 PM
To all my fellow, fibro friends, do you feel like it is one thing or another constantly. It is like you just get over a flare up of something, and then the costochrondritis comes back (I have already started a thread about this), and then the battle with life's issues like marriage.
As much as I want to tell my husband how I am feeling this morning with the back hurting and chest pain, I know it might hurt me more to tell him, and I might get made fun of, or critisized. Isn't that a horrible thing to say. I have been battling migraines since before my husband and I met, about 10 years ago, and now with more digging we have found that some of them might not be migraines, they are muscle spasms, temporal tendonitis that effect behind the left eyeball. Well, I have a course of meds that do help, and muscle relaxants, pain medications, and also ice packs, and eye patches to stop using the eye. The eye patches help a ton, and usually I wear a pair of sunglasses over the patch so it does not look so bad, and at night if it is bad, I wear the patch and then the black eye patch that looks like a pirate. Shutting the eye down helps the most.
It is a beautiful day out, about 75 and not a cloud in the sky, but I have no plans but to rest, and try to calm my back down. My husband is gone most of the week, tomorrow he is working to get a lot done, Tuesday he is taking his Mom to a red sox game in Boston and they are spending the night and will be back Wednesday and then work that night, Thursday he works and has church so we will not see him, Friday he is gone away for a golf tournament, and works that night, then Saturday he is sleeping, up for about 6 hours, takes a nap, then goes to work, and then on Sunday he is going on another trip with his family to a nascar race. I have gone with him the last 2 years, but this year he never invited me, I was hurt, and hurt about him taking his mom to the red sox game, when we have done nothing together for about a year. Should I be hurt? My life is not over, I would love to go a red sox game, have a break with my husband, his mom is off from school, so she could watch the boys, but he is taking his mom. Does anybody else have this to deal with and how would you handle it? It was so hard when I found out not to cry my eyes out.
He said, "did you forget you are sick." I said no, but my life is not over, and I would love to spend time with you. He said I don't want to be with you. I am not sure how to take that, we are strapped financially more than ever, and I think he is taking it out on me.
Like I said it is one thing or another. It is too much. I hate guilt, and I feel guilty resting, but I want to feel good this week so I can do things with the boys, maybe a day trip to Bar Harbor would be nice. My husband is asleep and will sleep till probaly 12noon or 1 pm, then take the boys to do something. We used to be together, and I always would be so excited to do things with our only day, Sundays are our family day, the only day my husband does not work or play golf. How do I rock the boat a bit, should I jump up (despite the hurting) and go, just like I used to and go, or enjoy the time to myself, have my husband be with the boys, and take my break? I miss my husband, but can stress, financial stress, cause my husband to hate me?
Thanks for letting me vent. I need to know what others deal with or what they won't deal with. I know I am like a broken record, does your husbands go on trips with their mothers? At one point, when things were bad in November, I found out they were taking a 3 day trip ice fishing up north, then he took her to Boston last fall, and then on a day trip fishing on Memorial day. I am glad he has his mother, but I feel second. My mother passed away right before our wedding, it breaks my heart, but I am ok, just a busy mom with 2 boys, trying to hold our family together, and take care of myself. I feel I should be going with his on Tuesday. I am even willing to push myself as hard as I can and do whatever I can just to be with my husband. Maybe it will be good for him to get away, be with his mom, and away from us. I don't know, please write me.
As usual, needing advice, and wondering what are your stories, how much has illnesses, fibromyalgia changed your social, fun life?
Kass
As much as I want to tell my husband how I am feeling this morning with the back hurting and chest pain, I know it might hurt me more to tell him, and I might get made fun of, or critisized. Isn't that a horrible thing to say. I have been battling migraines since before my husband and I met, about 10 years ago, and now with more digging we have found that some of them might not be migraines, they are muscle spasms, temporal tendonitis that effect behind the left eyeball. Well, I have a course of meds that do help, and muscle relaxants, pain medications, and also ice packs, and eye patches to stop using the eye. The eye patches help a ton, and usually I wear a pair of sunglasses over the patch so it does not look so bad, and at night if it is bad, I wear the patch and then the black eye patch that looks like a pirate. Shutting the eye down helps the most.
It is a beautiful day out, about 75 and not a cloud in the sky, but I have no plans but to rest, and try to calm my back down. My husband is gone most of the week, tomorrow he is working to get a lot done, Tuesday he is taking his Mom to a red sox game in Boston and they are spending the night and will be back Wednesday and then work that night, Thursday he works and has church so we will not see him, Friday he is gone away for a golf tournament, and works that night, then Saturday he is sleeping, up for about 6 hours, takes a nap, then goes to work, and then on Sunday he is going on another trip with his family to a nascar race. I have gone with him the last 2 years, but this year he never invited me, I was hurt, and hurt about him taking his mom to the red sox game, when we have done nothing together for about a year. Should I be hurt? My life is not over, I would love to go a red sox game, have a break with my husband, his mom is off from school, so she could watch the boys, but he is taking his mom. Does anybody else have this to deal with and how would you handle it? It was so hard when I found out not to cry my eyes out.
He said, "did you forget you are sick." I said no, but my life is not over, and I would love to spend time with you. He said I don't want to be with you. I am not sure how to take that, we are strapped financially more than ever, and I think he is taking it out on me.
Like I said it is one thing or another. It is too much. I hate guilt, and I feel guilty resting, but I want to feel good this week so I can do things with the boys, maybe a day trip to Bar Harbor would be nice. My husband is asleep and will sleep till probaly 12noon or 1 pm, then take the boys to do something. We used to be together, and I always would be so excited to do things with our only day, Sundays are our family day, the only day my husband does not work or play golf. How do I rock the boat a bit, should I jump up (despite the hurting) and go, just like I used to and go, or enjoy the time to myself, have my husband be with the boys, and take my break? I miss my husband, but can stress, financial stress, cause my husband to hate me?
Thanks for letting me vent. I need to know what others deal with or what they won't deal with. I know I am like a broken record, does your husbands go on trips with their mothers? At one point, when things were bad in November, I found out they were taking a 3 day trip ice fishing up north, then he took her to Boston last fall, and then on a day trip fishing on Memorial day. I am glad he has his mother, but I feel second. My mother passed away right before our wedding, it breaks my heart, but I am ok, just a busy mom with 2 boys, trying to hold our family together, and take care of myself. I feel I should be going with his on Tuesday. I am even willing to push myself as hard as I can and do whatever I can just to be with my husband. Maybe it will be good for him to get away, be with his mom, and away from us. I don't know, please write me.
As usual, needing advice, and wondering what are your stories, how much has illnesses, fibromyalgia changed your social, fun life?
Kass
Sponsor
CDS75
06-22-2008, 05:10 PM
Kass-
I really feel for you and your boys. I think you know that it is time to take a stand. You know your husbands behavior is completely unacceptable.
Think about your boys growing up, getting married, and treating their wives the way you are being treated. You did not choose to get sick and I am positive there is NOTHING you wouldn't do to get better.
And his mom....doesn't she know you are sick? Does she realize how he is treating you?
The stress of this situation is only making your condition worse. Part of fm/cfs is adrenal insufficiency and stress only makes it worse.
BTW I grew up in the Casco Bay area. So BEAUTIFUL up there!
I really feel for you and your boys. I think you know that it is time to take a stand. You know your husbands behavior is completely unacceptable.
Think about your boys growing up, getting married, and treating their wives the way you are being treated. You did not choose to get sick and I am positive there is NOTHING you wouldn't do to get better.
And his mom....doesn't she know you are sick? Does she realize how he is treating you?
The stress of this situation is only making your condition worse. Part of fm/cfs is adrenal insufficiency and stress only makes it worse.
BTW I grew up in the Casco Bay area. So BEAUTIFUL up there!
Shays mom
06-22-2008, 05:28 PM
Absolutely!
caoder66
06-22-2008, 06:26 PM
Kass-
I don't know everything about your situation. The words "I don't want to be with you" that you wrote in your post cut right through me. That made my heart ache for you. You have every right to your feel the way you do. Don't feel guilty about what you feel- I am pretty sure that you are entitled to feelings;)And let him know how you feel. But be prepared- it doesn't always have the effect that we hope that it will. Believe me, I have been there (in a previous marriage) and I did have to make that stand that CDS75 spoke of. I got some good advice once. "Treat yourself like you treat others" and if that means standing up for yourself then do it. When I did stand up for myself, I was ready to accept whatever happened. I was at the end of my rope. It didn't have the effect that I wanted at the time but I am in a much better place now. I feel for you because it sounds to me like you are between "a rock and a hard place". And for us fibromites, that is certainly not a good place.
So I know the feeling of "it is always something". All of the weird aches, pains and sensations are enough to drive me crazy. I feel as though I am constantly complaining. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your boys- they are lucky to have you. But don't forget about the girl(you)-Do something nice for yourself. You are are trying so hard to keep things together and it can be physically and mentally draining. Don't be so hard on yourself-start being your own cheerleader. Until then, I will send a few cheers your way-:)
Go, Kass, Go...
Painfree hugs,
Cyndi
I don't know everything about your situation. The words "I don't want to be with you" that you wrote in your post cut right through me. That made my heart ache for you. You have every right to your feel the way you do. Don't feel guilty about what you feel- I am pretty sure that you are entitled to feelings;)And let him know how you feel. But be prepared- it doesn't always have the effect that we hope that it will. Believe me, I have been there (in a previous marriage) and I did have to make that stand that CDS75 spoke of. I got some good advice once. "Treat yourself like you treat others" and if that means standing up for yourself then do it. When I did stand up for myself, I was ready to accept whatever happened. I was at the end of my rope. It didn't have the effect that I wanted at the time but I am in a much better place now. I feel for you because it sounds to me like you are between "a rock and a hard place". And for us fibromites, that is certainly not a good place.
So I know the feeling of "it is always something". All of the weird aches, pains and sensations are enough to drive me crazy. I feel as though I am constantly complaining. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your boys- they are lucky to have you. But don't forget about the girl(you)-Do something nice for yourself. You are are trying so hard to keep things together and it can be physically and mentally draining. Don't be so hard on yourself-start being your own cheerleader. Until then, I will send a few cheers your way-:)
Go, Kass, Go...
Painfree hugs,
Cyndi
Donna1964
06-22-2008, 07:30 PM
Sorry Kass,
That was really harsh of him. Even my husband wouldn't say that. If he did say "I don't want to be with you", he wouldn't be for long. Are you sure that he is really where he says he is? Could good old mom be covering for him? Go to a neighbors house and give her house a call when she is suppose to be at the ball game (she'd see your number on the caller ID and just not answer). If she answers then you have yours. I don't know what your husband use to be (or pretended to be ) but he is a jerk. You need to file for disability, not to help the family finances but to make sure that if he splits or you finally have enough of him and you leave you can have something to help you. I wouldn't trust that he will be remembering his vows since he hasn't managed to do that so far.
That was really harsh of him. Even my husband wouldn't say that. If he did say "I don't want to be with you", he wouldn't be for long. Are you sure that he is really where he says he is? Could good old mom be covering for him? Go to a neighbors house and give her house a call when she is suppose to be at the ball game (she'd see your number on the caller ID and just not answer). If she answers then you have yours. I don't know what your husband use to be (or pretended to be ) but he is a jerk. You need to file for disability, not to help the family finances but to make sure that if he splits or you finally have enough of him and you leave you can have something to help you. I wouldn't trust that he will be remembering his vows since he hasn't managed to do that so far.
gorgee
06-22-2008, 07:34 PM
Thank you all, and yes, his family is aware, and I have tried talking to them about my health, jaw, fibro, and more. The boys are mostly with me most of the time, and then on Sat and Sun he takes them out to do some fun things for a couple of hours.
I want to please my husband, and I want to make him happy. He said this morning that if I wanted him to talk to me, then he would start talking about the house, and the clutter. So, today I have pushed myself hard. If I write tomorrow that I cannot walk, it is because I have cleaned, organized, sweated, and gone up and down the stairs 30 times, carrying totes of toys and clothes.
Thanks for the advice and listening.
Kass
I want to please my husband, and I want to make him happy. He said this morning that if I wanted him to talk to me, then he would start talking about the house, and the clutter. So, today I have pushed myself hard. If I write tomorrow that I cannot walk, it is because I have cleaned, organized, sweated, and gone up and down the stairs 30 times, carrying totes of toys and clothes.
Thanks for the advice and listening.
Kass
Jenn4508
06-22-2008, 08:51 PM
Kass - I agree with the rest of the posters but I have to bring up one other point... You say that you feel that with you not working it is a financial strain on the family, if this is so, how in the world does he have the money to play golf all the time, go to red sox games with his mom, take 3-day fishing trips and so on... Sorry, but that doesn't sound like to me that he is financially strapped... So how dare you feel guilty for not working outside the home because I know how much you do inside the home especially when he is sick and calls from his cell phone to bring something upstairs for him... For all the money he spends on these things, including golf, you should get this amount for your "fun money fund" to do with what you want no questions asked...
How dare he say to you Don't you remember your sick??? He doesn't think you are any other time now does he... Next time talk comes up about a red sox game tell him that if he doesn't want to go with you, that he can stay home with the boys since he doesn't see them much (which he doesn't) and you and your sister will go:D
Kass, please tell me you have access to the bank accounts.... Something sounds really fishy if you say you all are financially strapped yet he has plenty of money to go off on all these little trips yet you don't get to go... You need to check into the money situation for yourself... Don't be naive...
I would ask him what he meant when he said he didn't want to be with you when you said you wanted to go... Had my husband said that to me, I would have showed him the door and believe me honey, I have no income and my insurance is through my husbands work.... It just wouldn't be worth it to me... I had two small boys at one time and yes, I kicked their dad right to the curb... We are very good friends now but at the time, I was done...
I will tell you something that I learned long ago when I was in counseling before I was diagnosed with BiPolar 1, My psychologist said that a person knows 3 years before that they are ready to leave a relationship... He said that one day they will wake up, there will be no tears, nothing, they will just know that today is the day... That is what happened with me... I am not saying that is going on with your husband but what the hell is the man thinking... I feel like he is taking advantage of your good heart...
I hope that you think seriously about having a heart to heart with him about all these "trips" he is taking without you and what he meant when he said he didn't want to be with you... I would also ask him why he said "Don't you remember your sick" when any other time he doesn't seem to care...
It seems to me that he is using fibro and all the other diseases you have when it is convienent (sp) for him... Which is totally unacceptable in my book and it should be in your book also... He is using religion for his benefit which is something that does not look good in God's eyes... He is being manipulative, controlling and trying to keep you isolated from everyone... When someone does this to you, that is when they have you right where they want you... It makes you question who you are, it beats down your self-esteem, he has you feeling guilty, he makes you question your self-worth, the list goes on and on... KASS, you are not a second class citizen, his slave, nor are you beneath him... YOU ARE HIS EQUAL...
For some reason you believe that because you have fibro and all these other illnesses that it is your fault and you are not an equal to your husband.. You have let him made you feel guilty for hand you have been dealt (sp)...
If he were a real man of God, he would be with you every step of the way, making sure that you had everything you need to make you feel as well as possible... Taking you to the ball games no matter if you had to leave during the second inning and go to the hotel and rest, that is a real man of God... You say you wear sunglasses when you wear your patch so it doesn't look so bad, I know you do that for your husband, if he were a real man of God, he would tell you to forget the sunglasses and that you look beautiful with just the patch....
Kass - I really think it is time for you to go back to counseling like you did last year, you said it really helped you and don't say you all don't have the money, tell your husband he can give up one day of golf, that will cover the cost of the session.... I would also suggest marriage counseling for the both of you and I would not settle for counseling with the pastor of his church, I would find a true marriage counselor outside of your counselor.... Do not take no for an answer from him...
I feel like he thinks he is King of his Castle right now, don't feed into it anymore... When he gets sick and calls from his cell phone to tell you to bring something upstairs, I wouldn't answer the call, he will probably get mad and come downstairs to see why you haven't answered the phone... Tell him you were busy taking care of the boys and since he is downstairs now, he can get whatever it is he needs.... He is pushing you to see how far he can push and he is pushing your buttons... It is time to stand strong and do not let him push any longer... Don't let him push your buttons... Tune him out, you are not his slave or a little mouse running around his castle....
I wish I could take you and your boys out of that house and away from him.... Find out about the true financial situation, please....
I also have to question the apron strings with his Mommy... Has it always been this way or is this something that just popped up over the last year or so? Think hard about it....
Kass, I understand how you feel that it seems it is always one thing or another because I know that it happens to me too... I filed for SSD almost 2 years ago and am awaiting my hearing with the Judge which should be coming sometime later this summer... I pray every night that I get it...
I too have other illnesses other than the fibro but the worst thing is the BiPolar 1 which I was just diagnosed in August of 2006 after being misdiagnosed for 20 years... It is still not under control and I have a lot of rage and anger with it that sometimes a flip will just switch on and I lose control with total strangers sometimes... Like one time at the gas station some guy kept honking his horn wanting me to move from where I was at and I said many cuss words and gave him the finger... He pulled up next to me and the argument was on... I thought there was going to be a fist fight... Now, I am 5'2 and he was about 6'4 and about 260 lbs... I am surprised I didn't get shot or stabbed.... I do these things quite often... So I try to stay home as much as possible because once I start, I cannot turn it off .... I tell my psychiatrist and its like talking to a brick wall... My therapist tries to help but it isn't getting any better....
I have started going to my parents house at the lake for 5-6 days at a time by myself... They live right on the lake.... My mom has many gardens between the two houses they have so I work out in the yard most of the time... Yes, I hurt like hell for days afterwards when I get home, but its better than sitting at home and watching my husband drink every night...
Kass, I in know way hope I have hurt you in anyway by the things I have said as I truly care and love you and your boys... I just want you to think about what a wonderful person that you are and that you deserve much better treatment than what you are getting from your husband that pretends to be a "man of God"... Sending angels to watch over you and those boys.... Jenn :angel::angel::angel::angel::angel::ange l::angel:
How dare he say to you Don't you remember your sick??? He doesn't think you are any other time now does he... Next time talk comes up about a red sox game tell him that if he doesn't want to go with you, that he can stay home with the boys since he doesn't see them much (which he doesn't) and you and your sister will go:D
Kass, please tell me you have access to the bank accounts.... Something sounds really fishy if you say you all are financially strapped yet he has plenty of money to go off on all these little trips yet you don't get to go... You need to check into the money situation for yourself... Don't be naive...
I would ask him what he meant when he said he didn't want to be with you when you said you wanted to go... Had my husband said that to me, I would have showed him the door and believe me honey, I have no income and my insurance is through my husbands work.... It just wouldn't be worth it to me... I had two small boys at one time and yes, I kicked their dad right to the curb... We are very good friends now but at the time, I was done...
I will tell you something that I learned long ago when I was in counseling before I was diagnosed with BiPolar 1, My psychologist said that a person knows 3 years before that they are ready to leave a relationship... He said that one day they will wake up, there will be no tears, nothing, they will just know that today is the day... That is what happened with me... I am not saying that is going on with your husband but what the hell is the man thinking... I feel like he is taking advantage of your good heart...
I hope that you think seriously about having a heart to heart with him about all these "trips" he is taking without you and what he meant when he said he didn't want to be with you... I would also ask him why he said "Don't you remember your sick" when any other time he doesn't seem to care...
It seems to me that he is using fibro and all the other diseases you have when it is convienent (sp) for him... Which is totally unacceptable in my book and it should be in your book also... He is using religion for his benefit which is something that does not look good in God's eyes... He is being manipulative, controlling and trying to keep you isolated from everyone... When someone does this to you, that is when they have you right where they want you... It makes you question who you are, it beats down your self-esteem, he has you feeling guilty, he makes you question your self-worth, the list goes on and on... KASS, you are not a second class citizen, his slave, nor are you beneath him... YOU ARE HIS EQUAL...
For some reason you believe that because you have fibro and all these other illnesses that it is your fault and you are not an equal to your husband.. You have let him made you feel guilty for hand you have been dealt (sp)...
If he were a real man of God, he would be with you every step of the way, making sure that you had everything you need to make you feel as well as possible... Taking you to the ball games no matter if you had to leave during the second inning and go to the hotel and rest, that is a real man of God... You say you wear sunglasses when you wear your patch so it doesn't look so bad, I know you do that for your husband, if he were a real man of God, he would tell you to forget the sunglasses and that you look beautiful with just the patch....
Kass - I really think it is time for you to go back to counseling like you did last year, you said it really helped you and don't say you all don't have the money, tell your husband he can give up one day of golf, that will cover the cost of the session.... I would also suggest marriage counseling for the both of you and I would not settle for counseling with the pastor of his church, I would find a true marriage counselor outside of your counselor.... Do not take no for an answer from him...
I feel like he thinks he is King of his Castle right now, don't feed into it anymore... When he gets sick and calls from his cell phone to tell you to bring something upstairs, I wouldn't answer the call, he will probably get mad and come downstairs to see why you haven't answered the phone... Tell him you were busy taking care of the boys and since he is downstairs now, he can get whatever it is he needs.... He is pushing you to see how far he can push and he is pushing your buttons... It is time to stand strong and do not let him push any longer... Don't let him push your buttons... Tune him out, you are not his slave or a little mouse running around his castle....
I wish I could take you and your boys out of that house and away from him.... Find out about the true financial situation, please....
I also have to question the apron strings with his Mommy... Has it always been this way or is this something that just popped up over the last year or so? Think hard about it....
Kass, I understand how you feel that it seems it is always one thing or another because I know that it happens to me too... I filed for SSD almost 2 years ago and am awaiting my hearing with the Judge which should be coming sometime later this summer... I pray every night that I get it...
I too have other illnesses other than the fibro but the worst thing is the BiPolar 1 which I was just diagnosed in August of 2006 after being misdiagnosed for 20 years... It is still not under control and I have a lot of rage and anger with it that sometimes a flip will just switch on and I lose control with total strangers sometimes... Like one time at the gas station some guy kept honking his horn wanting me to move from where I was at and I said many cuss words and gave him the finger... He pulled up next to me and the argument was on... I thought there was going to be a fist fight... Now, I am 5'2 and he was about 6'4 and about 260 lbs... I am surprised I didn't get shot or stabbed.... I do these things quite often... So I try to stay home as much as possible because once I start, I cannot turn it off .... I tell my psychiatrist and its like talking to a brick wall... My therapist tries to help but it isn't getting any better....
I have started going to my parents house at the lake for 5-6 days at a time by myself... They live right on the lake.... My mom has many gardens between the two houses they have so I work out in the yard most of the time... Yes, I hurt like hell for days afterwards when I get home, but its better than sitting at home and watching my husband drink every night...
Kass, I in know way hope I have hurt you in anyway by the things I have said as I truly care and love you and your boys... I just want you to think about what a wonderful person that you are and that you deserve much better treatment than what you are getting from your husband that pretends to be a "man of God"... Sending angels to watch over you and those boys.... Jenn :angel::angel::angel::angel::angel::ange l::angel:
Jenn4508
06-22-2008, 08:56 PM
Thank you all, and yes, his family is aware, and I have tried talking to them about my health, jaw, fibro, and more. The boys are mostly with me most of the time, and then on Sat and Sun he takes them out to do some fun things for a couple of hours.
I want to please my husband, and I want to make him happy. He said this morning that if I wanted him to talk to me, then he would start talking about the house, and the clutter. So, today I have pushed myself hard. If I write tomorrow that I cannot walk, it is because I have cleaned, organized, sweated, and gone up and down the stairs 30 times, carrying totes of toys and clothes.
Thanks for the advice and listening.
Kass
If he wants to talk about the house and the clutter, tell him to quit playing golf, going on trips to play golf, fishing and red sox games with his mom and stay home and help you and then you all can talk about what really needs to be talked about... You are never going to please your husband or make him happy at this point... The reason, HE IS A BULLY and has very low self-esteem. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions...
Tell him to get a life, cut the apron strings and act like the man of God that he claims to be... Jenn
I want to please my husband, and I want to make him happy. He said this morning that if I wanted him to talk to me, then he would start talking about the house, and the clutter. So, today I have pushed myself hard. If I write tomorrow that I cannot walk, it is because I have cleaned, organized, sweated, and gone up and down the stairs 30 times, carrying totes of toys and clothes.
Thanks for the advice and listening.
Kass
If he wants to talk about the house and the clutter, tell him to quit playing golf, going on trips to play golf, fishing and red sox games with his mom and stay home and help you and then you all can talk about what really needs to be talked about... You are never going to please your husband or make him happy at this point... The reason, HE IS A BULLY and has very low self-esteem. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions...
Tell him to get a life, cut the apron strings and act like the man of God that he claims to be... Jenn
gorgee
06-23-2008, 09:43 AM
Jenn, thank you, and no you have in no way hurt me. I am one big boo-boo, trying to hold on and figure out why my husband wants nothing to do with me, he does not want me to kiss or hug him, barely talk to him, or only if he talks to me first, he says, he does not want to see me, talk to me, have nothing to do with me, and does not want to have sex with me. The argument or conversation went like this, Honey. I just want to help you, get through this together, I want to kiss you and hug you good bye, and then he said, "Right now I want nothing to do with you, I do not want to see you, look at you, touch you, hear you, or have sex with you. Then he went on to ask me if I have looked in the mirror lately, and see that I have gained 40 lbs, and my hair is short since our summer vacation last year. Jenn, I feel like I disgust him, what if he has fallen out of love with me, and the only thing I can do is battle my illnesses to myself, and push myself harder to do more to make his home his castle. It is better when I do not mention what is going on with me. Saturday, I asked him to drive us for 30 minutes to take my neice and nephew home, because I had a headache, a bad one again, and he shook his head, and mumbled something about how conveniently my headache came on. Since I met my husband I have always had headaches, and migraines, he knows they are not new, and thankfully my doctor lets me treat me. Now that I have migraines (or may have had for years due to temporal tendonits) them once a day, and I have to shut the left eye down with an eye patch and meds, I look pretty stupid, but my husband sort of makes fun of it, maybe I am pathetic kind of way. I try to hide it.
I think the thing that hurts me the most was I have mostly been included in plans, like going to nascar race the last 2 years, going to Red Sox the last 9 years off and on, and then business outings, and going out for dinner. We used to go out for dinner once a week, just for ourselves. I wasn't even asked if I wanted to go, or it was never mentioned to me about the trips, I was just told, hey, I have a golf tournament Friday, going to Red Sox with my mom on Tues and Weds, then another golf tournament on Friday this one is 2 hours away, and then on Sunday, I am going to Loudon with some family, and I am really busy this week. My husband works so hard, and I wanted him to make sure he got his membership to play golf, and he has had a golf membership for 8 years now.
Yesterday, was our family day the only day he takes off from work and golf, and he said, "I am tired of this clutter, if you want me to talk to you then clean up, get rid of this junk, if you would not grab it a fire, throw it away." I want him to talk to me so badly, it has been weeks, so I went to work and started throwing away stuff and organizing things like toys, clothes, and books. I think he was pleased, he likes things bare, and close to empty. I try to go in for a kiss, and he pulls away, so I end up kissing his arm. Jenn, I feel so upset with myself, the weight just came on from medication, winter, not moving because it hurts too much, and I stop exercising. When I met my husband I had short hair, and my hair is short again, but he hates it. I thought it woulf be easier, but I am looking in to extensions.
I think the thing that hurts me the most was I have mostly been included in plans, like going to nascar race the last 2 years, going to Red Sox the last 9 years off and on, and then business outings, and going out for dinner. We used to go out for dinner once a week, just for ourselves. I wasn't even asked if I wanted to go, or it was never mentioned to me about the trips, I was just told, hey, I have a golf tournament Friday, going to Red Sox with my mom on Tues and Weds, then another golf tournament on Friday this one is 2 hours away, and then on Sunday, I am going to Loudon with some family, and I am really busy this week. My husband works so hard, and I wanted him to make sure he got his membership to play golf, and he has had a golf membership for 8 years now.
Yesterday, was our family day the only day he takes off from work and golf, and he said, "I am tired of this clutter, if you want me to talk to you then clean up, get rid of this junk, if you would not grab it a fire, throw it away." I want him to talk to me so badly, it has been weeks, so I went to work and started throwing away stuff and organizing things like toys, clothes, and books. I think he was pleased, he likes things bare, and close to empty. I try to go in for a kiss, and he pulls away, so I end up kissing his arm. Jenn, I feel so upset with myself, the weight just came on from medication, winter, not moving because it hurts too much, and I stop exercising. When I met my husband I had short hair, and my hair is short again, but he hates it. I thought it woulf be easier, but I am looking in to extensions.
Paddy55
06-23-2008, 08:05 PM
Oh Kass - I am so upset reading this thread. I feel so helpless, like I'm standing by doing nothing when your world is falling apart. All of us here would love to help you, and if not do that, at least send you painless hugs!
Kass - you say you so much want to make your husband happy. You can't. Our partners have to happy within themselves before they can be happy in their relationships with us. The only person who can "make" your h happy is himself. You can't control that. It's the same as the only person who can make you happy is you.
I feel like your experience at home there with him and your 2 boys is like a stew brewing, day after day. You can't work on looking after yourself and your boys because you are too focussed on him. Being at his beck and call and trying to "make him happy" when he's determined that that just isn't going to happen, leaves you no time to work on the things you need to feel better, healthier and happier. Like counselling for yourself. Like marriage counselling. And a nice shower or soak, and maybe a bit of stretching or exercise when you can. You are the one who is in charge of your health and your sense of well being. Not him. You. Accept that you can make decisions for yourself. Accept that you have the god-given right to a happy life. Accept that you are the one who can make that happen.
I know this is really tough stuff and I hope I've not hurt you by saying these things. We're here for you Kass.
Wishing you peace and comfort, and lots of hugs :angel:
Paddy
Kass - you say you so much want to make your husband happy. You can't. Our partners have to happy within themselves before they can be happy in their relationships with us. The only person who can "make" your h happy is himself. You can't control that. It's the same as the only person who can make you happy is you.
I feel like your experience at home there with him and your 2 boys is like a stew brewing, day after day. You can't work on looking after yourself and your boys because you are too focussed on him. Being at his beck and call and trying to "make him happy" when he's determined that that just isn't going to happen, leaves you no time to work on the things you need to feel better, healthier and happier. Like counselling for yourself. Like marriage counselling. And a nice shower or soak, and maybe a bit of stretching or exercise when you can. You are the one who is in charge of your health and your sense of well being. Not him. You. Accept that you can make decisions for yourself. Accept that you have the god-given right to a happy life. Accept that you are the one who can make that happen.
I know this is really tough stuff and I hope I've not hurt you by saying these things. We're here for you Kass.
Wishing you peace and comfort, and lots of hugs :angel:
Paddy
Jenn4508
06-23-2008, 08:54 PM
My Beautiful Friend Kass - There is no way in hell that I would look into extensions, you would be playing right into his hands... Then on top of that he has a GOLF MEMBERSHIP :mad:
Kass, sit down and figure up how much he spends on all his activities, ball games, nascar, golfing... and you are causing a financial burden on the family??? :confused::confused::confused:
Oh how I wish he would sign in on here again like he did before and let us talk to him... How much does he help around the house?? He has enough time and energy to go on his trips and have his fun so evidently he has time to help you out around the house and with the boys...
If I were you, I would just start ignoring him... Do what you need for the boys and yourself and be done... If he comes home and doesn't like the way something is, tell him he can take care of it.... You say he is so busy... He is not that busy Kass, work is the only thing that he has to do, the rest he can do without... All the money he spends on all the bulls**t stuff, you should get the same amount of money to do with as you please, you can tell him I said so if you want... I guess the reason I am so angry with him is because parts of him remind me of my husband, not all, but parts of him...
I am sorry but I really need to vent also so please forgive me... A couple of months ago my car started shaking really bad so my Dad told my son to take it to a certain place to have it fixed... They told us what was wrong with it but I needed a new tire before they could fix it... My Dad found a place to get a tire to put on it so my son took care of it... To get my car fixed all the way it was going to cost right at $200.00... I still don't have it fixed and my Dad is not happy about it... My dad lives about 90 miles away and offered to pay for it and I told him no... Heres the deal, if I don't get my car fixed, the wheel can just come off at anytime... So my husband got paid and we have the money so I called my son and told him to call the place and see if they could do it tomorrow and they can...
I knew my husband would be really mad because he thinks all the money should be for him for gas because he uses alot of gas for work... I called my husband and told him that my Dad told my son to take my car to get it fixed tomorrow and that he would pay for it but that we had the money and I would pay for it... Well, my husband went off and started yelling at me on the phone telling me that my car didn't need to be fixed right now... I said when is the last time you drove my car, I said I told you it was shaking real bad, he said I changed your tires last summer and that fixed it... I said you know my son got another tire just a couple of weeks ago so that I could get that other work done and I told you that it was starting to shake again really bad... He said you didn't tell me nothing... Now i know that i forget alot of things but I know I told him... Then he started yelling that my dad didn't need to be in our business... See, the reason I told him my dad set it up is because he won't mess with my dad, he is afraid of him... He will give me hell but he will let my son take my car to get it fixed because he knows if he doesn't he will have to answer to my dad... I called my dad and told him about my husband going off and the story I told him about how I was telling my husband that my dad said to get it fixed... My dad said if he gets out of hand about it, tell my husband to call my dad and tell him why its not getting fixed... I can see me driving down to the lake on the interstate and the wheel falling off the car and causing a wreck...
Now, if it were my husbands vehicle, it would be taken care of even if he had to write a cold check because we have overdraft protection because he has to have his vehicle for work... He just got home from work and of course he stopped at the liquor store for his whiskey and you can cut the tension with a knife... Right now I am so PI**ED OFF.
I wish I could just go away forever... The thread is about feeling like it is one thing or another... I also have BiPolar 1 and it is not under control no matter how hard I try and I feel like after our argument on the phone today it just flipped a switch on and I feel like I could just go off.... I am shaking, angry, aggitated and ready to fly off the handle... I just want him to keep his mouth shut because my oldest son is in bed because he works a fulltime job during the day and has to get up at 9 to go to work tonight and my 16 year old will be home in a little while... He never has anything nice to say about my 16 year old to me... he has already come back here and asked me where he is... I know my husband is looking for a fight all over my car getting fixed... I am a nervous wreck right now... I have xanax and I am due to take one but I usually don't take my night time one but I guess i will. My doc okay's me to take an extra one if need be, I may need an extra tonight.. Especially since my husband has already had 4 drinks... He says he doesn't have a problem with alcohol he just likes the taste of whiskey.. Wish me good luck... Sometimes, I just want to beat the S**t out of him and I am not a fighter...
Good Luck to all tonight and I wish you all a pain free night... Love to all Jenn
Kass, sit down and figure up how much he spends on all his activities, ball games, nascar, golfing... and you are causing a financial burden on the family??? :confused::confused::confused:
Oh how I wish he would sign in on here again like he did before and let us talk to him... How much does he help around the house?? He has enough time and energy to go on his trips and have his fun so evidently he has time to help you out around the house and with the boys...
If I were you, I would just start ignoring him... Do what you need for the boys and yourself and be done... If he comes home and doesn't like the way something is, tell him he can take care of it.... You say he is so busy... He is not that busy Kass, work is the only thing that he has to do, the rest he can do without... All the money he spends on all the bulls**t stuff, you should get the same amount of money to do with as you please, you can tell him I said so if you want... I guess the reason I am so angry with him is because parts of him remind me of my husband, not all, but parts of him...
I am sorry but I really need to vent also so please forgive me... A couple of months ago my car started shaking really bad so my Dad told my son to take it to a certain place to have it fixed... They told us what was wrong with it but I needed a new tire before they could fix it... My Dad found a place to get a tire to put on it so my son took care of it... To get my car fixed all the way it was going to cost right at $200.00... I still don't have it fixed and my Dad is not happy about it... My dad lives about 90 miles away and offered to pay for it and I told him no... Heres the deal, if I don't get my car fixed, the wheel can just come off at anytime... So my husband got paid and we have the money so I called my son and told him to call the place and see if they could do it tomorrow and they can...
I knew my husband would be really mad because he thinks all the money should be for him for gas because he uses alot of gas for work... I called my husband and told him that my Dad told my son to take my car to get it fixed tomorrow and that he would pay for it but that we had the money and I would pay for it... Well, my husband went off and started yelling at me on the phone telling me that my car didn't need to be fixed right now... I said when is the last time you drove my car, I said I told you it was shaking real bad, he said I changed your tires last summer and that fixed it... I said you know my son got another tire just a couple of weeks ago so that I could get that other work done and I told you that it was starting to shake again really bad... He said you didn't tell me nothing... Now i know that i forget alot of things but I know I told him... Then he started yelling that my dad didn't need to be in our business... See, the reason I told him my dad set it up is because he won't mess with my dad, he is afraid of him... He will give me hell but he will let my son take my car to get it fixed because he knows if he doesn't he will have to answer to my dad... I called my dad and told him about my husband going off and the story I told him about how I was telling my husband that my dad said to get it fixed... My dad said if he gets out of hand about it, tell my husband to call my dad and tell him why its not getting fixed... I can see me driving down to the lake on the interstate and the wheel falling off the car and causing a wreck...
Now, if it were my husbands vehicle, it would be taken care of even if he had to write a cold check because we have overdraft protection because he has to have his vehicle for work... He just got home from work and of course he stopped at the liquor store for his whiskey and you can cut the tension with a knife... Right now I am so PI**ED OFF.
I wish I could just go away forever... The thread is about feeling like it is one thing or another... I also have BiPolar 1 and it is not under control no matter how hard I try and I feel like after our argument on the phone today it just flipped a switch on and I feel like I could just go off.... I am shaking, angry, aggitated and ready to fly off the handle... I just want him to keep his mouth shut because my oldest son is in bed because he works a fulltime job during the day and has to get up at 9 to go to work tonight and my 16 year old will be home in a little while... He never has anything nice to say about my 16 year old to me... he has already come back here and asked me where he is... I know my husband is looking for a fight all over my car getting fixed... I am a nervous wreck right now... I have xanax and I am due to take one but I usually don't take my night time one but I guess i will. My doc okay's me to take an extra one if need be, I may need an extra tonight.. Especially since my husband has already had 4 drinks... He says he doesn't have a problem with alcohol he just likes the taste of whiskey.. Wish me good luck... Sometimes, I just want to beat the S**t out of him and I am not a fighter...
Good Luck to all tonight and I wish you all a pain free night... Love to all Jenn
MizSpentyouth2
06-24-2008, 02:40 AM
Oh Kass I am sorry that you are being hurt this way. My 1st husband was also a jerk he used to throw my wheel chair, walker and cane out on the lawn and say "I did not marry a cripple" The other posters have pointed out many things . You need to care about you! You can not make someone feel about you what they won't. Stress makes us flare, cause pain and does no good. There is a wonderful book called Boundries. I was made to feel like I also did not contribute to the household , but I did and still do receive SSD. Did he ever inquire the price of a full time nanny for 2 children and a housekeeper? You do your share and you are sick.I stayed in the horrible marriage for too long I finally got out. I am now married to a wonderful man who loves me flares and all. Takes care of me when I am sick. Says and does some of the nicest things . I am not saying that you have to leave your marriage to be happy but something has to change. Change is hard but once you start things will fall in place , you say he goes to church Do you and the boys go also? That would be a good place to start. If there isnlt money for counseling most womens groups offer some free ones.Just because someone doesnt physically hit you doesnt mean they arent abusing you. I will pray for peace in your heart Huggs Sharon
tiff-cher
06-24-2008, 12:20 PM
Hi Kass, I sort of know where you are coming from. Before my husband understood my diagnosis if I said I don't feel good, or don't feel like doing that, or I'm tired, he would get mad, and not at me really but he would be mad because he didn't understand. He never did say he didn't want to be with me, but I think it was the guilt of not knowing what was going on. About a year or so ago(maybe a little bit longer) he came home and said he met someone with Fibro.....what a change...you know he figured out it is real by hearing somebody elses story. He and his mom are not close so we never had that problem. We are always doing stuff together, so he is not leaving me out of anything, our kids are grown and both married so we really cherish our time together. 2 weeks ago today I had a hysterectomy and he has been wonderful.
So in short I think a lot of people don't understand Fibro, when I was first thought to have it I had 2 docs pretty much laugh in my face, because in 1997 it was not a "real" disease. My husband along with yours needed or needs to be educated. I got my true dx in the last 2 years, plus about 3 more dx's...lol...
Just keep your chin up, and maybe try to talk to your husband, educate him and make him understand.
Sorry to ramble on but I think I tried to make myself feel good so that I wouldn't be left out of a lot of things...let him know when you feel like going or doing things. I think it is a good idea for you to ask for quality time with him and go do something fun!!!!
My thoughts are with you!!! t-c:angel:
So in short I think a lot of people don't understand Fibro, when I was first thought to have it I had 2 docs pretty much laugh in my face, because in 1997 it was not a "real" disease. My husband along with yours needed or needs to be educated. I got my true dx in the last 2 years, plus about 3 more dx's...lol...
Just keep your chin up, and maybe try to talk to your husband, educate him and make him understand.
Sorry to ramble on but I think I tried to make myself feel good so that I wouldn't be left out of a lot of things...let him know when you feel like going or doing things. I think it is a good idea for you to ask for quality time with him and go do something fun!!!!
My thoughts are with you!!! t-c:angel:
shananava
06-24-2008, 06:27 PM
Sorry to see you are going thru this. I am fairly new here and can relate to family and friends not caring to understand the true nature of this condition. I feel your pain and pray it gets better.Hugs! Glad you got some great responses and support.
Shannon
Shannon
TexMom85
06-25-2008, 01:56 AM
It is bad enough to endure our physical pain without the additional stress of putting up with rejection or downright hostility from those who are supposed to love us. It increases our misery and physical suffering.
If you are in a situation like this, you must do something to change the dynamic, or it will not change. So, if you cannot support yourself and do not have anywhere else to go, regain your self-respect by not responding to nasty remarks or complaints about your physical appearance, the clutter in the house, your inability to work, etc. Ignore the person who doesn't show common courtesy, let alone the love and respect you deserve and which was promised to you when you got married.
You are your own best advocate. No one is going to care about you more than yourself. You must take a stand. If you don't make a move to change the interactive dynamic, it will not change. And you will continue to be miserable, and your health will continue to decline. Do not expect a miraculous change on the part of this abusive (yes, abusive) family member without YOU doing something to force the change.
I am not promoting divorce. Marriage counseling only works if both parties go. If you are not able to do one of the first two, then do not sit idly by and continue to let things stay as they are. Refuse to respond to verbal abuse, do not bestow affection if it is not returned. Maybe you'll get their attention enough to finally get them to talk to you about your lives together and make some changes. Perhaps not. But it won't change, unless you try.
My heart breaks for those of you who are enduring this. I know how it feels and I have endured a broken first marriage and lost friendships and relationships with family members due to their cruelty and lack of empathy (or even attempting to understand) my illness. I felt trapped, guilty and miserable....but therapy helped me to get a grip on what to do to change the situation. People can be toxic to you. If you don't break free or make changes in how they interact with you, it can literally kill you.
Do your best to take care of youself. I have all of you in my prayers every day that you will not only get relief from your physical pain, but that you will get emotional support from those you love.
Blessings,
TexMom
If you are in a situation like this, you must do something to change the dynamic, or it will not change. So, if you cannot support yourself and do not have anywhere else to go, regain your self-respect by not responding to nasty remarks or complaints about your physical appearance, the clutter in the house, your inability to work, etc. Ignore the person who doesn't show common courtesy, let alone the love and respect you deserve and which was promised to you when you got married.
You are your own best advocate. No one is going to care about you more than yourself. You must take a stand. If you don't make a move to change the interactive dynamic, it will not change. And you will continue to be miserable, and your health will continue to decline. Do not expect a miraculous change on the part of this abusive (yes, abusive) family member without YOU doing something to force the change.
I am not promoting divorce. Marriage counseling only works if both parties go. If you are not able to do one of the first two, then do not sit idly by and continue to let things stay as they are. Refuse to respond to verbal abuse, do not bestow affection if it is not returned. Maybe you'll get their attention enough to finally get them to talk to you about your lives together and make some changes. Perhaps not. But it won't change, unless you try.
My heart breaks for those of you who are enduring this. I know how it feels and I have endured a broken first marriage and lost friendships and relationships with family members due to their cruelty and lack of empathy (or even attempting to understand) my illness. I felt trapped, guilty and miserable....but therapy helped me to get a grip on what to do to change the situation. People can be toxic to you. If you don't break free or make changes in how they interact with you, it can literally kill you.
Do your best to take care of youself. I have all of you in my prayers every day that you will not only get relief from your physical pain, but that you will get emotional support from those you love.
Blessings,
TexMom
littlegirl08
06-25-2008, 10:28 AM
I'm beginning to know exactly how you feel. Though I've only been diagnosed for a few weeks my friends, mother, and boyfriend are all beginning to treat me like i'm dying. They think I constantly need to "sit and rest". I'm not looking forward to a lifetime full of this
fibrohurts
06-25-2008, 10:41 AM
You need to demand some answers from you husband. You have a right to know why he is treating you this way.
You need to tell him how much he is hurting you.
You also need to tell him that you did not ask for this and would glady give it away!
Your being sick is not you fault, it is not your fault you are having financial problems and it's not your fault you can't do the things you used to do.
He is not helping you to get better by treating you that way. in fact, the stress could be making you worse.
Please do not allow yourself to be treated that way anyone more, you deserve better.
please keep us updated.
You need to tell him how much he is hurting you.
You also need to tell him that you did not ask for this and would glady give it away!
Your being sick is not you fault, it is not your fault you are having financial problems and it's not your fault you can't do the things you used to do.
He is not helping you to get better by treating you that way. in fact, the stress could be making you worse.
Please do not allow yourself to be treated that way anyone more, you deserve better.
please keep us updated.
gorgee
06-25-2008, 10:45 AM
littlegirl, i am glad you have been diagnosed, and hopefully have the right medications to help you feel better. I am glad you have the family to stand by you and take care of you. I have the opposite in a way, my sister cares, and helps me when I have a flare up, my husband does not understand, and he cares but he does, neither does his family. My dad does not get it, he has said a couple of times have you taken an aspirin, or maybe you could go back to work, that job you had before you have kids paid well, and it was not that demanding was it? I am not sure how to help anybody understand. I am worried about my sister, she is starting to have pain in her body, a lot of it is in her neck, and having headaches, like me. 4 months ago I tested her body, because I did not have the dx yet, and I wanted to know if other people have sore spots like I do, and she did not. My whole body feels like a bruise, and hers does know
I am glad your family is there for you, and wants you to rest. It is so important to take breaks, and have your family understand, be educated, and really be there for you.
This is a great place, and I hope you keep writing.
Kass
I am glad your family is there for you, and wants you to rest. It is so important to take breaks, and have your family understand, be educated, and really be there for you.
This is a great place, and I hope you keep writing.
Kass
tiff-cher
06-25-2008, 12:08 PM
The best things for all of US is a stress free life and care and support. I know a stress free life is almost impossible these days but it sounds good. My family can be a little over bearing, like mom and aunts asking "how do you feel?" everyday, gets kind of old sometimes, especially when I feel good and then I think ok that does hurt some today...but when I feel horrible and can't move, or hurts to breathe, or walk, etc (you know) it's nice to know they are thinking of me and are concerned.
My husband and I have been together since I was 17 a long long long time ago, and he and I were raised totally different. He has 7 brothers and 1 sister, I was an only child until I was 13 1/2......his mother is not a caring person, I was raised with a caring family. After we got married he had a hard time with the whole kiss and hug thing that familys do.(mine anyway). I'm not making excuses by any means, I just mean that he wasn't raised with people caring and showing concern, so sometimes he still has a hard time showing it. Now that he understands the disease it is better just from the knowledge.
I have said before this board is a great place...let's all keep in touch...:angel:
My husband and I have been together since I was 17 a long long long time ago, and he and I were raised totally different. He has 7 brothers and 1 sister, I was an only child until I was 13 1/2......his mother is not a caring person, I was raised with a caring family. After we got married he had a hard time with the whole kiss and hug thing that familys do.(mine anyway). I'm not making excuses by any means, I just mean that he wasn't raised with people caring and showing concern, so sometimes he still has a hard time showing it. Now that he understands the disease it is better just from the knowledge.
I have said before this board is a great place...let's all keep in touch...:angel:
mista0316
06-28-2008, 10:56 PM
Kass,
My heart really goes out to you.
I live in Québec and we have an association for people with fibro. It's not what it's really called. I only know how to say it in french. It's a place where everyone who has fibro get together to share their tricks and suggestions.
Kinda like this board. It's free (at least in québec)
They go for coffee and sometimes for breakfast. Sometimes they go for a walk. A lot of the people bring their kids. That way they all walk together. You may meet people that live in your area and maybe they'll be able to help your situation. They also have breakfast for the husbands. They all talk about the difficulties of living with some that has fibro. They usually have a social worker for both the people with fibro and also for the family (mostly men) who live with someone who has fibro. They have a pretty good sucess rate. I am not sure you have any in your area but, if you look in the phone book or on line maybe you could find an association near you.
This is just a sugestion.
I hope this helps. (my thoughts are with you & your family.)
Keep posting to keep us up to date...
M
My heart really goes out to you.
I live in Québec and we have an association for people with fibro. It's not what it's really called. I only know how to say it in french. It's a place where everyone who has fibro get together to share their tricks and suggestions.
Kinda like this board. It's free (at least in québec)
They go for coffee and sometimes for breakfast. Sometimes they go for a walk. A lot of the people bring their kids. That way they all walk together. You may meet people that live in your area and maybe they'll be able to help your situation. They also have breakfast for the husbands. They all talk about the difficulties of living with some that has fibro. They usually have a social worker for both the people with fibro and also for the family (mostly men) who live with someone who has fibro. They have a pretty good sucess rate. I am not sure you have any in your area but, if you look in the phone book or on line maybe you could find an association near you.
This is just a sugestion.
I hope this helps. (my thoughts are with you & your family.)
Keep posting to keep us up to date...
M
Paddy55
06-29-2008, 12:03 PM
Fibromyalgia Support Groups are usually an official link with the local Arthritis Society. For example, a phone call to the Arthritis Foundation (I think it's foundation in the states, Society in Canada, not sure other places) would link you with someone who could give you either a contact person or a time and place that the Fibro Support Group got together.
When I was diagnosed, over 20 years ago, it was a godsend. I know we have trouble these days but back then......just awful. And the Arthritis society here gave us credibility with our doctors, our families, and our friends.
So hope you look into a support group for your area. Lots of opportunities to learn about the research, the treatments, and best of all, share with others in the same boat about care, tricks, or just sometimes cry together. Like here! ;)
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Paddy
When I was diagnosed, over 20 years ago, it was a godsend. I know we have trouble these days but back then......just awful. And the Arthritis society here gave us credibility with our doctors, our families, and our friends.
So hope you look into a support group for your area. Lots of opportunities to learn about the research, the treatments, and best of all, share with others in the same boat about care, tricks, or just sometimes cry together. Like here! ;)
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Paddy
tiff-cher
06-29-2008, 02:16 PM
Wishing us all peace and comfort!!!:angel: