I have been with my boyfriend for just over four years now. A few months into our relationship he sadly lost his dad quite suddenly in an accident at work....This caused him to have a break down, which landed him in hospital for two weeks...Its now been four years, and i dont think he is able to move on with his life.
Every time a problem comes up in his life that normally a person would be able to deal with, it throws him into an angry state where he cant seem to see reason and he lashes out at people close to him. Amongst the yelling and swearing his fathers death is allways bought up. He seems to just completely breakdown over it any time some thing goes wrong, no matter how unrelated. After 4 years, I cant understand how i can help him deal with this. He can get quite verbaly abusive, and seems to think that if any one critisizes him for it, they are some how against him, in an almost parranoid way. Like every one out to make his life hell and even goes as far as to say we enjoy it, in all seriousness. Its hard to hear some times. He has called me every name under the sun and i just cant take it from some one i love.
Fortunatly these spouts of anger usually last for a couple of days max. but it cuts me up every time it happens. He rarely takes responsibilty for his actions and seems to think he is totaly justified in treating people this way due to his grief, and rarely seems to think any thing needs to be done about it.

I dont know how i can help him, and how i personally can cope with his anger.


Its been four years of hell. Any one with advice, please message back.

Hi, You can't help him if he doesen't want to try and help himself. This behavier towards everyone and you is unacceptable. He is very angry and needs to find help for this. I know grief can grip someone very strongly and I really do feel for him, but if he does not want to be helped with it then its time to let him find his own way. Theres no way you should be taking his verbal abusive and outbursts. Putting up with this behavier is only enabling him to keep doing so. I know you said you love him........... But love is blind in this case. This is his problem, not yours. And this might just be his nature. Knowing him only four months before this happened is not long enough to fully know a person. Misty

thank you for you reply...i have actually been told this before and i know its true...i guess i just keep hoping some one is going to pull an easy solution out of the air but i know thats not going to happen.
Tonight i told him not to speak to me untill he can learn to controll him self...He just allways accuses me of making things worse, i dont think that can be true...i just hope that by giving him space he doesnt think it means i dont care? Hes allways making comments that are basically design just to hurt me and it works. I can let him make me feel like that. May be its time to be selfish. Its like he just wants me to hurt too. I've never been through any thing like what he has so its hard for me to understand...

Its not a matter of not speaking to him until he can control himself. He needs help. This situation will only get worse, not better. I think you know its not the grief but something deeper within him. I hope you realize this after 4 years that something is wrong with this picture. I personally would not take this abuse from no one. I would of kicked him to the curb after one time in a heartbeat. You need to be stronger and think of what kind of a furture your going to have with someone who uses you and others to take his frustrations out on. You seem like a very warm and caring person. Don't waste your good qualities on a loser. Look for someone who will love and respect you for who you are. Why would you care what he thinks if you give him space. If he had half a brain he would start to think of how he's hurting you. Instead of his self pity. Please wake up and smell the roses. I know this sounds harsh but I'm only thinking of your future. Misty

Hi, your boyfriend needs therapy in my opinion. Hopefully he will get the help he needs to go on with his life and have closure about his Dad's death. My prayers are with you both.:angel:

Sincerely Nadine